Should I Use Online Dating Sites Or Is That A Waste Of Time?

How to date onlineThere are right ways and wrong ways to use online dating sites.

The key is to remember they are just tools.

Any tool can end up being a waste of time (or even damaging) if used in the wrong way. When handled correctly, tools can speed you to your goal.

The right way to use online dating sites (like or is by leveraging them for very specific purposes.

They can save you time by attracting opportunities to rapidly test men for their quality and compatibility with your relationship needs.

These sites can also waste tremendous amounts of your time by sucking you into frustration or bad dates you wish you never agreed to.

The reason I teach methods for using online dating sites is because of the possibility for using them to extend your reach. The key is being able to say no to dead ends.

If you are not a person who can easily stick with your boundaries and cut off communication with someone you’re not interested in, then you should stay away from online dating.

how to date onlineIf you can enter a conversation and quickly assess whether a particular guy is worth further testing, you should definitely use online dating sites.

Today I want to share one simple technique. It allows you to quickly screen out the wrong type of guy and focus your energy on winners.

You see, the problem with online dating profiles is that they are engineered to show good qualities, and they can be faked. There’s no real life community interaction where you can see how he treats his mother or whether he has the respect of his female friends.

The solution? It’s simple.

When a man starts up a conversation with you, ask him to connect with you on Facebook. Unlike a dating site, Facebook let’s you see into his real life, his network of relationships. It lets you see how he relates to people in his life.

Interesting side note: Some banks are now using this exact method when assigning a credit score. By seeing who you network with they get a better idea of the likelihood that you would repay your debts.

Warning: You’ll want to “unfriend” him fairly quickly if you decide he’s not the quality of man you want to bring into your life. And if you want to keep your dating efforts private you can tell him up front that you will use Facebook privacy settings to restrict who can see his posts on your timeline (at least until things move forward).

Want more help with online dating sites? Then you should check out the mini-course I did no this specific topics. See how to grab the attention of quality men online by clicking here.

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31 thoughts on “Should I Use Online Dating Sites Or Is That A Waste Of Time?

  1. Rayan said:

    I used to read a lot about no contact rule and it doesn’t work for me at all I don’t know why maybe because I implement in the wrong way or it doesn’t apply to my case as he we are sharing personal and work relation

  2. Mary said:

    Lily, he is not looking for a relationship. He is merely looking for someone to be with him while he has some time to spare in between his travels. If he hasn’t settled down by now he never will. You are young and have a lot more to offer the right man. The man that will be there for you, not you being there for him when he needs you. He is just working things slowly until he gets what he wants, and before you know it, it will just be a booty call. You say you feel intimidated by him, and that he is smarter than you. Well he is 18 yrs older than, not that he is smarter but more experienced in life. You are an intelligent person and if you wrote this its because you are having doubts and when you feel it in your gut that this is not feeling right than its not. Let him go and move on to someone who will love you for you and give his time to you freely.. not scheduled.
    Good luck 🙂

  3. Lily said:

    Hi James!
    Could you please help me with any advice?
    I been single for the last two years, after my last relationship I was very disappointed and simply stoped dating. But sometimes I felt like I should give it a try and start dating again. I decided to try online dating. I met a couple of guys online but never in person, because sometimes our schedules didn’t match. Finally I met the first guy who is only 2 years older than me ( I’m 24 years old ) but we didn’t match. The next few days I decided to meet another guy. This guy is 18 years older than me and is the first time I ever date someone older than me.
    He has a busy schedule as well, we both are busy and I tried to work it out every time we see eachother. He works as an comedian and build computer programs. Our first meeting was very casual, at the park and talked about our jobs and life in general. That day while I was saying goodbye he ended up kissing me on my lips, I felt awkward since I didn’t know how to respond to that, honestly I didn’t expect that on the first day. Then after that he had to fly to another country for a presentation, he was gone for 2weeks. I understand is job and we didn’t communicate a lot in that time. After days he texted me and sent some pictures and asked me out for second time. We had dinner the day he got back in town. He had a nice conversation and everything went well, and waited until the end and kissed me again but this time the feeling was mutual. We kept going out two more times and showed me his house. This got to the point that we got more close physically. He is gone again and we will see eachother in two weeks. We share a few things in common, which made me think we probably wouldn’t workout, he looks smarter than me obviously he’s a nerd compared with me, I haven’t finished my RN degree, and he has a lot of experience which is a little intimidating. We still have communication( not every single day but very often) and never talk about our relationship status, to me is unclear because we haven’t talk about our feelings at all. He never say something because he goes directly to the kissing and “body language part” haven’t sleep with him yet but I know he’s looking forward. We have conversations about everything else but not about what’s going on with our interaction. And I don’t know if is ok to ask since we only had going out 4 times. I don’t know if I’m going fast. How long should we date?
    Also he told me he has never been married, but since he travels a lot and has a home to stay in other state make me wonder if he’s dating someone else in other place. How could I ask that? I just don’t wanna be taken as a simply entertainment.
    Thanks for your help in advance.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Lily. For personalized advice on questions not directly related to the blog article, we ask that you submit your question to one of our coaches. You can do so here. Of course, you are also welcome to request feedback from other readers in a blog comment.

  4. Mia said:

    I’d love some advice.
    I’ve been courting a guy on and off for 4 years now. From the beginning for me it was love at first site, we worked together but for different companies cliché story. Anyway – recently it’s been geared more seriously we even went ring shopping so he could get my ring size and an idea…thing is he comes with baggage and has gone M.I.A on me lately and I don’t know how to deal.
    He says he needs time to “sort things out”

    • Mia said:

      **I accidently posted**

      He said we ideally want to be married by April/May.
      Now for the past month something has happened. He’s having baby mum dramas (which I’m not even getting into because who really knows what goes on but the people involved) and he’s told me tonight that in April he’s going back home for a month (abroad).
      I know the more I push him to talk the more I’ll push him away. He says he needs time and that he doesn’t want to force me to wait and understands if I don’t. . But I don’t know what I’m waiting for or if there’s anything worth waiting for.
      How can someone love anyone that the can’t talk to/see communicate with etc.??
      Literally i haven’t seen him for 2 weeks. The last time I saw him I told him that I feel like a prostitute (because how weird he’s been acting lately)

      I can’t eat and sleep and this is actually driving me insane.. says the lady who’s been tossing and turning in her bed since 9pm it’s now 2.37am lights out literally can’t sleep I’ve had the maddest headache all day…
      James please help.

      • James Bauer said:

        Hi Mia. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time right now. For very personal questions like this that don’t directly relate to the blog article, please submit your question to one of our coaches for private advice.

      • Mia said:

        Hi James, I’ve honestly been reading all your articles in the blog since I came across that video. I just can’t afford it so I thought I’d comment instead.
        Honestly I feel all of them relate to me in this confusing time lol which is also in relation to my above situation

      • Theresa said:

        Mia, I suggest you move on. It will hurt, but move on. When a man disappears for a substantial amount of time without calling, he’s seeing someone else. He’s going to deny it so don’t bother asking and if you’re only sleeping with him, stop. That’s not a relationship. Join an online dating site and have fun. Life’s too short to waste time on a man that’s not ready to commit or take you seriously. With all this drama, it won’t last anyways. Trust me, it happened to me. Be safe and enjoy YOUR life.

  5. Alicat09 said:

    My suggestion with online dating meet the person as soon as possible for coffee. If after meeting them once or twice and there is no spark, say thanks but no thanks and move on. I will not contact anyone who does not have a profile picture or who hardly writes anything. I also avoid men who spend most of their profile writing what they do or don’t want in a woman. And if someone mentions the word he does want a ‘game player’ there is no chance of contact. I’m sure there are game players out there but I think it is mostly that it is just that you have to met a lot of men before you find someone suitable.

    • James Bauer said:

      That sounds like a very good strategy.

  6. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this brilliant
    blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and
    adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to brand new updates and will share this site with my Facebook group.

    Talk soon!

    • James Bauer said:

      Thanks, Latisha! That’s quite a compliment.


  7. olive said:

    Hi James i am so greateful for all the contributions you have been helping Ladies out there.I have been learning from others experiences and how you handle their issue.

  8. Pixx said:

    James,a silly q… I don’t live in USA and we on diff currency I’ve never used credit card online.cAn I buy your book via credit card?how?

    • James Bauer said:

      I would be honored if you gave it a try. If the credit card company who processes purchases for does not accept your credit card, it will simply say it was declined. You might as well give it a try though. It often works from other countries.

  9. Shireen said:

    Hi James! Thanku so much 4 valid info nd doesn’t hurt 2read..not 2 sound negative..I think I’m done searching for 4 “Mr Right” I’m not saying I’m through with in the end nobody wants 2be was never an option 4me as I prefer face to face communication..I’ve decided 2 leave well alone..nd allow “GOD,s Will” 2 take its course..keep the advice cuming everyday is a learning curve..thx Agn..Kind Regards!!!

  10. Helen said:

    I am in an internet relationship that has broken my heart. I want to warn other women so they don’t make the same mistake. I’m older and have been messaging a wonderful man for 18 months. He had on his profile that he only wanted a casual relationship or friendship. However, I have been told that putting that instead of saying you want marriage is the thing to do so you don’t look so serious. With this man, though, I now know that is the case but it is too late. I love him, and he says he loves me.
    Please keep reminding women that if a man won’t meet you after a certain amount of time, move on. Unless you just want a friend in a box, who will pull you out and love you when it is convenient. Now I wish I had never gotten on any site.

    • James Bauer said:

      A sober reminder, but advice to heed. Thanks, Helen.

  11. Mohamed said:

    Hi James,
    thanks for forwarding me this educative and life time learning lessons. They are very they ingradients of life time happyness. Thanks to you & your team. Continue to send me more of these lessonns.

  12. Josephine Amolato said:

    thanks you so much..i really appreciate your pieces of advice..i look forward for more info…God bless you always!!

  13. lynn said:

    I totally agree with that if there is any jealousy chances are the relationship isn’t going to work out .First of all in the end result there is always going to be a conflict between the both of you if one is late from returning home from work or any social activity ..not good to be always worried about what he’s doing …where he is ..who he’s with and he will wonder the same about you.In a relationship there has to be total trust that the only person he comes home to is u and vise versa ..there is always going to be this worry and will be a conflict ..jealousy is the worst feeling you can have …it’s evil and it will get the best of you .

  14. angela said:

    My name is angel,i have a.relationship i value soo much….i love my boy.friend and he loves me too.but sometimes i realy wonder i can tell if he likes someone else in hes work he told me about a. girl thats always starring at him and.they are inthesame fellowship..and secondly,we both.get jealous easily.we just dont want any boy or girl talking to us or starring…..i need an.advice.thanks alot

    • James Bauer said:

      You and your boyfriend live in a world full of other men and women who are potential “options.” Your relationship can only survive on building something together that is worth more than the idea of straying from your mutual commitment. Fear-based relationship jealousy is destructive over time. Try to channel that fear into loving him more fiercely. He will either reciprocate in kind, or else prove himself to be unworthy of your committed love. Just don’t hang out in that middle ground zone where you never get to the part where you enjoy your relationship because you are always paranoid about whether he is cheating.

      • abel said:

        Life is all about what u feel like doing Bobo, u know what is good for you, go for it

  15. edna said:

    Thank you so much James the course is really helpful and it keeps us women aware on what and what not to do if you really value the relationship .I have a problem which i would want some advised on how can handle the situation.My boyfriend is in Australia and here i am in Africa ,so the first months he went to Australia things were really okay .He used to call me everyday and we also used social networks like whatsapp to communicate.Apparently these days he longer call, all do what he used to do, when i asked him he said why do you worry so much everything is okay stop complaining. I really feel that things are not okay or he might be wasting my time whilst im waiting for him.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Edna. Being on different continents is very rough on a relationship. It used to be next to impossible, but with modern phone and internet technology it is not quite as bad. Still, it is a lot to put your relationship through. I assume you must both have good reasons for allowing the separation. Men often do not enjoy small talk as much as women. That’s why you often find men socializing by engaging in some kind of activity together, rather than just talking to each other as women often do when they get together. So that may be a part of what is going on. However, I would base a decision on his actions and life direction. What is he doing to ensure the two of you get back together again (physically in the same place)? If he talks about that and has a plan for that and is moving toward that, that would suggest he may be worth waiting for. If you are the only one planning and dreaming about getting back on the same continent (and bending your life circumstances to make it happen)…then I would be cautious about pouring my heart into the relationship.

      • I felt the same way about my long distance relationship and used the programs from james and michael fiore …I brought everything they offered and used the tools….it all worked! It was a value asset to invest in my life long love… worth so much more because of my true happiness and ability to find a wonderful man and love and be loved the way we deserrve to be….priceless! Noww my distant cold responsed perfect for me hot and. Flooding my emails with responses and has even commited himself verbally to me….turns out he was busy and focusing on some family issues and work…if I had followed my first female instinct to talk to him…it would have made him more distant..instead I just used all tthe tools to attract and text him romantic phrases and in no time we were back better and closer than before!! Tracy

      • Marilyn said:

        What do you think of a long distance texting only relationship with a guy who is 55 and I am 70? He says it is not a problem with him at all. To be honest, I fear he might be a scammer and I would like to know how I can find out before it is too late. I have been taken in by two scammers in the past and do not want to go thru that hurt again. He doesn’t send flowerly cut and paste romantic messages like the scammers usually do but I am afraid he is not who he says he is.

      • James Bauer said:

        Just be sure to proceed with caution as your instincts have already prompted you to do. Outside of any social context, a relationship must be built slowly and only on actual shared experiences (not promises).

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