Tempt Him Like a Bad Girl Without Being Bad

Tempt Him Like a Bad Girl Without Being BadThere’s a myth that men are attracted to bad girls.

And they kind of are.

I say “kind of” because the myth is both true and false. Guys are attracted to the idea of dating a bad girl. That part is absolutely true. Bad girls represent adventure, strength, and excitement.

But research shows that while men like the idea of dating a bad girl, they actually prefer the reality of dating someone more mature.[i] Someone who genuinely cares about them. Someone who is tuned into their emotional needs.

But could you have the best of both worlds? You’re not a bad girl. In fact, you’re invested in being a well-balanced, mature adult. That’s why you read stuff like this. To invest in better relationships.

The answer lies in understanding what guys really like. Not bad girls, but a few of the qualities they think bad girls represent.[ii]

And guess what? You don’t have to be a bad girl to embrace those qualities.

Bad girls represent adventure.

Guys think of bad girls as the kind of women who are willing to try anything once.

They’re not afraid to experience something new or different. They don’t mind getting their hands dirty. They’re comfortable in a cocktail dress and heels, or grungy jeans and sneakers.

What the man in your life really wants to know is that when he feels the need to track down a new adventure, you won’t hold him back.

And if you’re willing to hit the trail with him, even better.

Here is the next quality men find attractive in a bad girl: strength.

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The Center of His Universe

The Center of His UniverseJenn felt something was off as soon as she saw Steve’s face.

She and Steve had been dating for a few months. And he was usually a pretty chipper guy, but not tonight.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Everything fine at work?”

“Sure.”

“You seem tense,” she said.

“I’m fine.”

Dead end.

Was it something I did? She wondered. This isn’t like him. He doesn’t even seem happy to see me. There goes the spark…

 

And before long, she had this elaborate theory. Maybe Steve’s lack of enthusiasm meant the relationship’s honeymoon phase was over. Kaput. Done.

Is that what was really going on?

No. Of course not. Like everyone else, there was a lot more on Steve’s plate that day than just dinner with Jenn.

He was stressed about a project at work. One of his co-workers threw him under the bus in front of his boss. To top it off, his sister was micro-managing the plans for his parents’ anniversary party. He had plenty to stress out about.

And here’s the kicker. None of it had anything to do with Jenn.

Your guy may not always be upbeat when you’re around him. He might even be down enough that there are times when it feels like he’s less invested in the relationship. But there’s something critical you need to remember.

He has TONS of other stuff going on in his life. His mood isn’t always about you.

That doesn’t mean you’re not important. Neither does it mean he’s not into you anymore. All it means is that, like yours, his life is full of distractions and potential hassles. A bad day is bound to come along every now and then.

When he has a bad day, there’s one really important thing you need to keep in mind. It’s not your job to regulate his mood.

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How to Speed Men Up

How to Speed Men UpMen are so slow.

Slow to ask for your number. Slow to ask you out. Slow to get married.

eHarmony calls them “snail males,” and for good reason. You could grow Rapunzel hair in the eternity it takes him to make a move.

It doesn’t help that you’re sitting in the passenger seat. Making the first move puts you at risk of putting him off. But there are other ways to speed a man up without kicking him out of the driver’s seat.

Here are three ideas.

  1. Keep a full social calendar.

When you’re waiting, waiting and waiting some more, weeks can feel like years. So don’t wait for him to make a move. If he’s not calling and asking you out, make your own fun.

Pick up the newspaper and find out if there’s anything interesting going on. Organize a movie night, a barbecue, a picnic in the park. Invite everyone along, even casual acquaintances. Of course, he can come too. If he can get off his glacier.

Making your own fun has several advantages.

(1) It gives you social credibility. It takes effort to make something happen. Sure, sometimes the event won’t happen, or just one or two people will show up, but people will still recognize you and appreciate you for trying.

(2) It keeps you from obsessing over him. You don’t need a man to have a great time. The more fun you’re having without him, the more he’s missing.

(3) You can ask him out without asking him out. There’s nothing forward about inviting a single attractive man along to a group outing. You’re not asking him out. You’re just letting him know about something he might enjoy attending.

  1. Don’t give him more commitment than he’s given you.

The fastest way to speed up a snail male is to give him no greater commitment than he’s giving you.

If he won’t confirm that you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, then don’t treat him like a boyfriend. Don’t reserve your weekends for him. Don’t drop by with special gifts of your free time. Instead, actively date or spend time with other people.

If he wants to have some space in the relationship, then take some space yourself. He doesn’t get your commitment until he’s committed to you. More importantly, he should know that he doesn’t get forever with you if “forever” is not in his vocabulary.

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Why Dating Should Be Work

Have you ever tried really hard to ensure he has a good time with you…

Hoping it would make him more serious about you?

It doesn’t work. At least, not very well.

It doesn’t work because the desire to have fun is not the same thing as the desire to commit. They come from different places in a man’s heart. A man can really enjoy being with a fun woman but still not want to commit his future to her.

To get serious about a woman, a man has to snap out of “fun mode” and snap into a different mode. It takes more than a good time to trigger his desire to commit.

In the early stages of dating, you have two goals:

 

You want to see if you can have fun together, and you want to get to know one another.

So you go out together. You talk. You see how fun it is to be together. You learn how much you have in common.

That’s enough for a casual relationship. But it’s not enough for a serious relationship.

Before you can get serious, you need to know something else:

“Can we work alongside one another?”

Work is the polar opposite to play. You could say it’s the opposite of dating.

Dates are all about having fun. They’re like mini-vacations from everyday life. Dates don’t get bogged down in problems and crises and deadlines.

Dates are not anything like real life. Real life is as much work as play. Maybe more.

But work isn’t bad.  We need work in order to thrive.  Heck, even paradise includes work in the equation for happiness.  In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had work to do.  We enjoy life more when we have a purpose.

Although it would be nice if relationships could hang out in date-world forever, they have to descend to reality at some point. When they do, they need to work.

Let me show you how to use this to your advantage.

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