How to Deal With That ONE THING That’s Not Working In Your Relationship

How to Deal With That ONE THING That’s Not Working In Your RelationshipFill in the blank in the following sentence. Ready?

Everything about my current relationship is great…except _______________________.

What did you put in the blank?

It sucks when almost everything about a dating relationship works. It is because it feels like you are just so close to heaven on earth… If it wasn’t for that one annoying issue.

And yet, it’s extremely common. Often, even really solid couples have one or two core complaints about each other.

But as common as this is, most folks don’t know how to get over the hump. And, ironically, when everything else seems to fit, it makes that one thing that doesn’t fit really stick out.

Like a thorn in your side.

Recently, I came across some good advice for dealing with this kind of thing. In a constant quest to bring you the very best relationship tips, I read a lot – everything from psychological journals to the kinds of magazines you find in supermarkets.

This little tidbit was in an article in Glamour. It was specifically about sex, but the principle can be applied to anything that’s holding you back.

Check out this quote:

“According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, [getting past that one thing] all comes down to how willing you and your partner are to work on it. If you both are, there’s usually something that can be done. And if one of you isn’t, your relationship probably has bigger problems than sex.”[i]

That’s dead-on.

As long as you and your guy can communicate effectively, no single issue should undo your whole relationship.

So, the real question is when something’s holding your relationship back, how do the two of you work through it?

It’s not too tough as long as you have a good strategy, and the following pointers can help.

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Why He Can’t Make You Happy (That’s Your Job)

Why He Can’t Make You Happy (That’s Your Job)A friend has just gotten into a new relationship. What’s the one question you ask her to make sure she’s not tangled up with the wrong guy?

“Are you happy?”

Being happy. It’s the calling card of good relationships.

If you’re with someone who’s good for you, then you’re going to be happy … right?

Maybe.

There’s an expiry date on relationship-induced happiness. Researchers have found that the bliss of being married only lasts two years. After that, happiness returns to its pre-engagement levels.

The theory of hedonic adaptation suggests that we can get used to anything, good or bad. Even if something amazing happens to us, that brief spike in happiness is only temporary. After it wears off, we feel much like we always do.

Even though it seems as if getting into a great relationship or walking down the aisle would bring you impossible levels of happiness, don’t be surprised if you find the novelty wearing off after a while.

You can become accustomed to anything, including the life of your dreams.

Weird, right?

Why does this matter?

It matters because your happiness affects his happiness. He’ll find it tough to be happy in your relationship unless you’re happy, too.

A marital satisfaction survey published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that a man could be dissatisfied with his marriage but still happy overall, as long as his wife was happy.

If she’s not happy, though, his happiness plummets. Study co-author Deborah Carr suggests a new saying to summarize the findings: “Miserable wife, miserable life.”

Why does a man’s happiness depend so much on his partner’s?

Carr believes it’s because the quality of a relationship is dependent on the woman’s contributions. “If a marriage is good,” she explains, “it often is due to the stuff the wife is doing, the love and support that she’s giving.”[1]

The idea that women carry the relationship won’t be news to many of you. But it carries interesting implications for what happens next…when the happiness-boosting effect of a new relationship wears off.
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This Rage Reset Button Saves Good Relationships

This Rage Reset Button Saves Good Relationships When was the last time you were upset? I mean REALLY upset.

Like Stacy. “It was like there was liquid anger in my veins,” she said. “I was so mad.”

Her boyfriend canceled their anniversary dinner because he thought the timing was “inconvenient” for his work schedule. She can remember what it felt like to this day.

Thankfully, she wasn’t able to confront her guy about it right away. It was a weekday and both were at work. She had to wait hours before she had a chance to talk to him.

During that time, she calmed down.  That allowed her to think clearly about the best approach for the long-term health of the relationship.

Was she still upset? You betcha. But the intensity of her emotions leveled out. Instead of speaking from raw emotion, she was able to effectively communicate why his decision hurt her. And he seemed remorseful instead of defensive.

If she’d talked to him while she was still in the throes of intense emotion, their conversation wouldn’t have been nearly as productive.

Now, back to the last time YOU were upset. How long did it take for the feelings of frustration to fade a bit? Were you livid for only a few minutes, or were you ready to start World War III?

However long it takes you to cool off, going toe-to-toe with your guy (or anyone else) while you’re fuming is never a good idea.

There’s definitely a time and place for strong emotions. It’s appropriate to tell him you’re upset and why. But you want that conversation to move you forward as a couple, not just start a fight.

So when he does something upsetting, it is imperative that you tame those wild emotions BEFORE you try to talk to him.

Luckily, you have what author Karl Albrecht calls a “magic reset button” that can put you in a calmer frame of mind immediately.[i]

But before you can use your magic reset button you have to “install” it. Here’s how.

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Eating Healthy When You’re Dating a Fast Food Junkie

Eating Healthy When You’re Dating a Fast Food JunkieHave you ever tried to stick to a healthy diet while the guy you’re dating is sucking down cheese burgers and pizza? It’s not an easy thing to pull off.

I was talking to a friend about this recently. She’s on a health kick, hitting the gym several times a week and trying to make smart choices at meal times. But her boyfriend keeps ordering fried mozzarella before every meal and finishing off with lavish desserts!

More than once, she’s slipped. Just the other night she had salmon and steam veggies…followed by a nice, big slice of cheese cake and a sugary coffee drink.

Not that there’s anything wrong with splurging every now and then. There’s not! But if you’re trying to be militant and he’s all about cheese and grease, that’s not going to help with your fitness goals.

Plus, it can put a strain on your relationship.

And if you’ve ever tried to change the eating habits of a guy, you already know that approach typically doesn’t work. As the saying goes, the way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach. Taking away the food he loves isn’t going to make him crazy about you!

So how do you balance your own personal goals with his, especially if the two of you are shooting for different things?

After all, couples eat together all the time. It’s not like you can avoid the issue.

But it is possible to spend time with him without ditching your diet. You just have to have a strategy. I have three suggestions.[i]

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