When the Truth is a Lie

When the Truth is a LieWhat do you make of the following fun facts?[i]

  1. You could live the rest of your life without eating or drinking anything.
  2. Most people have more than the average number of legs.
  3. I’ve won as many Oscars as Glenn Close.

They feel a bit fishy, don’t they? And yet, every one of those statements is 100% true.

Technically.

You could live the rest of your life without eating or drinking. You just wouldn’t live long. And most people have two legs, but some people have fewer. So the average is lower than two. Finally, Glenn Close has been nominated for an Academy Award numerous times. But she hasn’t won any.

Welcome to the subtle art of being deceptive and truthful at the same time. It’s called “paltering,” and it’s alarmingly common.

Paltering is easier to stomach than lying. You can mislead with a clean conscience, or so the thinking goes. Plus, we tell ourselves others won’t be offended by paltering. I mean, you are speaking the literal truth, right?

Well, I have some bad news about that. A recent study found that people react just as negatively to paltering as they do to lying.[ii]

In other words, deception, even if it’s technically the truth, hurts trust. If you want a healthy, fulfilling relationship, honesty isn’t just the best policy. It’s the only policy.

But what do you do when being honest means telling him something he may not want to hear? Or something you simply don’t want to share?

The following strategy will help you be as honest as a cherry-tree-chopping George Washington while minimizing any negative impact on your relationship.

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How to Be the Drama-Free Girlfriend Guys Love

How to Be His Secret Obsession Drama-Free Girlfriend Guys LoveKathy’s life was like something out of a reality TV program.

Her friends loved her. Life was never boring with Kathy around. Drama followed her wherever she went.

But there was one area of her life Kathy wished was less dramatic:

Her relationships.

She’d never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. She seemed to attract the worst kind of guys: the ones that made her believe she’d found Mr. Dreamy … only to reveal themselves as a toad in prince’s clothing.

Was it just bad luck?

Or was there something Kathy could do to attract the long-lasting, stable relationship she wanted?

I’ve met many women like Kathy, and my advice is always the same:

Leave the drama at the door.

Understand Your Man

Most of us—men and women alike—make a deadly mistake in our relationships. We assume that our partner thinks the same way we do.

But the way men see the world is subtly different to how women see the world. Successful relationships depend on understanding those differences.

One way in which you and your man may be less alike than you think is in how you view drama.

Be Irresistible - Drama-Free GirlfriendDrama is what keeps you riveted to your favorite television program. The more the plot twists and turns, the more you’re glued to the screen. Romantic relationships provide a rich source of drama. A couple that fights, breaks up, and makes up is more exciting than an unfailingly happy couple.

But drama on TV is one thing. Drama in real life is something quite different.

A life filled with unnecessary drama is the last thing most men want. Life should be fun, easy, and pleasurable. Drama is too much work.

In a man’s ideal world, his relationship is a drama-free zone. He may have to deal with drama all day at work, but he can choose to avoid drama in his personal life. He can choose to be with a woman who relaxes and recharges him, rather than drains him.

Let me show you three ways to impress your man with the warmth and stability you can bring into his life, while leaving the drama out in the cold.

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How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)

How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)

Moving on after you break up with someone isn’t rocket science. Ask anyone, and they’ll tell you: it takes time.

But this can be frustrating. Especially if you want to get back out there and find someone.

So, I’ve got some good news for you. There are things you can do to get over your ex faster if you can’t stop obsessing about him.

The key is to look at “problem” post-break-up behaviors in a new light. Here are the kind of behaviors I’m talking about:

  • You wake up. The first thing you reach for is your phone…to check his Facebook. This is something you will do at least a dozen times throughout the day.
  • Whenever your phone buzzes, you immediately glance to see if it’s him.
  • Checking text messages leads to reading over old texts from him. Ditto emails.
  • You think about calling or messaging him all the time. You might even do it.
  • Your friends notice you are lost in thought when doing things at locations where you used to hang out with your guy.

To one degree or another, we’ve all been there. It’s not a new problem. It’s not a unique problem.

In fact, some experts say breakup obsessions look like a temporary version of a specific psychological disorder…called obsessive compulsive disorder.

So if you want to get over your ex faster, you can use a standard self-help technique for OCD.

I will dive into that momentarily. But before going further, I want to take a second to talk about what not to do.

Many people are tempted to avoid triggers. Some are even advised to do this.

Don’t go to that restaurant you loved. Hide your phone. Stay off your computer.

But I disagree with this. Because it’s unrealistic. And because avoidance never works when it’s a mental thing.

Your painful thoughts or memories will return. And avoidance intensifies your fear of facing them.

What I want you to do instead is use that self-help technique I promised to share: schedule your obsession.

It’s a way to take back control of your mind.

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The Simple Mind Hack that Can Change the Way You Date

The Simple Mind Hack that Can Change the Way You DateHow do you feel about dating?

Depending on when you’re asked that question, your answer might change dramatically. That’s because dating is a mix of wildly different experiences.

Sometimes it’s fun, like a first kiss. Sometimes it’s intense, like the first real fight. Sometimes it’s lighthearted and carefree. And sometimes it’s nerve racking and exhausting.

Dating is all of those things and more because dating is an EMOTIONAL experience.

Which is good! One of the things that makes romance so fulfilling is the impact it has on our emotions. But there’s a downside.

When emotions run high, it’s much harder to make smart choices. Just think about the last time you were really angry. Were you at the top of your game, 100% rational?

Nope, probably not. That’s okay. Me, neither.

Any emotion, from anger to exhilaration, can muddy the waters. When that happens, a lot of people, both men and women, find themselves making poor decisions.

But there’s a way to surf the emotional wave AND make good choices. It’s a simple mind hack that’s been proven to have several positive effects on decision making.[i]

All you have to do is create what’s known as “psychological distance.” Psychological distance means creating distance from yourself within your mind.

There are a couple of easy ways to do that. You can imagine yourself as a completely different person. For example, instead of an American professional woman, you could imagine that you’re a sheep herder in another part of the world.

Another way is to imagine yourself far off in the future. Like, decades from now.

Either technique will give you some mental breathing room and allow you to see your present life and relationship very differently. As a result, you’ll have a clearer picture of your options.

Below are three times you can use this simple-yet-powerful strategy.

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