Introducing “The Butterfly Method” to Survive the Storms in Your Relationship

how to have a successful relationshipPeople will judge you for trying hard.

I did it just the other day. I was standing in line at Walmart. The line was moving slow, and I couldn’t help but notice something.

Walmart had invested in 30 cash registers, yet only two of them were open.

I snickered at how stupid Walmart is. Then I remembered something.

I’m standing in line because they accomplished something difficult. They managed to give me the best price in town. And still make a profit.

Maybe they’re not so stupid.

Maybe having only two cash registers open helps them keep prices down.

They try hard. I have to admire that.

But a lot of “cool people” snicker at those of us who try hard. Giving up and being pessimistic is cool to these people.

Sorry, but that’s not my definition of cool.

Cool is trying hard even if you might fall on your face. Cool is trying again even after you’ve failed several times before.

Cool is the boyfriend who still holds doors open, tells his girlfriend she’s beautiful, and offers to carry things for her while showing respect. Those are real men. They try hard.

Don’t be afraid to try hard. You’ll attract the kind qualities you build up in yourself.

If you want a man who will try hard, someone who will overcome obstacles in the relationship so he can keep loving you, then look for this one quality: Rejection of cynicism.

Someone who’s not afraid to openly talk about what he wants. Someone who’s not too cool to try. Not too cool to admit some things are worth caring about.

But should you always try hard?

They say life is a balance between holding on and letting go.

Caught in a windstorm, a butterfly may have to release its grip on the branch it was clinging to. Or else its wings could be torn off by the intensity of the wind.

The butterfly must go with the flow. Allow the wind to take control. Stop resisting.

But that’s not the same thing as giving up. When the wind dies down, the butterfly can resume its journey.

I was amazed when I first learned that monarchs migrate thousands of miles each year to gather at a specific location in Mexico. They seem too delicate for that long journey.

But somehow, they manage. Apparently, they try hard. One day life might blow them off course. The next day they’re moving toward their goal again.

Trying hard says something about you. It says you value something. Something is meaningful enough to be worth your effort.

how to have a successful relationshipYou’re not too cool to embrace something good… even if it’s hard to achieve it. Even if you fall on your face a few times.

Even if you sometimes have to let go and let the wind blow you off course for a while.

Relationships are among those things I value. I think it’s worth trying hard to have a brilliant relationship.

If you read my blog, you probably agree. And in my mind, that makes you special. So I encourage you to look for a man who shares that special quality.

Find meaning. Embrace life. Try hard.

Always on your side,

James Bauer

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44 thoughts on “Introducing “The Butterfly Method” to Survive the Storms in Your Relationship

  1. Vanessa said:

    Hi James.
    As always I value your advice. I’m so glad I took the opportunity to work with you. I’m improving my relationships and improving my life. Thanks with all my heart!

    • James Bauer said:

      That’s awesome, Vanessa! Way to go, and thank you for your encouraging words.


  2. Michele said:

    Hi James,

    I appreciate your perspective. I’m definitely someone who is willing to try harder for something worthwhile. There is a guy that I’ve been interested in for the past 4 months or so, and he is aware of my interest and seems to reciprocate. After a few weeks of flirting I gave him my phone number. He didn’t call, and when I saw him next he said he was glad I gave him my number, but that he didn’t feel that he was in a place in his life where he could start something. He mentioned work goals as a hindrance. So now I continue to see him and we have flirtations, and I have even used some of your suggestions relating to the hero instinct in the hopes of moving him closer to wanting to be in a relationship. Specifically I asked him to walk me to my car at the end of my work shift (there was a recent burglary just down the street), and I complimented his ability to organize a group of people and make a situation run more smoothly. He seemed to respond well to these things, but still things have not progressed. I guess I am struggling because our flirtation has been going on for months, and I have a hard time with the waiting and not seeming to make any real progress. Do you have any recommendations for how to get him closer to taking the plunge into a relationship?

    • Tracey said:

      Hi Michele,

      Your post reminds me of Module 5: Why Men Say, “I’m just not ready” of His Secret Obsession. The lesson in that section is pretty profound.
      Maybe re-read that section of HSO and see if you can gain some insight.

      I also think you might benefit from this report by our dating and relationship expert Amy Waterman. It’s called Help Him Ask You Out.

      Tracey T.

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