How to Recognize – and Avoid – Pick-Up Artists

How To Recognize Pickup ArtistsMost of the time, my advice focuses on attracting guys. You want their attention. You want a connection. If a guy focuses on you, it’s a win, right?

Well, not always.

When you put yourself out there, it’s important to remember something: some guys are predators. Pick-up artists.

They have no interest in a relationship. Their only goal is to get you to go home with them. To “score.” Then move on to the next woman.

Now you can’t let this keep you from dating. Don’t just lock yourself up at home. Do this, and you’ll never meet the guy of your dreams!

But you also can’t be blind to the problem.

That’s why I decided to write this post. My sole goal here is to help you avoid these men. Because they are a waste of your time. And they endanger your emotional well-being.

In order to avoid them, you have to recognize their tactics. Let’s get started!

You probably wonder who these sleazy guys are. Unfortunately, they don’t have a dress code. They come from a wide variety of backgrounds. They can be witty and smart – or not so much. And they range from fit and attractive to the other end of the spectrum.

What marks them is the way they talk and behave. Everything they do is designed to manipulate you – both socially and emotionally. They do this using a variety of techniques.

Demonstrating value. Most guys want you to be impressed by them. But pick-up artists craft a plan to prove their worth to you.

This might mean telling stories about things that show off their intelligence, physical prowess, wealth, or business acumen. Or having you interact with people who hold them in high regard.

The underlying message is simple: “You should want me because I’m so impressive.” If you encounter this kind of “peacocking,” be wary.

Bouncing. Let’s say you meet a guy at a club. You talk for a bit. Then he suggests a great bar. You can bring your friends. So, you do. And it’s fun. But he also knows a great food truck a few blocks away, so you walk there. And it’s close to a park where you can sit and look at the stars, so you go there as well.

Now, this could all be perfectly harmless. Maybe he’s just a good guy, and this is a magical evening. But it’s also a technique pick-up artists use called bouncing.

The idea is to take a woman to a bunch of locations on the same date. Because doing this builds comfort. It builds memories. It causes you to feel more at ease with him (because he’s the only familiar constant in each location). That comfortable familiarity may make you more likely to sleep with him later.

Kino. This is the slang pick-up artists use for kinesthetics. In their world, kinesthetics refers to light touching. Because light touching can make women more receptive. It can put you “in the mood.”

How To Recognize Pickup ArtistsAlternatively, some men employ “pawning” to make you jealous. This is where they encourage other women to fawn over them. Because it can make them seem more desirable.

So, what if you’re talking with a guy who seems to be encouraging other women to touch him? It’s usually a bad sign.

Negging. This is an awful, incredibly emotionally manipulative technique. The basic idea is that he will insult you in some way.

This may seem foolish and counter intuitive. But many women react by trying to prove the guy wrong. By trying to win him over.

For example, a guy might say you seem pretty uptight. Not very adventurous. He can just tell.

So, you decide to prove him wrong by drinking more. Or “spontaneously” kissing him. Ha! That will teach him! But, of course, this is what he wanted all along.

Appealing. The opposite of negging. Appealing encourages you to think of yourself in a certain way. So, let’s say a pick-up artist is using the “appealing” method. He might say he can just tell you’re adventurous. A real wild child. The life of the party.

Which may cause you to act in exactly that way. This is because you want to live up to his idea of you.

So, there you have it – the modern pick-up artist’s playbook. If a guy does some of these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a con-artist. Some of them can be done innocently.

But it should put you on your guard. If he seems to be pushing you towards the bedroom, don’t hesitate in walking away. Spend time on guys who are worth your while.

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4 thoughts on “How to Recognize – and Avoid – Pick-Up Artists

  1. sarah jones said:

    I say it’s part of the journey part of the ride – enjoy the learning just trust yourself and be true to yourself and you can’t go far wrong

  2. Donna Magnuson said:

    I agree with you
    If you let the man lead the way you’ll find out soon just how he is, all pieces of the puzzle should be there soon, If he starts off playing a game………’ll never stop.
    Most men will try anything to swooze you, don’t let them cross boundaries, and you’ll be safe emotionally.


  3. sheila bell gilmer ex said:

    Yes. I. Unfortunately found out a guy I knew for years. Was. Or is. .just that. He. Impresses w. $$ n. In debt. Lol. I found out. Also. He’d hand me a few $ but. It stopped. When .the. other women found out. I didn’t know how many. N..then. his habit. To keep up with them all. IDK. Costs a good bit. I. Feel sorry for him. He was nice when I knew him in our. Teen yrs. Now at. 40. He is. Something else. N..every time I would find him in a dating service or. A photo of him n. His. Ex. He had a reason. N. Oh. Let’s not. Forget. He disappeared from me weekend. No.calls. etc. N. Was. Hunting. In. Sally. So. I don’t know what he did. But. He kept me far away from his house and two sons. Cody n Austin. Let’s just. Call them that. ExAmple. Cody liked me. First time we met. I.thought this should make him proud. His. Kid likes his new girlfriend n. After I SD this. He kept us from running around like ?? Sneaky. N. Sick. N. Others that know him. Told me. He’s sneaky. Etc. I think his. So called. G friend helps run scams w him. Bonnie n Clyde. Lol. But. Hr acted like. We were. Romeo n Juliet. Not. God help this guy. N. Thank u for wisdom. Hope you others. Don’t fall for the. Gambrell charm. He calls it. Must be his. Paining .Nick name. Aka. Hoe. J g

  4. Nora said:

    Yeah, exactly the guys that say @ first they like me, want a relationship but I’ve learned they want to skip the relationship/dating part just want friends/aquaintance with benefits & I recognize all the tactics, (red flags) but didn’t know what you called them. I call them cheap-they just want sex but don’t want to pay for it.

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