Think of the last guy you were attracted to. Someone you REALLY liked.
Did being with this guy make you feel:
- Like you’d be happy forever if only he’d commit to you? But first you’ve got to show him how great you are and how great his life would be with you?
- Like you’d be happy forever if only he’d change in some small way: treat you better, show up on time, get some ambition, or spend more time with you?
- Like you’d be happy forever if only you could change yourself: become less needy, better at relationships, or more physically attractive?
- Like you ARE pretty happy, already?
If you answered a, b, or c, what you experienced was an attraction of deprivation.
If you answered d, what you experienced was an attraction of inspiration.
And knowing the difference between the two could help you find the man of your dreams a whole lot faster.
Attractions of Deprivation
These terms were coined by psychotherapist Ken Page as a way to help singles identify the most promising relationships.
Attractions of deprivation are defined by need. He’s like an itch you need to scratch. You just need SOMETHING to make it perfect.
You need him to commit to you, you need him to stop drinking, or you need to stop doing whatever it is that’s pushing him away.
When you’re stuck in an attraction of deprivation, you feel deprived of this state of perfect happiness that you imagine you’ll find on the other side of your obstacles.
You’re driven to do whatever it takes. You work on yourself. You work on the relationship. You work on him.
You work and work and work…
Yet that elusive state of happiness seems further away than ever.Continue reading