How to Build Happy Memories with Your Guy

How to Build Happy Memories with Your GuyI have a friend who writes down happy memories on scraps of paper. She folds each one and keeps them all in a jar.

When the jar is full, she sits down with a cup of coffee and reads the notes.

It’s such a simple thing, but it refreshes each memory in her mind. It makes her feel the happiness all over again. It ensures she doesn’t forget life’s pleasant moments.

Most of the time it’s our problems that get the lion’s share of our attention.

Someone says something irritating to you at work. An unexpected large bill shows up in the mail. Your sister didn’t send you a birthday gift. Again.

It’s natural for your minds to focus on these things. Our tendency is to want to solve our problems, so we think about them.

But when you think about them too much, your quality of life declines. Your mood follows your thoughts. Humans generate stress hormones whenever we dwell on worries or irritating events.

We need what my friend has created for herself. We need ways to create a memory bank full of happiness. That’s especially true in relationships.

When you hit a rough patch in your relationship, it’s easy to focus all your attention on the obstacles and forget the good things. If you don’t have a memory bank of happiness cued up and ready to go, it will be harder to remember the good times.

This creates an imbalance.

You need to take the time to remember the good…as a couple.

There are several ways to do that. My friend’s method works well for her, but it’s not the only way to root yourself in happy memories. If you’re a writer, you might try keeping a journal. You could add an entry every time you and your partner have a really good day.

When you’re not feeling as optimistic, go back and read a few entries to each other. Allow yourselves to feel the joy you felt before.

Another option is to build a memory bank of happiness with your partner. The next time you two are on a date, make a game of it.

Start by asking him to tell you about the first time you made him laugh. Then share the first time he made you laugh. Keep the conversation going, talking about little things. The first good movie you saw together. The first time you held hands. The first time you bailed each other out of a comically awkward moment.

With each situation you recall, you’re building a stronger bond and making deposits in your shared memory bank of happiness.

You can explore good memories together like that over and over again for years.

Eventually, you’ll be talking about your favorite shared vacation, the times you felt the closest, and even the most amazing intimate moments you’ve experienced together.

The point is to remember on purpose.

Take the time to revisit happy moments. This simple habit will enhance the joy in your relationship and solidify the bond you feel with your partner.


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6 thoughts on “How to Build Happy Memories with Your Guy

  1. S'Tracy said:

    We’ve been married 7 yrs now and the problem now is him repeatedly running to his adult kids (ages 21; 25; and 30) even his ex-wife who finally re-married two mnths ago. They have pestered in our first 4 yrs; so, I finally left him for 40 days and 40 nights (accepted no calls no contact-he even had no idea where I was at). He went haywire searching and begging my return; then, he discovered my work region. This confused me-he was willing to change many things-so I believed a taste of leaving had enhanced us both. Well, now his daughter is divorcing after 5 yrs, and is endlessly requesting financial help by using the grandkids (learned by her mom). He is hesitant in taking me to visit my entire family in another state-he states for them to come visit us. We never had a honeymoon; instead we went to watch his son wrestle in school. Now he’s been forced to retire due to age or be dismissed. we are 11 yrs apart in age. (He is 62). Need advice in HOW to deal with this

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Stacy. It sounds like you’ve faced quite a lot of frustration. But you’ve also shown you are a resourceful woman with good intuition about relationships.

      It’s not clear what your question is here. Going through the process of submitting a personal question like this to our relationship coaches will help you clarify your question. It will also help you to zero-in on the things you have the power to control in the situation. You can access our private coaching service here.

      James

  2. Lorna (LaLa) said:

    James, I just LOVE your articles. I know I have said it before, but they are SO insightful, and always seem to come at the right time (My Angels working overtime to bring me the things I need to keep going, I think – and perhaps working through you to get the message across to me !! – who knows – anyway, YOU are truly an Earth Angel in your own right and work miracles, I am sure). I am in a long distance relationship with a man who has a drink problem ( a really BIG drink problem, which is worse when he is sitting on his own in his flat getting depressed and drinking). So this idea of reminding him of the GOOD times we have had is wonderful. To BE POSITIVE and find the positive in everything. I sent him a text just now reminding him I love him and to remember the first time he kissed me, when he said he could not stop kissing me – magical!! (We had known each other as friends for some time before that – and, no, I did not know he had a drink problem then). Yes, we have a huge mountain to try to get over, and probably some really bad times ahead, but this little tip will help us ride out the storm, I am sure – and I hope we will eventaully “find the peace in the eye of the storm”. Thank you, once again, a million times, James, and I send thoughts of love and peace to you, too. Keep up the good work, I am sure you reach into the hearts, minds and souls of SO many people and bring them tremendous amounts of hope and joy. Lorna xx

    • James Bauer said:

      Thanks, Lorna! You are always so kind. You inspire me with your unusual ability to give excellent compliments. I’m happy you are using my ideas to enhance your relationship.

      James

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        Thank you for that response. I really do feel that we are all in this together, and it is wonderful to have a forum like this one to support each other in our times of need. I am not religious, as such, but believe that human beings need some belief to cling to in times of distress. Who knows what it is all about? I am very spiritual and have recently found comfort in the Buddhist philosophy. To try to put yourself in the other person’s position, and see things from their perspective – we all have a different viewpoint. Compassion, forgiveness and love is ALL. And thank “Goodness” for kind, caring, loving people in the world. Thank you, once again. You have helped me enormously. Keep up the good work. Lorna

  3. ANA said:

    How do you get him to open up?

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