“Emotional Attraction” vs. “Physical Attraction”

Emotional vs physicalWhat is the difference between “emotional attraction” and “physical attraction?”  While there are varying opinions on this matter, I’ll share the general consensus from men I have asked to put their feelings into words.

Physical attraction is the desire to look and touch because what you see is pleasant to look at or arousing on a biological level.  Basically, your sexual desire is triggered.

Emotional attraction is a feeling that you want to kiss someone on the mouth and meld the story of your life with hers.  You want her to love you back and you feel a possessive romantic drive to be important to her–to share life with her.

Physical attraction is far simpler, and far less sustainable than emotional attraction.  It is more of a one-sided attraction (at least the way men feel it).  This may or may not be a surprise to you, but men can feel a sexual attraction toward a woman without necessarily feeling a need to posses her exclusively.  It’s kind of like he can feel a wild biological drive to have sex with a woman without much concern for what she does the next day (non-possessive physical attraction).

On the opposite side, emotional attraction is driven by the respect a man feels for a woman he would like to experience a two-way relationship with.  He wants her to think highly of him and respect him.  He wants her to value him above all the other men she could be with.  Emotional attraction is necessary for him to experience a true, deep sort of jealousy when her interest seems to be drifting toward another man.  It is a possessive desire for shared oneness.

While physical attraction can turn heads, it is emotional attraction that binds his heart to yours in a way that causes him to desire commitment.  If you’re not sure how to pull for that binding desire for commitment, allow me to suggest you start with my program on the unique way men respond to crucial relationship cues women do not pay attention to.  Click here to learn more about it.

I’m always rooting for your happiness.  I believe emotional attraction trumps physical attraction when it comes to finding the kind of relationship that yields the most happiness.  The good news is you can increase the odds he will feel emotionally attracted to you with a few tweaks to the way you approach men.  Talk to you soon!

James

9 thoughts on ““Emotional Attraction” vs. “Physical Attraction”

  1. colleta nafula said:

    Hi, my name is collet and am happy to read your emails. they are very good and they are helping me to realize so many things about men. thank you so much, keep it up

  2. Absolutely!….thank your for the reminder…I just had someone tell me how attracted they are to me, and i know it is physical, which is, or can be tempting, but not what I’m looking for so I won’t sett;e

  3. Lori said:

    Ok, so I get the difference between the two attractions. Here’s my dilemma: I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now & while he always tells me how great I look & how sexy he finds me, we don’t have sex all that much even though he knows I would very much like it much more frequently. He is both emotionally & physically attracted to me as I am to him. He just recently told me he loves me & I NEVER saw that coming because he always said he is reluctant to use that word because of how hurt he had been in a previous relationship. The progression of this relationship has been over the past year & has taught me patience. But it just seems like we skipped right over that whole “honeymoon phase” where you can’t keep your hands off each other & want each other so much like you just can’t get enough of each other. I am so attracted to him & he always tells me the same. He’s a fantastic guy in all categories. We have our differences but I really have no complaints except that we hardly have sex. Is there anything I can do? Should be doing?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Lori. This may be a complicated issue better discussed in private coaching.

    • Lynn said:

      I have the exactly the same issue in my relationship

  4. barbie said:

    i think ur right in both ways,men can be shy and so can women be,respect for him and ur self is important, but emonital is the best way , don’t settle for less ,,

  5. I never have any lack of sex in a relationship, because I give my man the admiration and attention he needs. My last relationship before this, though, wanted me to wait for HIM to initiate and this one lets me initiate all the time (and with only one day/night that we always have together, I don’t like to put it off until starting sometime after dinner. If we have something cooking in the kitchen that does not need attention, then that is a good time for at least a bit of romance and sex. I know he enjoys my touch and I melt with his.

  6. Mary said:

    Is it possible for a man to start by being romantic and tender without being emotionally attracted? He said he was only physically attracted, and he doesn’t want us to get into a relationship. We had a short relationship years ago

    • James Bauer said:

      In a word, yes. He means he finds you physically attractive but he is not attracted to the idea of an exclusive relationship with you. I would not recommend that kind of relationship.

      James

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