choosing the right manNow in my last post we discussed the concept of propinquity. We talked about propinquity as an important variable to manipulate in your favor. In this post I’ll explain why it’s important to get very specific about the kinds of traits you want to find in an ideal romantic partner.

It all comes down to this. You cannot increase your propinquity with a certain type of man if you haven’t made an effort to figure out what kind of man you want to end up with.

Oh I know you’ve got strong ideas and opinions, but they’re mostly held as vague concepts in your mind. The kind of specificity I want you to focus on will narrow your search, thereby magnifying the power of your efforts.

To get specific, try to create a description of your ideal dating partner. Don’t be vague.

In your description, write down how tall he is, what he does for fun in his time off, where he lives, what he does for a living, the amount of money he makes each year, whether he likes dogs or not, whether he’s into professional sports are not, and as many other specific details of this sort as you can think of.

You may find yourself hesitating to put down specifics.

For example, you might find yourself wanting to indicate a salary range instead of writing down a specific number. Bypass that resistance.

choosing the right manWe both know you won’t find a person who magically fits each specific criteria you write down. That’s not the point. The point is that the more specific you get, the more clarity you have in your mind about where to find this guy.

For example, as you write down traits you’d love to find in an ideal partner, you might list something that is a personal interest of yours. Let’s use rock climbing as an example. Of course, rock climbing will only be one of twenty or thirty specific things you write down, but it is often these little things that suddenly spark ideas regarding how to increase propinquity with your ideal partner.

So, if you want to meet a guy who enjoys rock climbing, several ideas might pop into your mind. Maybe there’s a local indoor rock climbing wall where people congregate to watch, wait for their turn, and swap stories about rock climbing adventures. Maybe there’s an online rock climbing group specific to your state where people plan outdoor rock climbing meet ups.

You can use any kind of personal interest or trait to make it easier to manipulate propinquity in your favor.

If you’re a dog lover, maybe a dog show would be a good place to show up. If you want to marry an attorney, a coffeehouse just around the corner from a law school would be a good place to get lunch each day.

Get specific about who you are looking for, then purposely increase your propinquity with that kind of person. This puts the odds in your favor.

Have a great day!

James Bauer

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