The Simple Mind Hack that Can Change the Way You Date

The Simple Mind Hack that Can Change the Way You DateHow do you feel about dating?

Depending on when you’re asked that question, your answer might change dramatically. That’s because dating is a mix of wildly different experiences.

Sometimes it’s fun, like a first kiss. Sometimes it’s intense, like the first real fight. Sometimes it’s lighthearted and carefree. And sometimes it’s nerve racking and exhausting.

Dating is all of those things and more because dating is an EMOTIONAL experience.

Which is good! One of the things that makes romance so fulfilling is the impact it has on our emotions. But there’s a downside.

When emotions run high, it’s much harder to make smart choices. Just think about the last time you were really angry. Were you at the top of your game, 100% rational?

Nope, probably not. That’s okay. Me, neither.

Any emotion, from anger to exhilaration, can muddy the waters. When that happens, a lot of people, both men and women, find themselves making poor decisions.

But there’s a way to surf the emotional wave AND make good choices. It’s a simple mind hack that’s been proven to have several positive effects on decision making.[i]

All you have to do is create what’s known as “psychological distance.” Psychological distance means creating distance from yourself within your mind.

There are a couple of easy ways to do that. You can imagine yourself as a completely different person. For example, instead of an American professional woman, you could imagine that you’re a sheep herder in another part of the world.

Another way is to imagine yourself far off in the future. Like, decades from now.

Either technique will give you some mental breathing room and allow you to see your present life and relationship very differently. As a result, you’ll have a clearer picture of your options.

Below are three times you can use this simple-yet-powerful strategy.

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How to Be More Attractive to Every Guy You Meet

How to Be More Attractive to Every Guy You MeetDo you want to be more attractive?

Silly question, I know. That’s like asking if you want a million dollars. Or if you want frizz-free hair, no matter the weather.

Yes, yes, and HOLY COW, YES.

Well, you’re in luck. I can tell you how to instantly be more attractive right now.

Be selfless.

Research confirms that folks who are altruistic generally have more success in the dating arena. (Selfless people even have more sex, according to the study.)[i] Researchers concluded this is because selflessness makes you more attractive.

But there’s a problem. “Be selfless” is lame advice.

It’s lame because it sounds like something your kindergarten teacher would say when you reach past the kid in front of you for a juice box. Plus, it’s just way too vague to mean anything.

Seriously, what does it look like to “be selfless”? How do you pull that off?

I’m glad you asked. It just so happens that I have four suggestions.[ii] These are little things you can weave into your everyday routine with minimal effort.

Start practicing these selfless behaviors today to instantly become more attractive to every guy you meet.

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How to Stop Falling for Your Own Tricks

How to Stop Falling for Your Own TricksHave you ever wondered why stores use prices like $99.99? Why not just sell the same pair of shoes for an even $100?

Ah, but you already know the answer. It’s a simple psychological trick. If the shoes cost less than $100, even by just a penny, they fall into a lower price bracket in your mind.

But there’s something really bizarre about this trick.

Almost everyone can explain why stores price things the way they do. So why do businesses keep using this trick if everyone knows about it?!

Because it still works.

As business consultant Ash Ambirge explains, “…it’s not because they’re trying to fool you. It’s because we need to fool ourselves.”[i]

And sadly, that makes sense, too. It makes sense because we trick ourselves into making poor decisions all the time.

Here’s how it works. Most of the time, we know what we really want to do. So instead of seriously analyzing the pros and cons, we trick ourselves.

We focus on half-truths. We call our unrealistic expectations “optimism.” We intentionally ignore warning signs, claiming we’re just being spontaneous.

And this doesn’t just happen when you’re shopping. It happens when you make profound relationship decisions, too.

That’s why your brilliant, strong friend ended up dating that complete jerk who took advantage of her awesomeness for months before she dumped him. She tricked herself into making that bad decision.

Because she wanted to.

If you don’t want to make the same kinds of mistakes in your own relationships, you have to learn how to stop falling for your own tricks.

Use the simple checklist below to become untrickable…even to yourself.

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Tough Relationship Decision? Use These 4 Steps to Resolve It

tough relationship decisionsSometimes even the smallest decisions can fill us with doubt.

When it’s a big relationship decision we feel anxious, insecure, and sometimes miserable. This article is designed to reduce that emotional strain.

I will propose four simple steps to reduce the stress of decisions while increasing the odds that you make the right decision.

Step one for resolving tough relationship decisions:

Accept the fact that you cannot see the future and therefore cannot make perfect decisions. Accept the fact that you could make the “wrong” decision, and do your best to come to terms with that fact.

Much of the emotional strain that comes during decision-making is really internal resistance. We don’t like the feeling of being out of control. Unfortunately, the future out of your control. The moment you accept that, your resistance fades, and your emotional tension fades along with it.

No one can perceive, let alone control, all the variables that will determine how things turn out in the future. As a result, you are left with the job of focusing in on the variables that matter the most to you. You are not left with the job of controlling how things actually turn out down the road.

Step two for resolving tough relationship decisions:

Take full ownership of the decision. Don’t wait for others to give an approval. Don’t wait for a consensus from the people you consult with about the decision. For complex decisions, a consensus may never come about.

I believe there is a lot of value in the idea of modeling your behavior after people who have already achieved the kind of success you want in a specific area of life.

For example, if you want to get rich, you can speed up your learning by talking to people who have become rich. Learn the path they took to achieve the goal you aspire to. If you want to run an entire marathon, it helps to ask people who have succeeded what methods they used to achieve that goal.

Modeling your behavior after others is much faster than trial and error. However, when it comes to relationship decisions, you must take ownership.

I say that because you will almost certainly get contradictory advice from people who care about you.

This will add to your worry and emotional strain. That is, unless you treat their advice as nothing more than data. Data to be thrown into a pool of evidence you carefully consider while holding full responsibility for the decision you ultimately make.

When I say, “hold full responsibility” I do not mean you beat yourself up or blame yourself when things go wrong. In fact, I mean exactly the opposite. You hold yourself responsible for making the decision, not the outcome of your decision.

Remember, no one can control outcomes. We can only control the decision-making process itself. Realizing this can relieve a lot of stress. When your stress goes down, your creative intuition is easier to access.

Step three for resolving tough relationship decisions:

Get clear about what you do and do not know. Make a list if you have to. When trying to make decisions, your stress will go down if you focus on what you know, rather than focusing on the things you wish you knew.

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