How long does it take for a man to know if he’s attracted to you?
He knows from the moment he sets eyes on you.
In hard numbers, that’s 100 milliseconds.
Researchers at Princeton found that we’re most accurate when it comes to making snap judgements about two traits:
Trustworthiness and attractiveness.
We don’t need a half-hour coffee date to figure out whether we’re attracted to someone. Our gut has its answer at hello.
Given how much work we put into winning over the opposite sex, that’s frustrating. It suggests that, no matter what you say during that coffee date, he’s already made up his mind about you.
But maybe … just maybe … that’s a GOOD thing.
If he’s already decided whether he’s attracted or not, there’s no performance pressure. You can sit back, relax, and let the date unfold as it will. If it seems to be going poorly, you can cut it short with no guilt. You don’t have to try to change his mind.
Research like this brings up interesting questions about how much control we actually have over attraction.
Most of us believe there are a number of practical things we can do to improve our attractiveness. It’s as if there’s an attractiveness scale of 1 to 10, and we can move up on that scale with hard work and effort.
But therapists who work with married couples often see attraction in a very different light. Couples pick each other not because he’s funny or she’s sexy. They pick each other because of lovemaps formed long before they met.
These powerful, subconscious influences explain why men may pass over a seemingly “perfect woman” to marry someone who appears less appealing. The outside world sees a mismatched couple, whereas in fact they’re the perfect fit.
Lovemaps even explain your dating history.
Consider the men you’ve found yourself attracted to over the course of your life. Was your attraction to these men a conscious choice … or was it a compulsion that made no sense? If it felt like something you had no choice over, then that’s a sure sign it was coming from your lovemap.
Lovemaps also explain why the guys you like often end up dating women who aren’t half the woman you are. You can’t understand why he would pick her over you. But then again, you’re only seeing what’s on the surface. You’re not seeing his lovemap.
So what is a lovemap and how can it help us understand the enduring power of first impressions?Continue reading