Ruth Wakefield thought she’d made a mistake. She expected the chocolate to melt. It didn’t. But guests of the Toll House Inn loved the dessert anyway, and chocolate chip cookies were born.
There are times in life when success catches you off guard like that. In spite of your best planning, things can go horribly wrong or unexplainably right. Of course, you can learn a lot by reflecting on your own stories of success. But sometimes the best course of action is to skip the analysis and simply do what you did again.
We call that “modeling” behavior. It’s a powerful technique, whether you’re modeling your own behavior or someone else’s.
In fact, one of the fastest ways to accomplish a difficult task is to find another person who has already mastered it. Then, just do what they did. Model their success-building behavior.
Healthy boundaries aren’t just good for your relationship. They’re essential.
In fact, it’s nearly impossible to have a mature, healthy relationship without boundaries. The problem is that most of us think of walls when we think of boundaries, and that gives the impression of closing yourself off. But that’s not really what healthy boundaries do.
Deepak Chopra uses a powerful metaphor to describe boundaries in a relationship. He says they’re like a screen door. A good screen door will allow a cool breeze to come in while keeping leaves and bugs out. Said another way, well defined boundaries keep the bad stuff out while still allowing the good stuff into your life. Continue reading
Jessica dated Kevin for 7 months. In that time, she never met his family. She was never welcomed into his close circle of friends. He was often vague about his schedule. He even avoided deep conversations, especially about the future.
After more than half a year, in spite of the fact that she still cared for him, Jessica did something dramatic. She dumped him.
“I didn’t see it going anywhere,” she explains. “He was just closed off to me. There’s no future in that.”
Sadly, she’s right. If a man won’t really let you into his life, that’s usually a sign he doesn’t see the relationship as a lasting thing.
Of course, guys don’t tend to open up as quickly as women. When a guy is slow to enter into state-of-the-relationship talks, that doesn’t necessarily mean he views what you have as a fling. Many men keep their inner thoughts and feelings heavily guarded and may need some coaxing and patience to open up. There’s no need to bail at the first sign of a wall.
But if he keeps putting up walls? If he shows no indication of ever letting you in?
In that case, you have a tough decision to make.
Today we’re talking about why the feeling of love seems to suddenly disappear during arguments between lovers. But I need to start with a quick story.
A king gave his wise men a challenge. “Create a ring that will make me happy when I am sad.”
The wise men succeeded. It was a plain ring with an inscription etched into the metal. It read, “This too shall pass.”
During times of hardship, the king would notice the inscription. It would remind him that hardships always pass, even when things seem hopeless. He would stop worrying and appreciate life rather than spending all his energy trying to fix problems.
But of course, the ring had an opposing effect as well. Whenever he felt jubilant, the ring reminded him that joyful circumstances change as well. Nothing lasts forever.
I used to hate this kind of story. It left me feeling empty. It drained my energy. Trying hard seems pointless if nothing lasts.
But today, I am a wiser man. If I was appointed to the King’s council of advisors, this is what I would tell him.
“Your Majesty, your wise men spoke the truth with this etching. Yet there is more to be said. While circumstances always pass, the strength of your will can endure. When you choose a purpose for your life, your steadfast pursuit of that purpose can remain a source of joy in both good times and bad.”
In other words, make your life about something worthwhile. Choosing to do so gives you an anchor of strength and joy. You can even pledge allegiance to a cause that will persist beyond your life. Achieving some end is not the goal. Living your life in full pursuit of what you truly believe in…that is the goal.
During an argument with your partner, you may feel as if the love between you disappears. This can be disconcerting.