The Best Way to Find the Type of Guy You Really Want Online

The Best Way to Find the Type of Guy You Really Want OnlineThere’s a problem with online dating sites.

It’s not that there aren’t enough guys using them. Or even enough good guys.

The problem is that it’s incredibly difficult to find the specific type of man you want.

Luckily, there’s a powerful tool all online dating sites have. This tool can help you weed out lots of bad matches. And focus on exactly what you want.

Unfortunately, it’s a tool most people don’t use very well.

I’m talking about the search function.

Now, undoubtedly, you have used search on dating sites. But I can almost guarantee that you have done one of two things:

1) Kept it too general, or

2) Gotten too specific

Both cause different issues and frustrations.

If you’re too general, you’ll get lots of matches. Maybe even too many matches. But almost none will be close to what you want.

If you’re too specific, you may end up with no matches.

Either scenario can leave you feeling frustrated. And very, very alone.

You might start to think there are no worthwhile guys online. No one who matches what you’re really looking for.

But I guarantee this isn’t true. So many people use online dating sites today. There are men online that are well-suited for you. Probably quite a few of them.

The trick is knowing how to find them.

Using search the right way helps a lot. So I’m going to teach you exactly how to do that.

But first, let’s talk a bit about dating sites themselves and the types of people they attract. Because if you want to find “your” type of man, the first step is to go where he is.

If this were the “real” world, I would tell you to frequent places your “type” is likely to be. Join activities they enjoy. And so on.

Online dating is no different in this respect.

There are a ridiculous number of niche dating sites out there. For people of specific ages. Particular religions. Those who are gluten-free. Farmers. (Yes, you read that right. Farmers!)

I could go on and on.

So before you do anything else, search for sites that match characteristics you want in your ideal guy. And give them a try.

Once you’re on a few, it’s time to learn how to search the right way.

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When You Don’t Feel Loved Enough in Your Relationship

When You Don’t Feel Loved Enough in Your RelationshipMost of us spend our entire lives looking for love.

Our youth is consumed by it. No matter how much our parents loved us, it’s not the kind of love we crave. Nothing can substitute for romantic love. Dating feels like heaven, except when it feels like hell.

And yet…

It’s never enough.

You fall in love, it’s amazing, and then it just flatlines. He acts like he loves you, but you’re never quite sure if he really loves you. You don’t feel completely loved from top to toe. You keep yourself braced for the day you’re sure will come, when he decides he’s bored with you and it’s all over.

Why is it so hard to feel loved, even when you’re in a committed relationship?

Two things could be happening.

  1. You’re better at giving love than receiving it.

True story:

Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, made their living talking about what makes relationships last. They developed an influential theory about why we choose the partners we choose.  Then they designed a style of couples therapy based on that theory.

And they were on the verge of divorce.

Not only was it humbling for them, but it was humiliating. They were internationally renowned relationship experts! And they couldn’t make their own marriage last?

They decided to give it one more year. Putting all their professional expertise to bear on their relationship, they finally figured it out:

They didn’t feel loved.

A surprising conclusion, to say the least. They’d been together for decades. They were kind, thoughtful, and loving to one another.

But knowing they were loved wasn’t the same thing as feeling loved.
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Privacy vs. Secrecy – Where Is the Line?

Privacy vs. Secrecy – Where Is the Line?Let’s start off with a quick mental exercise.

Think of three things your man doesn’t know about you. Even if you’ve been together for years, that should be easy.

Now for the hard part.

Ask yourself WHY he doesn’t know these three things. Is it because this stuff has just never come up? Or is it because you’re keeping details about your life from him?

The answer matters. Let me explain.

The issue of privacy comes up a lot in the modern world. You hear about it all the time as it relates to things like Facebook and internet use. Privacy has its place online… and in dating relationships.

Privacy is about those moments when no one is observing you. When something is private, it just means it happened where others couldn’t see. Privacy isn’t bad.

However, if there are things you’re keeping from him because you fear he will be upset, angry, or hurt, that’s not privacy. That’s keeping a secret.[i]

And here’s the problem with secrets in dating relationships. They destroy trust.

So, there’s this tension in every romance between privacy and secrecy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just come home from your first date or you’ve been together for 20 years. The tension is real.

When is it better to just leave a skeleton in the closet?  When is privacy a good thing?

The following tips will help you decide.

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Don’t Take This Well-Meaning Advice

Don’t Take This Well-Meaning AdviceSometimes, people who want to make you happy give you really bad advice.

For example…

It’s frustrating to watch someone you care about agonize over a guy who doesn’t even know she exists. Her unreciprocated love doesn’t just make her suffer; it makes everyone around her suffer, too.

Think of that classic scene from the film Love, Actually. Sarah, who works at an ad agency, moons over her gorgeous co-worker Karl. Her boss finally pulls her aside and tells her to do something about it, for the sake of everyone in the office. He offers a plan:

“Invite [Karl] out for a drink and then, after about 20 minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you’d like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.”

Should she take his advice?

Of course not!

Every woman alive knows just how terrible that plan is. It only works if you want to scare a guy off for good…or get used by a heartless guy.

But some advice given to you by well-meaning parties can sound good on the surface. You might be tempted to take it, particularly if you don’t have any other ideas.

Before you do…

Think it through first.

A lot of so-called “good advice” can actually backfire. At best, it moderately improves your chances of catching his eye. At worst, it wrecks any chance you ever had with him.

Here are 4 examples.

  1. Look really attractive, and he’ll notice you.

Have you ever put special effort into doing your hair and makeup, or choosing just the right outfit, because you knew you were going to be seeing someone you were interested in?

Most women do. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if it gives you confidence. The problem with this strategy is when it is all you do.

When you put all your effort into looking great only to stand there, hoping to be noticed.

Looks are a starting place, but they’re not a plan. Your LBD can’t do all the talking for you. It is still up to you to strike up a conversation and create a connection.

There’s another bit of advice that’s even worse…

  1. Just tell him how you feel.

Life’s too short. Be brave. Grab the bull by the horns and tell him how you feel. The worst he can say is no.

It sounds so right in theory. Honesty is always the best policy!

But there are some very sound reasons not to tell him how you feel—at least, not until you know him well.


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