Are There Any Tricks To Making A Man Fall In Love With You?

attracting menThe short answer is yes.

For example, in my training materials I describe a method for making your pupils grow larger while making eye contact with a man.

Executed correctly, this technique can cause him to feel drawn towards you in a romantic way (without knowing why).

(Our pupils enlarge whenever we are looking at something we like or want. At a subconscious level we notice when this happens to someone we are interacting with…which stirs positive feelings of attraction.)

You can also pull hard on a man’s emotions by connecting with him through the power of story.

That method takes some practice, but it basically means tapping into the fact that the human brain is wired for story.

We pay attention when someone tells a story. We get emotionally involved when someone shares their story. I’m talking about short snippets of story you weave into your natural conversation.

But in today’s coaching email we are discussing something right under your nose that you may have missed.

Think about what you already know about love. Using your existing knowledge base, try answering the following question.

Jack and Jill work in the same office setting. If Jill wants to make Jack fall in love with her, should she increase or decrease the following factors?

  • Going out of her way to create contact and basically “show up” more frequently
  • Using nonverbal flirtation to indicate openness to an advance from Jack
  • Length of sustained eye contact when speaking with Jack
  • Effort to maximize physical attractiveness (exercise, cosmetics, and style)
  • Non-work related conversation with Jack
  • Expressions of anger when Jack is around
  • Expressions of sarcasm or bitterness about the job or anything else
  • Discussion of how awful her last romantic relationship was because of the “jerk” she was dating
  • Demonstrations of possessiveness or jealousy when Jack gives attention to other women in the office

These factors are all fairly obvious, yet many people ignore them, thinking they have to wait for magic potion number nine before they’ll have any chance with a particular guy.

Have you ever heard that expression, “Good things come to those who wait?” Well it doesn’t apply here!

Take the skills and knowledge you already have and do a mental inventory to MAKE SURE you are already maximizing as many variables as you can to shift the odds in your favor. I’m talking about the obvious stuff you already know about.

Ideally, we want Jill to make frequent, pleasant, and relaxed points of contact with Jack, gazing deeply into his eyes for just a second or two longer than a person typically would with a coworker.

attracting menShe should be casual and positive without negativity or sarcasm about life or work.

She should speak positively of other people, while dropping subtle hints that she finds Jack’s company to be particularly enjoyable (e.g., commenting that she can relate to him more easily than others.)

She should be exercising to stay fit (as much for self-confidence as anything else), and get up ten minutes earlier each morning to ensure she shows up at work in a relaxed mood, looking her best.

We want Jill to flash her best smile the second she makes eye contact with Jack each morning, demonstrating interest in any personal issue he discloses during the brief interactions they share at work.

We want her to do all this while appearing competent and interested in her work. Jill is more likely to pull this off if she takes a moment for a self-assessment. She needs to slow down just long enough to consider what she is doing well and what she could do better.

Now what happens if you stack a ton of these influencing factors in your favor? There is an exponential increase in the chances of a good outcome.

Does it guarantee that he will fall for you? No, there are hundreds of other variables that can sway the outcome one way or another.

Nonetheless, those who persist at applying the power they have generally achieve outcomes they desire far more frequently than those who simply give it all up to chance.

Which kind of person do you want to be?

My advice? Take life by the horns! Start today by doing a quick self-assessment to rediscover areas where you could up your game.

Whatever gets your best energy in this life will thrive. Whether it’s your work, your kids, your fitness, your friendships, or something else, it will only thrive if it gets your attention and energy.

The areas of your life that get your best energy are the ones that thrive. And your attention determines what gets your energy (and what gets neglected).

So If you really want better relationship outcomes, use your attention as a tool to bring more energy to the little things you may be neglecting. Use what you already know.

Talk to you soon.

James Bauer


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78 thoughts on “Are There Any Tricks To Making A Man Fall In Love With You?

  1. Lalaina said:

    Hello,
    Thank you so much for all the advices James. …Being single at 30 years old is rather tough for me to accept, in spite of the efforts and actions i did so far to keep a man in my life, to have a long term relationship….Waiting is not my typical, i always look for some things to get ahead and meet my half, soulmate…

    • James Bauer said:

      You’re welcome! Thank you for being one of my valued readers!

  2. Rayan said:

    Actually he already fallen for me and I want to fix the relation but it seems it’s difficult I’m not patient in general and he is the type of person who needs someone who is patient because of his work nature he used to travel a lot unavailable man emotionally caused me problem although I’m very independent person as a result when I resigned from the company because he works there and we brokeup tried to do my own business his advise is very negative for me he said I can’t do this business and I still need mush of training and help .. I don’t know if being patient is something that I learn even if I learn I can be patient to the extend that requires or that mean I have to change my identity

  3. Jill said:

    Hi James,

    My life is messed up,but reading through your emails just help me understand what to do in relationship.I am no longer worry too much because I know I can handle the situation now.Thanks very much.

    • James Bauer said:

      Glad to have you as a reader, Jill. I hope you continue to make steady progress toward a life you feel good about. But in the meantime, you should feel proud that you are a person who chooses to keep walking toward her goals for great relationships.

  4. Helga Eschrich said:

    Dear James.
    I met a man 2 years ago and everything went fine,We have had nice evenings together in his house,going out for dinner,watching Tv and same interests in Shows ,Art etc.
    He is a businessman with his own business and very busy as he does hes own paperwork at home alone after hrs.
    His wife is since 3 years in a Senior home with Alzheimer she doesn’t regonize him,but he goes to visit her and has to bring her supplies too.
    He called me his girlfriend,takes my hand walking in the Restaurant.etc.
    Said once .were very good together more and more.
    We have great sex and he is very kind an lovable.Calls me your a good girl.
    Now since last November his texing went smaller or forgotten .
    for 4-5 days.He prefers that I see him on Fridays.I drive to him,as he has a big dog Retriever and were I live in my own townhome there no animals aloud Also my car need long distance driving too and I love to drive to his place He had 1 week vertigo and then came snowfalls and I was not able to drive to him.On Feb.17th a Friday it was sunny and a nice day he never had asked me to come out.I thought I surprise him and drove to his House.I sat in the driveway when I saw his red Truck approaching.He didn’t drive in.he just sat ther looking at my car then drove around in another lane.
    He came out saying you can’t come in I have company.I saw a much younger woman sitting in his truck.She looked she is l.Nation.He said he picked her up from the Busstation.I looked in his eyes saying.I do not come back,I just want to go in the house and get my pillow.but I will miss you.
    He looke me straight in the eyes saying I/ll miss you too your a good girl.and I saw tears in his eyes.He let me in the house.I saw in the bathroom,a glass with a pink thootbrush and thootpaste.( He never used that he has Dentures.)He just turned 80 years old and Iam not too much younger either.
    But Iam surprised how good he is in Sex.
    I went in the bedroom,all unmade beds,a yellow fluffy woman duster on the bed.I took my pillow from the cupboard and he asked me then Do you have your pillow? Yes.I left crying.
    At home I thought about all this.and texed him: Iam back home.And I do not give you up for this woman,where is she?where does she come from.She is 1.Nation,has not car is poor.etc.And you do not use any protection.This is dangerious for me.I forgive you,and call me if you want me to come back.
    He Go to sleep!
    After that more Fridays followed.with him texing he can’t see me is very busy and Nelda his wife is now 1.Priority she is going down.
    I understand that I texed back.
    Then he texed me : Tell me what you want,what I shall do to you.
    One nice Wednesday I texed him 2:30 pm.Iam coming out leaving 4.00 pm.
    No answrer…but when I just went in his street a tex came back.
    Not a good day today Iam not feeling well.
    It was to late.I went in the house with him ,and sat on the Chesterfield saying nothing.No yelling no cursing,nothing.I saw he was not sick,he walked around and done bookkeeping ,when he was finish with that,I saw he was more relaxed .He made coffee pushed a chair to me.put the coffee there and some cookies.Then I said to him come sit beside me.He put the TV on and sat beside me.Later we open cans and made a soup and ate.
    He kissed me and I went to put fresh sheets on the bed and we went and had Sex again and watched TV in bed and fell asleep,At morning breakfast and he kissed me bye.
    Now,3 Fridays followed without hearing from him.no tex no invitation nothing.
    I texed him Are you ok? I come out an take a look,everything could happen.
    Oh now he texed : Do not come to my place Iam busy!
    Me;Busy picking up the other woman from the Bus?
    So I was fed up and put an ad in the Craig list.Woman is looking for Men.
    I got many replies I had put a picture in.they wrote I look beautiful,age doesnt matter,and I had 3 pictures.from them.
    Then I texed to George Look in the craiglist.and I wrote him,met one and I enclosed 3 male pictures.He texed back:Not my type!
    Then I get some bad texes .One wants to go with me on a cruise and we will sleep in one bed.and he will do that and that and soap my body in the shower etc.
    I transferred this all to George.
    He replied.You like to f.a lots of men do you?
    Me.No I do not.I never met one….yet.
    And I took the ad out again,its just I was upset about the woman in your truck.I still love you.
    He: You can f.whoever you want to its your choice.
    Me.your so gruel! He:Ok.then,do not f.anyone is this kind?
    Me Yes! He: Bullshitt!!
    Another Friday passed.and another.
    He texed me Look Iam very busy lots to do not getting done.
    Nelda (his wife) is 1.priority,I have to see her more as time goes on.
    An you don’t want to wait.

    I wrote him an email about us,how nice everything was etc.
    Then I tex him only 3 foto’s visiting my daughter in their new apartment and how nice she kitchen is,all stainless steel.etc.
    Thats all.Its now 1 Monat I have not seen him or heard from him.
    Today I just texed him: I miss you!
    So,he did not say I shall not come anymore.He says I shall wait!!
    I don’t know how George is standing.
    And how long shall I wait? He texed me going out to see Nelda and after meet some friends for a burger and beer.
    Or he is going shopping and see Nelda after.
    Maybe you can give me an answer to that.
    Thank you and have a nice Day.
    Helga.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hello, Helga. (I removed the man’s name from your post just because it seems you revealed a lot of private information here.) Detailed questions like this are better preserved for our private forum. You can access that here if you like.

      As you have probably realized by now, blatant attempts to make someone jealous rarely work. Generally speaking, it is not desire that is lacking in a situation like this. He already seems to desire a relationship with you. What is lacking is a desire for monogamous commitment to one woman.

      And if I’ve understood your message correctly, that is what you desire. Exclusivity. A relationship built on trust.

      Given that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, does he seem like the kind of person you should invest your life in if your goal is trust and commitment?

      Wishing you the best,

      James

      • Helga Eschrich said:

        Dear James
        Thank you very much for your correct useful comments
        I do feel a bid better now!
        I will have the strenght. to wait for him to call me back in his life.
        If this will happen I let you know!
        I was loyal to him. all time and I will continue to do so .with only one reason that I love him.
        Love can be very painful sometimes!
        Thanks again and have a nice day!
        Helga!

  5. emotions said:

    How to get a man to admit he loves you pt has stronger feelings for you?

  6. charnese said:

    I have been seeing a co worker for bout a year and 2 months. We hAve been secretive about our involvement. .when we met I ask if he was involved with anyone he says something like that …now we spent valentine night together, his birthday together , we are together 1-3 times a week. I am wondering if he really has a girlfriend because we are together all the time we’ll most of the night because we both work 2 jobs and don’t stay in same city about hour away, and I’ve spent the night several times at his place?..

    • James Bauer said:

      Have you asked him a second time to get clarification? Your relationship has progressed to a point where you should be open and honest with each other rather than guessing.

  7. Viv said:

    I live in an isolated area and there is a guy in the neighbouring town that I like. I have met him, he works with my mother one day every two weeks. He only recently moved here and in small towns like these, good looking single men don’t stay single for long. I have been divorced for two years and have not been in a relationship since. I used this time to do some soul searching and really understanding who I am and what I want. Problem is, now that I know, I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t just drive all the way there and pitch up at his work and say ‘hey, I like you’. Do you maybe have some advice?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Viv. See if you can open a line of communication with him. Ask your mom what he is good at and what he knows a lot about (e.g. cars, computers, gardens, job skills). Look for something you can use as an excuse to text him something like, “Hey, my mother said she knows you and that you might be a good person to ask about….(fill in the blank).” Once a line of communication has opened, be genuinely curious about him and don’t bother hiding that you like him.

      Alternatively, you could ask your mother to simply sing your praises and tell him he should call you (and then say to him…as if it was a secret…”my daughter seemed really impressed with you after she met you last month.”).

  8. GG said:

    Love your comments, the subtle clues we can offer and make ourselves available, being fun and flirty however, cant it be a waste of energy chasing men? After all you guys are designed for hunting you have the muscles testosterone and stamina to do the heavy lifting; you don’t think the animal thing of man needs to chase woman applies?

    • James Bauer said:

      Yes, it does apply, GG and you raise a good point. It just does not replace the natural flow of how things get started between men and women. The invitation is a green light that overcomes the man’s hesitations about pursuing. He still does the work.

  9. rangiora said:

    Hi I have been in a 8 months relatiship now I have 2 sons to my previous partner of 4yrs and thing a confusing me. At the begging of our relationship he rushed things he said it was love at first sight and realy wanted me to move in, it was A big move for me as I lived distant from him and my oldest son stayed with my mum and I just moved in to my new home and got a job, so I gave it all up to make something work later on during the relationship he slowly started to control me change me if I didn’t he would leave me, I would get confuse but do it as I have no place to go, our culture is totally different he is religious I am not he has alot of girls that flirt with him on networks and he doesn’t seem to care about how I feel but he says he’s so in love with me and he wants to marry me and wants me to trust him it’s not easy tbh it’s like he means to make me feel little of myself and jelous but I love him how do I know he loves me too

    • James Bauer said:

      Perhaps there is a more important question than whether or not he loves you. Does his version of loving a woman make you happy? That is the question that may bring clarity regarding what to do next.

  10. Chrystal said:

    Hi James, I’m having a difficult deciding of whether I should let go of a man or if we still have a chance. We’ve been friends for 20+ years, we didn’t see each other offer or talk but he’s always been a good friend. We ran into each other after many years of not seeing each other. We both going through some difficult times & decided that if he moved in with me that it would help us both out. Well, he started telling me I was beautiful, introducing me as his girl & slept in the same bed every night, of course we were intimate. He made statements about how good of a team we made & we do make an awesome team. He had an ex that he had been with for approx 2 year’s. His wife passed away 12 years ago & this ex was his wife’s best friend. We lived together for about 7 weeks then one day when I was at work, I came home to find out he packed everything up & was gone. He said I was being too needy, pushy & things moved too fast. I was heartbroken & felt terrible bc I was acting very needy. He finally confessed that he was back with his ex. I continued to text/ talk to him the entire time he was with her. I wanted to still be his friend. He came to “visit” , “hang” out with me & my family about every couple weeks bc he said he loved hanging out with us. He would spend the night but we didn’t have sex each time. That went on for a couple months & he’s telling me how unhappy he is with her but if he left her then he would be being greedy bc he wants to go be with another woman (me) when this other woman took care of him when he wasn’t working. I always let him know that I was there for him as a friend. One day he asked if I would let him come back & we could work on being a team again, of course I let him. It was just comfortable & convient bc he is still my friend. He came back & I had my guard up this time & definitely wasn’t as needy & pushy. He stayed with me for about 8 weeks this time. I decided I would just be his friend & things evolved then great but if not then oh, well. We still slept in the same bed & were intimate but we weren’t “full steam ahead” this time. He never denied still having feelings for his ex but I figured that was natural & the longer they stayed apart the more he would want me & not her. I just accepted it, I know it wasn’t the best bc I definitely have a lot stronger feelings than just a friend. His job was changing locations & I went out with my girlfriends & came home to find him gone once again. I didn’t mess around with asking him where he went. I drove by her house & there sat his car. I confronted him & he said he didn’t plan on going to her house & that they weren’t back together, that he still loved her but she didn’t love me. He said I was an awesome woman & he didn’t feel like he could give me what I deserved. I got drunk & said some very, mean terrible things to him. He came over the next night & we had a civilized talk & I apologized for saying the things I did but felt lied to & betrayed. He said he was very confused & stressed out over his job moving. He says he is an emotional wreck & I agree but I love him & I know he isn’t a player. He never has been, ever. We gave each other a hug & he left. He also left a lot of his sentimental stuff at my house & I don’t want to tell him to come & get it bc the last time he left, he left his car at my house bc it was broken down, well I told him one day to come & get it bc I wasn’t his storage unit & I’d have it towed. So he said I would do that again with the stuff he left but I promised I wouldn’t. If it was anyone of my other friends stuff & it wasn’t in my way, I wouldn’t demand they come & get it. It’s in a room I never go in so I don’t have to look at it all the time. I feel like he looks at his ex as a mother figure & goes to her when he is having big life changes for advice. He said they make better friends than lovers. I know I should date but I just can’t do it. I just cannot do it. I want to hold onto that glimmer of hope. I feel like he’s gonna give it all he’s got with her again & try to make it work but has great doubt’s but he doesn’t want to live with any regrets, like did I really try. I’ve been distant with him as well as he has been distant with me. I want to stay in contact with him bc I’m afraid he’s gonna forget about me & our good times. We never had any bad times til this last time he left. Should I just give him his space & time & leave him alone? Do you think we have any hope?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Chyrstal! This is a very in-depth question, perfect for the private consultation service available in the new members area. It’s a bit too long for me to address as a blog comment. I love your involvement with the material I post here, but to get a guaranteed response to your personal questions, please use the private consultation service. It’s better for these kinds of questions.

  11. Yasmin said:

    Hi James,
    since 3 months I’m dating a guy who is obviously showing me his affection, attention and romantic feelings- giving small presents to me, sending me sweet messages, acting like a gentleman ( opening the doors for me and such things), giving me compliments, calling me sweet names, he is touching and kissing me all the time, holding my hand when we walk on the streets, he gives me a feeling to be very special and important to him and so on. And the sex with him is just mind blowing …
    At the beginning of our dating we both agreed that we want an affair without commitment, because I’m freshly divorced and I didn’t want to jump immediately in a new serious relationship too soon and he, well, the love of his life broke his heart and so he is avoiding some deeper feelings and a new commitment. This was perfectly fine for me. But I have developed deeper feelings for him and I can’t really enjoy our relationship anymore, because I want more. I don’t want to live with him, but I would like to have an exclusive relationship with him. I know that he isn’t dating other women and he isn’t sleeping around, but this can happen because of the nature of our relationship. So I’m thinking about to talk to him about my feelings openly. On the other side I’m afraid to destroy our relationship and make him pull away from me. He told me that he broke up in the past with the women he was dating, when they tried to make him commit to them, because he just isn’t ready for it.
    I noticed that I’m crying or feeling sad often when he leaves instead of just being happy, because I would like to say three magical words to him and hear him saying them back, but I just can’t. I don’t want to loose a perfect lover, but I would like to feel more secure and certain. Can you understand my dilemma? What would you suggest to me?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Yasmin. You don’t need a commitment from him to get what you want. All you want is for him to not pursue relationships with other women right now. Making that more specific request would not go against the flow of his current mood about relationships.

      A commitment is something he is psychologically phobic of right now because of his sensitive emotional state. However, you have the right to say you are enjoying the interactions, but your own personal standard is that you will not continue that if he is also pursuing other women at the same time. State it as your own boundary rather than something you are asking him to do.

      If he wants to stay in the relationship with you (which obviously he does; and he doesn’t need more drama in his life right now) he will be fine with living by the standards you have set for yourself.

      • Yasmin said:

        Thank you James! This actually sounds so simple. So you don’t think it’s necessarily to hear from him the three magical words to feel more “secure” in this relationship? It’s just the way I’m thinking- if I say to somebody “I love you”, it means I’m making clear to him that I’m willing to be faithful and I’m not interesting in other men, but it doesn’t have to mean immediately that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

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