How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

how to keep the passion going Hey, it’s James again. Here’s day 2 of your 14 day attraction tips course.
It’s just a preview of the kind of advice and insights I offer.

That way, you can make an informed decision about whether or not to stay on my subscriber list.

If you already know you don’t want ideas and relationship insights from me, just click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of any of my emails.

Today I’m going to remind you of something you already know. Something important but easily forgotten. Something that tugs at a man’s heart.

They are the things that make you smile when you think of him. The things that made you fall in love with him.
They were there when you first met him. That’s why you said yes when he asked you out.
They are the things hidden in his heart that you admire, appreciate and trust. It’s a beautiful thing when you first recognize those gems in his character.

Basically, that’s what falling in love is. It’s seeing into another person’s heart and desiring what you find there.

But then you hit a snag.
When we first begin a relationship with someone, we’re attracted to the possibility of what the relationship could become. It’s an exciting new adventure.

As that possibility becomes a reality, it’s intoxicating… for a while. And then the intoxication seems to fade.
Usually, it fades for one person sooner than it does for the other person. And it fades because you get used to the things that initially made your partner seem special.

When that magical feeling becomes an everyday feeling, it’s easy to stop looking for potential in your partner. Instead, you fixate on the ways he’s different from you, the things you don’t like. And you can easily forget all about the things that initially attracted you to him.

In a long-term relationship, it’s normal for the feelings of infatuation to come and go. When feelings of infatuation are low, you stop fixating on the things you find attractive about him. You see him as a normal person. The sense that he’s “perfect” reveals itself to be an illusion.

When that illusion breaks, the magic withers and some relationships die.
If that’s happened to you, I have some good news. Recovering that special connection isn’t all that difficult.

If you want the best relationship possible, in the beginning and for the long-haul, take this advice. Keep on looking for the qualities in him you most enjoy, desire and respect. Finding them once isn’t enough. Trust me, if you don’t keep looking for them, you’ll forget about them.

And then something terrible happens. Problems become the focus of the relationship. And that slowly poisons the magic of your romantic connection.

So never stop looking for what’s good in the relationship, and in him. Search the mind and heart of your partner diligently and often. And when you see something beautiful in him, acknowledge it out loud. Let him know you appreciate him.

When you do that, two things happen.

First, as you rediscover the things in him that resonate with you, you’ll feel the electric excitement of possibility all over again. You’ll feel alive. You’ll feel desire, and you’ll want to follow that feeling on a journey that brings you closer to him again and again.

He’ll sense that positive energy in you and be attracted to it.

And here’s the second thing that will happen.

You’ll also be encouraging him to show you more of the qualities that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Usually, those are the same qualities that make him feel happy and fully alive. So it’s like you bring out the best in him when you look for what you like.

And here’s the magic that seals the deal…

He will like the version of himself that he finds in your presence. And that will make him want to spend more time with you.

how to keep the passion goingYou will essentially reawaken and reinforce the special qualities that cause attraction between the two of you.
If you do this from the beginning of a relationship, you’ll not only keep the flames of passion burning hot, but you’ll build a more solid foundation, as well.

What it comes down to is this. No matter how strong the initial magic feels, loving someone is a choice. So choose to love the best you can find in him. Don’t let frustration or setbacks become the focus of your attention.

Everything you fell in love with is still there, hidden in his heart. Seek it out, and never stop telling him what you find.

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103 thoughts on “How to Rekindle His Romantic Interest in You

  1. Dawn said:

    Hello James, I recently broke off a 3 1/2 yr relationship where we lived together and he had children and so did I. I never felt that I was a priority in his life. I felt as though I carried the burden of the home, cleaning, making meals and the kids all while I worked 45 hrs a week from my home office. We moved in together fairly quickly with the said goal of saving to buy a home together and eventually getting married. After 1 yr we broke up for 4 weeks. During that time he bought a home by himself. When we got back together we both moved to that home that he chose. That hurt me and I never got over that. When I started to feel our relationship wasn’t a priority to him I bought a home and left him. Its been 4-5 months and I am healing and growing and learning so much about myself. I am realizing how much I really do love him and my faults that contributed to our downfall. I am at a crossroad of do I take my new knowledge and the new me and move on or is it possible to rekindle what brought us together in the first place? It was a bad break up but we are at least talking to each other now. I believe he truly loved me and I truly love him. So much has happened though.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Dawn. That’s quite a journey you’ve been on, both in terms of the relationship enter personal growth. Thanks for making us a part of that journey.

      I hope your conversations with him bring greater clarity as you contemplate the options before you. Many people find it helpful in situations like this to release control over future outcomes and instead just focus on what feels right today, one baby step at a time.

      Amy Waterman’s book, the pleasure principle, can really help you absorb that mindset.

  2. Holly said:

    Hi James. I met a guy in March, we hit it off really fast and the first month was so amazing, he invited me to meet all his close friends and family then he told me he wasnt planning on dating anyone and really likes me but doesn’t know what he wants to do..i told him i like what we had and we continued the relationship we had but i did pull back a bit when we were in public because i was so confused with why he would kiss me infront of all his friends and family but then say he doesnt know what he wants..i then broke my ankle in may and he was my life saver..he did anything and everything for me..he saved me..i would have gone crazy without him which i told him often. I felt like i had found the man i had been looking for my whole life.( something i left out, i have 2 kids 10 and 8. He has 2 kids 3 and 2yrs.). Makes spending time hard..but we both understand and make it work..he invited me to all his ball games and tournaments when my foot was broken..was intimate infront of people and then i got my cast off.and it seemed to me that he was getting distant.. he didn’t invite me to ball as often, he stopped asking me to go camping, ( which we went almost every weekend), he stopped kissing me in public. He would still invite me over for dinner here and there and ask me to watch ball but it slowed a lot….now from reading the first part of your book i realized that after i got my cast off i began doing things myself like i have for 6 yrs being a single mom…another thing i should throw in..i have a hard time letting people buy me things or getting better but i almost always fight people on it..him to be one…i know i need to “let him be a man” and ask for help more often but what im scared to do or don’t know how to do is approach him on where my feelings are..without scaring him..i loved where we were and i felt home in that time. A bit more info..ive been separated for 6 yrs and him 1 as of this month. .im trying to give him his freedom but trying to be affectionate when im around so scared im going to lose him and his there a good question you think i could open a good convo with about where we should go next??..or should i just leave it as it is?? Please help me not feel so crazy

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Holly. Nice job activating his hero instinct! Ok, so maybe your broken ankle did that for you, but it seems he’s the kind of guy who responds powerfully to that instinct, even when he has convinced himself that he needs to “figure out what he wants” before enjoying time together with someone he likes.

      When men are not sure they should be dating due to uncertainty about what they want, that’s the last time you want to invite him in to a convo about where things are going and whether you might both get on the same page about what the relationship means to him. Why? Because it will bring up the guilt he already feels about leading you on when he thinks maybe he’s not ready to be in a relationship.

      Eventually, you’ll need to decide if this relationship is meeting your needs or not. When you get to that point, these are some additional thoughts you might consider regarding your own level of commitment.

  3. Anonymous said:

    Hi James,

    I’ve got a real challenging situation. There’s a man that I have something special in my heart for, but he just seems so difficult to get through to. I went to high school with him, but shortly after high he moved out of state. We barely spoke in high school to be honest but he reached out to me a couple times online and we’ve talked so much ever since. We talk almost daily but 90% of the time I reach out now. It’s becoming tiring but I don’t want to just drop him completely and move forward. I feel he’s got a lot to offer a woman. He’s told me he’s been hurt badly before and has had “issues” since. I asked him at one point to attend a wedding with me. He agreed until the last minute and backed out on me with real lame apology for it. Some days he’s my hero when I need him. He’s there if I need to call him but I can’t tell if he’s into me or not. I feel he’s more than likely not but I need to get answers so I can stop driving myself crazy about it. I really want him to be mine but feel I’m in some sort of “beggar mode” most nights. It’s frustrating! Please help me with this situation, I’m exhausted of it all.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi! This is a very in-depth question, perfect for the private forum available in the new members area.

  4. Shanna said:

    I have known a guy for about 14yrs now and we are really close friends, been through a lot w/ each other over those yrs. Over the yrs things have been indicated on both sides that there is more feelings there than “just friends” but it’s almost like he’s not sure what to do w/ them if he thinks about it. When I saw him in May he told me he didn’t realize how much he missed me until he saw me again… so my question how do I go about getting out of the dreaded “friend zone” since we do have such a long history as friends, so he has a chance to see me as “more.”

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey Shanna, I can see why you’d like to give this friendship a chance to grow into something more. Here’s a special report we created for that exact situation. It’s called From Friend Zone to Hot Romance, and you can click here to get it.

  5. Mels said:

    Met a man in early Feb and things were going fantastic until he was hit with 2 sudden deaths in his family (person who raised him and other he was 2nd most close to) a couple days apart. One was a complete shock cause the person and family lied about extent of condition and got call out of blue she had died. The next month or so was very rocky because his family is across the country from where we are and he thought he might have to move back there (and he said he didn’t do long distance relationships). He is not moving now, but he has said this has emotionally taxed him to the extreme and he said he “just wants to disconnect from everything.” But still wants to hear from me which I also said I want him to check in with me so I don’t worry. For the past month we’ve been in this holding pattern. I’ll text every day or so, He’ll check messages a couple times a week and I’ll hear from him about once a week. We’re supposed to go on a date this weekend. But I haven’t heard anything since Sunday. He’s really special to me, but I am not sure who to deal with grief and men pulling away. No things seem to really address this. He has said it is not me, but him and his emotions, lack of them in certain areas, etc. It sure would be great if dating coaches out there dealt with personal tragedy and what to do.

    • Allison said:

      I agree. I experienced a similar situation where his mom died suddenly of cancer/she had six weeks/lived far away/ so many issues….After losing the person that I loved, I’ve learned that there comes a time when it is important to stop grieving and start living again…if not you get stuck in a “feeling sorry for him” and being quiet/humble mode….which he will interpret negatively…

  6. Karen said:

    These things seem like what I should know, but the fact that you bring out these simple truths helps me going into a possible relationship for the first time in many years!! Thank you!

    • James Bauer said:

      You’re welcom, Karen. Thanks for being a part of our learning community.

  7. Annice said:

    Hi James my name is Annice, I have kind of a unique problem my boyfriend and Robert everything was going great and then his son passed away from overdose. My sister had passed away almost 1 year to the day before hand and I had a lot of problems dimming with it and still having problems dealing with it he forgot her one year anniversary death date and I voted because it was so hard for me to believe that I have been there for him for 3 weeks and he forgot about that date and he went out and had drinks with his sons X roommate which was a female we haven’t seen or spoken in person since everything is been in text messages I really didn’t realize I care this much about him until now. How do I get us talking face to face again and moving on with our relationship what can I say to him to get him to forgive me and move on

    • James Bauer said:

      HI Annice. Does that mean you already tried to reach out to him and acknowledge the way all this stress pushed you apart, and then ask to see him? Did he say no? Or just fail to respond? This situation might be good to tackle in the private forum.

  8. Anonymous said:

    Struggling through a relationship. I was so deeply in love with a man for 6 years. I saw myself growing old with him. We worked together and had an amazing relationship so I thought. I found out he had cheated on me with a few different woman plus who I thought was my best friend. I started seeing a counsler to get through the hurt. We had struggles with different things. Like my parents who were crushed by what he did to me and didn’t want to be around him. So he wasn’t welcome at my parents home. Which he blamed on me. He told me sleeping with other women was cause he was mad at me, it ment nothing but sex. We had a great sex life so I was beyond shocked that he was with others.
    He must have started seeing someone cause he started pulling away, looking back I see it all happening. Then he sent me a “dear John” text on Valentine’s Day. Then called me to tell me how happy he was in this new relationship and there was no comparison between her and I.
    He was my best friend and lover. My world has fallen apart. I don’t sleep or function. He has gone dark on me and I don’t reach out to him. Everyone says he will come back after this relationship falls apart. I have friends and family that hate him for all the hurt I’m going through. Yet, I just want him to come back. I have no self esteem left in my body which is far from who I am. I want to know what to say to him, to know he should be with me. I struggle daily wondering if I cross his mind. He’s on my mind 24/7.
    What do I do? I know the trust will not be there for awhile if he does come back. I just miss my best friend and lover. I thought I could fix him, where now I’m trying to fix myself.
    Please, any help or suggestions I will take.
    Thank you!

    • Lorie said:

      I know this site is all about hanging on to the relationship you have, but truly you need to know when to hold them and know when to walk away… and it sounds like you have co-dependency issues. Seek out a support group and if you don’t… you will know that you do have a backbone and you do respect yourself to demand integrity in your relationship. The family, your friends and god forbid if there are children involved will always treat him like the man who hurts you even if you make up. That is a very hard foundation to build a good relationship upon. Ask yourself if you should not take these lessons you have learned and your dignity and apply it to a new relationship that you can build on trust.

  9. Wendy said:

    I’m dealing with a man who I love very much, but I believe him to be bipolar and very hard to deal with at times. On one hand he’s the most loving and caring person, then you got the other hand when he can be very mean with his actions and his words. Nothing physical, just a very hot-headed German. And I don’t believe he’s ever really been in love with someone. I know he loves me, but I’m afraid I’m loosing the relationship we had. Please help me get back into his heart and help me to understand how to keep my relationship exciting and how can I put my love back into his heart and become #1 with him again.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey, Wendy. Maybe you should join our private forum where relationship coaches can help you tackle questions like these.

  10. anonymous said:

    I met him in FEB 2018 and had 2 wonderful months together. He had to go back to his country where he has been for the past 2 months. We text every day, he really wants to come back here and establish himself but he is waiting on his passport to be renewed and the government in his country is awful so it might take a while for him to comeback. I know that I have to be realistic but it is really hard. He seems more and more distant or I might be overreacting to his situation because he is in a bad one. He hurt his back and has been in therapy for a month, very hard to find food and meds in his country. I encourage him every time we text and show him how important he is to me but sometimes, the text is just read but no answer from him. I don’t know what to think or do and I don’t want to pressure him (he is 35 and I am 46). Is it a dead end between us?

  11. Anonymous said:

    Thank you James. You are the Best! Diana

  12. Dianna said:

    Dear James –

    I’ve been in a passive aggressive relationship for almost three years – it came to light slowly – I had almost thought I was going crazy or I was over reacting until I did my research. He is a great person underneath all of what passive aggressive behavior can do to a person, its just tangled him all up.- I walked away – he’s let me go with no fight- I do know and I have expressed this to him that we were meant to be and I believe it truly, not with stars in my eyes or arrows and cupids, I just know. We are in our 50’s and i am secure enough to know I will not accept anything less than what I or anyone truly deserves, but he is my best friend, and I’m letting him go and I am not sure how to get him back, and to get him back with a new start, for the both of us, with understanding, empathy and accountability. Passive aggressive people are a handful.

    • James Bauer said:

      Reading your words, it just feels like you must be a very courageous person. You have the courage to love deeply, but also the courage to walk away when you know it’s necessary to maintain healthy boundaries.

      It certainly is difficult to deal with passive-aggressive people. In my experience, they sometimes are so much in the habit that they don’t even realize they are doing it. And it’s an embarrassing thing to admit to yourself when you realize you are doing it. So it likely will be a long road, and success will require open communication about the problem over an extended period of time.

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