Want to master dating and relationships? Then just learn one rule.
Sure, relationships are complex. There are a lot of moving parts. But there’s one guiding principle that brings everything else into alignment.
It’s just one rule, and it’s so important that nothing else matters if you get this one thing wrong.
More than likely you’ve heard the phrase, “alone in a crowd.” You’ve probably even experienced it.
You’re hanging out with friends, but feel no real sense of connection. You join in conversation, but you don’t feel like anyone is on the same wave-length as you.
You’re in close physical proximity, but you’re miles apart emotionally.
That’s what it means to be alone in a crowd.
And it sucks.
It’s a deflating feeling because people you should feel connected to are right there.
And as disappointing as that can be, it’s even worse when it happens with your partner. Then it’s not just deflating. It’s demoralizing. And it’s poison to the intimacy you’ve worked so hard to build.
That brings me to the single most important rule for relationships. Never let the person you love feel alone, especially when he’s in your presence.
After all, that’s why we seek out relationships. For companionship. We don’t want to feel alone. So the most important thing you can do in any relationship is guard that feeling of connection.
While the rule is simple, mastering it takes time and practice.
The good news is there’s a way to make mastering the rule a little easier.
Find a teacher. And your best teacher? It is your own experience.
Think about those times you’ve felt alone, even in the presence of people who care about you.
Go back there in your imagination. Try to recall the things that made you feel isolated.
Was it that your friend had an agenda to look cool rather than listen and connect? Was she trying to be the center of attention? Was it that no one even bothered to ask why you looked like you were in a funk? Identify the specifics that left you feeling alone.
Those experiences are your teacher. Just do the opposite.
The situations that make us feel alone tend to be universal. That means the things that leave you feeling disconnected are likely to have the very same effect on your guy.
This method also works for creating positive moments of connection.
Think of times when you felt truly understood and connected. Learn from those moments in your life. Look to those moments as unique advice specifically for you.
It’s advice about what works between you and your guy. Let those moments strengthen your relationship.
While I could give you specific ideas for creating a sense of connection, I won’t. Instead, I strongly encourage you to take the mental journey described above. Search your memories. Let them teach you.
Your approach will end up being far more personal that way. As a result, it will work better in your unique relationship.
Use your own experience as a guide to keep your guy from feeling disconnected. And use it to intentionally strengthen the bond you share.