This Rage Reset Button Saves Good Relationships

This Rage Reset Button Saves Good Relationships When was the last time you were upset? I mean REALLY upset.

Like Stacy. “It was like there was liquid anger in my veins,” she said. “I was so mad.”

Her boyfriend canceled their anniversary dinner because he thought the timing was “inconvenient” for his work schedule. She can remember what it felt like to this day.

Thankfully, she wasn’t able to confront her guy about it right away. It was a weekday and both were at work. She had to wait hours before she had a chance to talk to him.

During that time, she calmed down.  That allowed her to think clearly about the best approach for the long-term health of the relationship.

Was she still upset? You betcha. But the intensity of her emotions leveled out. Instead of speaking from raw emotion, she was able to effectively communicate why his decision hurt her. And he seemed remorseful instead of defensive.

If she’d talked to him while she was still in the throes of intense emotion, their conversation wouldn’t have been nearly as productive.

Now, back to the last time YOU were upset. How long did it take for the feelings of frustration to fade a bit? Were you livid for only a few minutes, or were you ready to start World War III?

However long it takes you to cool off, going toe-to-toe with your guy (or anyone else) while you’re fuming is never a good idea.

There’s definitely a time and place for strong emotions. It’s appropriate to tell him you’re upset and why. But you want that conversation to move you forward as a couple, not just start a fight.

So when he does something upsetting, it is imperative that you tame those wild emotions BEFORE you try to talk to him.

Luckily, you have what author Karl Albrecht calls a “magic reset button” that can put you in a calmer frame of mind immediately.[i]

But before you can use your magic reset button you have to “install” it. Here’s how.

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Eating Healthy When You’re Dating a Fast Food Junkie

Eating Healthy When You’re Dating a Fast Food JunkieHave you ever tried to stick to a healthy diet while the guy you’re dating is sucking down cheese burgers and pizza? It’s not an easy thing to pull off.

I was talking to a friend about this recently. She’s on a health kick, hitting the gym several times a week and trying to make smart choices at meal times. But her boyfriend keeps ordering fried mozzarella before every meal and finishing off with lavish desserts!

More than once, she’s slipped. Just the other night she had salmon and steam veggies…followed by a nice, big slice of cheese cake and a sugary coffee drink.

Not that there’s anything wrong with splurging every now and then. There’s not! But if you’re trying to be militant and he’s all about cheese and grease, that’s not going to help with your fitness goals.

Plus, it can put a strain on your relationship.

And if you’ve ever tried to change the eating habits of a guy, you already know that approach typically doesn’t work. As the saying goes, the way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach. Taking away the food he loves isn’t going to make him crazy about you!

So how do you balance your own personal goals with his, especially if the two of you are shooting for different things?

After all, couples eat together all the time. It’s not like you can avoid the issue.

But it is possible to spend time with him without ditching your diet. You just have to have a strategy. I have three suggestions.[i]

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Get More Romantic Happiness by Putting in LESS Effort?

Get More Romantic Happiness by Putting in LESS Effort?Are you happier today than you were five years ago? Ten years ago? Do you think you’ll be even happier in another five or twenty-five years?

According to a recent study[1], you probably will be.

Researchers took a closer look at more than 1,500 people ranging in age from 21 to 100. They found that stuff like depression and anxiety were highest among younger people.

Older participants seemed to be happier in life.

There are a lot of reasons why that might be the case. One possible explanation is simply this: as people age, they learn to stop sweating the small stuff.[2]

Think about that in the context of your dating relationship. When are you happiest with your man? When do you enjoy dating the most?

It’s probably when you’re not caught up in all the things you could be worried about. Things like what he thinks of you, where he thinks the relationship is going, or even how he feels about the outfit you’re wearing.

When you’re focused on everything that could go wrong, both big and small, it kills the joy of being alive.

Ready for the bad news?

The more serious your relationship gets, the harder it becomes NOT to worry. The stakes get higher. It’ll hurt more if it all falls apart.

Which means it’s entirely possible to have the best part of a dating relationship completely ruined by worry.

Would you rather avoid that pitfall? Here’s how you can.

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Is He Interested? You Probably Wouldn’t Know… But You Can

Is He Interested? You Probably Wouldn’t Know... But You CanCan you tell when a guy is flirting with you?

According to researchers, the answer is probably no. In a study published in 2014, only 36% of men could tell. And only 18% of women could tell.

That’s right. Out of five women, only one is likely to notice when a guy is flirting with her. The other four? Clueless.

Obviously, it doesn’t work exactly that way. Sometimes a person can tell and sometimes she can’t.  But you get what I’m saying.

I’m going to help improve your batting average. And I’m going to do it by sharing a surprisingly accurate formula from a different research study.

But before I do, let’s examine why we’re so bad at detecting flirting.

Take a look at this conversation between two coworkers:

MAN: Hey, Cheryl.

WOMAN: Morning, Mike. Have a good weekend?

MAN: Not too bad, not too bad. My triathlon was Sunday, so I’m still pretty sore.

WOMAN: Oh, right! How’d it go?

MAN: Well, I finished, so that’s good, right? (laughs)

WOMAN: Um, I’d say. It’s certainly not something I could ever do.

MAN: Sure you could. You’ve already got a nice build. Just takes training.

WOMAN: (laughing) A lot of training, for me.

MAN: (laughing) A lot for anyone.

WOMAN: It does sound fun, though.

MAN: Well, you know, if you’re serious about trying, I’m available. I mean, you know, I’d be happy to help train with you.

WOMAN: Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind. See you.

MAN: See you.

Here’s what we know from what is actually said:

  • These two know each other well enough to be on familiar terms.
  • Mike just completed a triathlon.
  • Cheryl says she’s interested in doing a triathlon, but only sort-of.
  • Mike offers to help her train.

That’s it.

Mike could be flirting. He could be trying to find a way to spend more time with Cheryl. Because he likes her.

But there are alternative ways to see this, too.

Maybe he’s really into fitness. And he likes getting other people into fitness. Or wants someone to train with. Or perhaps he’s just a friendly guy.

From this conversation, it’s impossible to tell for sure.

Now, obviously in a real-life conversation, there would be other cues. Body language. Voice inflection.

Those things can help indicate interest.

But here’s the thing: most flirting is subtle. So it’s very easy to confuse friendliness with flirting. And vice versa.

Here’s where that other study comes in.

Stanford researchers put subjects through “speed dates.” Then asked them whether or not their partners were flirting.

But they also used something called a “flirtation detection system.”

It was better at detecting flirtation than both the men and women.

I’m going to break down how it works. So, you can keep their findings in mind the next time you wonder if a guy is really coming on to you.

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