Go One Step Deeper than Good Communication

Go One Step Deeper than Good CommunicationIf you spend even a little time reading up on what makes a relationship work, you’ll come across a lot of advice on improving communication. Happy couples have good communication, right?

Well, yes. But are they happy because they have good communication, or do they have good communication because they’re happy?

A recent study from the University of Georgia[i] confirms that good communication and romantic success DO go hand in hand. But good communication seems to be a side effect of relationship success, not the reason for it.

Think of it like this.

If you’re fit and healthy, you likely exercise and eat right. While being in shape makes it easier to choose to hit the gym, you don’t work out because you’re already in shape. Rather, being in shape is one of the results of regular exercise and a smart diet.

Good communication happens when there’s already a special foundation built on something deeper than just conversation. To go beyond mere communication, you need a unique and powerful kind of intimacy.

Psychologist Douglas LaBier calls this level of romantic intimacy “Radical Transparency.”[ii] Radical transparency happens when two people are able to really be themselves around each other, totally open and honest at all times.

If you want to take your relationship to that level, you’ll need to do two things.

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How to Get a Guy to Like You FAST

How to Get a Guy to Like You FASTHow do you make a lasting impression when you only get 60 seconds?

That’s all the time it takes for people to start judging you. It’s an insanely short window.

Take Jessica as an example. She’s single and interested in meeting someone new. So she goes out, mingles, and tries to stay socially plugged in.

Recently, she was at a happy hour with some friends. They got into a conversation with some guys at the next table. They talked for a bit, and then the men moved on.

When you’re single, opportunities to meet someone can pop up and vanish just that quickly. You get a few minutes of conversation at most. That’s it.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a typical social environment, like a bar, or somewhere else, like the gym, the breakroom at work, or even the grocery store. If you meet a guy you’d like to get to know better, you get one shot at a first impression.

How do you make it count?

There are several psychological hacks[i] you can use to make the most of those moments. These aren’t tricks or traps. I would never suggest that you deceive a guy you’re interested in.

Instead, these are ways to fast-track showing him the kind of person you are. And at the same time, you’ll get to find out what kind of person he is.

If you want to make the most of an opportunity for romance, the following three hacks will help nail that first impression.

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Five useful questions to ask a man you like!

good questions to ask your date
1. “Hey, have you seen that new show that came out about such and such?”

It doesn’t matter if you have any interest in the latest show you saw advertised. The question is just a natural-sounding opening to a discussion of the TV shows he does currently watch and enjoy.

When he says he didn’t see the new show, you follow up with, “I might check it out. I’m looking for recommendations on a good show to add to the list I record.”

Naturally, that statement pulls for a recommendation from him. And that will be valuable information.

Because you may discover a point of common interest, which makes it easy to start conversations in the future. Or, if you’ve never seen the show he recommends, you can start watching the show he enjoys. “Hey, you got me hooked on that show. Did you catch that last episode?”

There’s a formula at work here. You can use it for lots of different things.

Basically, the formula is this: Ask about something very specific. Then use the ensuing conversation as a segue to learn something about his life. You get inside information about what he likes without seeming like a creepy stalker.

An alternative example would be, “Hey, have you ever read (fill in the blank)?” Followed by, “No, I haven’t either; I was just wondering if it was any good. Have you been reading any good books lately that you would recommend?”

There’s nothing quite like having something in common to spark easy conversations that are genuinely interesting to both parties. That feeling of having something in common naturally leads to further development of a relationship.

2. “What brings back a positive feeling of nostalgia for you?

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How to Talk about the Future with Guys

talking about the future with guysOne of the scariest things in a relationship is “the talk” about where things are going.

It’s my opinion that the best time to have this kind of discussion is before a serious relationship develops.

Here’s how you do it.

  • Find excuses to bring up a conversation about things you hope to experience in your life.
  • Encourage him to talk about fun and enjoyable things he wants to experience in his future. Get him talking about his dreams (both work and play).
  • Ask him one or two simple questions about the kind of relationship circumstances that would be ideal for him to be able to live life to the fullest.
  • Keeping the same “wouldn’t it be cool if…” tone of conversation, bring up a few of the standards for any relationship that would make you happy. Phrase it that way to avoid introducing negativity into the conversation.
  • End this conversation by turning to him and saying, “you’re interesting to talk to. I want to keep this open kind of dialogue between the two of us. Whatever happens between the two of us, I want to be supportive of you. Let’s openly discuss what we hope for and what we need.”

After you say this, he will realize he’s just had a miniature version of “the talk” with you. He’ll be amazed at how relaxed he felt, which is an uncommon experience for most men when discussing relationship issues.

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