Boost Your Social Confidence

How To Boost Your Social ConfidenceDo you compare yourself to other women?

I know, dumb question.

It’s hard not to. In fact, it’s perfectly natural.

But here’s the problem. As a relationship consultant, I often see the negative impact it has on a woman’s social confidence.

And that’s because we tend to compare ourselves with the few people who seem to have it all together. She’s got a killer job, a beautiful face, perfect hair, money for all the right accessories, and the guys she dates . . .

She makes it look easy. And in the process, she makes you feel less confident.

She may be a friend. She could be an enemy. She might even be a frenemy. Whatever category she falls into, you seethe with jealousy. Why does she get all of that while you feel like you have to work really hard for a fraction of the success?

Here’s something to consider. Maybe she isn’t as happy and confident as she seems.

Her dating success is maddening. Why does it seem so effortless for her when you’re working your tail off?!

How can you be expected to tolerate her easy success? In a word, gracefully. And here’s how you pull that off.

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How Do You Make a Man Like You?

How Do You Make a Man Like You?I love it when I get asked:

“How do you make someone like you?”

It’s a fantastic question. Because we all want to be liked.

We want to make friends, or win fans, or excel at networking. We want the social approval that smooths the way to success.

But where the question gets really interesting is with respect to romance.

To a certain extent, the same skills that help you win friends also help you attract the opposite sex. Being friendly, approachable, and interested in other people always helps.

Mindset matters, too. If you believe you have to “make” people like you, you end up performing like a trick horse to win their attention. But if you genuinely believe that everyone loves you already—they just don’t know you yet—your confidence wins hearts.

But romance is different from winning friends in one important respect:

Being liked isn’t enough.

You want him to be interested in you as a potential girlfriend. And that means he’s got to look at you differently than his other female friends. There’s got to be a spark of intrigue, chemistry, and a deeper sort of fascination.

How in the world do you whip up that potent cocktail?

Do you make sure you’re always looking as sexy as you possibly can—without being too obvious? Do you flirt so subtly he’s never quite sure if you mean it?

Do you alternate friendliness with coolness, so you keep him off guard?

Here are three lesser-known tactics that work just as well.

  1. Open up to ANY relationship, not just one with him.

One of the biggest blocks to attraction is being emotionally or energetically closed off.

Envision a woman who’s in love with her co-worker. He sits just a few cubicles down from her, but she’s too afraid to make eye contact or stop and chat with him. She wants him to like her, but she’s afraid of making a move in case he rejects her.

There’s an easy way to reduce the risk of rejection, and that’s by opening yourself up emotionally to any new relationship, whether it’s romantic or not.

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How Our Favorite Habits Can Blind Us to Romantic Opportunities

How Our Favorite Habits Can Blind Us to Romantic OpportunitiesYou’re loyal to what you like.

Found the best coffee shop in town? Then that’s where you’re going for your caffeine hit.

Got a certain band’s album on repeat? Then you’re going to see them in concert when they play in a city near you.

You find the best lunch spot, or the best gym, (the best relationship coach 😉) or the best place for happy hour, and that’s where you go without fail.

We’re creatures of habit. We trust in what we know.

But when it comes to love, those habits can hold us back.

When you’re a regular anywhere, you get to know people and people get to know you. You feel comfortable. You can relax. Socializing is a breeze.

But sticking to what you know can also shrink your world…

Erasing romantic opportunities before you have a chance to notice them.

SELECTIVE ATTENTION

We tend to think that we see what’s in front of us. If a gorilla ran through a basketball court mid-game, surely we’d notice it.

But that’s not always the case.

Instead, we see what we expect to see. The amount of information bombarding our senses is too great for our brains to take in and process. So our brains filter out anything that’s irrelevant.

In fact, a famous study found that, if we were asked to keep track of who was passing the ball, only half of us would notice a gorilla running through a basketball court.

What might you be missing in your everyday environment, simply because you don’t expect to see it there?

Are you missing chances to connect with interesting, good-looking, available men?

Let’s say you’re standing next to your best friend, chatting animatedly about the movie you just saw as you wait in line for a burger. There’s a guy standing a few feet away, glancing at you periodically, waiting for a break in your conversation so he can come over and introduce himself.

But you only see what you expect to see: your friend.

You don’t see what you don’t expect to see: someone you’ve never met before, hoping to talk to you.

You grab your burger and move on, never imagining that you just missed your potential dream guy.

How can you break that habit and start opening your eyes to the romantic opportunities all around you?

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How to Keep Stress from Killing Your Relationship

How to Keep Stress from Killing Your RelationshipHow’s your stress level? Are there days when you feel overloaded? Days when, as much as you care about him, stress affects how you treat your guy?

Anna would understand. She’s a busy woman. She works fulltime, juggles an active social life, her boyfriend, and time in the gym, all while dealing with a 30-minute commute to and from work.

A few days ago, she was trudging home from a long day at work when she got pulled over. Speeding. There goes the shopping spree she was considering.

Then her boss called. Major problems with a big client. Yay.

Then she stopped off at the store for groceries. Distracted as she was, she forgot several things and had to go back in. And when she got home, she chipped one of her newly manicured nails while bringing in the food.

She was ready to scream.

That was when she ran into her boyfriend. He was delighted to see her, excited about dinner and a relaxing night. But it didn’t end up being the pleasant evening she’d been looking forward to.

Anna was past her breaking point, and her boyfriend paid the price. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but she was snippy and irritable. They ended up fighting when what she really wanted (and needed) was his support.

Maybe you’ve been there, too.

Stress is just a part of life. You can’t avoid it completely, especially if you have a packed schedule like Anna. Left unchecked, stress will have a negative effect on your relationship. Tense people tend to take out their stress on their partners.[1]

Since you can’t stop stress, how do you keep it from having a negative effect on your relationship?

The most important thing is to be aware of it. Recognize you’re stressed when you’re stressed. That’s essential.

Once you have that self-awareness down, there are a handful of practical things[2] you can do to ensure that your bad day doesn’t lead to a frustrating setback with your man.

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