How to Be More Likeable… by Admitting to Embarrassing Truths

How to Be More LikeableTwo people are on a first date. They barely know one another. They’re just feeling each other out.

Let’s listen in:

MAN: Yeah, I guess I like to keep active. My buddies do this flag football thing every weekend.

WOMAN: That means no tackling, right?

MAN: (laughs) Yeah, that’s exactly right. How about you? What kind of stuff do you do?

WOMAN: (shrugs) You know, I try to get to the gym. Try being the key term in that sentence.

MAN: I hear you.

WOMAN: I do yoga. There’s a mountain trail I run on when I can.

MAN: I love mountain trails. I ride my bike around Fryman Canyon every weekend if I can. Do you ride?

WOMAN: (pause) Not much. Did you see that new DiCaprio movie?

Why did she pause? Why did she change the subject?

Because she doesn’t know how to ride a bike. But she didn’t want to tell him.

She felt embarrassed. She was worried he’d think less of her.

We do things like this all the time. We feel awkward or embarrassed, so we skirt the question.

And we think we’re protecting ourselves. We think we’re making it more likely that others will like us.

But according to research studies, the opposite is true.

When people sense that you are withholding information or avoiding a question, they like you less. Which is probably pretty obvious. If you think someone isn’t being upfront with you, it’s hard to trust them

But the studies reveal even more…

People who did disclose sensitive information were liked more than those who did not disclose something. Even if the information was negative or unflattering!

In the study, this was even true for some pretty bad disclosures.

For example, participants answered a question about whether or not they had ever lied to a partner about having an STD.

Some refused to answer. Others admitted to lying.

People were significantly more willing to date participants who admitted to lying to previous partners. Crazy, right?

Here’s how to use this information to build your irresistible qualities…

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Discover What Jealousy Can Teach You

learning from jealousyImagine:

The world has blown up. There are only two people left on Earth:

You … and Mr. Dreamy.

There’s no one else left. No rivals. No one thinner, prettier, or sexier. No one who’ll steal him from you.

Do you fall in love and live happily ever after?

It’s tempting to think that’s what it would take.

To get the attention of a Mr. Dreamy, you’d have to rid the world of other women. Other women are the problem. They’re the reason men look the other way.

Sounds a bit extreme!

But have you ever had thoughts like:

If only she wasn’t here, he’d pay attention to me.
She stole him from me, even though she knew I was interested in him.
I can’t compete with her. I’m no swimsuit model.

Jealousy makes a lot of sense when you operate from a “scarcity” mindset.

Scarcity is the idea that the dating pool is limited and there aren’t enough guys to go around. You have to fight to get in front, and then you have to fight to keep your man.

You’ll find a lot of support for that belief. It’s a popular one.

But if you stretch that belief to its logical conclusion—that the best way to snag a man is to get rid of the competition—you realize there’s a problem with scarcity thinking.

If the world blew up tomorrow, leaving only you and your ideal man, would you be happy?

Maybe you would. Maybe love is all you need. Maybe you don’t need other people.

But maybe Mr. Dreamy isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. You’d be left until the end of time with no one but a man for company. Might get boring. You might end up wishing for another woman to talk to.

To be happy, we need more than love. We need our social network around us.

Without friends, who would we vent about our other half to? You can love someone to the moon and back, but still need your friends for heart-to-hearts.

As long as there are other women in the world, there’s a chance your dream man might shift his attention away from you. And that’s a chance worth taking.

Instead of eliminating the competition, a better strategy is to look at what you do when you start feeling jealous.

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When You Don’t Feel Loved Enough in Your Relationship

don't feel loved enough in the relationshipMost of us spend our entire lives looking for love.

Our youth is consumed by it. No matter how much our parents loved us, it’s not the kind of love we crave. Nothing can substitute for romantic love. Dating feels like heaven, except when it feels like hell.

And yet…

It’s never enough.

You fall in love, it’s amazing, and then it just flatlines. He acts like he loves you, but you’re never quite sure if he really loves you. You don’t feel completely loved from top to toe. You keep yourself braced for the day you’re sure will come, when he decides he’s bored with you and it’s all over.

Why is it so hard to feel loved, even when you’re in a committed relationship?

Two things could be happening.

  1. You’re better at giving love than receiving it.

True story:

Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, made their living talking about what makes relationships last. They developed an influential theory about why we choose the partners we choose.  Then they designed a style of couples therapy based on that theory.

And they were on the verge of divorce.

Not only was it humbling for them, but it was humiliating. They were internationally renowned relationship experts! And they couldn’t make their own marriage last?

They decided to give it one more year. Putting all their professional expertise to bear on their relationship, they finally figured it out:

They didn’t feel loved.

A surprising conclusion, to say the least. They’d been together for decades. They were kind, thoughtful, and loving to one another.

But knowing they were loved wasn’t the same thing as feeling loved.
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You’re Two Minutes Away from Being Happier Right Now

how to be happyYou’ve probably noticed that happiness is a buzz word lately. There are all kinds of happiness studies going on. It’s suddenly the ‘it thing’ to talk about.

Which kind of makes sense. Who doesn’t want to be happier?

Here’s some of what we’ve figured out so far. Happiness isn’t getting everything you want all the time. It’s not even having all your needs met, or never feeling sad.

Instead, happiness has more to do with peace of mind. [i]

Which also makes sense. It’s not possible to be giddy every second of every day. (Besides, how annoying are the people who act like they are?)

Happiness can’t be THAT.

Peace of mind, on the other hand, is possible. Even on a rough day, peace of mind will keep you calm, anchored, and feeling secure.

Think about how epic that would be in your relationship. If you’re happy in your relationship, it means you are at peace in the relationship and you feel content.

You can have a fight…and relax afterward because you know it doesn’t mean he stopped loving you. You don’t have to get everything right all the time to keep him committed. It takes a ton of pressure off, and that makes it easier to actually connect.

And in just 120 seconds, you can be happier.

So, what is this two-minute trick that boosts happiness, and how can you use it to make your relationship better?

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