Have You Ever Felt Like Dating Isn’t Fair?

Dating Isn’t FairThere’s probably a lot you expect from dating. Romance, for sure. Some ups and downs are a given. The occasional heartbreak. But let me ask you this.

Do you expect dating to be fair?

Recently, I’ve been visiting with my friend, Crystal. She’s single, and I couldn’t tell you why. She’s attractive, she has a great job, is fun to be around, and is generally successful in life. But she can’t seem to land a guy.

Believe me, she’s tried. She’s still trying. And it upsets her that she can’t seem to pull it off.

As we talked about it, I realized something. Crystal expects dating to be fair. She thinks she’ll get out of it what she puts into it. That if she’s the best version of herself she can be, someone is bound to fall for her. It’s almost like she thinks the universe owes her a fulfilling connection.

But it doesn’t.

A lot of people mistakenly think life is (or at least should be) fair. But if you believe life is fair, you’re actually setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary pain.

Researchers at NYU recently proved this in a study[1] of more than 250 middle school aged kids. Granted, you’re operating at a much higher level of maturity than the average middle schooler. However, I strongly suspect the findings of this study hold true throughout life.

The study found that participants who believe life is fair “demonstrated lower self-esteem, a higher propensity to engage in risky behaviors, and a lessened willingness to follow directions.”[2]

If you believe life is fair, you’re likely to feel shortchanged. And when you feel shortchanged, you don’t think well of yourself and you don’t make good decisions.

Do you know what the problem is?

Life isn’t fair. And neither is dating. But don’t despair.  You can rise above that sobering fact.

Your best shot at finding the love you want is to rise above the unfairness. To do that, you need to commit to three things.

Protect your heart.

First and foremost, take care of yourself.

Don’t rush headlong into love, even if you’ve been looking for a while. Allow time for new relationships to develop. If you’re in a long-term relationship already, don’t be too quick to move it to the next level.

It’s okay to take chances. Just take smart chances.

 That guy who’s cheated on the last several girls he’s dated? Yeah, he may be a looker and a smooth talker, but don’t you dare take a chance on him. Protect your heart by waiting for someone who really deserves you.

Now here’s the next commitment I want you to make to yourself…

Continue reading

How Cute Puppies Can Improve Your Relationship

How To Improve Your RelationshipHow do you handle difficult patches in your relationships? How do you reclaim the magic?

The answer can make or break a relationship. Some couples can go through a rough period and come out the other side closer. Some just . . . don’t make.

Would you like to know what the successful couples do? The secret involves cute puppies. More on that in a bit.

First, why do relationships have low points at all. If you’re really supposed to be with this guy, should things ever feel tense? Or is tension a sign that he’s not the one?

There are relationship experts out there who argue both sides. For example, Travis Bradberry is the author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0. He cites four signs that a relationship is failing. All four of them have to do with tension.[1]

On the other end of the spectrum, therapist Margarita Tartakovsky makes the case that conflict actually strengthens romance.[2]

Confused yet? Let’s pause and talk about cute puppies.

Researchers from Florida State University recently set out to determine if looking at pictures of cute puppies could help struggling couples regain some of their lost intimacy. The verdict? Cute puppies make a difference.

Couples who looked at images of adorable puppies just once every three days actually began to feel more positively toward each other.[3] It’s all about association. When you enjoy something, you enjoy other things you associate with it.

You can use the same effect to give it a boost. I have three tips for unlocking the magic of positive association.

Continue reading

3 Things That Have Nothing to Do with Dating Can Dramatically Improve Romance

3 Things That Have Nothing to Do with Dating Can Dramatically Improve RomanceDating is weird. In some ways, it seems so simple. Find someone you like and spend time with them. In other ways, it’s incredibly complex. Let’s explore one of those more complex elements.

But first, a quick head’s up. You already know this stuff. Maybe you’ve connected it to dating before, and maybe you haven’t. Either way, I’m sure there’s nothing here that’ll be new to you.

Just think of this as a helpful reminder. Kind of like going back to the basics.

In the world of self-help, we all have a tendency to pay a lot of attention to what’s new. The newest book. The newest TED talk. The newest research study.

That stuff is cool. But if you only have a little bit of time, you’d be better off focusing on stuff that’s old.

I’m talking about tried-and-true self-help concepts. Books that have stood the test of time. Basic self-care routines that lower stress. Ideas that have proven to be among the most powerful foundations for a life well lived.

These ideas are not as exciting as new stuff. But most of the new stuff will fade into the background before long. And only a few of those new ideas will stand the test of time, proving to be some of the best concepts for enhancing your life.

So here’s the point…

If you’re interested in fiery passion and overall fulfillment (I know you are!), then it’s important to go back to the basics from time to time. When you get the core parts of your life in order, then you’re really set up for dating success.

Continue reading

Have a Summer Romance All Year Round

How To Make Dating FunEver wondered why it’s so easy to flirt when you’re on vacation?

Or why so many romances start in the summer?

It all comes down to


Relaxation, enjoyment, and endless stretches of free time create a magical environment for love to flourish.

Which is exactly why it’s so difficult to meet anyone when you’re tired, busy, and rushing to meet deadlines.

Meeting someone becomes just another box to check off. You’d like to meet someone—and you know you should be putting the effort in—but you’ve got too much going on. Chatting up a man, no matter how attractive he is, can feel more like work than fun.

Is there a way to recreate that magical summer vacation feeling, even on the dreariest winter workday?


All it takes is these two simple steps…

Step 1. Create a ‘Worry Pot’

Summer vacations are so wonderful because we give ourselves permission to forget about the cares of our everyday lives for a week or two.

We have only one goal: to enjoy ourselves.

And there’s nothing that attracts a man’s attention more than a woman who’s having fun.

We need to take a break from our worries more than once a year!

In an ideal world, we’d be able to set aside time every day to relax and forget out about our concerns. (In fact, that’s one reason why television is so popular. It shuts your mind off temporarily, giving you a break from that constant mental chatter.)

Practices like meditation and yoga can help still the mind, but you don’t need anything that formal. You can just set an intention.

When you’re about to walk out the door to go to a social event—whether it’s a date, a barbecue, or a concert—imagine taking your worries and to-do list out of your head and setting them down in a special place. Maybe it’s a vase or a bowl that you’ve left there to represent your “Worry Pot.” (Decorate it so that it will catch your eye, helping you remember to use it.) Those worries will be there waiting patiently for you until you get back.

In the meantime, go forth and be free! Take that much-needed mental vacation.

Continue reading