The short answer is yes.
For example, in my training materials I describe a method for making your pupils grow larger while making eye contact with a man.
Executed correctly, this technique can cause him to feel drawn towards you in a romantic way (without knowing why).
(Our pupils enlarge whenever we are looking at something we like or want. At a subconscious level we notice when this happens to someone we are interacting with…which stirs positive feelings of attraction.)
You can also pull hard on a man’s emotions by connecting with him through the power of story.
That method takes some practice, but it basically means tapping into the fact that the human brain is wired for story.
We pay attention when someone tells a story. We get emotionally involved when someone shares their story. I’m talking about short snippets of story you weave into your natural conversation.
But in today’s coaching email we are discussing something right under your nose that you may have missed.
Think about what you already know about love. Using your existing knowledge base, try answering the following question.
Jack and Jill work in the same office setting. If Jill wants to make Jack fall in love with her, should she increase or decrease the following factors?
- Going out of her way to create contact and basically “show up” more frequently
- Using nonverbal flirtation to indicate openness to an advance from Jack
- Length of sustained eye contact when speaking with Jack
- Effort to maximize physical attractiveness (exercise, cosmetics, and style)
- Non-work related conversation with Jack
- Expressions of anger when Jack is around
- Expressions of sarcasm or bitterness about the job or anything else
- Discussion of how awful her last romantic relationship was because of the “jerk” she was dating
- Demonstrations of possessiveness or jealousy when Jack gives attention to other women in the office
These factors are all fairly obvious, yet many people ignore them, thinking they have to wait for magic potion number nine before they’ll have any chance with a particular guy.
Have you ever heard that expression, “Good things come to those who wait?” Well it doesn’t apply here!
Take the skills and knowledge you already have and do a mental inventory to MAKE SURE you are already maximizing as many variables as you can to shift the odds in your favor. I’m talking about the obvious stuff you already know about.
Ideally, we want Jill to make frequent, pleasant, and relaxed points of contact with Jack, gazing deeply into his eyes for just a second or two longer than a person typically would with a coworker.
She should be casual and positive without negativity or sarcasm about life or work.
She should speak positively of other people, while dropping subtle hints that she finds Jack’s company to be particularly enjoyable (e.g., commenting that she can relate to him more easily than others.)
She should be exercising to stay fit (as much for self-confidence as anything else), and get up ten minutes earlier each morning to ensure she shows up at work in a relaxed mood, looking her best.
We want Jill to flash her best smile the second she makes eye contact with Jack each morning, demonstrating interest in any personal issue he discloses during the brief interactions they share at work.
We want her to do all this while appearing competent and interested in her work. Jill is more likely to pull this off if she takes a moment for a self-assessment. She needs to slow down just long enough to consider what she is doing well and what she could do better.
Now what happens if you stack a ton of these influencing factors in your favor? There is an exponential increase in the chances of a good outcome.
Does it guarantee that he will fall for you? No, there are hundreds of other variables that can sway the outcome one way or another.
Nonetheless, those who persist at applying the power they have generally achieve outcomes they desire far more frequently than those who simply give it all up to chance.
Which kind of person do you want to be?
My advice? Take life by the horns! Start today by doing a quick self-assessment to rediscover areas where you could up your game.
Whatever gets your best energy in this life will thrive. Whether it’s your work, your kids, your fitness, your friendships, or something else, it will only thrive if it gets your attention and energy.
The areas of your life that get your best energy are the ones that thrive. And your attention determines what gets your energy (and what gets neglected).
So If you really want better relationship outcomes, use your attention as a tool to bring more energy to the little things you may be neglecting. Use what you already know.
Talk to you soon.