How To Handle Unwanted Attention From The Wrong Guy

How To Handle Unwanted Attention From The Wrong GuyYou’re at a party. You notice a guy smiling at you. It seems like the nice thing to do, so you smile back. Then he comes over and hits on you. Oh, boy…

You’re not interested. But you don’t want to crush him. So you endure it. When you have a chance to slip away, you take it. Whew!

But later he finds you. And he keeps hitting on you. Frustrating! Even more so because he does it in front of a guy you do like. Which causes that guy to back away.

You’re so annoyed that you lash out at the flirter. Go away. Stop following me. Don’t be a creep.

I can’t tell you how many times women have told me about experiences like this. Of course, this was an extreme example. Usually, it’s just being hit on unexpectedly by a guy she’s not interested in. It happens over and over.

It’s distracting.  It can be annoying.  But the real problem is when a guy like this blocks the advances of the man you actually like.

So let’s talk solutions.

The first thing you should know – some guys really are just creeps. They’re not picky. They don’t need an invitation. They approach just because you’re a woman.

And they may keep pushing. Hoping to “wear you down.”

These are not the kinds of guys I want to help you with. When they’re around, keep friends close. And make brutal honesty and strong boundaries your policy.

If he doesn’t respect your verbal requests, pick any guy standing nearby and ask him to intervene on your behalf.

But let’s talk about the more common situation.  A nice guy who thinks it’s the right moment to be assertive.

Consider this. In general, men are expected to approach women. Not the other way around. Because of this, guys may hit on you if there’s even a glimmer of hope. Even if that hope is just imaginary.

They know the chances of a woman approaching them are slim. So they go for it. Because what else can they do?

Luckily, there’s something you can do. It boils down to this:

Pay very close attention to the signals you send out to specific guys.

Here’s what I mean. Look at that opening story again. It starts with the guy smiling. And the woman smiling back.

Then she sent mixed messages. Because she “endured” it until she could “slip away.”

A smile may seem innocuous. But it’s not. In fact, it’s advice I frequently share about how to get a guy to approach you across a crowded room.

We’re hard-wired to take certain physical cues as invitations to approach.

Imagine you’re the guy.

You flirt with a woman. She seems to accept your advances. Then you leave to get a drink or something. And she disappears.

But you don’t know why. So, you find her and pick up where you left off. It seems natural.

And when she finally snaps at you with an irritated rejection, you’re hurt and confused.

So, here’s how you can deflect interest from a guy you don’t want to interact with.

Notice a guy you’re not attracted to looking at you? Don’t make eye contact. Deliberately look away or down. Turn your body away from him.

These are negative nonverbal signals. And they work more than you might realize.

For guys who are undeterred and approach anyway, shut them down quickly. Be polite, but firm. Something like, “That’s sweet, but I’m not interested.”

If he persists, continue to refuse his advances. You’re not actually “being kind” when you lead him on with mixed messages.

Practice these techniques – especially your body language. And I can guarantee you’ll have fewer of these problematic situations. And that will make it easier to catch the eye of a guy you want to interact with.


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One thought on “How To Handle Unwanted Attention From The Wrong Guy

  1. Jane said:

    Yeah! Tell me about it! Wanna Taco about it? This article is quite good. I can completely see how it may bother your significant other when you entertain flirting from another person. I’ve definitely experienced that scenario before. One of my ex’s was quite good at dealing with the situation- when he didn’t feel the other guy was a threat- he seemed to enjoy when other men found me attractive. And, It’s not that I get hit on a lot, however it does happen. And vice versa, it made me feel special knowing my significant other was desirable to someone other than myself- apparently I have good taste. That said, the relationship I am in now is quite different. The guy I am interested in can tell when another man is trying to get an in with me and often backs off- it’s like he’s waiting for me to make up my mind. However, that causes me more stress than I need- does he not trust me? I enjoy having friends of both sexes and having friends shouldn’t be an issue. If I feel another man is over stepping his boundaries I will quickly mention my boyfriend, or end the conversation. Conversing with people, learning new ideas, and exchanging knowledge, are all part of how humans exist. Without the exchange of ideas and information, humanity would fail. That said, there is a difference between having a simple discussion with someone and adding in the sexual energy that is often the beginning of a romantic relationship. The guy I’m dating once told me that he loves flirting with other girls- only once in a committed relationship- which puts up a huge red flag for me. I feel that if you are in a committed relationship you should get sexual validation from your partner- not some other person. Discussing a topic both parties have in common and flirting are completely different. For example, the majority of people would not allow flirtation from their boss (some do)- however, it’s not appropriate. I reserve flirtation for my partner, hoping to make him feel like the most important person in my life. If he cannot offer me the same treatment, history has taught me to address the issue. Explaining exactly how I feel, hoping he understands, and if he doesn’t, quickly removing myself from the situation or relationship. If someone was making advanced on him at the bar or via social media I would expect him to remove himself from the conversation if he wasn’t able to convey that he is in a committed relationship.
    Having knowledge that your partner is still interested in someone they may have dated for, lets say, 5 years- or even a few months; a boss’s daughter; or a fling they had can be extremely uncomfortable. Openness is extremely important, so is sparing ones feelings. Romantic connections can hit you right out of the blue, knowing how to control those fleeting feelings, or acting on the right ones, is an extremely important skill to hone. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for 14 years and have a degree in social sciences. Reading body language and the undertone of conversation is something I studied for 6 years- I feel I have a pretty good grasp at knowing where a person’s true feelings lay. Knowing how to protect myself and respect another person, such as a client, partner, or colleague’s feelings is something I learned in school and through practical experience.

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