abundance mindsetHaving an abundance mindset is a wonderful thing. It literally makes life more fun. It supports actions and choices that move you forward in life.

But it has an evil twin.

“Destructive abundance” is what happens when you start to achieve a lot of success and you begin to hoard that success, living in fear of losing it.

When you’re at the bottom of the barrel, you have nothing to lose. Under those circumstances it’s easier to adopt an abundance mindset.

But as you begin to acquire success in your relationships, finances, career, or anything else, you have something of value…and you don’t want to lose it.

Your mind begins to shift very slowly, often without you even noticing. Your mind shifts away from an abundance mindset and toward destructive abundance…the fear of losing what you’ve gained.

Let me tell you how this impacts relationships.

When you’re single and searching for a relationship, you don’t have much to lose. Sure, you can lose valuable time, or have some negative experiences with people, but you don’t have a psychological investment in any one relationship.

Then you find someone you really like. He likes you back. The next thing you know there’s a real relationship… whether you’ve formally labeled it as such or not. This is where things get tricky.

This is the first hurdle where you must bypass destructive abundance.

If you really like the guy, your mind becomes attached to the future you have envisioned with him. It’s not in the bag yet, but you feel like life somehow owes you the future you have begun to picture in your mind. You’ve gotten rather attached to the idea of being with this guy.

Then he does something to screw it all up. He doesn’t call you back one day, or he expresses an idea or belief you find annoying. He does something that threatens your mental picture of living happily ever after.

You get stressed. He senses your distress and thinks you are “overreacting.” He says so, and this makes matters even worse.

Now, you have to remember, he fell in love with the woman who is free and relaxed with an abundance mindset. She was just open to the adventure of life and what it might bring.

abundance mindsetBut faced with the threat of losing something you value, a different side of you begins to emerge. He’s not used to this other side of you, and it can be bad for a relationship. That’s destructive abundance. It’s the opposite of an abundance mindset.

It’s the shadow side of truly valuing things that are good. You need to go after what you want in this life. But do so while watching out for destructive abundance as it tries to emerge. Don’t let it take over.

Live toward what you want. Don’t ever let your mind focus on what it is afraid of losing. Always and continuously focus on possibilities, open doors, and new opportunities. Doing so in a relationship creates amazing results.

Always on your side,

James

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