From Mysterious to Genuine

how to keep romantic tensionHey, it’s James with a message for those of you who like to use a little mystery to add an extra spark at the start of a relationship.

Imagine this, Janice is on her second date with Ted. Janice is particularly good with her eyes. She can communicate more with her eyes than many people can communicate with their mouths.

Janice has been working an angle she is particularly good at. She’s playing the “mysterious yet interested” angle in her interactions with Ted. It’s working. Ted is interested. He definitely wants more.

So where do things go from here? You can only play the mysterious angle for so long. For some women I have coached, it is their leading act. They are really good at it. But these women often struggle when the relationship begins to deepen, becoming more real and personal.

What do you do next?

Some people suggest you just give it up all at once. I say they are not using their imagination. They want to cut the romantic tension too soon.

When a relationship is just beginning, the romantic tension is an essential element. It acts like a bonding glue that keeps the fragile relationship going until it has strength of its own built on commitment and love.

Here’s the advice I have given to several women who lead with an element of mystery in their interpersonal style.

1. Drop the mystery when it comes to your personal history, your interests, your life situation, and your hopes and plans for the future.

2. Keep the mystery when it comes to your intentions regarding the relationship.

3. Gradually transition your sultry, mysterious qualities of interaction into playful romantic tension.

4. Sustain that romantic tension for as long as you want to keep the passion alive in your relationship (hopefully forever).

What is Romantic Tension?

In a nutshell, romantic tension is that special quality you sense between two lovers who still find ways to arouse the interest of their mate even after years of companionship.

Some people are naturals when it comes to generating romantic tension at the start of a relationship. It’s much easier to generate romantic tension when it is still a natural element of the unfolding relationship. It becomes more difficult the longer you remain in the same relationship.

how to keep romantic tensionWith a little effort, romantic tension can become a cornerstone, supporting a long-term relationship you treasure.

You can learn much more about the concept of romantic tension in the training materials available to you through my website.

For now, I’ll leave you with one simple example. It’s a made-up example, but it’s the one that I offered to Janice just before I saw the light of comprehension light up in her eyes. Romantic tension is a playful way of flirting with your partner.

Ted: So… It’s our second date. Are we likely to have a third?

Janice: That Depends.

Ted: On what?

Janice: (long pause before answering) …Two things.

Ted: Okay, I’m listening.

Janice: Your reasons for wanting a third date with me for one, and the second one’s a secret.

At this point, Ted launches into his best attempt to politely, yet truthfully, express the various forms of his admiration for Janice.

She nods and offers playful encouragement, no longer presenting a mysterious exterior, but transitioning to this playful form of romantic banter.

What was her second criteria you ask? Ah…but that’s a secret, and just like Ted, you’ll have to wait to find out.


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12 thoughts on “From Mysterious to Genuine

  1. Christine said:

    Reminds me of the first movie Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart made together. If you want a great example of mystery and tension, I would highly recommend watching it, it’s called “There and Back Again.” I have often read the two actors did not meet in person prior to filming this movie, the director did this on purpose. The sexual tension and mystery in this moviie you could cut with a knife! In real life they wound up marrying each other, it was one of Hollywood’s most talked about and successful marriages, until Bogart unfortunately met in untimely demise.

  2. Rosie said:

    That was helpful information. Thank you

  3. sashalee said:

    Excellent! I love mystery. Not the ‘game playing’ kind of mystery utilized by players, but more like the mystery of not finishing every sentence, and not always defining everything, or asking the other person to define it, but rather leaving enough warm and open space between myself and another person to allow them to ‘want’ to come to me. I love men who do this instinctively, it makes me feel like I want to be near them the way an empty field beckons you to run, play, laugh, drop your plans for the day and just roll in the grass like a kid, and it’s that kind of genuinely innocent mystery that highlights the difference between being playful and ‘playing games’… =)

  4. Pixx said:

    I found this in can have any man you don’t truly love.but if you truly fall for someone playing games is difficult because you want to be genuine.

    • James Bauer said:

      Yes, there is truth in that.

  5. Allyson Shaw said:

    It’s a little like game playing to me. I want a man to find me genuinely mysterious for some of the factors that are genuine to my personality and inner self. Not sure guessing games keep a tension alive if he doesn’t sense or begin to know that I’ve got more complexities and levels to me. Basically I think any potential romantic partner must have a level of intelligence to equal or surpass your own in order to help keep and sustain a romantic tension. Being an open person doesn’t mean you don’t have a mystery of your own.. It may just take the right sort of personality or intelligence in a man to recognize it and hopefully he will be able to also create romantic tension so that he is still exciting to you. I find myself very drawn to guys who build mystery and can make me feel that romantic tension. . It’s a 2 way street they should be able to create it or help fashion itor else it will be boring for each person.

    • Lilac said:

      Very good reply. Thank you!

  6. maryarn said:

    lovely. very educative

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