Not even getting the perfect relationship can guarantee you’ll have enough. Couples who’ve been together for years don’t always feel loved the way they’d hoped.
Getting more love in your life doesn’t start with changing your man, or even getting a man.
It starts with changing how you think about love.
Dr. Barbara De Angelis asks a provocative question in her latest book, The Choice for Love.
“What if we could be in love all the time?” she wonders.
What if love isn’t something you get … but rather something you are?
I’ve often been intrigued by the disconnect between how loved someone feels and the quality of their relationship.
I’ve met women who feel absolutely adored, despite the curt or even rude way they’re treated by their men.
I’ve also met women who feel emotionally abandoned, despite having a husband who cares deeply and tries his best.
Dr. De Angelis has an intriguing explanation for this.
She suggests that inside each of us is an ocean of love.
Sometimes this ocean rises up like a great wave, overwhelming us with joy. Sometimes the waters recede, leaving us feeling empty and alone.
The ebb and flow of our own emotions are what makes us feel loved sometimes and not at other times.
From this perspective, no one can give you love—or take it away. The love you feel is always your own.
This is such an empowering metaphor. It helps us visualize the truth that love is an inside job.
If you decide that you’re going to fall in love with your life, just as it is, then no one can stop you. So what if one particular man doesn’t return your affections? You still have an entire ocean of love inside you.
Your quest shifts from finding a relationship that will give you the love you don’t have … to finding out what causes that mysterious surge of love inside your heart.
So try this. Get curious about why you feel love at certain times and not others. Can you remember the last few times you felt that rush of love? What was happening? Who were you with? What were you thinking about?
To help you on your quest, here are 3 love triggers. They pave the way for an overwhelming sense of love in your heart—with or without a man.