You’re at a bar. The drinks flow. Music plays. People struggle to talk over it and each other. Everyone is squeezed into “sexy” attire. Trying to be impressive.
You do your best to seem open and interested as you make eye contact with men in the room. But it’s just not happening. No one’s biting.
And you just know it’s going to be a long night.
If this sounds familiar, keep reading. I am going to show you what might be holding guys back from approaching you. The key may lie in a single word: impressive.
But first, I want you to consider a totally different scenario.
You’re at a business networking event. A woman you really admire in your field is there. Someone really impressive to you.
She’s in her element. She’s dressed to the nines. She knows everyone at the event.
You desperately want to approach. To introduce yourself.
But something holds you back. It’s incredibly intimidating.
That’s the experience many men have when they notice a woman that interests them.
If you are like many of my private clients, you’re impressive. And you’re holding out for an equally impressive guy. Of course, that makes it hard for guys to get up the nerve to approach.
They may fear they don’t live up to your high standards. Or that they will face stiff competition. They don’t want to be rejected.
Now I want to be clear. Being impressive is an asset. You want to impress guys. Attract their interest. Capture their imagination.
But you also want to make it easy for them to approach.
I’m about to tell you how you do both at once.
Let’s go back to networking with that women you admire.
Imagine you see her at the bar where you were chatting up the bar tender the day before. She’s trying to get the attention of the bartender.
But it’s not happening. It’s a busy night. And he just doesn’t notice her.
But you know the bartender. You know the best way to get his attention.
Suddenly the idea of approaching her is easier. You do her a solid. You flag down the bartender for her.
She thanks you. It creates an easy opening for a conversation. Suddenly, you’re chatting like best friends. Just like you hoped you would.
In this second scenario, she was just as impressive as ever. But it was much easier to make an approach. For one simple reason. She needed your help.
You can apply this to dating. You can use it to encourage men to approach.
Men want to be your hero. It’s something about our mental make-up. We want to help. To show you how helpful and useful we can be.
So give us an opportunity to shine. Even in a small way. It makes it a lot easier for us to approach.
Don’t simply wait for a guy who’s “man enough” to approach you. You’ll severely limit your options.
Be impressive. But do it in venues where men will have more opportunities to impress you. By helping you with something.
This means checking your ego at the door. You need to be willing to show your own lack of skill. To learn something new.
I am going to suggest a few types of venues that can fit the bill. These places also tend to be male-dominated. So you’ll have even more of an edge. Because you won’t have as much competition.
Sporting events. Let’s say you want to attract a conservative businessman. Sporting events related to golf or tennis are likely to attract this kind of man. They help with networking and staying fit.
So head to the driving range. Sign up for lessons at an exclusive tennis court. Attend a professional golf or tennis tournament.
Let your guy impress you with his sports know-how and coaching as you learn from him.
Extreme adventures. Connect with a guy who has an entrepreneurial spirit. If he’s willing to take risks in business, he may also enjoy thrills in his personal life.
So look at activities like surfing. Rock climbing. Sky diving. Zip lining. Scuba diving. Bungee jumping. Hiking.
Join a group. Sign up for a class. And most importantly: seek help from eligible bachelors.
If you’re not up for participating in these activities yourself, that’s okay. Watch them instead. Attend a BMX competition. Or a screening of the X Games at a local bar.
In particular, these types of men enjoy sharing their accomplishments. How high they climbed. How many times they’ve been skydiving. So ask. Listen. Be impressed.
Geek events. If you’re more into guys who would fit right in with the cast of Big Bang Theory, I’ve got some suggestions there, too.
“Geek culture” has become more acceptable. So more people have thrown off their inhibitions and admitted they feel most comfortable in that cultural subgroup. But there are still some bastions of (largely) male geekiness. Just a few: comic book shops, roleplaying/strategy board game venues, and conventions.
The rules here are the same. Allow yourself to be a novice. Geek guys love indoctrinating women about the things they love. Whether that’s Doctor Who or Magic: The Gathering.
Think Outside the Box
Don’t stop there! Set your mind to it. You may find that it’s easy to come up with new ideas of your own.
Car shows. Gun shows. Video game conferences. Any place where you can learn and men can help.
Remember, the key is to show your lack of skill. Let go of pride and embarrassment. It won’t be long before you’re surrounded by men.