How to Create That Special Resonance with Complete Strangers

Woman and Man MeetingWhere do you get your energy from?

What makes you feel alive?

Do you agree that energy is important? Do you agree that people who routinely find ways to tap into energy reserves seem more vibrant and alive?

If so, you may also agree that romance can only be born when two people are energized when they meet.

In a long-term relationship, the quality of energy you bring to the relationship will determine the quality of the long-term benefit each partner receives.

What kind of person energizes you?

If you pursue romantic interactions with those who bring out your best qualities, guess what will happen. That’s right, you will find yourself in the company of people who bring out the best in you, and as a result you will tap into your higher qualities (your best identity) more often.

Feeling A Special Connection

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what it is about a person that makes you feel alive. With some people, you just feel a special kind of connection, and I believe it is the connection itself that ignites the energy you feel.

We resonate with some people more deeply than we resonate with others. I use this term, “resonate” to mean that feeling of being in sync, like the world suddenly becomes a less lonely place the second you enter their presence.

Sometimes you can feel it almost instantly. A friend of mine told me of an experience involving a woman he met on an elevator. He stepped onto the elevator, felt a warm connection with a woman he had never met before, and exited the elevator sixty seconds later knowing he could really enjoy spending time with her.

The two of them talked briefly on the elevator, and he could tell she was attracted to him. The feeling was mutual. They both lingered for a few seconds after exiting the elevator, both standing and looking into each other’s eyes, hesitant to let go of this sudden feeling of connection.

At other times, that sensation of feeling connected grows more slowly over time.

It’s a sense of oneness that allows you to experience the world together as it unfolds one second at a time. We often discover this sensation of oneness in moments of silence or a while working on a project together.

On a first date, it’s the space between your attempts at communication when your mind slips into that special kind of oneness with the man sitting across from you. These are the experiences you never forget, even if the circumstances of your life cause you both to go separate ways.

What Triggers These Special Moments?

It’s just my opinion, but I ask you to consider it; test it and determine if it holds any truth. I believe the special resonance generates energy because some people help us to effortlessly slip into a fuller awareness of the present moment as it unfolds.

All the vibrancy of life is contained within the present moment. The future and the past are vivid in our imagination, but they hold none of the actual energy of the life force that pulses through each of us as time unfolds.

We often discover a special connection when we are not looking for it. The more forcefully our mind fuses with an agenda, a goal, or a desired outcome, the harder it is to fully embrace the present moment for what it is here and now.

When you find yourself interacting with a potential partner because of a goal to build some kind of relationship with them in the future, the most vibrant version of your mind and identity is somewhat deadened by the fact that you are partially living in the future, less identified with the present moment as it unfolds.

In contrast, when you find yourself unexpectedly resonating with another human being, you simply marvel at the unfolding experience in “the now.” So it is no surprise that we often find these special connections with people when we are not looking for them.

While these special connections seem to happen rather serendipitously, I believe we can encourage them by taking one simple action. Practice connecting with people in the present moment frequently. Do this when you first meet someone. Do it before you evaluate what the relationship could become in the future.

For example, do not look to see if he has a wedding band on his finger. Do not check what kind of shoes he is wearing. You can do all of that a few seconds later. Instead, each time you meet a new person, or even someone you have known for years, start by trying to experience the present moment in his presence.

Have you ever had one of these special connection moments? I am curious whether any of you have noticed anything unusual that is either predictive or somehow related to these experiences. Share your comments below so we can all look for common themes together.

By the way, I have spent a great deal of time exploring the hidden passages that seem to emerge at points of sudden deep connections between men and women. My private clients and I have shared that journey together, and I have distilled many of our secrets into an advanced relationship course.

It is a coaching and self-study course available to any of you who recognize the true value of leveraged knowledge. I encourage you to speed your dating success by learning from those who have been studying this concept for a while. Click here to learn more now.


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32 thoughts on “How to Create That Special Resonance with Complete Strangers

  1. I guess what you have explained is what makes those moments special. I have heard from so many that when we stop looking for love, it finds us. But, that being said, it is difficult to wait and wait, feeling as if life is passing us by. (Especially when it is the second or third time around for us baby boomers!) If I trusted it would happen, I could get off these dating sites!

    • sherrita said:

      I agree,however I did meet a guy online 3 mos ago,and we met for our 1st date he was shorter than thought he would,me 5’7 him 5’6,but he smiled when I pulled up,and although I was thinking good lookin guy but too short, I’ll make the most of it. What I didn’t count on was the way we connected,the chemistry and how I was so relaxed with him, that we hung out till 2am,we didn’t want to leave each other . No sex involved,just conversation and being in one another’s presence,it was like nothing I had experienced in a long time.

    • Wendy said:

      I have felt that kind of connection a few times in my life, and they are very close friends. Recently, after finding out this guy I was seeing just got married, his wife called me and wanted to ask me a few questions. Within a couple minutes, I felt totally comfortable with her, and she with me. I told her that under different circumstances, I believe we could have been good friends. Every once in awhile, she calls, and we don’t talk about “him”, we talk about the similarities we both share. Weird uh?

  2. Hi Barbara I have to identify with you just right away. I am a boomer as well. And on the dating site(s) although I’ve dropped all but one, yep I was on three or four. I have had that feeling of being so in sync with someone, but not really a romantic relationship, just friends, so I do know how that resonates as a feeling but t don’t know how that feels romantically and sue would like to thought while I can still enjoy it. .

    Also, I do understand being e “in the moment” as integral and pivotal for most all (all) things of course in life. so I hope to “let go and let it happen!

  3. Ludah said:

    Yes! it happened for me and at first I just doubted because I did what you have just said when you pointed out that not to look on the wedding band or shoes a person is wearing then it took me quite sometimes to connect but yep he did not give up and now there is that special connection moments in his presence. thank you

  4. “The world suddenly becomes a less lonely place the second you enter their presence.”
    That`s exactly what I`ve always felt in the company of one special person 🙂

  5. Lili said:

    I had that sense of connection with someone some years ago – we once took a walk when he had laryngitis, so we didn’t say a word the whole time, yet he told me later it was one of the most intimate moments he’d ever shared with anyone. The sad thing is, HE was the one who was doing the equivalent of ‘looking at the shoes’. I was two years younger than he, but he was determined that he was going to find a woman 15-20 years younger (can anyone relate?). So, even though I loved the man, I told him he had to let me go find someone who actually wanted to be with me. Still looking, but at least I have an actual experience of deep resonance with someone so I’ll recognize it when I find it.

  6. Lori said:

    I believe I have felt it and still do. When we first met, it was dark and he was across the way, leaning against a wall, smoking. My initial reaction was intrigue, but dismissed it because he was smoking. However, I just kept looking over. He at me. Then, I looked over again and he was not there. At the time, I thought, “no big deal, he was smoking and I do not think I would like it.” Next thing I knew he was standing beside me. I just felt this connection. We spoke a bit, then carried the conversation with a walk and drinks. To cut this short, there was a time where tears rolled up in my eyes, that night, thinking this is the connection I have been waiting for. The conversation wasn’t romantic. He didn’t tell me everything I wanted to hear. It was just a nice conversation getting to know each other. In essence, I believe that even though you may judge at first, if it is a connection, you will feel it through the judgment.

    • Energy is all there is…and creating or in the moment awarenes of the right kind of energy is all there is.

      I used to be spoiled on someone who complimented me and tried to talk me “into” them. but not any more. A god ordinary conversation that is real and respectful is so refreshing. Not to say I don’t want to be pursued. Anything you want you will do so, and I want to be wanted and not to have vulnerabilities and “machismo” to stand in the path. But sensitivity and intelligence strength to be the conor stone of my relationship.

      Runi said…Do not seek for love but all the barriers you have put up against it”

  7. Dorothee said:

    I know exactly what you are talking about. I know a man for 4 years now and we meet from time to time. It took two years before I noticed this resonance. But since then it grew continously stronger. We met at a party some days ago and we didn`t even talk. We were sitting at two different tables in a distance from at least 5 metres for maybe 1 and a half hour. I couldn`t see him but I clearly felt his eyes on me. Never, ever before I experienced such an I want to call it “holy” feeling of total awareness in the present moment, just totally relaxed and uplifted in simply being. I was not able to and even didn`t want to think, despite the fact of normally having an always talking head. I would like to always experience such an satisfying state of conciousness which lasted for hours that day, maybe even until now, although not so strong. I never thought that this could be possible! I think this comes near to the state of enlightenment and I`m very very thankfull for this experience!
    Unfortunately this man is married and has two little children!

    • Rose said:

      I met a man once that gave me that feeling. It was an inner peace and not easily explained we spent a few times together and then he went home to his wife and child. He had been in town for short term work. I always have a busy mound and his energy just emptied mine – almost like being high.

  8. Amy said:

    I have a feeling that this sense of connection has more to do with us than with others somehow. I suspect that these moments are possible more often with more people, in platonic as well as romantic relationships. But, because we worry about what it means, what will come of it, what we look like, how we appear and so on, we don’t experience half as many as we could. I think / hope that a good romantic relationship will be a series of these moments, building upon each other and growing stronger over time. For myself, the key is to practice mindfulness and general loving kindness towards others and myself, and to recognise when my thoughts try to take me away from the present moment – bringing the current situation more into focus for what it actually is. Mindfulness is key; Meditation is the tool to gain more of it.

    • I do also agree, that this energy has to do more with us…We create the type of energy we want when aware and not allowing a “sleep walking” situation to prevail. We are our energy, and it is us, we are one…we can change it. We can create ti.
      But only as we are understanding how to do and not do the attracting of things to ourselves that we don’t want. Detracting is also important because things will come into our realm, not just what we desire.

  9. Joan said:

    I have had special connection moments with strangers. If one feels bold enough to engage in eye contact while out in the world it can happen often….a connection or an interested gaze that is almost tantalizing. I remember one vivid experience a couple of years ago when I happened to meet an attractive man at work. Funny as it sounds……when we looked at each other there was a tangible spark……..literally like one of those old Disney cartoons when I felt and saw his eyes blaze a lighted zoom out of his eyes. It was very intense, and I almost lost my composure because the “energy” emitted was so strong that I was bowled over! Very fun and intriguing!

  10. Anette said:

    I recently experienced this “connection”/”resonate” thingy with a colleague of mine actually. From the first moment there was this instant connection.
    It felt like coming home and stepping into my old, comfy slippers 😀

    A weird feeling to be sure but also exhilarating – although he was married and everything, we just kinda “fit” – same believes, same way of viewing life. None of us were romantically involved but he was like a big brother of mine – without being it.

    When he decided to leave the company I was completely and utterly devastated and even a few months later I still miss him like dry grass misses rain.

    Instant connections happens everywhere – also non-romantically.

  11. mary said:

    Glad I ran into this article. I am a baby boomer also. children grown with grandchildren. All keep me busy.
    A very nice, handsome man moved in across the street a hear and a half ago. His family is from this area so he is not a total stranger. Lat June my mother died. the next day he was over here with a beautiful card about angels. That day was our connection point and a neighborly friendship began. He seemed to watch over me this whole year. In our conversations I would mention how I needed to fix this or that. In a few days he was asking if he could do it for me. It has progressed through the year. At Christmas time he was fixing my bathtub so as I prepared for Christmas he was here experiencing Christmas too. A few days before Christmas a present appeared on my door step. He meant to bring it over to me in person but I was not home. when I cook, I take him a fresh dinner. I try not to be in his way. He tried not to be in mine. We know we like each other.
    My point is stead of living in the moment and enjoying his company I am playing out the past “Gee no one has ever been nice to me. My husband was an abuser.” or I play out the future.. “what will happen next.”
    I can see where I should be just be enjoyiong the moment and letting the good feelings “resonate” as you
    say. Thanks for the important message this morning.

    • James Bauer said:

      Good example, Mary. Thanks for helping others to see how this applies in real life.

      • mary said:

        But then I guess the issue for me is… how friendly do I become. It is easier for me to go to his house so I can play with his dog and visit with him. I usually call first and am always welcome but I stay a few minutes and run away. It seems I am not giving him time to start his kind of conversation. I would like more from this relationship. Question… doesn’t it sound like I am rushing the situation and not letting resonance and good feelings take over?

        • James Bauer said:

          Frequent, short interactions are generally better at the start of a relationship, but as you both become comfortable being yourself around each other it becomes increasingly important to have longer chunks of time. So in response to your question, Mary, I would say yes, you should practice staying longer and even sitting with him in silence if necessary to allow a sense of belonging and familiarity to begin to emerge in your shared presence.

          • Mary said:

            I have facilitated education courses on line. I like the easy reading style of the article and the invitation to reflect on the reader’s experiences. A+
            I especially like the use of the “practice in place of “go do it.” It is difficult for me yet, after divorcing from an abusive marriage 31 years ago to think highly of myself even though I am a successful mother, teacher, friend. If I am in a conversation there is a feeling or voice that says “You are not worthy of this conversation. Get home!” BUT the word PRACTICE tells the reader to get out there on that “football field” grab that football and go with it. As you say, even it is just a conversation for a few minutes… enjoy the resonance!

            Thanks!

  12. BeginAgain said:

    I definitely believe there are energies in this life that humans tend to ignore and dismiss much more than they should. If you have been around horses you might know that horses and some dogs are phenomenal at reading these energies. Some day humans will recognize this and embrace it. I have felt this connection with someone and it was nearly overwhelming to have such strong feelings for someone I barely knew. We have been getting to know each other slowly over the last year. It’s the sort of thing that I just want him in my life in some way, even if only as friends. I just feel happier when he is around, and I think I have a similar effect on him, based on the way he lights up when he sees me.

  13. littleflower said:

    The last time I felt the connection and resonance… He walked into my post and we just looked at each other. A voice in my head said “Oh no! this man is going to fall in love with me, but he reminds me of my ex” A perfect example of feeling the connection in the now and yet being hung up in the past and the future. We spent two years getting to know each other casually before he asked me out. We were very connected thru our work and eventually had to break up because of our jobs. He moved on and met someone else, but we are still friends, and still have the connection in each others presence. Neither of has been able to walk away from it completely, even though we were never to become a real couple, but we are still friends that share a secret bond. It is comforting to know he is out there thinking about me, since I have not met anyone else significant in the four years we have been apart. It is hard to know whether holding onto that connection, is keeping me from finding someone else. I try to keep my eyes open looking for it again. As they say it is better to have loved and lost… then never to have loved at all.

    • James Bauer said:

      You write well. I found myself pulled into your story and intrigued.

  14. The kind of man I resonate with is creative. I’m currently on 3 dating sites and looking for someone in his 70s or a young 80 who does furniture, lapidary, brewing (or some other draft of that nature). I work in many media myself and I want a man for whom I can feel respect and admiration. Besides age, I’m specific about height (5-4 to 5-10 max, as I’m just 5′ and 110#, too tiny for a big guy) and I know the neighborhood where I plan to move (and keep my own house – share his and mine). Only exception to close houses would be if he took a house in our AZ mountains where we could go in hotter weather.

  15. Alima said:

    I have that kind of connection before and it was reciprocal but after dating for about a month i discovered we didn’t agree on a lot of things.We ended up breaking up 3months later

  16. Chloe said:

    I suppose the depth of connection varies. The connection strikes a feeling of familiarity that can’t be logically explained. Like you know them already. I once felt such a connection with a man – which I might add, was completely accidental. One I never saw coming. – so familiar that I knew what he felt like before he had even laid his hands on me. You intuitively know – to a degree – when they aren’t quite right. Even when nobody else can pick it. You know when they’re in their element and happy. It’s like knowing them and remembering all these things about them as time goes on instead of getting to know them for the first time. I can’t explain that electric feeling adequately enough to go on. It didn’t work out in the end – and to this day, I still beat myself up thinking of what I could have done better. I know now where I fell short, and that is a feeling I don’t wish on anyone. All I can say really is: when everything is working for you and looking up, don’t work harder than you have to. Sometimes the threat of losing them completely is enough to make you lose all rational thought and you say things that are extremely out of character and become less of the person you were when you made the initial connection.
    I am a naturally very independent woman and am very used to doing things for myself. Not to mention enjoying my own alone time. By no way, shape, or form did I become “clingy” or “needy”. I didn’t even demand a full on relationship with him. Just a little more time and to exclusively see each other and nobody else. I can’t stand people that want to try to live in your pocket. That was also made crystal clear. The way I went about it, I tried to take too much control. I put my cards on the table, made it absolutely clear that if it wasn’t him, somebody else would and that I wasn’t going to wait forever. If he wasn’t going to step up to the minimum standard I had wanted, that was it. It was over. Bear in mind, this was after about a year of seeing each other casually. Too many ‘rules’ or ‘restrictions’ on my part admittedly. It was difficult to see where it would go doing the same thing though.
    After reading Simone’s ‘lovetraction lines’, I realised I was on the right TRACK, but undid my hard work when it counted most I suppose. Don’t push, SUGGEST! Make it open conversation – which is where I went wrong. It was open/closed. That’s it. It was like I came off unapproachable or not even open to suggestions. I, myself think that fearing the rejection of simply asking was a huge downfall. I also came across quite cold, which contradicted the warmth of connection we felt. Which is just plain confusing. When he’d start to open up to me, I ‘struck while the Iron was hot’ so as to speak. I didn’t make this mistake with him once, he did keep coming back for a while. Until I got so sick of waiting and wondering that I lashed out – which of course pushed him away. I suppose I needed it to either change, or for it to end. It was both the best and worst experience of my life; and one I’ve felt so completely torn over.
    Plant the seed ladies. Reap what you sew! Good luck to all of you.

  17. Stephanie said:

    I guess you could say that is how I won the heart of my bf. We met at a flea market where I was selling my kids’ old clothes. He was a vendor that I was negotiating a price to buy something. He immediately made me smile. He told me from the get go that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And I had been hurt so badly before that I had gone 4 years without date. But I decided to take a chance anyway. That was exactly 3 years ago today. I just moved in with him & it has gone from “just for fun, friends with benefits” to a pretty serious relationship. The 1st for my self proclaimed eternal bachelor at 41 years of age.

    • James Bauer said:

      Way to go, Stephanie. Thanks for sharing your story as inspiration for those who are still seeking.

  18. XM. said:

    Resonance. A feeling of that that is most familiar yet extremely new symultaniously.. An impossible knowing, understanding of another person you never met before. A soul mate connection. Romantic or not it always feels like a déjà vu.
    Sometimes you still have a lesson to learn together, sometimes you don’t, it always brings out the wonderful in us and is always always unforgettable.

  19. Jane said:

    I have experienced a very profound connection with a complete stranger once. We were to work on a project together and though it is 17 years ago I remember our meeting as though it was yesterday. I walked into the room and he looked up from what he was working on, our eyes met and I don’t have words for the feeling there was in that moment. I definitely wasn’t looking for it. I was engaged and I don’t think he was looking for it, he was married, but there it was and it’s stayed with us for all these years. I went on to get married and he stayed married and we worked on various projects together on and off for 8 years always with this connection between us. At one point we came close to starting an affair but I wasn’t able to forget that I was married so it didn’t happen. I stopped work to have children and didn’t see him much for 9 years but now I have separated from my husband and when I contacted the other man( I call him my ‘eyes across the room guy’) again to say hi and ask if there was any work going I found that the connection is still there between us (actually I knew it would be, not sure why but I don’t think it’s the sort of thing that ever goes away) and that he is in the process of separating from his wife. So we are doing some work together again and when we are together, working, talking, just being together, there’s no where else I’d rather be. So who knows where the story goes from here?

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