You’re not interested. But you don’t want to crush him. So you endure it. When you have a chance to slip away, you take it. Whew!
But later he finds you. And he keeps hitting on you. Frustrating! Even more so because he does it in front of a guy you do like. Which causes that guy to back away.
You’re so annoyed that you lash out at the flirter. Go away. Stop following me. Don’t be a creep.
I can’t tell you how many times women have told me about experiences like this. Of course, this was an extreme example. Usually, it’s just being hit on unexpectedly by a guy she’s not interested in. It happens over and over.
It’s distracting. It can be annoying. But the real problem is when a guy like this blocks the advances of the man you actually like.
So let’s talk solutions.
The first thing you should know – some guys really are just creeps. They’re not picky. They don’t need an invitation. They approach just because you’re a woman.
And they may keep pushing. Hoping to “wear you down.”
These are not the kinds of guys I want to help you with. When they’re around, keep friends close. And make brutal honesty and strong boundaries your policy.
If he doesn’t respect your verbal requests, pick any guy standing nearby and ask him to intervene on your behalf.
But let’s talk about the more common situation. A nice guy who thinks it’s the right moment to be assertive.
Consider this. In general, men are expected to approach women. Not the other way around. Because of this, guys may hit on you if there’s even a glimmer of hope. Even if that hope is just imaginary.
They know the chances of a woman approaching them are slim. So they go for it. Because what else can they do?
Luckily, there’s something you can do. It boils down to this:
Pay very close attention to the signals you send out to specific guys.
Here’s what I mean. Look at that opening story again. It starts with the guy smiling. And the woman smiling back.
Then she sent mixed messages. Because she “endured” it until she could “slip away.”
A smile may seem innocuous. But it’s not. In fact, it’s advice I frequently share about how to get a guy to approach you across a crowded room.
We’re hard-wired to take certain physical cues as invitations to approach.
Imagine you’re the guy.
You flirt with a woman. She seems to accept your advances. Then you leave to get a drink or something. And she disappears.
But you don’t know why. So, you find her and pick up where you left off. It seems natural.
And when she finally snaps at you with an irritated rejection, you’re hurt and confused.
So, here’s how you can deflect interest from a guy you don’t want to interact with.
Notice a guy you’re not attracted to looking at you? Don’t make eye contact. Deliberately look away or down. Turn your body away from him.
These are negative nonverbal signals. And they work more than you might realize.
For guys who are undeterred and approach anyway, shut them down quickly. Be polite, but firm. Something like, “That’s sweet, but I’m not interested.”
If he persists, continue to refuse his advances. You’re not actually “being kind” when you lead him on with mixed messages.
Practice these techniques – especially your body language. And I can guarantee you’ll have fewer of these problematic situations. And that will make it easier to catch the eye of a guy you want to interact with.