When He’s Not Putting Your Relationship First

When He’s Not Putting Your Relationship FirstDo you ever feel like everything else in his life comes first instead of you?

His friends. His sports teams. His gym. His phone.

It’s not like you expect his undivided attention 24-7. But it sure would be nice if once in a while you heard him say, “No, I can’t do that. I’m spending the evening with my girlfriend.”

How do you encourage him to prioritize your relationship, when there are so many other things competing for his attention?

Good question. But to understand the answer, let’s take a look at one difference between men and women.

You see, relationships occupy a different role in men’s lives than they do in women’s.

Relationships keep men grounded. A man feels secure knowing he can go out in the world to do battle since someone will be waiting for him when he returns.

But, to be successful, he can’t linger too long over thoughts of his lover. He has to muster all his focus, courage, and energy for the challenge at hand. When he fights, he fights alone. That’s because the male mind is compartmentalized.

Love is important to a man. But love won’t keep him at home.

For women, love is home. When a woman is in love, she takes thoughts of her lover with her everywhere she goes.

Love releases energy that makes all her daily activities feel less overwhelming, less effortful. It’s the energy of love she carries with her all day long.

It’s hard to see, then, why men would compartmentalize their relationships when love is such a powerful, positive, and pervasive influence in your own life. But men do compartmentalize love. And that’s very important to understand.

You might picture the different areas of a man’s life as balls he’s trying to juggle. His friends are one ball, his work another, romance another. A man arranges his life by juggling the balls.

You might be with a man who has a short attention span. Whichever ball falls into his hands is the one that gets all his attention. But then it’s time to throw that ball back into the air and catch the next one. He jumps from one focus to another, unable to prioritize.

So what can you do?

Continue reading

Stop Getting Hurt by Untrustworthy Men

Stop Getting Hurt by Untrustworthy MenOne of our biggest fears is giving our love to someone who betrays our trust.

It’s probably already happened to you. It happens to most of us over the course of a lifetime.

For some, the lesson is etched in memory. They never fully trust anyone again, not like they did before. They can’t bear the thought of going through that again.

Whether it was a divorce, a lie, an affair, or a broken promise, the people we love can betray us in a thousand different ways.

Some betrayals are like paper cuts that sting badly at the time but heal. Other betrayals cut us in half.

How can you keep yourself from being deceived, walked all over, or taken advantage of?

How can you stay safe when you give your heart away?

 

Here are some ideas.

#1. Don’t give him your trust right away.

Falling in love sweeps you off your feet. When you’re in love, you’re in a different reality. Everything is beautiful; everything is right. Those rose-tinted glasses transform him from just another guy into your beloved, a knight and a hero among men.

But new love is a form of intoxication. Chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and PEA cloud your senses. You can’t see your beloved clearly until the honeymoon period has worn off. Until then, you’ll only see the best in him.

Nature designed us that way for a reason. Ideally, the intense bond of new lovers keeps them together long enough to raise a child to toddlerhood and ensure the continuation of the species.

But these days we’re not as interested in passing on our genes as we are in finding a compatible mate. Those rose-colored glasses distort reality just enough that we can’t be confident that who we see is who our beloved really is.

There’s a simple remedy:

Allow for the distortion.

Recognize that you are seeing him at his best. You’re in love; that’s how it works! Don’t give him all your trust right away, no matter how passionate you feel. Take it slowly. Wait until your vision has cleared before trusting him with the big things.

You’ll know that you’re seeing him more realistically when you start to see his bad points as well as the good. He’s not perfect. You don’t think alike on everything. You’re going to argue sometimes.

The end of the honeymoon period can feel like a bucket of cold water dumped on your head, but that bucket of cold water also wakes you up. It’s a shock, but it’s necessary. You’ve got to see the truth about one another eventually.

In the harsh light of day, you’ll find that you can trust him on some things and not others. You can trust him to be faithful and care about you, but maybe not to balance his checkbook or pick up the right groceries. And that’s fair enough. Trust should be realistic.

#2. Don’t trust a man more than he respects you.

Continue reading

Business Conventions Can Help You Get Ahead – and Get a Man

Business Conventions Can Help You Get Ahead – and Get a ManIn today’s world, both men and women have to work harder than ever before to get ahead.

It can seem like you don’t have time for a relationship. And spending the time to find the right someone? Forget about it.

But what if you didn’t have to separate the two things? What if you could further your career while seeking out potential partners?

People have been meeting romantic partners at work for decades.

 

In fact, just under 18% of current couples met at work according to a recent survey. Even better, a separate study found that 14% of couples who met through work ended up married. This is compared to the 11% who married after meeting through friends.

But if you work in an office, I’m assuming you’ve already tried that route. My suggestion is different – keep an eye open for potential partners at business conventions.

Here’s why you might have more success.

Continue reading

Why He’s Not Taking the Hint

Why He’s Not Taking the HintHave you ever tried to tell your guy something without actually telling him?

Maybe you wanted a specific gift for your birthday, but didn’t want to come right out and say it. Or you were stuck in an awkward social situation, and wanted him to bail you out. Or you might have been upset, thinking he could surely tell something was off.

Sometimes he picks up what you’re laying down. Other times, he’s blissfully unaware.

There’s actually a good reason why he may not catch your subtle clues.

The reason has nothing to do with whether or not he genuinely cares. It’s not a gauge of his commitment. It’s not even an accurate measure of whether or not he’s the sensitive type.

Nope, it’s genetic differences, pure and simple. It all comes down to the way his brain is wired.

That’s because the male brain is not like the female brain. There are differences in our chemistry, activity, structure, and even blood flow. So how he thinks is sometimes different from how you think.

And sometimes that difference will make it really hard for him to take a hint.

One of the epic differences between male brains and female brains is how we use grey and white matter.[i]

Grey matter is for super-charged focus. It gives you the ability to block out distractions and stay on task. Guys’ brains are naturally good at this, but it comes with a downside.

As one researcher put it, “Once [men] are deeply engaged in a task or game, they may not demonstrate much sensitivity to other people or their surroundings.”

White matter, on the other hand, is for networking. I’m not talking about LinkedIn or Facebook. I mean networking within your mind.

This is where women have an edge.

The different parts of your brain “talk” to each other using white matter. Like, for example, when you multi-task. White matter also helps you notice other stuff going on, even when you’re focused.

You can see the potential problem, right? He’s great at maintaining a single focus, but he may not be as perceptive as you.

All those super clear signals you’re sending? Yeah, he’s probably missing a lot of them.

So one of the best things you can do for your communication with your guy is to stop dropping hints. Instead, TALK to him.

Here are a couple of pointers for making your conversations as productive as possible.

Continue reading