Her friends loved her. Life was never boring with Kathy around. Drama followed her wherever she went.
But there was one area of her life Kathy wished was less dramatic:
She’d never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. She seemed to attract the worst kind of guys: the ones that made her believe she’d found Mr. Dreamy … only to reveal themselves as a toad in prince’s clothing.
Was it just bad luck?
Or was there something Kathy could do to attract the long-lasting, stable relationship she wanted?
I’ve met many women like Kathy, and my advice is always the same:
Leave the drama at the door.
Understand Your Man
Most of us—men and women alike—make a deadly mistake in our relationships. We assume that our partner thinks the same way we do.
But the way men see the world is subtly different to how women see the world. Successful relationships depend on understanding those differences.
One way in which you and your man may be less alike than you think is in how you view drama.
Drama is what keeps you riveted to your favorite television program. The more the plot twists and turns, the more you’re glued to the screen. Romantic relationships provide a rich source of drama. A couple that fights, breaks up, and makes up is more exciting than an unfailingly happy couple.
But drama on TV is one thing. Drama in real life is something quite different.
A life filled with unnecessary drama is the last thing most men want. Life should be fun, easy, and pleasurable. Drama is too much work.
In a man’s ideal world, his relationship is a drama-free zone. He may have to deal with drama all day at work, but he can choose to avoid drama in his personal life. He can choose to be with a woman who relaxes and recharges him, rather than drains him.
Let me show you three ways to impress your man with the warmth and stability you can bring into his life, while leaving the drama out in the cold.
1. Connect instead of impress.
Kathy was great at impressing men on first dates. She made sure they knew everything about her busy, exciting life. If a man seemed intimidated by her in any way, she dropped him without a second glance.
She loved men who could impress her right back. She always ended up falling for cocky, confident men who talked a good line. No wonder she kept ending up in explosive short-term relationships.
If you go looking for drama, you’ll find it.
Instead, I encouraged Kathy to focus on connecting with her dates. She didn’t need to sell herself. She needed to be herself.
A date isn’t a competition or a beauty pageant. It’s an opportunity to see how simple, pleasurable, and easy it is to be together.
2. Lean on him for some things, but not everything.
One of the biggest reasons we choose to be in relationships is for emotional support. It means a lot to have someone we can talk to about anything.
But sometimes that means we lean on our romantic relationships too heavily.
Instead of broadening our support network, getting into a relationship narrows it. Before, we may have relied on friends or family. Now, we rely on our partner alone to meet all our emotional needs.
That kind of pressure crushes relationships.
Kathy couldn’t understand why her boyfriend was never very supportive when it came to her problems. Her girlfriends were more supportive than he was.
That’s because men generally have a lower drama tolerance than women. They don’t always find it easy to listen and respond appropriately.
So, don’t abandon your friends once you fall in love. You’ll always need that supportive social network around you.
3. Don’t go looking for problems when there are none.
If his relationship is good, a man doesn’t think about it. He simply enjoys it.
Women, on the other hand, tend to think about their relationships a lot, even if it’s going well.
There’s nothing wrong with dwelling on your relationship if you’re focused on the positive. But it’s easy to slip into mulling over small slights and injustices. You can overanalyze things he did or said. Suddenly, your happy relationship doesn’t look so happy…
And you want to talk about it.
Men are notoriously wary of having any kind of talk about their relationship for a reason. It means drama, and that’s the last thing he wants to deal with.
So, try to keep things in perspective. If you’re happy overall, most things can be forgiven and forgotten.
There’s a time and a place for drama: at 9 pm on your favorite channel.
Keep your relationship drama-free, and he’ll love you for it.