How to Spot Your Future Husband Faster

How to Spot Your Future Husband FasterWhat are the chances your future husband is trying to meet you online?

One study suggests that it could be as high as 33%.[1]

(Other estimates are more conservative at 5% to 25%, so keep your eyes open in the real world, too. If he’s not online, he’s likely to be working at the same place you work or hanging out with mutual friends.)

But, if your future husband is online, how in the world are you going to find him? Have you seen all the potential matches out there? There are too many to sort through.

Dating sites can’t do the work for you. They can suggest matches but can’t predict chemistry. There are too many variables to consider.

Is your ideal partner near your age, or is he just outside of your ideal age range? Does he live within 30 miles of you, or does he live across the country? Does the camera love him, or will you pass over him because his profile pic is unflattering? Will you message him back, or will you ignore him because he can’t spell?

The human mind isn’t built to cope with questions like that.

Worse yet, if you consistently pick the wrong guys, you’ll waste your time on endless messaging and fruitless dates. You’ll become discouraged, frustrated, and sick of trying. Maybe the day you let your online dating membership expire is the day he tries to get in contact with you.

Luckily, your brain has a friend that knows exactly what to do.

Ever know something “in your gut”?

That’s not just a figure of speech.

You have two systems for making decisions. They’re called, quite cleverly, System 1 and System 2. (Seriously.)

System 1 is your gut or intuition. It’s what helps you make quick decisions, like whether to go for the chicken salad or double cheeseburger. You don’t have to think. You just feel the right answer.

Unfortunately, the “right” answer may actually be wrong, and that’s where System 2 comes in.

System 2 is your rational brain. The educational system taught you that System 2 is the only correct way to make a decision. Without reason, logic, and facts, you’re just guessing.

System 2 oversees our gut decisions. Perhaps your gut is urging you to move in with your boyfriend, but you write down a list of pros and cons to determine whether it’s really a good idea or not.

As great as it sounds, System 2 is remarkably bad at picking romantic partners for us.

You meet someone who is perfect on paper in every way. He’s exactly the sort of man you always said you wanted. But you’re not interested in the slightest. Your head tells you to go out with him, but your gut says, “I’ve got better plans. Pajamas. Netflix. Ice cream.”

Your gut is louder than your brain. Once it decides, its decision sticks.

So what does all that mean for online dating? And how does it help you find the perfect guy faster?

Continue reading

How Personal Branding Can Help You Find Your Match

How To Find Your MatchYou’re at a party. Your host introduces you to someone you haven’t met before. He’s tall and good-looking, and his entire attention is focused on you.

He grins and says, “So, tell me about yourself.”

You stare at him like a deer caught in the headlights. He wants me to tell him about MYSELF? What do I say?

He’s still waiting. You’ve got a split second to come up with something.

What should you say?

  1. Ask, “Well, what do you want to know about me?”
  2. Tell him what you do for a living?
  3. Tell him what you do for fun?
  4. Just make sure you slip in the fact that you’re single?

We know first impressions matter. We know that it takes mere seconds for someone to decide if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Any veteran of speed dating can attest to the fact that it’s hard to rock those first few minutes.

Most advice on first impressions focuses on non-verbal body language.

  • Stand up straight
  • Make eye contact
  • Relax and smile

But what about the talking part? If you fumble while thinking of something to say, will he look past that?

Maybe. But why take the chance when you can ensure this never happens to you?

Here’s my simple solution. Have a one or two-sentence personal brand statement prepared in your mind. It sums up who you are and why he might like to get to know you better.

Your personal brand is what makes you unique. In business, it helps distinguish you from your competitors and lets clients and potential employers know why you’re the best fit.

Personal brands are important, too. Especially when you’re dating.

An online dating profile crafted with your personal brand in mind stands out. It catches the right attention from the right people. It even suggests potential conversational topics.

A good personal brand should evoke surprise and delight. There’s something about you he wasn’t expecting. He’s intrigued—in a good way—and he wants to know more.

For many of us, it’s not easy to showcase who we are. We’d rather speak plainly about who we are and try to be as humble as possible. Treating ourselves as a “brand” feels inauthentic—and more than a little vain.

But do you really want a man to see you as ordinary and nothing special?

Continue reading

This Is What Guys Really Care About

This Is What Guys Really Care AboutWhat does your guy value more than passion? Do you know?

The answer may surprise you.

Passion is pretty powerful. Men and women alike feel drawn to it. All of us want a life filled with passionate moments. But there are things that matter to us even more than passion.

So what would a guy pick over a passionate, sordid fling? Brace yourself. Your guy would rather have . . . a solid “bromance” than a relationship based on raw passion and little else.

A bromance is pretty much what it sounds like. It’s an intimate friendship between two guys who feel like they can really rely on each other. It’s like they’re a couple, minus the physical intimacy.

Recently, some researchers were curious about how seriously men take bromances. Do these male-to-male platonic connections really compete with the connection men feel with their girlfriends? The answer is no—because there is NO competition.

Bromance wins, hands down. Given the choice between a fiery fling and time with a bro, most guys will pick the bro.

That’s because men’s emotional needs are more complex than you might think. Said another way, guys deeply value what they get from a solid platonic friendship.

There’s an important word in that last paragraph. Typical.

The typical romantic relationship doesn’t meet the needs men really care about. But here’s the good news. You’re not a typical woman, and you’re not trying to create a typical relationship with him.

You don’t have to compete with the bros in your guy’s life. You just have to create the same kind of open, safe space that he feels with his male friends. And that’s not as hard as it sounds. After all, you’re probably looking for the same things from him!

If you want a romance that beats the pants off of any bromance, there are three key ingredients. When these three things are a part of your romantic connection, you’re set up for a relationship BOTH of you will find magical.

Continue reading

When He Doesn’t Want All the Love You Have to Give

When He Doesn't Want Your LoveThere’s nothing worse than knowing you have a big heart…

A heart that any man would be privileged to cherish…

And yet feeling that men don’t want your love.

If you’ve ever felt like that, let me share with you a story I sometimes tell my clients.

You’re standing in a crowded mall, holding a bunch of the most beautiful long-stemmed red roses.

Your task is to hand out each and every one of these roses to passers-by.

At first, no one will even stop for you. They keep their heads down and walk past quickly, like you’re just another salesperson trying to get something from them.

It feels humiliating to put yourself on display like this, just a woman with a beautiful gift no one wants. You feel vulnerable.

But you’re not leaving until you’ve done the job, so you start to think.

You realize you can get people to stop by making eye contact with them. So you start looking out at the sea of people, searching for friendly faces. If you catch someone’s eye, you wink conspiratorially and hand out a rose with a smile. You give away your first few flowers, and you’re ecstatic.

But soon you notice that the men are still avoiding you. Why? Is it because roses are a symbol of romantic love?

You set your sights on trying to get a man to take one of your flowers. At last you manage to shove one into a man’s hand, but as he walks away he quickly drops it into a trash bin.

That’s no way to treat a gift from your heart!

By the time you’re finished, you feel drained and bruised. Facing that much rejection made you angry. You don’t know why so few people would take your gift, but a little voice inside your head is whispering that the problem was you. Maybe if you looked different, everyone would have wanted your roses.

This little story is a metaphor for how it feels to search for love.

You have a heart full of love, and you keep trying to give that love away.

But no one will take it. Men either assume you’re trying to get something from them, or they value your love so little they drop it in the trash when they think you’re not looking.

It’s not easy finding someone who’ll accept all the love you have to offer. Which is insane, because love is one of the most beautiful gifts anyone can give.

It’s unfortunate we live in a world where there are no free gifts. Everything comes with strings attached. That free sample at the cosmetics counter isn’t proof of the company’s generosity; it’s a taster designed to get you to buy the full-sized product.

So no wonder men look askance at your offer of love. They wonder what you’re “selling.” They don’t realize the value of what you have to offer.

How do you get men to be open to all the love you have to share? Here are 3 ideas.  Continue reading