“He was only a fox
like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”
– Antoine De Saint Exupery, The Little Prince
It’s a bad idea to compare yourself to other women. Not just a little bad. Epically bad.
I once dated an identical twin. We were already a couple before I met her sister, and I was more than a little nervous.
What if I found her sister attractive, too? I mean, they looked the same. Would I feel the same kind of feelings for this other person? And if I did, would the woman I was dating be able to tell?
The whole thing ended up being fairly anti-climactic. I didn’t feel anything special toward her sister. She looked just like my girlfriend, but that was about it.
I learned something important. It’s your history together that makes someone special. Not the way you look. Not your sense of humor, your intelligence, or even your values.
Am I saying those deeper qualities don’t matter? Of course not. Those are the things that make you who you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that stuff is inconsequential. It defines you.
But it doesn’t define your relationship. Your history together does.
If the guy you’re with meets another girl with a similar sense of humor, or mirror-image values, that doesn’t mean he’s going to feel the kind of connection he feels with you.
Those qualities are important. They played a role in bringing the two of you together. But your relationship is built on something he doesn’t have with anyone else. Something he can’t have with anyone else. Time with you.
Maybe he met you at a gym. He likes a woman who takes care of her body. He tells you this all the time. So it makes sense if you feel a little insecure when a physical trainer starts chatting him up. Her legs are even more toned than yours! Will he feel attracted to her?
He may find her legs attractive. I won’t lie. So…does that mean you need to hit the gym more often? Do you need to compete?