Today we’re talking about why the feeling of love seems to suddenly disappear during arguments between lovers. But I need to start with a quick story.
A king gave his wise men a challenge. “Create a ring that will make me happy when I am sad.”
The wise men succeeded. It was a plain ring with an inscription etched into the metal. It read, “This too shall pass.”
During times of hardship, the king would notice the inscription. It would remind him that hardships always pass, even when things seem hopeless. He would stop worrying and appreciate life rather than spending all his energy trying to fix problems.
But of course, the ring had an opposing effect as well. Whenever he felt jubilant, the ring reminded him that joyful circumstances change as well. Nothing lasts forever.
I used to hate this kind of story. It left me feeling empty. It drained my energy. Trying hard seems pointless if nothing lasts.
But today, I am a wiser man. If I was appointed to the King’s council of advisors, this is what I would tell him.
“Your Majesty, your wise men spoke the truth with this etching. Yet there is more to be said. While circumstances always pass, the strength of your will can endure. When you choose a purpose for your life, your steadfast pursuit of that purpose can remain a source of joy in both good times and bad.”
In other words, make your life about something worthwhile. Choosing to do so gives you an anchor of strength and joy. You can even pledge allegiance to a cause that will persist beyond your life. Achieving some end is not the goal. Living your life in full pursuit of what you truly believe in…that is the goal.
During an argument with your partner, you may feel as if the love between you disappears. This can be disconcerting.
Minimalism is a growing trend in the world of fashion.
It refers to the idea of whittling your wardrobe down to just a few pieces that can easily be mixed and matched. It’s all about putting the essentials front and center and removing the fluff.
Really, that’s what minimalism is. And the concept can be applied to your relationship approach, as well.
You probably have a list of qualities you look for in a guy. Maybe a long list. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going for it. But don’t let your list of target qualities get so long and cluttered that you lose focus on what’s most important to you.
Instead, try applying the concept of minimalism to how you date.
No, the title isn’t a typo.
It may seem counter intuitive, but some of the non-romantic things guys do signal that your relationship is actually moving forward. When he does one of the following three things, don’t discourage him.
What he does: Act protective of you.
You’re not helpless. 99% of the time you don’t need a protector. But there will still be moments when a guy goes out of his way to defend you. Sometimes it shows up in an annoying form, like trying to help you with something you’re pretty good at.
What it means: He’s invested in you.
You may not be a damsel in distress, but do you really want to stop him from playing the role of prince charming?
When he comes to your aid, he’s not making a statement about your ability to be self-sufficient. Instead, he’s doing it for the same reasons you’d go to bat for a friend. Because he cares.
Anne Taylor Fleming said, “A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.”
Any committed relationship is that way. The first hurdle is simply sharing what you want—your hopes and dreams, your wants and needs. It’s no small thing to walk out on that limb.
Once you’ve shared what you want, the next great challenge is to resist the temptation to insist that your hopes and dreams should be his hopes and dreams.
You might feel betrayed upon discovering he does not want all the same things as you. It’s an irrational human reaction that may bring up a sudden sense of anger or panic. Don’t let it crumble the relationship.