Be Ready for This Question BEFORE He Asks You

Be able to answer this question

Hey, it’s James with a tip for the early phase of a dating relationship.

“So, what do you do for fun?” It’s a question that usually comes a little while after, “What do you do for a living?” and, “Where are you from?”

Few people are adequately prepared to answer this crucial question. Most people, when put on the spot, stammer something vague like, “Uh…I don’t know. I guess I like to hang out with friends, um… or read a good book, or…um…I don’t know. The usual stuff I guess.”

This is a pretty lame answer. Of the three “get to know you” questions I mentioned before, which is most likely to directly influence his experience while dating you?

1.Where you are from?

2.What you do for a living?

3.What you do for fun?

You could make the argument that if he settles down with you and marries you, what you do for a living could have a significant impact on his life. But when he is just beginning to show interest in you, your relationship is nowhere near a point where your career is going to directly affect his experience of being in your presence.

When you spend time hanging out with your boyfriend, you are basically just trying to enjoy life together. You’re trying to have fun. One of the reasons we seek out relationships is because most things we do for fun become even more fun when done together.

Take just a moment right now to prepare your mind to give a really great answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?”

Don’t get stuck listing generic past times. Instead, focus on the idea of fun itself.

What do I mean by “fun itself?” I mean you should focus your response on describing the emotional experience of fun. Here’s an example:


“Oh man! That’s my favorite question, Barry. I love trying new things. I’m always searching the bulletin boards around town to see who’s offering a course on something I’ve never done before, like sailing or impromptu acting, or a French pastry baking course on Thursday nights. It’s that feeling of excitement when you’re getting ready to walk out the door to explore something new. I love that feeling! I also love the comfort of sitting on my big couch with a couple of my friends and just talking about whatever comes up. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, just cozy, relaxed enjoyment of the moment. ”

Let him experience the way you light up and vibrantly enjoy talking about things you do in your recreational time. This will serve as a powerful magnetic attraction factor for a man. Men are into fun. Men are into adventure. They like a woman who embraces the fun things in life.

A tiny bit of time spent practicing an answer to this question will have a huge payoff in your dating life.

I hope you will also ask him the same question. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about him by focusing on what happens to his energy level when you ask him what he does in his time off.

That’s when you’ll be spending time with him, after all. After work. So invest in getting to know that side of his personality. And make sure you’re ready to show off your own fun side when the opportunity comes up.

James


What Men Secretly Want

After consuming this short-guide, you will possess a secret that men cannot express well because it is so foundational to their view of the world that they don't even realize it is there.

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28 thoughts on “Be Ready for This Question BEFORE He Asks You

  1. Esther Lindberg/lifestar37...EstherLouise5 said:

    Thank you for this perspective explanation. Knowing how to express these things after many years since dating and relating in this context is most valuable.

  2. Carol said:

    This is great advice. I’ve had a few first dates off of POF and with this new advice maybe I’ll get past a first date!

  3. Carol Banquer said:

    I enjoy asking “what magazines do you read?” It’s a natural way for people to tell me about their interests and for me to tell them about myself and also an easy way to get to know someone.

    • James Bauer said:

      Oooh! I really like that one, Carol! Thanks for adding that tip.

  4. Alessa said:

    James you’re are just the man! Thank you for your help:)

  5. Pankti said:

    This is one of the most boring question ever asked and you seem to make it sound like so much fun. Thank you James… 🙂

  6. Rhea said:

    I wish I saw this before. I just had a guy ask me that question and I bombed. Is there any way to fix it?

    • Dianne said:

      Sure….if you still have a chance to talk talk to him, walk up and say almost in a whisper, “You know when you asked what I like to do for fun? Well, I love to….” and even if it’s taking a walk late at night when no one is around and seeing the stars and listening to the silence, then listening to the crickets and other critters…just make it sound sexy and exciting and enticing!!

  7. chioma teney said:

    Thanks so much. I sincerely always enjoy your programmes. But I am in NIgeria I dnt have access to your materials. So how do I go about it?

    • James Bauer said:

      I will look into that, Chioma. I am not sure what the technical support team will have to say about getting access for you and others in Nigeria.

  8. jami said:

    This is really a grt advice

  9. brownieosuj@gmail.com said:

    Thank you James for your insightful write ups, I truly enjoy them, Like Chioma I also live in Nigeria, kindly extend same assistance to me to get your materials.

  10. Bamidele said:

    Thanks James for all the tips, really helpful. Like Chioma and Brown, I live in Nigeria as well. Do assist in getting your materials.

  11. Nneka said:

    Thanks a lot James and please kindly do something for us here in Nigeria.

  12. lisa browning said:

    I’ve been in relationship with guy for 3 1/2 years and have been breaking up with him for 4 months because he doesn’t want anyone to know bout me, even though I luv him. So I’ve been reading all these emails. I’ve been dating others too just to move on and not dwell on him. But all of these things are overwhelming . Whatever happened to the old days when guys went to girls because they really liked them; guys did the asking out and calling and they dated with christian values and no sex before marriage, got married and lived happy lives together with no devorse? It all seems too complicated these days, even though all of these pointers make sense. Its vexing to think that every time u meet a guy unlike, if u don’t play the game right u loose him.thanknu so much James for your free tips!! I would love to have the series but am not working at this time and do not have a lot of money for things bother than bills. Thank u! Lisa

    • lisa browning What a very important question to ask: “Whatever happened to the old days… with christian values and no sex before marriage, got married and lived happy lives together with no divorce?” First of all the man you are attracted to who doesn’t want people to know about you is using you for his own personal gratification and you should put as much distance between him and yourself as you possibly can. That deep need that you feel can only be filled by the Person of Jesus Christ. Ask Him into your heart and ask him to lead you to people filled with His Spirit who can help you to know him. Believe that there are men who know and follow Jesus and who will treat you as His daughter – as EVERY WOMAN should be treated.

      • Elisabeth Immler said:

        Thank you, David, this is wonderful advice. I have been praying to Jesus for a long time now to lead me to the right man who has these values, and I believe that he will do this when the time is right. God bless you!
        Elisabeth

    • Mourade Edouard said:

      Lisa Browning. I had a similar experience so I feel you.. I spent 3 years in a relationship with a man (most of which was long distance, because I decided to move back to my home state & be with my family) ~ now after all that time we are nothing more than strangers (but that IS something I am learning to accept)… now I don’t know the details of your relationship, but mine were; I met his mother, brothers, and friends- not his father or sisters. It had seemed while we were together that he was very proud to show me off and wanted to do so whenever the opportunity presented. But as time went on the distance between us grew beyond the physical. Long story short… he eventually left me for another woman/cheated, we have a daughter together and nine months after our child was born he and his girlfriend got pregnant (he really tried to convince me he was drunk and didn’t know how she got pregnant- all the while boasting about his love for her on his Facebook like I wouldn’t see- but that is how guys are when they know they can get away with it!). Because we live in separate states and are not in his face he feels free to pretend my daughter and I do not exist. I am sharing this painful experience with you so you know there are worse situations out there and despite what things should be/that modern day “Cinderella Story”.. things are what they are in TODAY’S reality (and) it is within our power to allow or rebuke it’s power over our mind, heart and soul! Now what I want you to take from this is to empower yourself. It is not about having the money to build your self worth, self esteem, and most important intelligence because like I said men will act according to what they feel they can get away with WHY LET THEM??. Recently I have cut him off- no more late night calls of “hey baby what are you wearing” b/s just to get rushed off the phone when it’s time for her to get home (p.s. our daughter is two years old now so yeah it took me that long to catch on to his game because we as women are pretty hard headed- that’s the man we want and we’ll ride it out through good and bad whether he’s worth it or not) I had to force myself to realize I am WORTH IT and that’s the main secret right there. I’m focussing on ME! And funny enough I’m continually rejecting his calls & I don’t care. For a time I was so happy dating myself. I really do like who I am. I’m fun, funny, passionate and so much more. There is a guy who I decided to let it not too long ago and am trying my best to take it slow- which is why I’m reading everything I can to retrain myself to not make the same mistakes with men as I had in the past because I allowed too much disrespect in my tone, body language and so on.. Hopefully you get to read this sis and walk away with something from it.. wishing you the best honey.

  13. Nk said:

    Yeah! James! I’m also in Nigeria

  14. Vivian said:

    I haven’t learned how to have fun yet. So how do I begin? Is anything ok?

  15. Sandi said:

    Wow great email. I think what makes the answering to the question is when you smile and express with joy and you’re being so upbeat is what attracts a guy.

  16. Thanks, James
    I have asked some of these questions. I have been asked what I did for fun.
    I really like your advise on this and how you approached the questions. I will try it on the next date. You really made it easier to find out what to say and how you say it.
    Joyce

  17. tamal said:

    I like the comments here. Theres a lot of people advising and they have some good things to say that can help with communicating. But if a person is running after and trying to use all kind of communication with a man who is very attractive because he makes people feel like the sun is touching them on a dark cold day. so many people chase after him, many women want him for their own. but inside him is cold and soon that cold will be felt and cause ruin. Run from this kind of person.

  18. wilimina said:

    I really had no answer for the same question asked by many…. hope to get your materials here in Kenya

  19. BELLA said:

    thanks James for the advice. Mine is a different situation, my estranged boyfriend came back and doesn’t say anything, whether he want to continue with the relationship or not. When I ask him he says he has never left me. I’m not sure if I should give him another chance or what/

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Bella. Imagine two men were standing in front of you, both asking for a chance to be in a romantic relationship with you.

      One of them was the guy you mentioned here, coming back to you and acting as if he never left. The other guy is your mind’s best approximation of “the competition” meaning other men you could be dating if you let this guy go.

      Who would you choose to give a chance to next?

      Giving a chance to a guy who has not been so great in the past has an “opportunity cost.” It removes the opportunity to get to know someone new. So if this guy coming back to you does not seem like a better option than just an average person, the opportunity cost may be too high.

      But if you feel like you have something special with this guy, something worth fighting for, then now is the time to find out if that’s really true. Otherwise you may not get another chance. That’s the “opportunity cost” of the other decision.

  20. kedibone said:

    Thank u james I am in south africa, I tried to order but all in vain,how do I get your material

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