Tell me if you’ve heard this one.
There’s an old metaphor people sometimes use to describe relationships. They say relationships are like a checking account.
You make deposits when you do something nice or meaningful for your man. When you need something from him, that’s like making a withdrawal. It’s a simple analogy that mostly works.
Mostly. But here’s the problem with it.
People don’t really keep tabs on how often you do something nice for them. In fact, people are more likely to remember negative encounters than positive ones!
That’s not great news if you’re hoping a sweet gesture today will win you a favor tomorrow.
But fear not. There’s another way to get your guy to do what you want.
In a classic study dating all the way back to the 1970’s, researchers uncovered a strategy that consistently motivates others to fulfill YOUR requests.
No, it’s not magic. It’s not manipulation, either. It’s something far more simple. Plus, you can put this strategy to work in your relationship today.
If you want something from your partner, give him a REASON to act.
I know. It sounds insanely obvious. In fact, you’ve probably tried variations of this approach, yourself. But there are a couple of secrets to making it work every time.
The key is a two-prong approach – one thing you should avoid, and one thing you should include.
Do you have any relationship regrets? Things you said or did you wish you could take back? Things you didn’t do that you wish you had?
You might think, “Well sure, James. Most of us do.” And you’d be right…as long as you take into account a surprising statistic.
On average, women are roughly two times more likely to have romantic regrets than men.[i] (In contrast, men tend to have more work-related regrets.)
And what’s really fascinating is that the longest lasting, most powerful romantic regrets are not about mistakes. They’re about missed opportunities.
Which means you’re more likely to kick yourself for NOT flirting with the cute guy at Starbucks than for making a fool of yourself if you do.
It’s all about risk. Short-term risks, like embarrassment at a failed flirting attempt, carry more weight in the moment than long-term risks, like regret. Fear of failure can be a powerful motivator.
But I tend to agree with Lucille Ball who famously said, “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”
At the end of the day or the end of the decade, wouldn’t you rather look back and know you were daring enough to go for it? Even if you don’t always succeed, wouldn’t it be better to regret the things you tried and failed than to regret the things you were too afraid to try?
If so, then you’re ready for a crash course in regret-free romance. Below is a three-step plan to help you carpe that diem.
Have you ever given thought to how much influence your man has over your life? Both day-to-day happiness, and your overall direction?
His influence is profound.
If you were a fan of the TV show The Office, you’ve seen a fictional version of this in action. By the end of the series, Jim and Pam were married and had kids. But they started as friends, and Pam was engaged to one of the guys who worked in the warehouse.
Pam was the receptionist back then, though she dreamed of a career in graphic design.
But her former fiancé wasn’t supportive of her artistic interests. He wasn’t invested in planning (or even setting a date for) the wedding, either. In fact, Pam was more of an accessory in his life than a focal point.
And it showed. She didn’t pursue any of her dreams. Her boyfriend was a HUGE factor.
The people you surround yourself with can raise you up or pull you down. In fact, recent research shows that even the person you sit next to at work can affect your performance!
Think about how much more significant your partner is.
You need a man who fits with the rest of your life. I’m talking about romance that aligns with everything else that matters to you.
If you can find alignment in the three areas below, you’ll be happier, healthier, and much more likely to have the kind of love you want.
This is the stuff of lasting romance…