how to win at loveLove is a paradox.

Those who are clearly on a quest to be loved end up weakened by their efforts. Their hearts are always on their sleeves. They’re dependent on others to make them feel whole. It’s a desperate way to live.

But those who give love away without agenda are some of the strongest people in the world.

Of course, every one of us wants to be loved. To feel valued and accepted. We’re hardwired with a very real desire to feel deep, meaningful connections with other people. That’s just a part of being human.

However, getting the love you want is a counter-intuitive process. To get it, you have to give it. When your top priority is being loved rather than giving love, you put yourself in a powerless position.

It’s all about accepting what you can and cannot control.

While it’s certainly nice to be loved, you can’t force others to feel a certain way about you. Not even the man in your life.

If your top goal is to feel loved, you’ve set your sites on something you can’t actually control. You’ll end up worried and anxious because the thing that matters to you is totally out of your hands.

Sure, you can try to appease the man you’re with. Sadly, a lot of women take that approach. But the end result is rarely what you’re really after.

You’ll have to bend and contort, trying to be what you think he wants you to be. You won’t be able just to be yourself. And the really tragic part is, it might not even work.

Even if you manage to change yourself into the person you think he wants you to be, you’re not going to feel empowered. It’s ultimately deflating to change who you are for someone else. And if that relationship ends, where does that leave you?

But loving your man without an agenda creates a near-magical effect. First, he’ll feel genuinely appreciated. You simply can’t fake that. And second, you’ll feel fulfilled on a deep and profound level.

When love is something you generate from within yourself, there’s no need to worry about giving it away freely. It’s easy to love the man you’re with, and others in your life. It’s not like you’re going to run out of love!

What’s more, your happiness and fulfillment is now in your own hands. You’re doing what you choose to do, not what you hope will make others like you.

how to win at loveThe love you give away will even leave you feeling satisfied within yourself. And, it dramatically increases the likelihood that others will genuinely love you for who you are without you having to change to win them over.

To quote the Beatles, “In the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give.”

Keep in mind that love and relationships are not the same thing. If a relationship fails, that doesn’t mean you didn’t love well enough. When that happens, don’t give up on love. Instead, keep right on loving the people in your life.

It’s the surest, most powerful way to take control of living with purpose and happiness in relationships.

Always on your side,

James

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