How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

how to keep the passion going Hey, it’s James again. Here’s day 2 of your 14 day attraction tips course.
It’s just a preview of the kind of advice and insights I offer.

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If you already know you don’t want ideas and relationship insights from me, just click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of any of my emails.

Today I’m going to remind you of something you already know. Something important but easily forgotten. Something that tugs at a man’s heart.

They are the things that make you smile when you think of him. The things that made you fall in love with him.
They were there when you first met him. That’s why you said yes when he asked you out.
They are the things hidden in his heart that you admire, appreciate and trust. It’s a beautiful thing when you first recognize those gems in his character.

Basically, that’s what falling in love is. It’s seeing into another person’s heart and desiring what you find there.

But then you hit a snag.
When we first begin a relationship with someone, we’re attracted to the possibility of what the relationship could become. It’s an exciting new adventure.

As that possibility becomes a reality, it’s intoxicating… for a while. And then the intoxication seems to fade.
Usually, it fades for one person sooner than it does for the other person. And it fades because you get used to the things that initially made your partner seem special.

When that magical feeling becomes an everyday feeling, it’s easy to stop looking for potential in your partner. Instead, you fixate on the ways he’s different from you, the things you don’t like. And you can easily forget all about the things that initially attracted you to him.

In a long-term relationship, it’s normal for the feelings of infatuation to come and go. When feelings of infatuation are low, you stop fixating on the things you find attractive about him. You see him as a normal person. The sense that he’s “perfect” reveals itself to be an illusion.

When that illusion breaks, the magic withers and some relationships die.
If that’s happened to you, I have some good news. Recovering that special connection isn’t all that difficult.

If you want the best relationship possible, in the beginning and for the long-haul, take this advice. Keep on looking for the qualities in him you most enjoy, desire and respect. Finding them once isn’t enough. Trust me, if you don’t keep looking for them, you’ll forget about them.

And then something terrible happens. Problems become the focus of the relationship. And that slowly poisons the magic of your romantic connection.

So never stop looking for what’s good in the relationship, and in him. Search the mind and heart of your partner diligently and often. And when you see something beautiful in him, acknowledge it out loud. Let him know you appreciate him.

When you do that, two things happen.

First, as you rediscover the things in him that resonate with you, you’ll feel the electric excitement of possibility all over again. You’ll feel alive. You’ll feel desire, and you’ll want to follow that feeling on a journey that brings you closer to him again and again.

He’ll sense that positive energy in you and be attracted to it.

And here’s the second thing that will happen.

You’ll also be encouraging him to show you more of the qualities that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Usually, those are the same qualities that make him feel happy and fully alive. So it’s like you bring out the best in him when you look for what you like.

And here’s the magic that seals the deal…

He will like the version of himself that he finds in your presence. And that will make him want to spend more time with you.

how to keep the passion goingYou will essentially reawaken and reinforce the special qualities that cause attraction between the two of you.
If you do this from the beginning of a relationship, you’ll not only keep the flames of passion burning hot, but you’ll build a more solid foundation, as well.

What it comes down to is this. No matter how strong the initial magic feels, loving someone is a choice. So choose to love the best you can find in him. Don’t let frustration or setbacks become the focus of your attention.

Everything you fell in love with is still there, hidden in his heart. Seek it out, and never stop telling him what you find.

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49 thoughts on “How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

  1. Susie Howard said:

    Hello James my situation I really don’t know where to turn, My husband of 24 yrs Has a mistress that he says he’s in love with her and He pays for everything for her house car clothes etc… He says he loves me more and never wants to lose me, He said to me he wants both of us and he’s never gonna give her up. I’m 52 yrs old she is 32 She is my niece which really makes it hard any advice I love my husband very much , But this is killing me inside.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Susie. Setting boundaries is difficult, but necessary in relationships.

      I understand why you would rather that he set the boundary by suddenly coming to his senses and realizing he is harming you (and your niece). But it seems he is not able to recognize the extent of the damage he is doing to your life. Either that, or he doesn’t care about the way he is hurting you. But I think that if you imagine a future where this never changes, you probably won’t be happy. I think if I was in your shoes I would be afraid of losing everything by setting a boundary, so I understand how hard it must be for you to take action.

      In a difficult situation like this, it sometimes helps to consider what you would tell a close friend who you cared about if she was in the situation you’re in. Sometimes we make better decisions when we use that mental trick to get a bit of distance from the situation.

  2. CATHERINE said:

    Dear James

    I recently just started to read your book His Secret Obsession. I love it so far. I wanted to find out about my situation. I recently was dating a man for about 5mos 2 of which were long distance. I just relocated to the same city as him for a new job. All was going well. He is recently out of his 2nd marriage over a year ago. But the divorce was just finalized 3mos ago. He said he’s done with that. I am too out of my 2nd marriage but it’s been 2 yrs for me. So all was great and we have a great connection and chemistry. We get along really well and are very compatible. Recently 2 weeks ago he ended because he said he felt guilty that he wasn’t ready to commit to a new relationship so soon and even though “I’m perfect” and did nothing wrong he said it’s time to “shit or get off the pot”. I never put that pressure on him and he would agree. So he wants to reconnect in the near future in different conditions and is sorry for hurting me. I’m not sure if I should let him be or reach out at all. My gut says to let him be. And if he wants to be with me he will reach out. I am super sad and miss him terribly. Any advice as to what’s best to do??

    Thank you for your time!!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Catherine.

      The good news is that you two built a positive connection, and he respects you enough to realize it would be unfair to lead you on if he is not ready to be in a committed relationship again.

      But I realize how unsatisfying that feels when you DO want to continue the relationship.

      Fortunately, he has left the door open to a relationship with you in the future. So your best bet is just to remain present in his life in some way. Occasional communication will keep the door open, so that when he feels ready for a relationship, you’ll still be on his radar.

      In the meantime, I find myself wondering if you are ok with a relationship that is in a holding pattern and not necessarily moving forward. If you are, you might consider asking him if that would change his mind. If he wants to continue dating you, but without any expectation of moving things forward, he might not feel the need to flee from the growing relationship.


  3. Jane Schneider said:

    Hi James, Been reading on listening to the audios. What is really weird. It seems like Bill and I have been doing everything that you have said to make myself irresistible to him. He does work a lot. 50 to 60 hours a,week at his full time job and extra hours at his part time job. Last time we were together he told me he had 200 trees to cut down b4 winter sets in. He reads all my texts but doesn’t respond back. What should I do??

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Jane. It sounds like you have a really good thing going with him. Despite being so busy, he wants to have a relationship with you. That’s great!

      You might find interest in a special report I wrote on the topic of a guy who loves you but is too busy. You can access it here.

  4. Chantelle White said:

    Hi James, thank you for doing what you are doing, you are a blessing. I have started reading your book. The reason is that a year ago i dated a guy. He tried to end things with me a couple times in the year we saw each other but we could never really stay away from each other. He always seemed torn between traveling and being with me. I am 30 and am a single mommy. He loves me and my child and all 3 of us light up when we spend time together. He eventually ended things with me a year ago and i decided after a couple months of him ending it that i would like to stay friends with him. He grew up sailing around the world and his father puts a lot of pressure on him to continue sailing. I am willing to wait for him while he goes sailing or make it work by meeting him or visiting him or even sailing with him some of the times. My daughter is too young to join us and her father wont allow her, understandably as the ocean can be very dangerous at times. I get the idea he just does not feel accomplished enough to be with me. He is 34 years old. His friends are constantly setting him up on dates but he loves me (we are just friends now). Recently we ended up sleeping together and then he went quiet and a week later i bumped into him on a date with a girl much younger than him. He didn’t seem that interested in her from the moment i walked into the room and he felt horrible when i expressed to him that i feel hurt and offended. He was in a serious relationship and she cheated on him and is married to the man she was having an affair with, so i believe he is scared of something as ‘real’ as what he had with me. I told him that he is lying to himself and that there is clearly still this strong attraction and energy between us, so he just goes quiet.

  5. Carol said:

    Hi James,

    This article has given me things to think about and I found it inspiring. I have been seeing someone for nearly three years now and at first the adrenaline levels were high and he made me feel alive and beautiful. This has dwindled somewhat which I suppose is expected after time and I don’t want it to end as other relationships have.

    I think that relationships take 2 to make them work and this is mostly the case. I have found this advice relevant to how I’m feeling about him and I do see how I fell for him in the first place and will think about it when we are together to find a way forward.

    Thank you James

    • James Bauer said:

      I appreciate your comments, Carol. It’s nice to see people like you thinking deeply about these topics and finding relevant applications for your unique relationship situation. You’re doing great!


  6. Mila said:

    Dear James,
    All of my relationships finished as you described. A lot of adrenaline in the beginning, too much focus on the problems towards the end. Sometimes you meet someone else who makes you feel alive again or you just don’t want to deal with the same repeating reality of the relationship, and then it’s over. I keep repeating the same pattern. I’m not unhappy since I was always the one to leave, but started to look at relationship as the mere adrenaline pushes and nothing more. I had wonderful boyfriends, different personalities. They all ended the same way. I’ve read your book His Secret Obsession and consider it wonderful and eye opening. And next time I meet a guy I like, I’ll certainly follow your advice. But the main thing that it did for me is that I’ve realized that I have no clue what is it that I want from my man… The only thing I know is I’m not capable of staying in relationship with low levels of passion.
    Thanks for everything.

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