Make Him Feel Drawn to You with One Easy Charisma Trick

how to be charismaticI like small changes that get big results.

I have a small change to suggest today.

You’ve probably done it before. I’m just suggesting you do it again (and perhaps more often).

“Attracting Through Irresistible Qualities”… That’s the tagline I wish I had been clever enough to think of when I started my website.

Those of you who have been through my relationship course, What Men Secretly Want will be familiar with this next concept.

It’s easier to approach someone when you have something to give.

You tend to feel a little more awkward and hesitant to approach a stranger when there’s something you want.

Imagine you’re sitting in an airport, waiting for your flight to board. In the same waiting area there’s an attractive, eligible-looking man sitting nearby. Score!

The presence of an attractive man is one thing; finding an easy way to start a conversation with him is another.

Imagine he gets up to board the plane, and you notice he left his cell phone behind.

Suddenly, approaching him becomes very easy. You have something to give. You are the giver. In that role, you feel relaxed and confident about catching his attention.

It’s very different when you start with something you want.

You get all hot and sweaty trying to think up a good excuse for striking up a conversation. The fear is that he will see through you and know what you want. You’re not ready to reveal that level of interest. You feel awkward.

Being irresistible means practicing the mental states that cause others to feel drawn to you.

So I want to encourage you to get into a particular frame of mind more often. I’m talking about the frame of mind of someone who is a giver.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to send a blessing into the lives of other people I encounter during the course of my day.

It reverses the human tendency to automatically make judgments about other people all day long.

As I cross a crowded street, my human mind automatically judges other people.

I may judge the way they style their hair, how tall or short they are, whether they seem to be more attractive than me or less attractive than me. Do they seem more affluent than me, or less?

All that judging is stressful on the human soul. It leaves me either feeling superior to others or inferior to others. I find neither position helpful.

When I catch myself judging someone else, it now serves as my automatic reminder to send a blessing. I become a giver.

When I become a giver, there’s a subtle change in the way I walk. There’s a subtle gentleness, a sort of kindness in my eyes.

It could be entirely in my imagination, but I believe I exude warmth when I am succeeding at adopting the role of a giver.

You may or may not have read some of the interesting research studies about the way simple prayers can positively impact the course of events for patients in hospitals.

I was once employed as a research assistant for a meta-analysis of a lot of those studies. It was interesting, but kind of odd to me.

To me, it seems an intercessory prayer is something spiritual, not something you are likely to succeed at measuring with scientific methods.

Nonetheless, astonishing results have been documented. Positive intentions and mental blessings seem to do something that science can measure.

Regardless of whether that is actually true, the mental act of sending a blessing puts you in the role of a giver.

And that has real power.

how to be charismaticI recommend you adopt this habit as your own. If it feels right to you, speak a blessing in your thoughts each time you approach a person you would like to connect with.

It will bring a subtle change, but a change in the right direction. It will enhance your charisma.

You will take on the confidence of the giver.

And even if it does nothing for your charisma, perhaps there is a chance you have done something positive for someone else.

Always on your side,


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43 thoughts on “Make Him Feel Drawn to You with One Easy Charisma Trick

  1. Yasmin Asgarali-Glassford said:

    ….beautiful…just beautiful…

  2. haven’t had much time to read these or most of my emails lately but i’ve been practicing a form of buddhism for many years now and i appreciate this particular tip so thanks! ; )

  3. Ally said:

    Great! I always look forward to your words of wisdom, James. God bless you in your work and life.

  4. Stephanie Hill said:

    VERY TRUE……and that will help me on my quest…THANK YOU……GOOD STUFF

  5. Alexandra said:

    Blessings to you James for always sending some inspiration thro your words,

  6. Nola said:

    Thank you SO MUCH for this simple but amazing tip. Yes, as I read your former ‘judgemental’ attitude, I could relate to it completely, have often caught myself doing exactly the same – and I’m so grateful to now have the instant antidote!

    Incidentally, I’ve also noticed that when I get caught in ‘what about me?’ things never go so well as when I’m focused on what other people need or want. It is indeed more blessed to give than to receive. Thank you for being inspirational and wise. 🙂

  7. Lorna (LaLa) said:

    That is such a beautiful concept, James. As I have grown older (and hopefully wiser!!?) I have found this to be very helpful, too. This is nothing to do with organised religion, of which I am not in favour – more to do with spirituality and humanity. We should all practice being “givers” – especially of love, and unconditional love, at that – and the world would be such a wonderful place. Even just a kind smile or a few warm, encouraging words makes all the difference. It costs nothing and means so much. I think as a “giver” we must radiate some quality that others pick up on. It brings to mind the words of many of the songs written by John Lennon (The Beatles) – an earth angel. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to be around long enough to continue spreading his “word”. But, thankfully, we can still listen to his old recordings, and there will always be others, like you, who will continue to spread words of loving kindness. I, for one, have found them of great benefit. Many thanks. And isn’t it wonderful that we can all spread this around the world now through the wonder of the internet? Love and Peace and kind thoughts to you all from me in little old England. Lorna x x

    • James Bauer said:

      Thank you, Lorna. Your blessing is very real to me.

  8. Hi James,
    Love that article! I often walk at a park and most times I make the conscious effort to bless every one I pass during my walk. And it’s so nice because the giver becomes the receiver in that I feel good sending the blessing and many times people look and smile at me or say hello. Since everything is “Energy” we do have a vibe we sound out and that’s received by others. And in turn we’ll attract those people who have the same “vibe” as us.

    Thanks for your work and inspiring articles.

    Many Blessings,

    • James Bauer said:

      Perfect. I should try that.

  9. Wini said:

    Beautiful… James why not get into politics and change the world one blessing at a time!

  10. Suzanne said:

    James this is possibly one of the most naturally beautiful and empowering things I’ve read in a long time. I truly believe that kindness opens up the heart and mind which in turn is the ‘real’ attractive quality…..confidence follows because it’s not put on, it’s real from the right place.
    Thanks for your lovely words.

  11. Monica said:

    =) BIG smile! with that one… When I think of my most precious blessings, I think of PEOPLE in my life who are loving… and being a blessing to them too!
    … “by their fruit will you know them”….
    It is evident that YOU are a BLESSING!!! 🙂
    Thanks, James & “back at ya!” … “a good measure, pressed down, and running over…”

  12. Thanks for sharing this post, James!
    And I agree with you 100% that being a giver puts us in an empowering position.
    Like you I have experiential evidence of this.
    Whenever, I take the attitude of humbly saying a prayer for someone as I meet them
    the interaction just seems to go smoother and often times much better than anticipated.

    I guess it is also true that you can’t out give the universe and you will always receive what you put out there.

  13. Hi James,
    I am confused. I love the concept of giving– I always have been a giver– but my relationships were always doomed. So, I went to many of the relationship programs out there, and almost all of them coach us to STOP giving and learn to receive. Hold back, they say. Let the guy give or it will be perceived as “chasing>” And that, of course, results in his departure. Comments?

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Mary. There is some truth in the idea of giving space for the man to Chase you. That has nothing to do with adopting the mental state I’m talking about here. This is not about chasing a man. This is about putting yourself in a mental state that brings out the best in you.

      Balanced pursuit is necessary for healthy relationships to develop. Both partners need to participate in the process of approaching each other.

      • Lena said:

        Thank you James for clarifying it. I’ve heard about this practicing the “giving the space for the man” idea and working on adopting it to my daily routine. The difficult part of this practice is to recognize what to give to a man and what to receive from him. Like I feel sometimes that I am giving my energy, compliments, mental support, some material gifts to my man, and he is not happy about it, or does not notice it (or it may look this way). Now, after reading your article today, I feel like I need to do just a simple blessing to the guy I am in love with. And I don’t have to say it loud, or write it to him. I can just say it in my mind and address it to him with the kindness or smile. He will notice it somehow and respond me positively, I hope. Simply, I don’t have to spoil my man by saying or doing all kind of great words or things for him,
        The new vibe will do it for me in a deeper level, than words or material presents or other kind things I use to do for my man.
        Did I get the right idea of what you said here?

        Thank you for being inspirational for me,

        • James Bauer said:

          Yes! You’ve got it, Lena.

  14. carol butt n.z. said:

    It does work if you work at it, before I have to deal with something verbal that I really don’t want to I ask to be guided through my thoughts and actions and it certainly helps and puts a different perspective on it for my and the recipitant.

    Awesome I love it. Thank you James, gorgeous man.

  15. Jackie said:

    Thank you James for those wonderful, thoughtful words been a giver do give one the empowering feeling of worth. God bless James

  16. bernadette said:

    I agree that when you think kind thoughts about those you encounter, it shows in your eyes as kindness and acceptance. Its subtle but it is detectable to those sensitive to see and also feel it. Its awareness and mindfulness by you, James, that makes us aware and focused to what is a small but important aspect of being human. You are always insightful, thanks. Bernadette.

  17. Tina Kurrels said:

    Good Morning James….”.Attracting Through Irresistible Qualities” Nice….:) I am really enjoying this little idea, of how to up my energy and give something positive to the world, and all so quietly ….a simple switch of the mental process. Wonderful idea my dear…thanks for sharing. Tina

  18. Ann said:

    ”Attracting Through Irresistible Qualities”… love that. Sending blessings to others inherently blesses yourself also. “As you sow, so shall you reap”(Galatians 6:7). What you give without expectation of recompense returns to you tenfold. you must give before you can receive, but you must also receive in order to give. Thus a cycle of good is created and perpetuated as long as you continue with a spirit of gratitude.
    Because of the heart, treasure is freely given and thus returned tenfold. It is also from the energy of the heart that healing can blossom and that love can conquer all.
    ‘For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also…'(Matthew 6:21).

    • Monica said:

      Ann, I totally agree and “point to this” to others as why “God’s system” is so wonderful and makes so much sense… blessings certainly DO “multiply” when we are (can try to be) grateful for EVERYTHING!!! =)

      • Lena said:

        Hi Monica,

        I decided to put my 5 cents in to this discussion while we all are waiting for more comments from James.
        I like that you mentioned “a “balancing” act of how long does this go on without a truer/ more fuller response of the other to match my level of love”
        I feel the same issue with my relationship with the guy. I am asking myself, if I can just be kind, understanding, supporting and send mental blessing to my man forever, or there is a point, when I am no longer willing to do it for this particular men, and would prefer switch my attention to another guy. I agree that there is a balance in giving and receiving in relationship. And it Does matter how much you can give to a man while waiting for the response from him, and see what you have in return and if it matches your level of love.
        I feel sometimes like I am Not in the balance with my man. What can I do about it? May be James can help me to figure it out.
        With all my blessings to all who is in love.

  19. Shelley said:

    Thank you James you truly are inspirational. I really look forward to reading your articles and trying to implement changes into all of my relationships. Believe me it’s been working. I recently met a guy who I instantly fell for. At the beginning I believed he was too hot for me and was like a blithering idiot each time we met. There was a period of 2 months where we had no contact. In that time I had a good look at myself and realised I was acting how I used to always act in relationships. I decided on an experiment of some of your wisdom to see if the outcome was different. I contacted him again as a friend. I had a great excuse of a new mobile number. Once contact had been made I thought of kind things and love for him. I blessed him each day. Even when I fell back into my previous thoughts when he didn’t ring exactly when I thought he should. I mentally made a note to wish him the best in whatever he was doing. It’s been quite hard at times. I don’t see him all the time he lives in another state and comes to my town for only 3 days per week. He has another life with children and an ex wife. But we now spend time each week with one another, we call each other on the weekends. My expectations of a great and grand love affair has changed to one of ‘at the moment I am spending time with a very important man – if it lasts for a long time or only a short time I have been blessed to know him’. I can tell you he has become softer and more gentler with me, I enjoy my time with him finding out about him. Wanting to make him happy and finding he is doing the same. I know I am in love and I believe this will have a great ending. And if it doesn’t then I have learnt so much about what makes me happy and how to make others happy too. Thank you for your help.

    • James Bauer said:

      You are an embodiment of what I strive to teach. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Monica said:

      wow! Shelley, what you wrote is an inspiration, too! I am in a similar “relationship situation”/ dilemma… I do try to keep the mental attitude of giving… and letting (enjoying) things unfold as they will…
      yet also a “balancing” act of how long does this go on without a truer/ more fuller response of the other to match my level of love? .. what do you think about finding that balance, James?

  20. winnie k said:

    this is awesome, i have been doing something like this but now i will do more. thanks a lot. James be blessed!!!

  21. Joyce said:

    Hi James,
    It has been a while since I replied to you.
    This message is a great one. I meet people with a smile regardless who they are. If I have an opportunity to say something nice to them I do.
    I like you giving us good advice and sharing it with others.
    Thank you. You are appreciated.

  22. Daniela said:

    May You Be Blessed by Kate Nowak

    Hi James!
    wonderfully touch of the power of the blessing!

    look, a lot of time I was considering myself as a”thunder keeper” of the negative emotions of the people around me, and now I loose my patience more often than before!

    you remember me something very important !

    to feel and act as early i do it so easy!

    Kate Nowak when I found her back in 2007! her soft way to bless impress me deeply that I can”t resist to share it with you all…

    hope you may feel her grace of soul and keep it longer practice…

    the best way to avoid being virused by negativity display worldwide!

    Must say that since 2008 when discovered the Bible I get more serious the importance of the spirituality filled with content! I mean, when God has Laws is a duty to know them, than to be sure our inner person built from within with the proper manifestation of the spirit !

    Kate Novak may inspire you to search more about God ways…

    especially regarding the LOVE and the FAMILY FOUNDATION!
    Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 11…1 Corinthians 13:1-13 the most wonderfull love letter ever written !

    the practice is not easy but deserve a try! 🙂

    Success forward!

  23. Jane said:

    Love this James! This should be common practice in all areas of our lives. Imagine the change in the effort for world peace and a return to community through such a conscious practice.

  24. Angela said:

    Hi James, I always look forward to receiving a word from you. From my very first time reading your article I knew you were anointed and I should spend some time getting to know you through your work. I’ve been truly touched from what you care to share with all of us and how you choose to let your love and passion for your work grace each one of us. Thank you!

    This article “Sending Blessings” speaks to so very deeply and meaningfully. About 6 months ago God prompted me to say a prayer for someone who was acting very ugly. The thing is, is that this person is someone who is held in high regards in the lives of others as a person of God (Jesus). That same God prompted me to not judge but pray instead.

    I had being doing that for many other people as I was learning not to become a non-judgmental person. I have to say that the journey has been wonderful and has even drawn the most difficult people to me, especially men. They tend to seek me out after hearing about me. They tend to communicate with me a great deal and become very emotional around me without shame (I never shame them, I accept and respect them for who they are). They tend to trust me and feel safe with me. It’s quite amazing what men will share when they feel safe with you. In turn, they have all become very protective of me. They’re natural tendency to provide just shows up.

    There is real power in this thing and I have to be careful and very responsible with it. My Life is so Exponentially Better since I’ve been Sending Blessings in the Lives of Others.

  25. Angela said:


    *I had being doing that for many other people as I was learning to become a non-judgmental person.

  26. Andrea said:

    This is wonderful! It is soooo true that if you have something to give to someone, you feel confident in approaching them. I love the saying a blessing for them idea. I’m going to try it out tomorrow and see what kinds of results I get. I have also gone throughout my day consciously giving a genuine compliment to anyone and everyone I came in close enough contact with. The guy at the Starbucks stand putting cream in beside me, the cashier at the grocery store, and even bosses and people I may normally feel Intimidated by. I love seeing them smile, and secretly I think having days like these are EVEN more enjoyable for me than for the people I’m complimenting!

  27. Jean said:

    This is exactly how I live my daily life is to touch someone else. Whether it be with a smile, compliment, or a physical touch, perhaps a conversation with a lonely person, or better yet just to listen to someone who is having a bad day. Sometimes all a person wants is someone who will listen, or just be there silently. Hold their hand, just a touch, not saying a word is monumental. No judgment, just I’m here for you, when you need me. When and if they want to talk. It is all about letting someone know they are never alone, because that’s all any of us want….it’s the human nature of us. To be loved unconditionally….and trust me your rewards are exceptional.
    So always be there for someone, if it’s only a smile…. 🙂

  28. Jill said:

    Hi James
    I signed up to membership with Be Irresistible at a low point in my life after separating from a long but quite unhappy marriage. I was searching for help and guidance in a world where i realised I did not understand men or relationships. I found it in the words and insight you offer. Those are blessings to me. I just want to thank you and give back my gratitude ?

    • James Bauer said:

      I really appreciate you sharing that, Jill. It makes my day.


  29. Deirdre said:

    I love your emails and read them daily. I share them frequently. I am so grateful that you wrote about blessings in this article. My life has changed since my perception of life has changed. This was ignited by turning my life over to Christ and also adopting all of the advice that you have provided in your material. Thank you so much and that you for the Blessing. Many blessings to you!

    • James Bauer said:

      Awesome. Thanks for sharing that.

  30. Gina said:

    Thanks so much for that reminder, James. I’ve been pretty me-focused lately because of a recent and ongoing illness and just last evening caught myself being impatient and judgmental towards one of my condo neighbours. We often have no idea what burdens another human is carrying and it does so much good for all concerned if we send out a brief prayer asking for the best for them. Your message today was just what I needed.

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