How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

how to keep the passion going Hey, it’s James again. Here’s day 2 of your 14 day attraction tips course.
It’s just a preview of the kind of advice and insights I offer.

That way, you can make an informed decision about whether or not to stay on my subscriber list.

If you already know you don’t want ideas and relationship insights from me, just click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of any of my emails.

Today I’m going to remind you of something you already know. Something important but easily forgotten. Something that tugs at a man’s heart.

They are the things that make you smile when you think of him. The things that made you fall in love with him.
They were there when you first met him. That’s why you said yes when he asked you out.
They are the things hidden in his heart that you admire, appreciate and trust. It’s a beautiful thing when you first recognize those gems in his character.

Basically, that’s what falling in love is. It’s seeing into another person’s heart and desiring what you find there.

But then you hit a snag.
When we first begin a relationship with someone, we’re attracted to the possibility of what the relationship could become. It’s an exciting new adventure.

As that possibility becomes a reality, it’s intoxicating… for a while. And then the intoxication seems to fade.
Usually, it fades for one person sooner than it does for the other person. And it fades because you get used to the things that initially made your partner seem special.

When that magical feeling becomes an everyday feeling, it’s easy to stop looking for potential in your partner. Instead, you fixate on the ways he’s different from you, the things you don’t like. And you can easily forget all about the things that initially attracted you to him.

In a long-term relationship, it’s normal for the feelings of infatuation to come and go. When feelings of infatuation are low, you stop fixating on the things you find attractive about him. You see him as a normal person. The sense that he’s “perfect” reveals itself to be an illusion.

When that illusion breaks, the magic withers and some relationships die.
If that’s happened to you, I have some good news. Recovering that special connection isn’t all that difficult.

If you want the best relationship possible, in the beginning and for the long-haul, take this advice. Keep on looking for the qualities in him you most enjoy, desire and respect. Finding them once isn’t enough. Trust me, if you don’t keep looking for them, you’ll forget about them.

And then something terrible happens. Problems become the focus of the relationship. And that slowly poisons the magic of your romantic connection.

So never stop looking for what’s good in the relationship, and in him. Search the mind and heart of your partner diligently and often. And when you see something beautiful in him, acknowledge it out loud. Let him know you appreciate him.

When you do that, two things happen.

First, as you rediscover the things in him that resonate with you, you’ll feel the electric excitement of possibility all over again. You’ll feel alive. You’ll feel desire, and you’ll want to follow that feeling on a journey that brings you closer to him again and again.

He’ll sense that positive energy in you and be attracted to it.

And here’s the second thing that will happen.

You’ll also be encouraging him to show you more of the qualities that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Usually, those are the same qualities that make him feel happy and fully alive. So it’s like you bring out the best in him when you look for what you like.

And here’s the magic that seals the deal…

He will like the version of himself that he finds in your presence. And that will make him want to spend more time with you.

how to keep the passion goingYou will essentially reawaken and reinforce the special qualities that cause attraction between the two of you.
If you do this from the beginning of a relationship, you’ll not only keep the flames of passion burning hot, but you’ll build a more solid foundation, as well.

What it comes down to is this. No matter how strong the initial magic feels, loving someone is a choice. So choose to love the best you can find in him. Don’t let frustration or setbacks become the focus of your attention.

Everything you fell in love with is still there, hidden in his heart. Seek it out, and never stop telling him what you find.

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75 thoughts on “How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

  1. Mariana said:

    Hello tell me please about my love i am single .

    • GM said:

      Not interested in on line relationships

  2. Linda said:

    Nothing is ever said about online meetings that never seem to go anywhere because the person is at a great distance and/or unable to come home. There always seems to be a problem…. I have confronted this person on being fake etc. But he doesn’t go away. Any suggestions?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Linda. I have to admit, I have often felt baffled at the frequency with which that seems to happen. Why do so many people invest their emotions in online relationships but then come up with continuous excuses that prevent them from ever meeting in person or making a commitment to figuring out a way to live closer?

      I used to think these people were all scammers, waiting for some opportunity to financially take advantage of someone else. But I have since relinquished that belief because I have seen so many people who never asked for money, just emotional investment in ongoing conversations.

      And this has led me to the following conclusion. Many people are lonely and just want companionship that is available online anytime it’s convenient, but without any of the complications real relationships bring to our lives.

      • Jay said:

        I know people who do this because they are putting off meeting someone they like online until they have lost weight, look better, gained confidence etc. Fear of rejection. It’s easy to make yourself seem more attractive online.

  3. Anonymous said:

    Hi James,am really loving your articles on relationships, I have found it very inspiring and things to think about.I have even started using some of the points on my husband and things are working really better than they were before,. Two days ago i went to a party, unlike my old me I stayed a little bit silent and just using my smile whenever everyone talked, after the party ended one guy come and talked to, he told me he liked how I conducted myself unlike other ladies, he even offered to take me for dinner, but I declined since am married.another one has offered to take me on valentines dinner, but I can’t go, all i wanted was to see how this things work to get get a mans, Hero instinct, now i know, and i will keep reading your articles for more, I can’t get enough of it am now so addictive to reading it everyday. I want to thank you so much for opening those doors for people who needed the help, now am reading yoir articles everyday day to keep my marriage a more happier one. Thanks a million

    • James Bauer said:

      Glad to hear you are experimenting with these methods. And I’m certainly happy to have you as a reader!

  4. Steph said:

    Hi James. Loving the reading material I purchased. Every bit of it seems to resonate with me and my situation. I left my guy after almost 2 years after one too many arguments. He lost his patience with me and had had enough. He asked me to leave and said he was done so I packed everything and left. Then he said he thought it’d only be for a few weeks and was surprised to see the house so empty.. a house he bought for us. I furnished the home and was going to school full time for a BA like both of us wanted while he worked and provided. He loved providing but provided no emotion. Because of this, I went crazy and pestered about Everything, I mean every little thing. When he’d ask for space, I smothered him more. I pushed for the move together and things went downhill from there. He was so emotionally unavailable it made me crazy… he said after having his heart broken many times he gave me what he had left but isn’t this not a fair idea of love? Everyone has their heart broken, me included.. I still gave him my whole heart and 110%. I’m wondering if he even loved me at all then and if there’s any hope left?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Steph. It sounds like he wanted the benefits of having someone like you in his life. It enriched his life, and I don’t doubt that he had genuine feelings for you. But as you’ve realized, there was still a big problem. You didn’t want the same things. Or at least, that’s how it sounds from your description.

      He wanted a low-key relationship that did not demand emotional investment from him. He wanted companionship, but not a soulmate. A romantic friend rather than someone to entangle his whole life with while building a shared life story.

      It’s sad but true. Some people are driven away by the 110% their partner tries to give them. They are like a cup that is too full to receive all their partner has to give.

      Hope? Well, I would imagine you could fit yourself into his life and he would be content to take you back. But I doubt you would be happy with the fragment of a relationship he wants to share with you.

      • Steph said:

        Unfortunately this is the same advice family and friends have given me.. I’m just so confused because in the beginning, I did not see these red flags. He put in effort to see me multiple times a week… To take weekend road trips or day trips hiking or for a special date.. He’d bring over groceries and we’d cook together.

        He tells me he is just a lot slower to make big life decisions (especially when it comes to me). But he’s also just mute and when I ask why, he says it’s not just with me– that he didn’t even tell his brother who is his best friend that he had purchased a home until his he visited a year later. He took a long time to ask me to be his girlfriend, to say ‘I love you’, for me to meet his family and then he expressed he wanted me to move with him but he wanted to wait longer.. He said he was willing to rush the move faster than he would have liked because he didn’t want to lose me. He had never lived with a girl before me but he’s no spring chicken; he will be 37 in a week. I suppose I just wasn’t THE ONE for him? If I were perhaps everything wouldn’t have felt so forced as time went on?

      • James Bauer said:

        I guess that’s possible. Maybe with the right person everything would have clicked for him. But it seems things only felt forced once you moved toward a point where the next steps would naturally be a deepening of a shared life. Because of that, it may just be that he does not want that (with anybody).

  5. Lilly said:

    Hi James, I was in a relationship with a single man for 8 years. I am married but my marriage was well over before I met him. I stayed living with my husband, but there was no intamacy, and not very much communication between us, but he still refused to leave and I became dependent on his income. The man I met is everything I want in a man, he treats me like a princess, gives me affection, loves me, and makes me feel like I am the best thing in his life. We don’t fight, but we have had 3 major arguments in the last 8 years regarding my situation. I have met his family, but we have not been able to tell them we are together due to my situation. I finally summed up the courage to walk away from my marriage, and I am in the process of buying my own home and finalising my divorce, just before I told him, he broke it off with me, he told me the situation was taking a toll on him, and that he needed time to think and sort himself out, even when I told him of my decisions, he told me I needed to sort myself out. I did all the things they say not to do, I asked him more than once if we still had a chance, he said yes, I have asked him if he still loves me, he said of course, but that the situation, made him start to resent me, that he had never let any female make him feel so low, not even 1 month into the relationship, I found out he was sleeping with someone else, i asked to meet with him, he agreed, we spoke for a few hours, he said he would not sleep with her again, I asked him if he wanted me to stop contacting him, he responded “do you want to stop seeing me”, I said no and he replied then don’t stop. I’ve sent him messages, which he replies too, but I have now decided to just cut contact. I love this man so much, and want to spend my life with him, but have I ruined it.
    One other incident, his new lady friend of less than 1 month, who he says means nothing and he does not see any future with her but who also happens to work for him, kept putting Facebook messages online saying, “you make me so happy” and so on, and he was replying, knowing I would see them. In anger I put a quote and tagged him in it. He deleted my post, his reasoning “even though I met his family on many occasions in the 8 years, we both led them to believe we were best friends only, even though they questioned this time and again, he said he deleted it to protect me, that they would now question him and he did not want to have to explain that the reason we were not together was because of my situation and the fact I was not officially divorced. He said he kept her messages because his family have no idea who she is and doesn’t have to explain her to anyone. Like I said I’ve decided to not contact him anymore, but he hasn’t ignored my previous messages. I’m confused, one minute he says we have a chance if my situation is fixed but even though I am getting it sorted he still refuses to open up to me, he tells me he is down and has said to me “what have I got to offer you, when I feel like I have nothing let inside” a couple of days ago I wished him a merry Christmas as he is orthodox, he replied, Is it, Thank you x. I also asked his advice and told him I need his help with a situation and he was more than happy to help and give advice. Our relationship, though a secret, was an affectionate and loving one, and I do believe this woman is putting things in his head about me, he keeps telling me she is not part of his future and on 2 occasions has told me he doesn’t answer her calls or that she is a “head F$&k” am I just holding onto a man, who is trying not to be mean to me and feels bad telling me he wants nothing to do with me. I have never been so hurt and confused in my life

    • Jackie said:

      Hi Lily,
      I think this man is just trying to hold on to you as a convenience. You should make up your mind and quit. He will never fully commit to you hence he will always be fooling around on the side. You have your plans for your future so stop giving him so much attention and focus on you.

  6. Claudia Flores said:

    Hello, I really would like to know exactly what I have to say or text to him. I’m loosing him. I understand the if I feel good and be positive, he feels the energy etc. His attitude is hurting me so much. He doesn’t know that… I don’t know what else to do. I love him very much. When I’m around him, I get too comfortable.. That’s when I notice that his attitude shifts from being polite to go home already!

  7. Lori said:

    Hi James. much like most of the comments here, my 6 year relationship is at an all time low. I don’t know what to do with this man. I love this man completely and when I “Love” I do so with all that I am and wear my heart on my sleeve. I will call my man an “emotional cripple” for lack of a better term. he rarely shows his emotions. we rarely laugh together anymore, he thinks in terms of me myself and I , whereas I think in terms of a couple, us, we, etc. he says he loves me but shows so little from the heart. His previous wife had committed suicide and he found her (that was his 3rd wife). my head tells me that if he acted the way he acts towards me, I could see why she did it. I grew up in a living home with both parents that showed they loved me in many ways and also told me every day that I was loved. his family dynamic was so different, he didn’t have any of that and he lost his mom at the time when her impact would have been most beneficial to him and his growth. I fell in love with him, after the “one” time he let himself become vulnerable to me. I say one time because that was it. I have not seen that man ever again. I’ve tried some of the things in your book on my own before reading it and……. nothing. should I just eat hay and walk away? I am completely lost and yet in love trying to hold on to the things he used to do that assisted in my falling for him. He does have a huge heart and he would give his last shirt off his back for one of his friends, anytime. I’ve stopped doing things I know he enjoys so that he will miss them and want them back. I honestly treat him like he is a God or something. Any suggestions to get him to open up to me

    • Lana said:

      Hi Lori,
      I feel I can relate to your story at some point. And the answer for your question is in your post “I honestly treat him like he is a God”.
      This is the key to a problem, I think. You may treat man with respect, with kindness, with great attention, being a good listener, but never treat him as a God! You should focus on yourself first, and treat yourself with self love. Man knows, when he is God for you by the way you are treating him. He would not change his behavior until he knows, you will walk away from him and find a better man in your life. You need to be vocal about your needs in this relationship, what you want and what you don’t want from him. It can be said in a lovely respectful manor, so he would feel appreciated by you, but at the same time letting him know, if the situation is not going to change, you may walk away from this relationship and find a better man.
      Please think about it first, and find the best way to deliver this message to this guy. I am sure you can figure out the best time and the best words, so he can listen and understand your point.

      With my best wishes to you,


  8. May said:

    Hi James,
    I’m dealing with a situation with my sons father. I have been separated for 4yrs 1/2. He had moved on with someone and had another child within a year being separated with me. We stopped having communication ever since and things were just really sour between us, I was heartbroken and couldn’t understand what went wrong with our relationship we’ve had for 8-9years. In june on 2017 He started to Come around more than the norm, he said ” I want us to fix our broken friendship and parenting to regain my family.” He wanted to start going to church with us and start from there but, then in the process of him coming around two weeks after the cops locked him up for jumping bail and not showing up in court. I’m not sure what’s my role in this I’ve never moved on because I deeply love him but I don’t want to go in my emotions because he isn’t in love with me like I’m in love with him still. I don’t want my kindness taken for granted nor Lied too, used, pretending to want to actually fix things. It’s been about Six months now we’ve been speaking, my hopes are sky high, he tells me he doesn’t want to lead me on because he’s in jail. He respects me and don’t want to hurt me. he’s in the stage of fixing himself and I want more than he can offer me. I want to win him back but I don’t know what to do nor how too. He’s very prideful & closed in. I don’t want to push him away with my aggressiveness behavior nor my impatience. Could you give me advice in regards to this.

    Thank you,

  9. Pam M. said:

    James thank you for your blog post. I find myself in an unusual situation having been widowed 12 months ago after a 42 year marriage where I had unconditional love from a man who was my soulmate and best friend. I am 64 and 4 months after my hubby died I was introduced to a widower. There was an instant connection and chemistry. I was very hesitant about a relationship and we decided to be friends and support each other. Three months later we began an exclusive relationship and although we live 200 miles apart have made it work, planning our future. During this time there have been many opportunities to meet each other’s families but he has always found an excuse at the last minute saying he doesn’t want to complicate our relationship. My family knows all about him but Irecently found out that his doesn’t even know that I exist! In early December he told me he couldn’t give me a committed to the plans we had made together to travel this year but wants to remain friends, but without the relationship. I am beyond heartbroken to have another future lost. I have very deep feelings for him and a very deep connection and can see him in my future but not sure how to get him to realise what we have. I have never asked for marriage. Help!

  10. Sherryl said:

    my first text was after he said he felt lost with his friendships and his new girlfriend


    I hope you stop feeling so lost in your relationships. I remember when you said being with me felt like home. Have a good holiday

  11. Mandy Heen said:

    Hey James,

    I’m new to your writing and have loved every bit of knowledge you have to share. It’s almost like you are describing my other half EXACTLY sometimes. We’ve had our ups and downs & we are doing great! I just have a really hard time putting into words/communicating to him how much he truly means to me…,(especially without sounding like a quote from a card). Any advice?? MAHALO!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Mandy. Have you ever read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? If not, that might be a useful place to start. You can discover what his love languages and communicate your love to him that way.

  12. Julie said:

    Hi James

    The man in my life and I are going through a sensitive time at the moment and i recently found out I am expecting. We are not living together and it has almost put the fire out that we had due to the strain it has caused. Such an incredible start yet I feel we are lost at the moment. Some days he appears excited other days I do not hear from him. I have used some techniques you give advice on and I seem to get no end of interest, then……..nothing


    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Julie. First of all, let me say congratulations on the new life and special little person on his or her way!

      I certainly understand how this news has created a whole lot of uncertainty and stress as you both grapple with the implications for your relationship and your future. I find myself wondering if you are operating as a team right now. Are you approaching this transition with a “together” mindset?

      If not, it seems like the kind of situation where it would be helpful to invite him into that kind of mental framework. Because having a baby is definitely a “together” event that goes much better if you work as a team.

      He may have hopes and dreams that don’t fit very well with having a little one to take care of. It’s normal if a man has a bit of grieving as he gives up certain kinds of dreams or aspirations during a transition like this. But that’s not to say that the grieving should not be mixed with joy and rising strength as he faces the most important task he’ll ever have in his life.

      As you’ve probably discovered in my relationship guide, there are many ways to show a man that you fully intend to support his desire to be “on a mission.” In times like these it’s extra-important to emphasize the way you can work as a team to invest in each other’s happiness, which, for men, includes having a supportive person who challenges him to be everything he can be and not let life circumstances hold him back.

  13. Susie Howard said:

    Hello James my situation I really don’t know where to turn, My husband of 24 yrs Has a mistress that he says he’s in love with her and He pays for everything for her house car clothes etc… He says he loves me more and never wants to lose me, He said to me he wants both of us and he’s never gonna give her up. I’m 52 yrs old she is 32 She is my niece which really makes it hard any advice I love my husband very much , But this is killing me inside.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Susie. Setting boundaries is difficult, but necessary in relationships.

      I understand why you would rather that he set the boundary by suddenly coming to his senses and realizing he is harming you (and your niece). But it seems he is not able to recognize the extent of the damage he is doing to your life. Either that, or he doesn’t care about the way he is hurting you. But I think that if you imagine a future where this never changes, you probably won’t be happy. I think if I was in your shoes I would be afraid of losing everything by setting a boundary, so I understand how hard it must be for you to take action.

      In a difficult situation like this, it sometimes helps to consider what you would tell a close friend who you cared about if she was in the situation you’re in. Sometimes we make better decisions when we use that mental trick to get a bit of distance from the situation.

  14. CATHERINE said:

    Dear James

    I recently just started to read your book His Secret Obsession. I love it so far. I wanted to find out about my situation. I recently was dating a man for about 5mos 2 of which were long distance. I just relocated to the same city as him for a new job. All was going well. He is recently out of his 2nd marriage over a year ago. But the divorce was just finalized 3mos ago. He said he’s done with that. I am too out of my 2nd marriage but it’s been 2 yrs for me. So all was great and we have a great connection and chemistry. We get along really well and are very compatible. Recently 2 weeks ago he ended because he said he felt guilty that he wasn’t ready to commit to a new relationship so soon and even though “I’m perfect” and did nothing wrong he said it’s time to “shit or get off the pot”. I never put that pressure on him and he would agree. So he wants to reconnect in the near future in different conditions and is sorry for hurting me. I’m not sure if I should let him be or reach out at all. My gut says to let him be. And if he wants to be with me he will reach out. I am super sad and miss him terribly. Any advice as to what’s best to do??

    Thank you for your time!!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Catherine.

      The good news is that you two built a positive connection, and he respects you enough to realize it would be unfair to lead you on if he is not ready to be in a committed relationship again.

      But I realize how unsatisfying that feels when you DO want to continue the relationship.

      Fortunately, he has left the door open to a relationship with you in the future. So your best bet is just to remain present in his life in some way. Occasional communication will keep the door open, so that when he feels ready for a relationship, you’ll still be on his radar.

      In the meantime, I find myself wondering if you are ok with a relationship that is in a holding pattern and not necessarily moving forward. If you are, you might consider asking him if that would change his mind. If he wants to continue dating you, but without any expectation of moving things forward, he might not feel the need to flee from the growing relationship.


  15. Jane Schneider said:

    Hi James, Been reading on listening to the audios. What is really weird. It seems like Bill and I have been doing everything that you have said to make myself irresistible to him. He does work a lot. 50 to 60 hours a,week at his full time job and extra hours at his part time job. Last time we were together he told me he had 200 trees to cut down b4 winter sets in. He reads all my texts but doesn’t respond back. What should I do??

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Jane. It sounds like you have a really good thing going with him. Despite being so busy, he wants to have a relationship with you. That’s great!

      You might find interest in a special report I wrote on the topic of a guy who loves you but is too busy. You can access it here.

  16. Chantelle White said:

    Hi James, thank you for doing what you are doing, you are a blessing. I have started reading your book. The reason is that a year ago i dated a guy. He tried to end things with me a couple times in the year we saw each other but we could never really stay away from each other. He always seemed torn between traveling and being with me. I am 30 and am a single mommy. He loves me and my child and all 3 of us light up when we spend time together. He eventually ended things with me a year ago and i decided after a couple months of him ending it that i would like to stay friends with him. He grew up sailing around the world and his father puts a lot of pressure on him to continue sailing. I am willing to wait for him while he goes sailing or make it work by meeting him or visiting him or even sailing with him some of the times. My daughter is too young to join us and her father wont allow her, understandably as the ocean can be very dangerous at times. I get the idea he just does not feel accomplished enough to be with me. He is 34 years old. His friends are constantly setting him up on dates but he loves me (we are just friends now). Recently we ended up sleeping together and then he went quiet and a week later i bumped into him on a date with a girl much younger than him. He didn’t seem that interested in her from the moment i walked into the room and he felt horrible when i expressed to him that i feel hurt and offended. He was in a serious relationship and she cheated on him and is married to the man she was having an affair with, so i believe he is scared of something as ‘real’ as what he had with me. I told him that he is lying to himself and that there is clearly still this strong attraction and energy between us, so he just goes quiet.

  17. Carol said:

    Hi James,

    This article has given me things to think about and I found it inspiring. I have been seeing someone for nearly three years now and at first the adrenaline levels were high and he made me feel alive and beautiful. This has dwindled somewhat which I suppose is expected after time and I don’t want it to end as other relationships have.

    I think that relationships take 2 to make them work and this is mostly the case. I have found this advice relevant to how I’m feeling about him and I do see how I fell for him in the first place and will think about it when we are together to find a way forward.

    Thank you James

    • James Bauer said:

      I appreciate your comments, Carol. It’s nice to see people like you thinking deeply about these topics and finding relevant applications for your unique relationship situation. You’re doing great!


  18. Mila said:

    Dear James,
    All of my relationships finished as you described. A lot of adrenaline in the beginning, too much focus on the problems towards the end. Sometimes you meet someone else who makes you feel alive again or you just don’t want to deal with the same repeating reality of the relationship, and then it’s over. I keep repeating the same pattern. I’m not unhappy since I was always the one to leave, but started to look at relationship as the mere adrenaline pushes and nothing more. I had wonderful boyfriends, different personalities. They all ended the same way. I’ve read your book His Secret Obsession and consider it wonderful and eye opening. And next time I meet a guy I like, I’ll certainly follow your advice. But the main thing that it did for me is that I’ve realized that I have no clue what is it that I want from my man… The only thing I know is I’m not capable of staying in relationship with low levels of passion.
    Thanks for everything.

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