This Is What Guys Really Care About

This Is What Guys Really Care AboutWhat does your guy value more than passion? Do you know?

The answer may surprise you.

Passion is pretty powerful. Men and women alike feel drawn to it. All of us want a life filled with passionate moments. But there are things that matter to us even more than passion.

So what would a guy pick over a passionate, sordid fling? Brace yourself. Your guy would rather have . . . a solid “bromance” than a relationship based on raw passion and little else.

A bromance is pretty much what it sounds like. It’s an intimate friendship between two guys who feel like they can really rely on each other. It’s like they’re a couple, minus the physical intimacy.

Recently, some researchers were curious about how seriously men take bromances. Do these male-to-male platonic connections really compete with the connection men feel with their girlfriends? The answer is no—because there is NO competition.

Bromance wins, hands down. Given the choice between a fiery fling and time with a bro, most guys will pick the bro.

That’s because men’s emotional needs are more complex than you might think. Said another way, guys deeply value what they get from a solid platonic friendship.

There’s an important word in that last paragraph. Typical.

The typical romantic relationship doesn’t meet the needs men really care about. But here’s the good news. You’re not a typical woman, and you’re not trying to create a typical relationship with him.

You don’t have to compete with the bros in your guy’s life. You just have to create the same kind of open, safe space that he feels with his male friends. And that’s not as hard as it sounds. After all, you’re probably looking for the same things from him!

If you want a romance that beats the pants off of any bromance, there are three key ingredients. When these three things are a part of your romantic connection, you’re set up for a relationship BOTH of you will find magical.

1. A place to be real.

Men (and women) want to be able to be themselves. Most men feel like they can discuss personal stuff, like health issues, more freely with other guys than with their girlfriends.

Why? Because the need to impress is lower with guy friends. It’s ironic, but guys bond more when they admit their weaknesses. Yet men often hide their weaknesses from women due to the hero instinct. We men want you to admire us for our strength.

The solution? Praise any self-disclosure (no matter how small) as an indication of emotional strength.

When he tells you about his feelings or his doctor’s visit, just be supportive. Don’t baby him.  Instead, say things like, “I know how that feels.”

2. This is a judgment-free zone.

Guys worry about saying the wrong thing in front of women. They’re especially careful about what they say about other women in front of you.

My advice here is to be both realistic and appropriate. He’s likely to have friendly relationships with other women. Getting all jealous at the mere mention of another female will push him away. Instead, crank up the trust.

The only time I would advise you to object is when his comments go over the line. Observing that another woman has attractive qualities (e.g. “You know, your friend with the really pretty eyes) is okay. Talking about what he’d like to do with her is NOT.

3. Emotional stability is beautiful.

Men have one central complaint here. They feel like women have a harder time letting go of the past than their male friends. Even if an issue has been resolved, they fear it’ll come back up later in another fight.

To be fair, there are both women and men who hold grudges. This isn’t about gender. But it’s still a concern guys have.

You can squash this fear by making sure you don’t keep a scorecard of past wrongs. When you forgive him, let it go. Don’t ever use resolved grievances as recycled ammo.

In all three areas, guys really just want to be accepted and appreciated for who they are without having to play any games. In my experience, that’s what women want, too.

If you work with your man to create this kind of romance, you won’t just be meeting his needs. You’ll be meeting your own needs, as well. That’s the kind of win-win that makes for a beautiful happy ending.

His Secret Obsession

Discover something every man is secretly obsessed with.

It's something he CRAVES... More than love, more than money, even more than sex.

This one secret obsession holds the key to winning a man's love, attention, and total devotion for LIFE but not one woman in a thousand even knows it exists!

And those that do almost never share it with another soul.

Learn More

Why Men Shut Women Out - A Special Report By Slade Shaw. Get Your Free Special Report
Get Your Free Report

5 thoughts on “This Is What Guys Really Care About

  1. Erica Casey said:

    Hi. Im desparetely trying to figure out how to do thos! I need to get my ex back before it’s too late. Long story short. He pulled away emotionally pver the years instead of talking to me because he’s never been good at emotional stuff. When he finally quit me he met a girl and then left without explination. He came back after 4 days and told me about her and i immediately moved forward with him into a different love. He was done but as we built Our friendship he realized he still loves me….but he loves her too. As we’ve gone through this together as best best BEST friends, we both know we have potential in the future.
    My problem….we both know therems potential in the future but he isnt ready to open up to it yet!
    I was a stay at home mom when this happened, after 5 years of marriage, and still have very limited income! I am taking a huge leap of faith in hoping you can help me out with getting thia program! I have $18 in my account until payday next week but I nees this now!!!!! I can’t let him quit us!!!!!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Erica. So, this is the kind of question that’s better addressed in our private forum, but I’ll just mention a few things here.

      You’ve defined the problem as “there is potential in the future but he isn’t ready to open up to it yet.”

      So I’m going to ask a strange question that might bend your mind in a way that feels uncomfortable at first but might yield some important insights about the this situation. Ready?

      Why is this a problem? If you both see potential, but he’s not quite ready, isn’t that how relationships are supposed to progress? People slowly move toward relationships, building a shared story and feelings of commitment over time. That’s how it’s supposed to go. We don’t always move in lockstep with each other. In other words, both partners don’t have to be open to the same level of commitment at every small step along the journey toward a relationship of deep and committed intimacy. Sometimes one of you will be a bit ahead of the other.

      Is that okay? Could you avoid emotional turmoil by accepting this rather than fighting against it? Might your deeper qualities show up better when you interact with him if you are not panicked or desperate? Might something beautiful unfold if you allow it rather than forcing it?

      Wishing you the best!


  2. Roselle said:

    What do you think I should do when a man told me that he likes me but not in sexual way. And he is here to support and live me up. So when I asked if it is a brother/sister relationship, he said we are closer than that but he hasn’t thought of extending the relationship into any sort of romantic. But in front of his best friend, he treats me like I am his girlfriend.
    What should I do? Move on or stick to plan?

  3. Jennifer Shumaker said:

    I’m working on building my confidence so I can do what I’ve learned so far !! Want to get it right the first time ! Cause I really need this relationship I’m going after it really means a lot to me an has for a long time !! Thank you !! Really !!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Jennifer. It’s cool to see you inspired and ready to go after this relationship with everything you’ve got!

      Here’s something to keep in mind. Faith in the direction you want to go is more important than having all the specifics of the “how.”

      In other words, people who succeed usually do so by having a firm faith in their ability to do great things once they have chosen a direction and committed themselves to go after it. Those people rarely have all the details nailed down before they start toward their dream. So don’t wait until you have a perfect plan. Take steps each day based on a firm faith in the direction you’ve chosen.

Leave a Reply

The name and comments you enter will be posted on our website. Your email address is not posted or shared. View our Privacy Policy.