how to have dating successThere’s a trick to being happy in dating.

Actually, this trick works for any relationship at any stage. You can use it with your family, friends, coworkers, boss, and yes, your partner. If you learn how to do this one thing, I can promise you every relationship in your life will be better.

But there’s a catch.

It’s a bit counter-intuitive. Enough so that you may disagree with me when I tell you. All I ask is that you give me the rest of this article. I think you’ll come around.

So what is this trick? Simple. Be selfish.

We tend to think of “selfish” as a bad word. Sure, caring only about yourself isn’t good. But sometimes we go too far in the other direction, forgetting to do enough for ourselves.

You need to make it a point to take care of yourself. And part of taking care of yourself is tending to your own happiness. You’re the only person who can do that.

In fact, being happy in your current relationship starts inside of you.

Do you know what you want and need from a relationship? If you don’t, take a few minutes to think about it. It may even help to make a list.

What is it about a romantic connection that leaves you feeling fulfilled?

When you can answer that question, you’re ready to get selfish with your guy. How do you do that? By letting him know what works for you and what doesn’t.[i]

But first, a word of warning. Negative re-enforcement doesn’t work very well in relationships. It’s way more effective to praise him when he’s done something you like than it is to complain when he misses the mark.

To get the most bang for your selfish buck, focus on what works.

Celebrate every act of kindness and romance. That’s going to look a little different for every woman. For some, getting a bouquet of flowers at work is epic. Others may want their man to join them in an activity they enjoy. And all of us, guys and girls, want to know our partners are willing to listen to us when we’ve had a bad day.

The specifics don’t really matter. What matters is knowing what you want.

When he does something that’s especially meaningful to you, let him know. Make a big deal out of it. Leave no doubt in his mind that he knocked it out of the park.

how to have dating successYou get what you want from your man. He gets to hear about how he nailed it. It’s a textbook win-win.

All because you were selfish.

Happiness in any relationship starts with knowing what you want. From there, pair your self-knowledge with good old-fashioned positive re-enforcement. Shower him with compliments every single time he makes you feel special.

Master the art of being selfish in your dating relationship. When you do, you and your guy will both come out ahead.

[i] Coche, Judith, Ph.D. “Do You Know Any Emotionally Fit Couples?” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, LLC, 25 Apr. 2016. Web. 12 May 2016.