How to Turn a Guy Down Without Feeling Guilty

How to Turn a Guy Down Without Feeling GuiltyWhich is worse? Going out on a lame date . . . or saying no to a guy you’re not into?

Most of my readers are mature, intelligent and kind. I’m sure you don’t take pleasure in making guys feel horrible just for asking you out. What do you say when you don’t want to say yes?

If you’re like a lot of women, you say no . . . with an apology. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really help the situation. A recent study found that trying to soften a rejection by saying you’re sorry only makes the other person feel worse.

And that’s the thing about saying no that sucks. It’s hard to say no without sounding heartless.

But as hard as it can be to say no tactfully, boundaries are good.

They’re good for you. You shouldn’t have to suffer through dates you don’t want to be on. AND, boundaries are for the guys you turn down. As trite as it may sound, it really is better if you don’t lead him on.

So here’s the dilemma. If you’re in dating mode, you’re going to end up rejecting guys. There’s no way to avoid that . . . unless you say yes to everyone. And trust me, THAT’S a bad idea.

Thankfully, there are kind, effective ways to let a guy down. Saying no doesn’t have to be cruel.

If you want to learn how to gracefully decline a date, keep reading. I have three ideas that will make the process easier for you and those unfortunate guys who just don’t spark your interest.

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The Best Dating Tips Are Incredibly Simple

The Best Dating Tips Are Incredibly SimpleHave you ever fallen for bad dating advice?

There are two pieces of dating advice I come across all the time. You’ve almost certainly heard both of them. You’ve probably even tried to act on them. And the results weren’t what you were looking for.

The very worst dating advice is bad precisely because it seems to make sense. But it doesn’t produce the results you’re looking for.

By way of example, here are two common pieces of dating advice you’re better off avoiding.

What not to do.

Bad Dating Tip #1: “Just be yourself.”

How many times have you heard people tell you to just be yourself? It sounds like really good advice, especially if you’re trying to make a heart-to-heart connection.

At its core, the idea of being yourself is solid. But it makes for bad dating advice because you’re most yourself when you’re not even thinking about “being yourself.”

Bad Dating Tip #2: “Play hard to get.”

A guy worth pursuing has lots of options when it comes to pairing up with a dating partner. And as a rule of thumb, people follow the path of least resistance.

If a guy is a good match for you, then time together will strengthen the romantic feelings he has for you. If his interest was only based on the excitement of “the chase,” then what’s going to sustain the relationship once you’re a committed couple?

Are you ready to know the three things you should do instead?

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7 Ways to Make Online Dating as Awesome as it Should Be

7 Ways to Make Online Dating as Awesome as it Should BeOnline dating is super easy. It’s not even hard to find good guys. But finding a good guy who’s right for YOU—now, that can be a challenge.

It’s kind of like shopping online. Have you ever bought something online only to send it right back?

Maybe it was a summer dress. Or a cute top. Or, if you’re really daring, a pair of skinny jeans. Whatever the specifics, it looked amazing on the website. But when it arrived and you slipped it on . . . ugh.

The picture was misleading. The quality was poor. The color was off. Or, it just didn’t work when you saw it in person.

If you’re something of a fashionista, this can be a real problem. The internet is great for finding killer deals. But who cares if you have to return most of the stuff?

Does this remind anyone of internet dating?

Never before in human history has it been easier to meet potential partners. There are tons of online dating services. But holy cow, can they be a pain. How many guys look great online, only to leave you disappointed in person?

I’ve talked to plenty of women who just don’t do internet dating anymore. They’ve had too many bad experiences. I get that.

But at the same time, online dating can be great. It gives you a chance to spell out exactly what you’re looking for and learn a little something about possible matches just by browsing profiles. In theory, it’s a great idea.

There’s got to be a way to make internet dating as awesome as it could be.

There is.

The following 7 tips are your guide to getting the most out of online dating services. Stick to these suggestions, and you’ll be way more likely to find the kind of love you’re looking for.

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Why Convincing Your Ex Never Works… (and what does)

When you’ve shared a special connection with someone, it’s hard to let it go.

Especially when you know there’s still a lot of potential if he would just open his heart again.

You could build a beautiful life together.

If that’s something you want, then it’s only natural you would try to convince him that he should give the relationship another shot. After all, convincing him feels like the right thing to do.

Why would you not try to reason with him? Why wouldn’t you try to show him he’s making a mistake by pulling away?

Yet this is one of those times in life when our instincts lead us awry. Because convincing your ex never works. Fortunately, I know something that does.

Triggering feelings.

Here’s the thing, triggering feelings will always trump logical argument.

Why? Because emotions run the show. We humans are not as rational as we’d like to believe. That’s true of all forms of decision-making, but especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

(By the way, If you’d like laser-targeted advice about getting your ex to talk to you again, check out my Relationship Rewrite Method here).

Emotion. It’s your best shot at winning him back.

I care about all my clients. But I have to be honest, sometimes a client’s story tugs at my heart and it gets personal for me. That was the case with Leah, a mother of five, the oldest of whom was born when she and the father were both seventeen, just high school sweethearts.

I’ll admit there was a judgmental part of me that thought Leah and Joel had been incredibly irresponsible to start having children while they were still children themselves. But I soon forgot all about that as I learned of the beautiful family they had created together. These two clearly belonged together.  

And it was difficult to watch this beautiful family be torn apart by a short series of missteps and what I’ll call “almost-infidelity.” First by one, and then (in reaction) by the other.

Leah sought out my professional services first. Joel had moved out three months earlier. I could tell we had our work cut out for us.

Joel joined us a few sessions later. He was complacent with me and defiant with Leah. He had his mind made up. The hurt was just too great. But he claimed it was because Leah was “crazy.”

Leah, on the other hand, was not ready to let go of what they shared. She was going to fight for their love.

She had fire in her eyes every time she spoke directly to Joel in our sessions, demanding that he stop living the life of a bachelor, pursuing other women while her life began to look more and more like that of a single mother, just struggling to get by.

And this is where things get complicated for me. It was hard for me to maintain professional objectivity. You see, I wanted to convince Joel as well. I wanted to jump in with Leah and fight for this little family to survive.

Fortunately, I knew better.

So I privately began to teach Leah the techniques I’m going to share with you today. Let me show you the difference between convincing your ex versus triggering the right kind of feelings.

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