Boost Your Social Confidence

How To Boost Your Social ConfidenceDo you compare yourself to other women?

I know, dumb question.

It’s hard not to. In fact, it’s perfectly natural.

But here’s the problem. As a relationship consultant, I often see the negative impact it has on a woman’s social confidence.

And that’s because we tend to compare ourselves with the few people who seem to have it all together. She’s got a killer job, a beautiful face, perfect hair, money for all the right accessories, and the guys she dates . . .

She makes it look easy. And in the process, she makes you feel less confident.

She may be a friend. She could be an enemy. She might even be a frenemy. Whatever category she falls into, you seethe with jealousy. Why does she get all of that while you feel like you have to work really hard for a fraction of the success?

Here’s something to consider. Maybe she isn’t as happy and confident as she seems.

Her dating success is maddening. Why does it seem so effortless for her when you’re working your tail off?!

How can you be expected to tolerate her easy success? In a word, gracefully. And here’s how you pull that off.

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How Do You Make a Man Like You?

How Do You Make a Man Like You?I love it when I get asked:

“How do you make someone like you?”

It’s a fantastic question. Because we all want to be liked.

We want to make friends, or win fans, or excel at networking. We want the social approval that smooths the way to success.

But where the question gets really interesting is with respect to romance.

To a certain extent, the same skills that help you win friends also help you attract the opposite sex. Being friendly, approachable, and interested in other people always helps.

Mindset matters, too. If you believe you have to “make” people like you, you end up performing like a trick horse to win their attention. But if you genuinely believe that everyone loves you already—they just don’t know you yet—your confidence wins hearts.

But romance is different from winning friends in one important respect:

Being liked isn’t enough.

You want him to be interested in you as a potential girlfriend. And that means he’s got to look at you differently than his other female friends. There’s got to be a spark of intrigue, chemistry, and a deeper sort of fascination.

How in the world do you whip up that potent cocktail?

Do you make sure you’re always looking as sexy as you possibly can—without being too obvious? Do you flirt so subtly he’s never quite sure if you mean it?

Do you alternate friendliness with coolness, so you keep him off guard?

Here are three lesser-known tactics that work just as well.

  1. Open up to ANY relationship, not just one with him.

One of the biggest blocks to attraction is being emotionally or energetically closed off.

Envision a woman who’s in love with her co-worker. He sits just a few cubicles down from her, but she’s too afraid to make eye contact or stop and chat with him. She wants him to like her, but she’s afraid of making a move in case he rejects her.

There’s an easy way to reduce the risk of rejection, and that’s by opening yourself up emotionally to any new relationship, whether it’s romantic or not.

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How to Keep Stress from Killing Your Relationship

How to Keep Stress from Killing Your RelationshipHow’s your stress level? Are there days when you feel overloaded? Days when, as much as you care about him, stress affects how you treat your guy?

Anna would understand. She’s a busy woman. She works fulltime, juggles an active social life, her boyfriend, and time in the gym, all while dealing with a 30-minute commute to and from work.

A few days ago, she was trudging home from a long day at work when she got pulled over. Speeding. There goes the shopping spree she was considering.

Then her boss called. Major problems with a big client. Yay.

Then she stopped off at the store for groceries. Distracted as she was, she forgot several things and had to go back in. And when she got home, she chipped one of her newly manicured nails while bringing in the food.

She was ready to scream.

That was when she ran into her boyfriend. He was delighted to see her, excited about dinner and a relaxing night. But it didn’t end up being the pleasant evening she’d been looking forward to.

Anna was past her breaking point, and her boyfriend paid the price. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but she was snippy and irritable. They ended up fighting when what she really wanted (and needed) was his support.

Maybe you’ve been there, too.

Stress is just a part of life. You can’t avoid it completely, especially if you have a packed schedule like Anna. Left unchecked, stress will have a negative effect on your relationship. Tense people tend to take out their stress on their partners.[1]

Since you can’t stop stress, how do you keep it from having a negative effect on your relationship?

The most important thing is to be aware of it. Recognize you’re stressed when you’re stressed. That’s essential.

Once you have that self-awareness down, there are a handful of practical things[2] you can do to ensure that your bad day doesn’t lead to a frustrating setback with your man.

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Why You Should Play the Long Game

How To Find a Long Term RelationshipWhy You Should Play the Long Game

Jennifer was sick and tired of being overlooked by men … and she wasn’t shy about letting me know it.

“I could follow all the dating advice out there to the letter,” she complained, “and it wouldn’t do me as much good as liposuction. All I need to do is look hot. Then everything will fall into place.”

Was Jennifer right?

At a cursory glance, what she says has merit. Focus on your looks, and male attention flows. Each admiring glance feels like money in the bank.

But I like to think of the long game. And I was hoping to convince Jennifer of that, too.

There are two ways to play the dating game:

You can play the short game, or you can play the long game.

The short game is all about instant gratification. It’s about getting more male attention, the phone number requests, the hits on your online dating profile. You know you’re winning because you’re flooded with so much attention.

But the short game is hard to win. There’s a lot of competition. There are women with glossier hair, who take better selfies, or are more shameless about self-promoting.

I see so many women disheartened because they’re losing the short game. They’re not walking into venues and seeing heads swivel. They’re not getting five date requests a week.

But there’s a better game in town.

A game with higher odds of winning.

The long game is all about a lifetime of love. It’s not concerned about what happens today. It’s concerned about progress: that slow, gradual movement towards a dream. It aims for strong marriages and lifetime commitment.

What you look like isn’t so important in the long game. In fact, so-called “beautiful people” are at a disadvantage.  A 2017 Harvard study found that attractive couples are more likely to divorce, and their relationships don’t last as long.[1]

What keeps marriages together is this: Continue reading