Everyone loves vampires.
Correction: we love FICTIONAL vampires.
We love vampires as long as we know they’re not going to show up in our homes to drink our blood. 😉
Vampires are all the rage right now in the world of fiction. But how did the idea of vampires find its way into the minds of the original, ancient storytellers?
We seem to have an intuitive understanding that there are people out there who prey on others.
They don’t suck their blood, of course. Not literally.
But they do figuratively-speaking. Because they drain our life energy.
Consider “frenemies.”
Frenemies are friendly and polite to you—on the surface. When you’re not looking, they delight in undermining you at every turn.
We love to watch frenemies on TV. The juxtaposition of nice and nasty is thrilling. But those people aren’t so pleasant to have in our lives.
There’s a similar concept at work in dating.
There are men who will love bomb you. They’ll flirt and flatter you. They’ll make you feel special, one-of-a-kind. They’ll be flabbergasted that someone hasn’t snapped you up yet. When you’re with them, you’ll feel overwhelmed with all that amazing attention. Wow!
But they’re pumping you full of good feelings for a reason. They want to see what makes you tick.
Once they figure you out, they have power over you. They’ll ask you to do little favors. They’ll take advantage of your generosity and goodwill. They know you never think badly of anyone, so you won’t catch on. You’ll just keep giving, because that’s what you do.
These folks are called “energy vampires.” They’re just as real as you or me.
And being able to spot them quickly can save you a world of trouble.
Do You Ask for Enough from People?
What energy vampires look for is someone who has a LOT to give.
When you have so much to give and no one to give it to, it’s painful. You’re born to help others. You want to heal everyone out there who’s broken.
That’s wonderful. But it’s only half the puzzle.
You have your own needs and desires. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you met someone who wanted nothing more than to give to YOU?
Wouldn’t it be even MORE amazing if you found someone who wanted to serve you as much as you wanted to do the same for him?
That’s the thought that scares away energy vampires and attracts great men.
You’ll meet a lot of men who have their own sad story about what was done to them and how hard they’ve struggled. Their stories will break your heart. You’ll want nothing more than to show them that love can be different.
I urge you to set your sights on a different breed of men.
Men who have a story about the positive impact they’ve made on the world. Men who are proud of the value they’ve contributed and the service they’ve made. Men who understand that setbacks happen and life is hard, but whatever. This is about the future, not the past.
A man who plays on your heartstrings knows it’s an easy route to your heart.
A man who inspires you with his resiliency, insight and love has the strength to hold your heart.
Vampire-Flushing Exercises
So try this the next time you wonder whether a man has the right intentions.
Ask him for help.
Maybe you received bad news and want moral support. Or you’ve double-booked your schedule and need help filling in. Or something has broken and you can’t figure out how to fix it.
Present it as an emergency. Something you need him to drop everything for.
Will he do it?
Energy vampires don’t like to give without the promise of getting something in return. They want to hear you say, “If you do this for me, I’ll do that for you.”
Men of service are used to being relied on. They understand that we are all here to help each other. They don’t mind dropping everything to help you, if your need is genuine.
Here’s another vampire-flushing exercise:
Reveal your true feelings.
Let a man know how much you love, care, and depend on him.
Energy vampires want to hook you in, but they don’t want you to get too comfortable. They respond to your love with sarcasm or criticism. The more loving you are, the more negative they become. The more they push you away. They don’t want your love; they just want to use you.
A man of service will flourish under the warmth of a woman’s love. Your love will fill him up. He’ll do more, be more, achieve more, all because you love him.
So don’t assume vampires exist only in the movies.
Real-life vampires exist, and they can prey on you.
They don’t have sharp teeth or wear black cloaks. Rather, they see other people as useful resources. As a source of supply, rather than fellow human beings to serve.
No matter how much they love-bomb you, you don’t want to get involved.
Choose a man of service. Someone who can give to you just as much as you give to him.
This has come to me at the exact moment I needed to read it. I was dating a guy and this is exactly what he did to me. He took advantage of my kindness and my understanding and then disappeared. He also dismissed my interest with sarcasm…”oh you women and your feelings…” I have been feeling like I did something to deserve this treatment and I am having a hard time understanding why any other human can have such little respect for another human, especially one that has given her time, her body, and her attention to him. I feel like I should have figured it out sooner but I do recognize that it takes effort and time to realize that someones intentions are less than honourable. How quickly should I be able to identify and then dismiss a man as an energy vampire? It’s lovely and feels great to receive compliments, so how can I know if he means what he says or if I’m being manipulated. In the early stages of dating it might be difficult to ask a guy to drop everything to help you out. What is incredible sad, but also comforting is that other women are having the same experiences. I need to be reminded that his behaviour is all about him and his insecurities and not about me. I am raising a teenage boy and will be doing my very best to teach him how to respect and communicate when it comes not only dating but to interacting with others. Thanks James.
Hi James,
Thank you so much for this blog. I have been love bombed way too many times. Finding that once I ask for honesty they just disappear with no remorse, no explanation. Really!!! I would never diminish any person like that. I’m your perfect target as I’m very authentic and honest. I look for the best in everyone. We all love and need attention but I see that I have to be much more discerning. Thank you for giving me a different perspective and a new gauge to see if a man is truly quality. I will look for service and be very cautious with all the smooth talk from now on.
Most of all I want to thank you for being one of very few men who truly honor and respect women. It is so selfish and hurtful for so many men to reel a beautiful woman in, use her and not even have the decency to say goodbye. Happens over and over again. This cruel treatment rips away our self esteem and leaves us thinking that something is wrong with us. No more!
Thank you for all you do and your amazing respect and understanding of women. We are what makes life beautiful.
Amen!! That was very beautifully written and I am such a believer in this energy vampire stuff! It not only happens in couples it also happens with friends! I had wha t o thought my beat friend for life when in the end the only thing she wanted from me was to pay her bills and take care of her 3 lovely daughters that she used as a crutch to twist my heart into doing whatever I could for them but in the long run it wasn’t for them at all it was all for her!! Shes A very selfish person and she uses people until they can’t give anymore and she moves on to the next person. Lies and is very Manipulative! I learned my lesson with this one friend! And I’m sure I will be paying for it the rest of my life shes into me for about 6000 dollars now and has no intention on paying me back! Thank you so much for putting this into perspective even more so now then I had figured on my own!! God Bless
Wow so powerful and strong! A crystal clear insight, thanks for sharing!
I had a similar experience and it became like an addiction to me, so sure and convinced I was to able to save him and help him from all his troubles and problems…
I could finally see the vampire behind his face, it was very confronting because I had to look in the mirror myself to find the answer why I went so far (emotionally and financially in giving and giving…). I learned a lot from that journey, although it was a very expensive lesson 😉
Thank you so much! I appreciate you all so much. Your work is indeed extremely valuable and important. Thank you.
Thank you so much. I’ve been rejected by some guys. I’ve tried dating as I’m very open with my feelings. So like the 5th date I start to tell them how I’m feeling that I love hanging out with them etc. The three that I’ve really like have given me the excuse that they aren’t ready for a relationship. I’ve been so upset with myself, thinking I’m too much for guys. My ex was definitely a vampire. He sucked everything from me and left me in a really bad way. I can see now I pick these guys with all their flattery etc. It’s not just me chasing them away. Looks like maybe it was all a good thing in the end. Hoping I can find a service man. You are such a help. Thank you so so much. ????
Thanks for the feedback, Melissa. I really appreciate it.
I appreciate you so much. Your work is valuable and important. Thank you.