“Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.” – Samuel Butler, Notebooks
Part of you wants to lay on the beach, get a tan, or just relax and do nothing. But another part of you wants to work hard, live out your life goals, and make a difference in the world.
Part of you wants to get lean, but another part of you would rather eat brownies and ice cream.
Part of you wants adventure, but another part wants security and routine.
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins calls this “an internal civil war.” It’s a war that can trap you in limbo, getting none of the things you really want.
They were there when you first met him. That’s why you said yes when he asked you out.
They are the things that make you smile when you think of him. The things that made you fall in love with him.
They are the characteristics hidden in his heart that you admire, appreciate and trust. It’s a beautiful thing when you first recognize those gems in his character. Basically, that’s what falling in love is. It’s seeing into another’s heart and desiring what you find there.
But then you hit a snag.
Everything was going great. Karen was happy. Really happy. Her relationship with Doug was three months old. They’d enjoyed a thrilling, fun period of getting to know each other, and that’s when the trouble started.
“What’s the problem?” a friend asked her.
“Life,” she said. “We both have big projects coming up at work. His schedule is going to get crazy, and I’ll be super busy. We’re in this routine, and it’s all about to change.”
Her friend nodded.
Karen sighed. “I just like things the way they are.”
That’s the way it goes. We crave success, especially in relationships, but once we’ve found it we discover the unexpected enemy. Change.
It’s inevitable. Your relationships will evolve over time. You can’t stop that from happening. But when you find yourself in a comfortable place, the idea of change becomes very uncomfortable.
The kind of change doesn’t matter. Any change is likely to be perceived as a threat. It could be the amount of time you spend together. Or the pull of outside influences and responsibilities, like your job, family or friends. Or even the adjustment from infatuation to a deeper sense of companionship.
Regardless of the source, change can feel threatening for one simple reason: because it makes it hard to see the future.
Can you keep a secret? I’m going to reveal my number one source for dating insights.
Okay, it’s not really classified. It’s just a place a lot of people don’t think to look. But when I really need to know why one of my clients has been struggling with relationships, this is where I turn.
My source? Her friends.
Think about it. Your friends have a front row seat to your social life. They watch you flirt. They know what kind of guys you go after. They even see how you react when a guy approaches you. They know you—every mannerism, personality trait and all your quirks.
If you’re not getting dates, they know why. The question is, do you really want them to tell you?
Think about that carefully before you jump in.
If you decide to go for it, there are two keys to getting info that actually helps.