Moving on after you break up with someone isn’t rocket science. Ask anyone, and they’ll tell you: it takes time.
But this can be frustrating. Especially if you want to get back out there and find someone.
So, I’ve got some good news for you. There are things you can do to get over your ex faster if you can’t stop obsessing about him.
The key is to look at “problem” post-break-up behaviors in a new light. Here are the kind of behaviors I’m talking about:
- You wake up. The first thing you reach for is your phone…to check his Facebook. This is something you will do at least a dozen times throughout the day.
- Whenever your phone buzzes, you immediately glance to see if it’s him.
- Checking text messages leads to reading over old texts from him. Ditto emails.
- You think about calling or messaging him all the time. You might even do it.
- Your friends notice you are lost in thought when doing things at locations where you used to hang out with your guy.
To one degree or another, we’ve all been there. It’s not a new problem. It’s not a unique problem.
In fact, some experts say breakup obsessions look like a temporary version of a specific psychological disorder…called obsessive compulsive disorder.
So if you want to get over your ex faster, you can use a standard self-help technique for OCD.
I will dive into that momentarily. But before going further, I want to take a second to talk about what not to do.
Many people are tempted to avoid triggers. Some are even advised to do this.
Don’t go to that restaurant you loved. Hide your phone. Stay off your computer.
But I disagree with this. Because it’s unrealistic. And because avoidance never works when it’s a mental thing.
Your painful thoughts or memories will return. And avoidance intensifies your fear of facing them.
What I want you to do instead is use that self-help technique I promised to share: schedule your obsession.
It’s a way to take back control of your mind.
Obsessing over your ex is essentially a lack of control.
So retake that control. Let yourself obsess. Let yourself go wild with it.
But do it on your terms.
That means you need to create rules for yourself. Then stick to those rules. And make them progressively stricter.
Say, for example, that you want to check all his social media accounts every 10 minutes. Instead, set up designated times that you can look.
In the beginning, let yourself look only at meal times. Then once a day. Then only once a week.
The reason this works is because it gives you a short-term goal to aim for. Instead of trying to turn off the thoughts, you just delay them. You delay them until the designated time that you have set aside for pining over your ex.
I know it sounds weird, but it works. In fact, it even helps OCD patients to overcome extreme obsessions (like the impulse to wash hands every 15 minutes). Set a goal to delay the behavior. Gradually expand the delay until it’s no longer a problem.
Retaking control also means you need to understand your triggers. And plan ahead.
You know a particular place or situation will make you think about your ex. So, come up with distractions. Or ways to vent. Like writing down your thoughts.
When you do this, you’re indulging your obsession. You’re acknowledging those strong feelings inside you.
But also telling them that you’re still in charge.
Pairing these things together will help you work through your feelings faster. So you can get right back out there. And find a better match.