Use Moments of Awkward Silence for a Surprising Advantage with Men

how to deal with awkward silenceWhat feels like an awkward silence to you might not feel that way to a guy.

Let me show you why.

Let’s look at a sample conversation where two people are trying to make a connection.

MAN: I don’t think I’ve ever seen a neon pink-orange drink before.

WOMAN: I know, right? It’s like radioactive Kool-Aid. But it tastes amazing!

MAN: (laughs) It is like radioactive Kool-Aid. I feel like the Kool-Aid Man is gonna burst through the wall any second.

WOMAN: (laughs) Right? Me, too.

Both laugh. Pause.

WOMAN: I’m Julie.

MAN: Oh, right. Ken.

WOMAN: Nice to meet you.

Pause.

WOMAN: And what are you drinking?

MAN: Water, unfortunately. My friends picked me as the designated driver.

WOMAN: Good for you. Better for them, but good for you.

Man laughs. Pause.

WOMAN: So what do you like to do when you’re not asking women about their drinks?

Pause.

WOMAN: You know, for fun. Or work. Or, just, whatever.

Pause.

WOMAN: Like, for example, I’m failing horribly at learning to play the guitar. How do people do it? They make it look easy, but let me tell you it is not…

This isn’t an awful conversation. There’s some banter. Maybe some chemistry.

Ken has no problem getting Julie talking. And she always seems quick with a reply.

But Julie does have some trouble there at the end.

Those pauses! Were they bothering you? Because they’re clearly killing Julie.

Whenever there’s dead air, she has to jump in. By the end, it seems like she’s taken it upon herself to keep the conversation going.

That’s a good thing, right? Not necessarily.

If you follow my blog, you already know you want to get the other person talking. This is true even if there are lulls in the conversation.

I’m going to explain why those lulls can actually be a good thing. But first, let’s understand why they happen.

There are the obvious reasons, of course. People don’t know what to say. They get intimidated. They get stuck in their head.

But science says there’s another reason for lulls when men and women talk: On average, women’s brains work faster than men’s.

It has to do with how our brains are set up. Which parts we use in conversation.

It’s not important to know the exact details. But you should know that these differences mean men can be slower to respond in conversations.

So those seemingly interminable pauses? It might just take his brain longer to think of a response.

Which brings me to why lulls can be good.

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How Excuses Reveal Hidden Relationship Problems

relationship excusesExcuses rarely make anyone feel better.

I’m sure you’ve experienced the frustration of hearing an excuse when you try to point out a problem to your boyfriend.

Sure, there are times when it’s perfectly valid to offer an excuse. I mean, come on…sometimes the traffic really was horrible. Or you legitimately didn’t have time to call.

But most of the time we make excuses to protect our egos. Rather than admitting we made a mistake, we justify poor choices.

That strategy just doesn’t work well in relationships. Because a pattern of excuses will drive a wedge between you and your partner faster than the Kardashians can spin family drama into a new reality show.

Relationship excuses erode trust.

Just like you, your guy can tell when he’s not getting the full story.

So, before you give your guy an excuse, ask yourself the following two questions.

  1. DO I SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD?
  2. IS THERE ANYTHING UNDERNEATH THIS EXCUSE?

Let me show you why these two questions will send your relationship in the right direction.

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How to Get a Guy to Like You FAST

How to Get a Guy to Like You FASTHow do you make a lasting impression when you only get 60 seconds?

That’s all the time it takes for people to start judging you. It’s an insanely short window.

Take Jessica as an example. She’s single and interested in meeting someone new. So she goes out, mingles, and tries to stay socially plugged in.

Recently, she was at a happy hour with some friends. They got into a conversation with some guys at the next table. They talked for a bit, and then the men moved on.

When you’re single, opportunities to meet someone can pop up and vanish just that quickly. You get a few minutes of conversation at most. That’s it.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a typical social environment, like a bar, or somewhere else, like the gym, the breakroom at work, or even the grocery store. If you meet a guy you’d like to get to know better, you get one shot at a first impression.

How do you make it count?

There are several psychological hacks[i] you can use to make the most of those moments. These aren’t tricks or traps. I would never suggest that you deceive a guy you’re interested in.

Instead, these are ways to fast-track showing him the kind of person you are. And at the same time, you’ll get to find out what kind of person he is.

If you want to make the most of an opportunity for romance, the following three hacks will help nail that first impression.

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This Rage Reset Button Saves Good Relationships

How To Deal With Anger In RelationshipsWhen was the last time you were upset? I mean REALLY upset.

Like Stacy. “It was like there was liquid anger in my veins,” she said. “I was so mad.”

Her boyfriend canceled their anniversary dinner because he thought the timing was “inconvenient” for his work schedule. She can remember what it felt like to this day.

Thankfully, she wasn’t able to confront her guy about it right away. It was a weekday and both were at work. She had to wait hours before she had a chance to talk to him.

During that time, she calmed down.  That allowed her to think clearly about the best approach for the long-term health of the relationship.

Was she still upset? You betcha. But the intensity of her emotions leveled out. Instead of speaking from raw emotion, she was able to effectively communicate why his decision hurt her. And he seemed remorseful instead of defensive.

If she’d talked to him while she was still in the throes of intense emotion, their conversation wouldn’t have been nearly as productive.

Now, back to the last time YOU were upset. How long did it take for the feelings of frustration to fade a bit? Were you livid for only a few minutes, or were you ready to start World War III?

However long it takes you to cool off, going toe-to-toe with your guy (or anyone else) while you’re fuming is never a good idea.

There’s definitely a time and place for strong emotions. It’s appropriate to tell him you’re upset and why. But you want that conversation to move you forward as a couple, not just start a fight.

So when he does something upsetting, it is imperative that you tame those wild emotions BEFORE you try to talk to him.

Luckily, you have what author Karl Albrecht calls a “magic reset button” that can put you in a calmer frame of mind immediately.[i]

But before you can use your magic reset button you have to “install” it. Here’s how.

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