Why Chasing Commitment Backfires (And What Works BETTER)

Why Chasing Commitment Backfires (And What Works BETTER)Which would you rather have:

A passionate and intense relationship that lasted 4 years before imploding?

Or a 30-year marriage that was good enough sometimes and not great most of the time?

Hold onto that answer and see if it changes over the next few minutes.

Marriage is the Holy Grail of commitment.

When you love someone, you want it to be forever.

Which is why, the instant you fall in love, your thoughts immediately turn to how you can make it last.

Being with him now isn’t good enough. You need to know that you’ll be together next week, next year, and however long it takes to truly build a life together.

Without that knowledge, it’s difficult to relax into the relationship. You don’t know what will happen. You don’t want to waste time and energy in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere.

(If this resonates, you should check out Commitment with 4 Questions. It’s in my online library of special niche reports.)

We ALL want a secure future. We feel better when we have some control over what is going to happen. That’s why people put money into retirement plans or take jobs they don’t like for the financial security.

But when it comes to love, seeking security too soon can backfire.

You already know that pushing for commitment can kill a relationship before it has fully bloomed. But you may not know what to do instead.

Before I explain what you should be doing instead, let me tell you a story.

It’s a story that reveals something important about human desire. Something that could even help you get your man to commit.

Continue reading

Give off the Right Vibe When Meeting Guys

Give off the Right Vibe When Meeting GuysHave you ever tried to make an impression by pretending to be something you’re not?

That’s not really a fair question, is it? I mean, everyone has done that at some point. Guy or girl, everyone one of us has tried to get the attention of someone we’re attracted to by presenting them with a very specific picture of who we are.

And most of us have made the mistake of taking it too far.

You know what happens then. Either you pull it off and he thinks you’re a huge sports fan, for example—and then you have to lean into that white lie for weeks or even months. Or you say something that gives you away, and he sees through the act.

Pretending to be someone you’re not is uncomfortable, exhausting, and possibly embarrassing.

The tough thing about this issue is that there’s a very fine line. It’s totally okay to pitch yourself a certain way to guys—as long as your pitch is fundamentally true. If it lines up with who you really are, then it’s not really a pitch at all.

For example, Dove’s “Real Beauty” campaign works because it’s good marketing and it aligns with the company’s mission statement. If they ran ads saying every woman is beautiful just the way they are, but only used pictures of heavily airbrushed models, it would never work.

At the end of the day, Dove is just soap. But they’ve found an authentic way to describe who they are beyond their product . . . and their ads don’t just get the job done. They’re inspiring.

You can do the same thing when you meet a guy. You can present the best possible version of yourself and be 100% authentic at the same time.

Would you like to know how?

Continue reading

First-Date Nerves? Channel Them for A Big Advantage

First-Date Nerves? Channel Them for A Big Advantage“Does he like me?”

Can you remember the first time you asked yourself that question?

You were just a girl the first time you cared about what a boy thought of you. The answer to that question mattered profoundly. If he liked you, your heart leapt with joy. If you weren’t sure, you schemed up ways to bring yourself to his attention.

Now you’re an adult. But that question hasn’t lost any of its power.

You still wonder whether a certain man likes you.

You wonder how you could bring yourself to his attention.

You wonder if he’ll ever think of you in that way.

Now researchers know that the way you think about questions like that can actually determine how successful you are at dating.

Putting yourself out there for rejection is stressful. It’s also the only way you’re ever going to meet someone.

The more comfortable you get with putting yourself out there, the more you do it. And the more you do it, the more men you meet, increasing your chances of finding someone special.

You’re never going to eliminate the stress of wondering whether a man likes you or not.

But what you CAN do is learn a different way to deal with that stress, turning it from something draining into something energizing.

We have two ways to deal with stress:

The threat response or the challenge response.

The threat response is what you might know as “fight or flight.” Your heart beats faster. Your blood pressure increases. You feel anxious. Your mind freezes. You start seeing danger everywhere.

Imagine walking on stage in front of a thousand people. They’ve all paid to come see you speak. There’s a huge video camera trained on you. You’ve got to hold everyone’s attention for the next hour, with no notes.

Continue reading

A Decision Flowchart: Three Options When Your Man Is Pulling Away

A Decision Flowchart: Three Options When Your Man Is Pulling AwayShould you pursue a man when he seems to be pulling away?

Sometimes it’s hard to know.

So I’ve created a decision flowchart to help you decide.

When you really like a guy, giving up just feels wrong. Especially if both of you have invested a lot in the relationship. Especially if you both felt a spark of something special. Something uncommon. Something valuable that will be hard to ever find again with someone new.

And yet, there are times when it’s pointless to keep banging your head against a wall. Especially when the person sitting on the other side of that wall stops returning your phone calls!

This is a dilemma with important implications for your life. Much of your future will depend on what you do next. So it makes sense to take a step back and consider all your options.

The main options I want you to consider are these:

  1. The reason he’s pulling away… Is it known or unknown?
  2. Control. Do you have any influence over the factors causing him to pull away?
  3. Timeline. Are we dealing with temporary stuff or permanent features of the relationship?

Each of these factors have multiple spin-off considerations. So it gets complex. And all that complexity can leave you feeling stuck because of uncertainty. But with a step-by-step decision matrix, you can reach some decisions about the best step to take next.

Click the “continue reading” button to see a flowchart that can help you choose what to do next.

Continue reading