Want Romantic Bliss? Use My Top 10 List for Choosing a Lifelong Partner

choosing a lifelong partnerHere is my top ten list of qualities you will want to look for in a man.

I share this list with you as a dating coach, but also as a person with a deep desire to see good women end up with worthy men. I want YOU to end up with someone who will treasure his relationship with you. I want you to end up with someone that will bring out the best in you.

There are few things sadder to me than a woman with a beautiful heart settling for a man that slowly deadens that heart over years of emotional neglect.

To prevent that, allow this list to impact your perception of men. Allow me to influence your perception of who is, and who is not worthy of your pursuit.

This list is in order, with number ten being the most important to your long term joy and satisfaction.

1. You would be proud to introduce him to people that care about you.

2. His life history suggests strong motivation for achievement. This will eventually pay off if, for example, he is still learning how to communicate well with women.

3. He has a face you find attractive.

4. He is willing to allow you to pursue your own interests and career. He sees your pursuits as equally important to his own.

5. You share the same basic beliefs about why humans exist and what our purpose is in life. choosing a lifelong partner

6. He communicates his thoughts well with words. You do not feel like you are pulling teeth when you try to get him to talk about his inner thoughts.

7. He shows a genuine desire to understand what makes you happy. He wants to know what you think about when you become quiet.

8. As you get to know him, you find his interest in you grows deeper and he shows loyalty and respect for the relationship even during (and after) arguments.

9. When apart, a thought about him makes you happy rather than worried or anxious.

10. When you are in his presence, you feel a natural desire to please him. He doesn’t bring out your competitive side or a desire to “prove yourself” in any way. This means you love him completely and you trust your heart in his hands.

I hope this list sparked some helpful thoughts or perspectives for you. Feel free to share it with people you care about.

James Bauer

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55 thoughts on “Want Romantic Bliss? Use My Top 10 List for Choosing a Lifelong Partner

  1. Lorna (LaLa) said:

    Thanks, James, for your kind response to my latest post. It is so nice, and encouraging, to know that our comments are being read by you. Regarding my “love-interest’s” cancer diagnosis – he has non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, which he has been told is very treatable. He is nearing the end of his treatment, and the original wide-spread lumps have now gone down and not returned. He has to have a body-scan at the end of treatment in a few weeks to see if the treatment has been succesful. He is, of course, concerned about this, although I must say I have been really impressed at the quiet, stalwart way that he has dealt with all of this – and I made sure I told him so. I have kept in touch by telephone and letter to try to give him some support, and said that I would be there for him if necessary (meaning if the worst came to the worst). However, I do not want things to return to how they were when he was drinking heavily and being verbally abusive, via text and email. I know that he suffers badly with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder, and I do not want to add to his level of anxiety, so it is difficult for me to broach the subject, and ask him to go for counselling to help his anxiety. In the past he has denied needing this, but I am certain it would help him to regain some peace in his life. I have given it a lot of thought, and wonder if I should quietly, slowly try to suggest this, when he is feeling better. It is tricky, as his anxiety is so easily triggered, and in the past he has literally run out of the door when I have tried to talk to him about issues. My counsellor says this is because he can’t handle his emotions. And there is a school of thought that suggests that cancer is caused by repressed emotion. What do you think, James? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. And this may help others in a similar situation. Lorna

  2. Heartsong said:

    Beautiful article, James! I’ve gone through many years of loneliness in my life, longing to connect with a great man, and friendship with wonderful girlfriends & couples has saved me & kept me going. I loved your reminder to hang out with our favorite people. Energy is contagious and physically spending time with healthy, positive people with thriving committed relationships is the single best remedy I’ve found for sort of “impregnating” that energy into my own soul. I’m easing into a deeper relationship with a really great guy who has ALL the qualities you mentioned in the article! Thanks for all your inspiration & guidance!

    • James Bauer said:

      I really appreciate words of encouragement like this. Thank you for adding to the positive energy here with your comments.

  3. Diane said:

    Thanks a lot James, I’ve been receiving your mails and I can proudly say that they’ve help me in building my own irresistible character. My relationship is thriving. God bless and increase you in Wisdom and understanding concerning relationships so that you continue to provide basic solutions to pain n frustration that comes with heartbreak n separation.

    • James Bauer said:

      I appreciate that, Diane.

  4. Rayan Ahmed said:

    Hello James
    Point number 2 communicating well through words in my ex position which I felt he was the one for me he doesn’t know how to express his feeling through word just actions he said actions speak louder than word , even when we are apart I don’t feel he cares for me because he dedicated to his job but when we see each other I feel he misses me so mush , although he doesn’t try to do to effort because of his busy schedule he used to tell me if there is away to see each other today for example let us do in my mind I feel he is indifference but I found it’s just his way that he can’t express well through words just through action is this your point your point 6 or something else

  5. penny said:

    this is a very far fetched list of ideals , in reality no one comes across any guy with all of these, in most cases just trying to meet just one guy is hard enough let alone matching him with a list.
    where are the real men??? I have been on the north east of US for the last 25 yrs and Ive never met a guy thats to say one who isnt already taken, who already has kids and drama , who isnt trying to steal from a woman or use them in some other self serving way, or who isn’t available because he lives far away with obligations to his kids job etc, who doesn’t lie have STDs who isnt a player who isnt mature to handle a woman much less himself or is far too old that he could be mistaken for my grandad or is so over weight, unkempt or both or in the worse case unemployed living with his parents and possess mental illness of a dangerous abusive nature. Ive been on multiple dating sites at a time some of them muliple times over the course of the years These have been the only types of men Ive ever encountered some even done jail time and much worse. I just do not understand why there are so many ugly men that come into my life to cause me grief. If you have any idea where I can meet a real man outside of the above description I will be intrigued to know.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Penny. I do not believe in “the law of attraction” in any metaphysical sort of way. But I do believe the concept is relevant when it comes to relationships.

      I’ve noticed a tendency for people to get stuck in certain social circles where they get used to a certain kind of person and naturally gravitate to those same kinds of people over and over again without meaning to. In this sense, we sort of attract people that are similar to those we have known in our past.

      Then there’s the internal psychological characteristics in ourselves that can attract or repel the kind of person we are looking for. Some people are optimistic, full of energy, and believe life is beautiful and full of adventures yet to be experienced. When we are cynical or frustrated with life, these types of people don’t resonate with us well. They seek out other people who are thinking and feeling the same way they think and feel.

      That’s another way the law of attraction works in relationships. And it’s one of the foundational principles we use here at beirresistible.com. Invest in your own irresistible qualities, and you receive a pay off that is much higher than what other people get when they try to find the right people or change other people.

      On a practical level, you might make a list of your favorite people. Notice what makes them your favorite people. Spend more time around those people. Let those people expand your social network by introducing you to their favorite people. Over time, this can have a significant positive effect.


      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        James – I agree absolutely with Penny on this one, and have commented before on the apparent impossibility of meeting someone “suitable”. It’s all very well saying “spend time” looking. For some of us there is not much “time” left, and to spend that precious time searching, in vane, for a suitable man is really futile. It’s not easy, either, to move into another social strata to look elsewhere – either up or down, for it must be equally difficult for the people in the higher echelons of society to meet suitable people, in what is a very “niche” situation with fewer people to choose from. How the Royals here in England ever meet someone is totally beyond me – but then, in some cases, they are forced to marry someone they do not love, as we know. Personally, I consider myself middle to upper middle class, and there are not many available men in that sector. And how one meets them is a total mystery to me. I certainly would not be happy with a dustbinman, roadsweeper or even some builders, plumbers, etc. They may well be very nice people, with lots of money, a fancy house/car, but I would cringe going with them out into society – to the theatre, concerts, opera, nice restaurants, and other “upper middle class” events. It may sound extremely snobby, but that is the way it is. Even if you gave me Alan Sugar, gold plated on a silver serving dish, I would not be interested. He is so extremely uncouth. It doesn’t matter how much money he has – or “so-called” influential, wealthy “friends” (i.e. hangers-on). You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. And I, for one, would rather have the silk purse than make do with the sow’s ear – money or not withstanding. What more is there to say? Lorna

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Penny, I 100% agree with you. That has been my experience, too, and it is nice to know I am not alone. See my other comments on here regarding meeting a “suitable” man. I honestly think that any decent men are being kept well and truly close to home by their wives – clinging on for grim death. The others who are (possibly) half decent and available get snapped up immediately by the predatory women who will take on anything (as James is suggesting), and what is left is not worth having. And I am certainly not a wallflower or a misery, sitting around feeling sorry for myself – I am a very pretty, petite, flamboyant, bubbly, outgoing, self-confident, self-sufficient woman with my own beautiful cottage in the country, chain saw, pick-up truck (for gathering logs) and super gorgeous Mazda open-top sports car (which I drive at over 100 miles an hour, but don’t tell anyone!!). Maybe I scare them off!! But it is not to say, either, that I have not had numerous offers over the last 9 years since I have been single, and many of them from (happily?) married men!! I fear we will just have to make do with a comfy armchair, a good book, and what ever other creature comforts we can muster up for ourselves!! However, it does not mean that we should not still keep out a weather eye, and just learn to pounce first before all the other women out there looking get their claws in. Who knows, we may still be in with a chance. Happy hunting, and best wishes. Lorna xx

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        I’ve just re-read my previous replies to this old article, which must have been about a couple of years ago. Sadly, nothing has changed!! EXCEPT that I decided to buy and run a shop in a beautiful part of the country beside the English seaside/moors. I now meet hundreds of lovely people daily, from all over the world – most of them in couples – but have yet to meet even ONE who would fit the bill as a potential partner. Where are the single, available men? Same story – most men are well and truly tied at the hip to their partners (even if they are in an unsatisfactory relationship) and the available ones are either being snapped up by the desperately hungry predators or are rejects for some reason. Personally, I have discovered that we older, more discerning ladies just have to make the most of ourselves – get out and join clubs, etc. (usually only frequented by other women), take up new hobbies, do voluntary work, get a new job or start our own company and learn to enjoy our own free time and company in whatever way possible, without getting bogged down and wasting precious time by looking for a man. The other option is to change our orientation – which does happen quite a lot, but does not appeal to me!! I still like the company and attentions of a man!! Having said all that – never give up hope, either – who knows what the future holds? But don’t sit around waiting for it to happen – we have to make it happen. And a positive attitude is very attractive. Regarding my own situation (well documented here in the past), the one man I went absolutely crazy over and thought could be the love of my life, but who turned out to be an alcoholic with a huge personality problem, has now been diagnosed with cancer, is receiving treatment and for the time-being has stopped drinking!! So maybe fate has stepped in to give a helping hand. Even though I have not seen him for months and months, we are still recently more and more in contact, due to his cancer, and he says he wants to see me when his treatment is finished. I am being philosophical, and not holding my breath – who know what the future holds?!!! Lorna

      • James Bauer said:

        I’m sorry to hear he is battling cancer, Lorna. Thanks for letting us know about the beautiful choices you’ve made in order to take in the good and appreciate life.

  6. Lovely said:

    This is AMAZING! It’s like describing me and the one I cared about deeply! Thank you so much James Baurer. Really appreciate all your blogs and mails. I enjoy reading it and apply it to my everyday life. Hope you gain wealth, wisdom, love. God bless you 🙂

    • James Bauer said:

      Thank you! Your encouraging words are a blessing to me.

  7. Bliss said:

    I’m SO GRATEFUL for this list! I once had a list similar to this, written on paper, and have not been able to find it. JUST last week, I was focused on finding it…and now, you have given me the perfect gift!
    The Universe is brilliant! Thanks for being it’s vehicle for manifestation.
    All the best,

    • James Bauer said:

      Sometimes it’s the small things that make us happy. For me, this is one of them.

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