Any positive memory can give you an instant energy boost. Let me show you how.
Several years ago, I read a study about vacations. The researchers were trying to determine how to make the relaxing feeling of being on vacation last as long as possible.
Believe it or not, they found souvenirs to be very helpful. No, a coffee mug can’t capture all the wonderful things that make a trip energizing. But it can remind you of a time of stress-free fun.
Memories are powerful. And I’m not just talking about vacation memories, either. In fact, you can harness the power of any positive memory in about five minutes.
Sit down with a pen and a piece of paper. For just five minutes, write about a time you felt inspired, energized, or deeply interested in something.
The subject matter could be anything. Perhaps a Broadway musical that tapped into your passions. Or maybe something awe-inspiring you saw, like a meteor shower, a waterfall, or a double rainbow. It could even be a moment when you received good news about something.
As you write, focus on the way you felt. Not just on what happened. Write what you were thinking during the experience. Your goal here is to recapture the sensations of the moment. As you do that, you’ll begin to feel yourself shift toward a more inspired and energized state of mind.
This simple mind-hack is effective because of how memory works. To access a memory, your brain has to activate your senses. It has to literally recreate the same feelings and sensations you experienced during the original event. The act of intentionally focusing on a time you were inspired will make you feel inspired all over again.
Now, I want you to do three things. First, I want you to try it.
Tap into a great memory as soon as you’re done reading. It will only take five minutes, and it will improve your day more than you expect.
Here’s the second thing. I want you to take this idea with you. Any time you need an energy boost, remember this idea and use it again.
And finally, the third thing. I want you to use this technique in your relationships. You can use it to improve the connection you share with the man in your life.
And here’s the best part. You don’t have to announce that you’re doing anything special. You can just do it. The impact will be just as strong.
For example, the next time the two of you are eating together, start a discussion about the first meal you shared on your very first date. Even if the food was bad, steer the conversation toward the things that made that date memorable. The moments when you first felt a connection.
Or you could reminisce about your first kiss. Or ask him about the nervous anticipation he felt before your first date. You can even ask him to share the high point of his day at work, or his favorite scene from a movie, or his best memory from childhood.
Any of these topics have the potential to energize your communication. And that’s because it infuses your discussion with energy. Energy that was triggered by a happy, inspiring, or very interesting memory from the past.
This communication method is an emotional intelligence skill. But it’s not widely known. So very few people use it. Maybe you could be one of the few who do.
Always on your side,
James Bauer
Hi James,
I am 74 and my husband passed away 1-1/2 year ago after 47 years of being together.
I met a gentleman on the internet that is very nice. We texted for 1-2 months and enjoyed each other. We finally met at my house and he is very nice and brought me gifts. However, I felt it was not correct to talk about the time with my husband and I just froze.
I didn’t even sit beside him on the sofa. Yet when we texted it was so nice and so friendly. What went wrong with me? Can I repair the connection?
Thank you for your help.
Rita
Hi Rita. Perhaps a more important question is whether you want to keep building this connection.
If you feel inspired to spend time with this man, then let that be enough of a reason to reach out again. Most people find it helpful to create a goal first, and then really go for it (instead of waiting to see if the path will be an easy one). Follow your inspiration.
My husband died 5 years ago and for the first two and a half years I was not interested in anyone else. Then I met someone and now I am very interested in continuing this relationship. Maybe the problem was it was too soon for you.
Yes, I used this last month on a man I have been developing a relationship with. I thanked him for helping me get over the winter blues by building a bonfire on a cold night, cooking a steak to perfection, buying me flowers, and sending heat waves through my body every time he touched me.
I really appreciated this article. It truly is a very thought provoking issue. The first time I met the man that is in my life at this time. I whispered in his ear and I smelled what I thought was soap. However it was not, it was coconut body wash. He loves everything coconut. He drinks it in his coffee, moisturizes his skin and hair with it. Since I have been involved with him I have become a coconut fan as well. He has beautiful hair and skin. I will take the advice you shared here and let him know how his smell affected me at that moment. Trying your tip brought back a sweet moment, that I had not thought about in awhile.
Mae
I do know this works, although I did it not really knowing what effect it would have. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. We all definitely need help in relationships coaching.
All the suggestions that you have made about the first date the first kiss the first dance the first date are all exceptional, except when it comes to alternative lifestyle living and when you are in a Triad there are so many more tangents to consider because the third person doesn’t want to hear about your first date, kiss, and romance and all those wonderful things.
We had all those wonderful moments together and I remember them very well. For him there is no difference in the my status with him or his girlfriend status with him, to him we are both equal. The only difference is I wear the wedding ring and she does not.
She says she wants us to have our couple relationship but when anytime we even have a quiet moment of speaking together she becomes completely jealous and irate and moody. I also feel that she purposely plants seeds of doubt in his mind about me and my actions to him in order to receive his attraction.
That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all, maybe a new third would be something to think about. She should be bringing positive things into the relationship, not causing problems or casting doubt. And if she isn’t capable of showing respect to the both of you then it sounds like she isn’t a very good addition to the relationship
A while ago, I read one of your blurbs “Why Are Guys Getting Sloppy” or something like that. You spoke about not having enough money to take a gal to nice restaurants and a movie. Too costly. I am a senior, and have offered to pay part of the meal, or pay now and then. After all, many of us seniors are on limited budgets and lack of money should not stop us from getting together. Do you think a man is affronted by my offer to pay? Am I showing a lack of respect by doing this? My goal is to be helpful, and not limit our engagements by a mere lack of money.
Not at all. Offering gives him a choice. And one of those choices is to decline, which does not deprive him of the opportunity to treat you if he is able .