The Four Tendencies in Relationships

Have you ever dated someone who never got off the couch?The Four Tendencies in Relationships

You knew he had amazing potential, but he never did anything with it. Trying to motivate him was a waste of time.

Or maybe you’ve dated the opposite:

Someone whose time was scheduled down to the minute.

He never did anything spontaneously; it all had to be planned in advance. He was amazingly productive but an imperfect boyfriend. He had too many other priorities.

Gretchin Rubin noticed these patterns when she was writing her 2015 bestseller, Better Than Before. She was examining why we find it so hard to establish desired habits and break bad ones.

She found that some people are really disciplined. They’re good at living up to expectations. It’s a point of honor to them. You don’t let anyone down.

These people were also really good at structuring their own time. They set their own goals and worked hard to meet them.

But then there were people who could not follow the rules. They thought discipline and habits were for sheep. They wanted to do what they wanted to do when they wanted to do it.

Rubin realized that how a person responds to expectations puts them into one of four categories: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.

Understand your tendency, and you understand an important component of what makes you tick.

Understand his tendency, and your relationship gets a whole lot easier.

One of the challenges of relationships is working with each other’s quirks and preferences. You have to be able to plan things and organize your time together without driving each other crazy.

If you have different tendencies—a different relationship to discipline, rules, habits and expectations—then you can find yourself caught up in endless arguments.

When Beth was growing up, rules kept her family life flowing smoothly. Whenever there was a problem that kept cropping up, whether it was forgetting coats at school or leaving shoes by the door where someone could trip, her mother laid down a new rule.

So when she fell in love with Jeremy and they decided to move in together, she wanted to set down some ground rules. Having rules would help them live together more harmoniously … or so she thought.

But Jeremy was outraged. He accused her of trying to control him. In fact, every time she tried to establish a rule, he went out of his way to break it.

Beth was in tears. She wondered if they were completely wrong for each other.

I didn’t think so. They just needed to understand each other’s tendencies.

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How to Turn a Guy Down Without Feeling Guilty

How to Turn a Guy Down Without Feeling GuiltyWhich is worse? Going out on a lame date . . . or saying no to a guy you’re not into?

Most of my readers are mature, intelligent and kind. I’m sure you don’t take pleasure in making guys feel horrible just for asking you out. What do you say when you don’t want to say yes?

If you’re like a lot of women, you say no . . . with an apology. Unfortunately, that doesn’t really help the situation. A recent study found that trying to soften a rejection by saying you’re sorry only makes the other person feel worse.

And that’s the thing about saying no that sucks. It’s hard to say no without sounding heartless.

But as hard as it can be to say no tactfully, boundaries are good.

They’re good for you. You shouldn’t have to suffer through dates you don’t want to be on. AND, boundaries are for the guys you turn down. As trite as it may sound, it really is better if you don’t lead him on.

So here’s the dilemma. If you’re in dating mode, you’re going to end up rejecting guys. There’s no way to avoid that . . . unless you say yes to everyone. And trust me, THAT’S a bad idea.

Thankfully, there are kind, effective ways to let a guy down. Saying no doesn’t have to be cruel.

If you want to learn how to gracefully decline a date, keep reading. I have three ideas that will make the process easier for you and those unfortunate guys who just don’t spark your interest.

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The Best Dating Tips Are Incredibly Simple

The Best Dating Tips Are Incredibly SimpleHave you ever fallen for bad dating advice?

There are two pieces of dating advice I come across all the time. You’ve almost certainly heard both of them. You’ve probably even tried to act on them. And the results weren’t what you were looking for.

The very worst dating advice is bad precisely because it seems to make sense. But it doesn’t produce the results you’re looking for.

By way of example, here are two common pieces of dating advice you’re better off avoiding.

What not to do.

Bad Dating Tip #1: “Just be yourself.”

How many times have you heard people tell you to just be yourself? It sounds like really good advice, especially if you’re trying to make a heart-to-heart connection.

At its core, the idea of being yourself is solid. But it makes for bad dating advice because you’re most yourself when you’re not even thinking about “being yourself.”

Bad Dating Tip #2: “Play hard to get.”

A guy worth pursuing has lots of options when it comes to pairing up with a dating partner. And as a rule of thumb, people follow the path of least resistance.

If a guy is a good match for you, then time together will strengthen the romantic feelings he has for you. If his interest was only based on the excitement of “the chase,” then what’s going to sustain the relationship once you’re a committed couple?

Are you ready to know the three things you should do instead?

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7 Ways to Make Online Dating as Awesome as it Should Be

7 Ways to Make Online Dating as Awesome as it Should BeOnline dating is super easy. It’s not even hard to find good guys. But finding a good guy who’s right for YOU—now, that can be a challenge.

It’s kind of like shopping online. Have you ever bought something online only to send it right back?

Maybe it was a summer dress. Or a cute top. Or, if you’re really daring, a pair of skinny jeans. Whatever the specifics, it looked amazing on the website. But when it arrived and you slipped it on . . . ugh.

The picture was misleading. The quality was poor. The color was off. Or, it just didn’t work when you saw it in person.

If you’re something of a fashionista, this can be a real problem. The internet is great for finding killer deals. But who cares if you have to return most of the stuff?

Does this remind anyone of internet dating?

Never before in human history has it been easier to meet potential partners. There are tons of online dating services. But holy cow, can they be a pain. How many guys look great online, only to leave you disappointed in person?

I’ve talked to plenty of women who just don’t do internet dating anymore. They’ve had too many bad experiences. I get that.

But at the same time, online dating can be great. It gives you a chance to spell out exactly what you’re looking for and learn a little something about possible matches just by browsing profiles. In theory, it’s a great idea.

There’s got to be a way to make internet dating as awesome as it could be.

There is.

The following 7 tips are your guide to getting the most out of online dating services. Stick to these suggestions, and you’ll be way more likely to find the kind of love you’re looking for.

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