One of the most upsetting things in the world is when someone you care for doubts your motives. It’s a recipe for an epic fight.
When you’re upset, point out the actions that make you feel hurt. Don’t accuse your partner of intending to hurt you.
Why? Because if you’ve experienced this yourself, you know it leaves you feeling misunderstood to the point that you actually feel lonely.
“If he doesn’t know my character well enough to know I would not intentionally hurt him like that then he must not know me at all.”
So what should you do when you feel hurt?
For starters, don’t ignore it or avoid it. I’m not suggesting that you say nothing. That’s a bad call. If you’re hurt and uncomfortable, you need to communicate that. Stuffing your feelings will only lead to resentment. That’s toxic in any relationship. It will end up pushing the two of you apart in the long run.
You can and should tell him when you feel hurt. Tell him he was insensitive. Tell him he’s ignoring an emotional need you have.
Just don’t tell him he meant to hurt you.
Text messages are great. They allow for quick communication practically anywhere. When you’re dating someone, they have the very real potential to help your relationship grow.
But they can also hinder it.
A lot of people rely on text messages to get something more than information. What do they want? Attention and affirmation. They want to know there’s still a warm connection. Granted, it’s nice to be on the receiving end of those kinds of messages sometimes. The problem occurs when you get those kinds of messages all of the time.
My advice is simple. Don’t use text messages as an easy way of asking for attention over and over again. Instead, send him messages that have value.
Unfortunately, many of us are in the habit of sending valueless text messages. I’ll give you a few examples. I’m not saying you should never send these kinds of messages. Just make sure you don’t overuse them.
- “I miss you.”
This can easily come across as an attempt to get him to reply with, “I miss you, too.” Frequent messages that sound like you’re fishing for a specific response can make a guy feel trapped. Don’t send this one too often.
Do you believe you can enhance someone else’s life through a relationship with them? Are you convinced that the guy you’re dating is lucky to be with you?
You should be. In fact, that conviction is vitally important to the health of your relationship, not to mention your own happiness.
If you don’t believe he’s lucky to have you, I can guarantee you’re holding yourself back subconsciously. A lack of confidence in this area is the opposite of empowering. It’s disempowering. The basic belief that you can enrich another person’s life through a close, intimate relationship is crucial.
Of course, everyone has introverted moments. Moments when we shy away from the very people we most want in our lives. Sharing your desires, vulnerabilities, hopes and dreams can be scary, but even in those moments it’s critical that you remember you bring something pretty awesome to the table. Namely, yourself.
That can be a hard thing to keep in mind when you’re feeling introverted, so here’s an easy technique for keeping your confidence up.
I’d like to show you something interesting.
Allow me to do an experiment on your brain.
To play along, just allow your mind and imagination to wander, using the words on this page as your guide.
Imagine that, right now, you have an abundance of everything you need. Imagine this is true whether you know it or not.
You have all of the money you need even if you are unaware of the sources from which it will come.
You have all the love you need from others, coming from all sorts of different directions, too many directions for you to anticipate.
Some of you are good at this imaginative form of play. For others of you, this may be a bit of a struggle. So let’s back up a few steps and start with something easier.