The Real Secret to Getting Him to Open Up

The Real Secret to Getting Him to Open UpHave you ever wondered why men are so much more reluctant to share their feelings than women?

The technical term for when a guy has a hard time talking about how he feels is “Normative Male Alexithymia.” That’s a ridiculously complicated way of saying that many men think they’ll appear weak if they share.[i]

Men are taught from a young age that anything they say that makes them sound needy, dependent, or vulnerable translates to failure as a man.

This reality is what prompted Dr. Michael Kimmel to observe, “If I was to say what is the major emotion of American masculinity, it is anxiety. Why? Because you have to prove your masculinity all the time.”

Sounds pretty horrible, right?

And it’s a double whammy. If your guy won’t share with you, it keeps you from being close. But it also means he’s under pressure ALL THE TIME to prove himself.

So how do you help him get over that major hurdle? What can you do to help him open up without making him feel like he’s not a real man?

The single biggest thing you can do is show him that he can trust you not to shame him. If he truly believes there’s no shame in being vulnerable with you, he’ll share.

Building trust is an epic relationship task, but it’s really not that hard to pull off. If you do just two things, his trust will grow and he’ll be far more likely to open up to you.

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How to Work 60 Hours a Week and Still Find Time for Dating

How to Work 60 Hours a Week and Still Find Time for DatingMaybe you work 60 hours a week. Or you have kids. Or a demanding social life. Or maybe you’re going to night classes for a career makeover.

But you also want romance in your life.

The problem is, you’re short on time.

You cram as much as possible into each day. You run from one commitment to another. You complete errand after errand.

But your task list doesn’t seem to get any shorter. And at the end of each day, you’re exhausted.

You don’t see how you could possibly find time to date.

For your own sake, please don’t think that way. If you really want love in your life, you can find the time.

Which is not to say it will be easy.

To fit dating into your life, you will need to use a few tactics that less busy people don’t need.

We’ll start with a tactic I call “the overlap.”

This is an “outside-the-box” way of thinking. Here’s the gist. Think of something you need to do anyway, and make it into a date.

It’s not as crazy as it sounds. Let me show you some examples:

  • Take your car in for an oil change and get coffee while you wait.
  • Return books to the library and pick out new ones together.
  • Ask him to join you for a fitness activity you attend, like cycling, yoga, or just a walk in the park.

These are errand dates. I’ve talked to women who swear by this technique. Because they get to date while getting stuff done.

And perhaps even more important is this. Women tell me guys really get into this. It’s like they have a “mission” to help you with. And that makes them relax a little more than they otherwise would.

Maybe you like this idea. Maybe not. Either way, you’ll definitely need to use this next tactic.

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The Surprising Secret to Long-Term Relationship Bliss

The Surprising Secret to Long-Term Relationship BlissWhat do you hope for in a dating relationship?

It’s a simple question that can lead to some complex answers. Fun dates and first kisses are nice, but you probably have your sights set on something long-term. If you really let your mind go, you could end up thinking about where you want to be in five or ten years.

And here’s the catch. Even if what you truly want from dating is to meet THE ONE, you have to be careful about how you say that.

Imagine he’s picking you up for your first date. He compliments you and then walks you to his car. On the way, you blurt out, “I’m really looking forward to this date. I’ve been searching high and low for someone I can have it all with. Marriage, kids, the whole shebang! Maybe that’s you!”

That’s going to make for some really awkward dinner conversation. You know, if he doesn’t just scream and run.

So there’s this tension. You want a relationship that’s long-term oriented, but if you focus too much on the long-term, it hurts where you are NOW.

One quick side-note. I’m assuming you’re already implementing the foundational principles I normally encourage to spark commitment in the first place…like the respect principle for example. It’s important to get relationship basics down first.

After that, turn your attention to making the relationship last.  Ironically, you do that by focusing on today, not tomorrow.

Even Harvard researchers agree. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, their research shows that big goals have the potential to distract you from the smaller things you need to do each day to get where you want to go.[i]

There’s a surprisingly simple solution.

Forget about those long-term goals, at least while your relationship is young. Don’t even think about them. Instead, focus on the daily health of your relationship.

And it gets better. It’s super easy and even fun to shift your focus away from the long-term to the present.

The difference between romantic success and disaster comes down to just two things, and they have nothing to do with long-term focus. According to relationship psychologists, a lasting relationship comes down to emotional connection and kindness.[ii]

You can kill both birds with one stone using a simple strategy.

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You’re Two Minutes Away from Being Happier Right Now

You’re Two Minutes Away from Being Happier Right NowYou’ve probably noticed that happiness is a buzz word lately. There are all kinds of happiness studies going on. It’s suddenly the ‘it thing’ to talk about.

Which kind of makes sense. Who doesn’t want to be happier?

Here’s some of what we’ve figured out so far. Happiness isn’t getting everything you want all the time. It’s not even having all your needs met, or never feeling sad.

Instead, happiness has more to do with peace of mind. [i]

Which also makes sense. It’s not possible to be giddy every second of every day. (Besides, how annoying are the people who act like they are?)

Happiness can’t be THAT.

Peace of mind, on the other hand, is possible. Even on a rough day, peace of mind will keep you calm, anchored, and feeling secure.

Think about how epic that would be in your relationship. If you’re happy in your relationship, it means you are at peace in the relationship and you feel content.

You can have a fight…and relax afterward because you know it doesn’t mean he stopped loving you. You don’t have to get everything right all the time to keep him committed. It takes a ton of pressure off, and that makes it easier to actually connect.

And in just 120 seconds, you can be happier.

So, what is this two-minute trick that boosts happiness, and how can you use it to make your relationship better?

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