The Weekend-Trigger: Renew Your Romance

The Weekend-Trigger: Renew Your RomanceYou know how it feels when you first start dating someone? Every detail about them is exciting. The process of getting to know them can be spell-binding.

That’s why you’ll stay on the phone for HOURS, even if you’re not really a long-phone-call kind of person. The beginning is just so charged.

And then things slow down. Which is good, even though it’s not nearly as exciting.

But what if you could reclaim that initial excitement? What if you could return to that level of passion, even after you’ve been with someone for a while?

You can.

Think about the last time you bought a new car. For a while, every time you slid into the driver’s seat you were elated. Everything was so fresh and different. And who doesn’t love that new car smell?!

But the new car smell faded.

You got used to the controls, the fresh layout, and even the bells and whistles you freaked out over on the test drive. You probably didn’t even realize it was happening, but your new car became just “the car.”

Anything we encounter every day can become dull, simply because we’re used to it. Even romance.

But there’s a way to reboot the excitement, super-charging your relationship all over again. And the solution is probably the opposite of what you’d expect.

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How to Argue with Your Man—and Feel Better Afterward

How to Argue with Your Man—and Feel Better AfterwardIf you’re on Facebook (or any other social media site), you’ve probably seen people fight online. Someone lobs an opinion out there like a grenade, and then KA-BLAM!

The ensuing “discussion” is rarely an open exchange of maturely cultivated points of view. But there’s a simple formula for turning conflict into a constructive conversation.

The problem with conflict, online or offline, is this: we think the goal is to win.

And this probably isn’t breaking news to you, but you can’t “win” an argument with someone you care about.

It feels like you can in the moment, but you can’t. That’s because even if you come out on top, you’ll end up disconnected from your opponent.

That doesn’t exactly create a romantic vibe.

Wouldn’t it be better to fight in a way that actually strengthens your relationship? What if you could throw down with your man…and come out the other side of the conflict even closer than you were before?

Fighting CAN be productive. It’s all about how you approach it.

Attorney Sean Jones has three suggestions for making fights fair and beneficial.[i] While his suggestions are specific to online fights, you can also use these tips in your relationship.

If you do, fights with your man will morph into something that makes you stronger as a couple.

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How to Make the Most of Weekends with Your Man

How to Make the Most of Weekends with Your ManDo you ever feel like you have two full-time jobs?

First, you’ve got your 40-hour gig. That’s the job that ensures food and shelter. And then there’s the time you have to invest to keep a good relationship going.

Recently, I was talking to my friend, Julia. She and her boyfriend, Chad, are an active couple. They’ve always got something going on.

A couple of weekends back, they toured a local vineyard, attended a music festival, and ran a 5K together. All in the same weekend!

While that sounds like fun, there’s a potential downside. The minute your relationship starts to feel like a second full-time job, POOF! There goes the romance.

A recent study confirms what Julia already knows.

Researchers from Ohio State University conducted a series of 13 experiments. (Apparently, they’re thorough in Ohio.) Their findings were consistent. Packing your weekends full, even with fun stuff, makes Saturday and Sunday feel like another job.[i]

Of course, the opposite’s no better. Sitting around in your sleep pants eating pizza and binge-watching Netflix may be fun for one weekend, but that gets old fast.

So, how do you strike a balance? How do you make plans…without making plans?

I know this is shocking, but I have a strategy for you. There’s an easy way to ensure that your weekends are fun AND carefree.

You just have to follow two rules.

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Stop Old Arguments from Wrecking Your Relationship Rhythm

Stop Old Arguments from Wrecking Your Relationship RhythmTry this quick experiment. I’ll explain why in a bit.

Think about the last time your boyfriend did something really irritating. For just a moment, 30 seconds tops, remember every detail you can.

Got a specific annoyance in mind? Good.

Okay, the next part is the important part. How do you feel RIGHT NOW?

The original emotions came back, right? You spent less than a minute thinking about something frustrating, and you felt yourself getting upset all over again.

You’re probably not surprised by that. I’m sure you already know that when you remember something, good or bad, it’s like reliving it. [i] The feelings always come back.

And, boy-oh-boy, are there times when that can wreak havoc. Like in the middle of a fight.

When conflict breaks out, it’s only natural to think of other times something similar happened. But when you do, it makes everything about the current conflict messier.

Silent Man - Relationship RhythmIn part, that’s because you’re piling negative emotions on yourself. Now you’re upset about two things instead of just one. But there’s another downside.

Once you think of ONE other time he’s been a…ahem…bonehead, you’ll likely think of SEVERAL other times.

In the world of psychology, this is called “kitchen sinking.”[ii] That means throwing everything into the current argument you can think of, including all kinds of past pain.

And, yes, guys do it, too.

Kitchen sinking will make any conflict much harder to navigate.

What’s more, a recent study[iii] found that even if you don’t actually mention past irritations during a fight, just thinking about them is as bad as bringing them up!

Luckily, there are two surefire ways to keep the past in the past.

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