The Recipe for an Amazing Intimate Connection

The Recipe for an Amazing Intimate ConnectionWhich is more dangerous? Sharing too much too soon? Or not sharing enough? Either can kill a developing relationship. The trick is finding balance.

I’ve known people at both extremes.

I think of one friend in particular. We knew each other for nearly a year before I learned he actually enjoyed my company. He even considered me a close friend! He was just very reserved about sharing his inner thoughts.

I’ve also known people who tell their whole life story, including wildly intimate details, in the first conversation. Or on a first date. That creates a different kind of awkwardness.

So, what’s the right timing? How do you open yourself up to your man so that he feels closer to you?

I have two pieces of advice.

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One Rule for Relationships

One Rule for RelationshipsWant to master dating and relationships? All you have to do is learn one rule.

Sure, relationships are complex. There are a lot of moving parts. But there’s one guiding principle that brings everything else into alignment.

It’s just one rule, and it’s so important that nothing else matters if you get this one thing wrong.

More than likely you’ve heard the phrase, “alone in a crowd.” You’ve probably even experienced it.

You’re hanging out with friends, but feel no real sense of connection. You join in conversation, but you don’t feel like anyone is on the same wave-length as you.

You’re in close physical proximity, but you’re miles apart emotionally.

That’s what it means to be alone in a crowd, and it sucks. It’s a deflating feeling because people you should feel connected to are right there.

And as disappointing as that can be, it’s even worse when it happens with your partner. Then it’s not just deflating. It’s demoralizing. And it’s poison to the intimacy you’ve worked so hard to build.

That brings me to the single most important rule for relationships. Never let the person you love feel alone, especially when he’s in your presence.

After all, that’s why we seek out relationships. For companionship. We don’t want to feel alone. So the most important thing you can do in any relationship is guard that feeling of connection.

While the rule is simple, mastering it takes time and practice.

The good news is there’s a way to make mastering the rule a little easier.

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Revealed: What Manners Can Tell You about A Guy

What Manners Can Tell You about A GuyShould you judge a guy by his manners? To help you decide, I’d like you to consider the story of what happened to my friend.

She recently told me about a failed first date. Things started off shaky when he picked her up in a van he clearly used for construction work. She was not one to put too much stock in what a guy drives, that wasn’t a deal-breaker.

However, once on the road he reached behind the seat, retrieved an old t-shirt, and proceeded to blow his nose in it before wadding it up and tossing it over his shoulder into the back.

My friend was understandably grossed out. But more than that, she was offended. Not because she sees herself as Miss Manners, but because he clearly wasn’t invested in impressing her.

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Beautiful People vs Beautiful Relationships

Beautiful People vs Beautiful Relationships“He was only a fox

like a hundred thousand other foxes.

But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”

– Antoine De Saint Exupery, The Little Prince

 

It’s a bad idea to compare yourself to other women. Not just a little bad. Epically bad.

I once dated an identical twin. We were already a couple before I met her sister, and I was more than a little nervous.

What if I found her sister attractive, too? I mean, they looked the same. Would I feel the same kind of feelings for this other person? And if I did, would the woman I was dating be able to tell?

The whole thing ended up being fairly anti-climactic. I didn’t feel anything special toward her sister. She looked just like my girlfriend, but that was about it.

I learned something important. It’s your history together that makes someone special. Not the way you look. Not your sense of humor, your intelligence, or even your values.

Am I saying those deeper qualities don’t matter? Of course not. Those are the things that make you who you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that stuff is inconsequential. It defines you.

But it doesn’t define your relationship. Your history together does.

If the guy you’re with meets another girl with a similar sense of humor, or mirror-image values, that doesn’t mean he’s going to feel the kind of connection he feels with you.

Those qualities are important. They played a role in bringing the two of you together. But your relationship is built on something he doesn’t have with anyone else. Something he can’t have with anyone else. Time with you.

Maybe he met you at a gym. He likes a woman who takes care of her body. He tells you this all the time. So it makes sense if you feel a little insecure when a physical trainer starts chatting him up. Her legs are even more toned than yours! Will he feel attracted to her?

He may find her legs attractive. I won’t lie. So…does that mean you need to hit the gym more often? Do you need to compete?

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