Silent Men

Taking joy in living is a womanโ€™s best cosmetic.

Rosalind Russell

how to communicate with menI’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Joy is attractive. Foster joy in your life any chance you get.

My personal belief is that joy emanates from a deep sense of meaning and purpose more than anything else. Yes, you need to have certain basic needs met before you really care about a sense of meaning and purpose, but even in hardship, a sense of meaning and purpose can sustain an ember of joy that warms your heart.

With meaning as the foundation of joy, relationships are the houses built on that foundation. Most of us find the greatest meaning in our lives through the relationships we are in. I think that’s a good thing, but it can be frustrating to women who find themselves in a relationship with a man who lacks the knack for sharing his thoughts and feelings.

The joy of living can sometimes be interrupted by the frustrations of dealing with a man who sits in silence, failing to share his thoughts. You can teach a man to reflect on his thinking more often and to do a better job of verbalizing his thoughts. But there’s a line you should be careful not to cross. It’s the line between wanting something, and wanting something so badly that you fail to appreciate what you currently have.

What you currently have is a man. As such, he is neurologically predisposed to periods of extended silence and compartmentalized thinking. He’s not broken. He supposed to be that way.

I have always loved dogs. I love the way they accept you unconditionally with wagging tail and a cheerful greeting. In the classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talks about the marvelous way a dog seems to become friends with everyone it meets on the street.

Yet a dog has no conversational skill whatsoever. It may look at you with concern or interest when you talk, but it does not irritate you when a dog fails to reply. Why? Because you have accepted it is a dog, so you are grateful for what it is, not what you think it ought to be.

how to communicate with menMen and women are more similar than they are different. Nonetheless, certain differences really stand out when men and women try to have deep, meaningful relationships that are satisfying to both. It is my opinion that one of the differences that stands out the most is the tendency for men to communicate less. I encourage you to invite him to communicate more, but don’t let yourself get stressed out or discouraged about your relationship when he seems to enjoy periods of silence.

You will find men are sometimes refreshed by the silences and actually feel closer to you after spending some time in your presence, but not directly communicating with you. He may even retreat to another room for a time, only to come back with a smile on his face.

If you find this to be true for a man you are with, appreciate this characteristic of who he is. Don’t let yourself become stressed or angry if you choose to help him grow his communication skills. Instead, start with acceptance, then move toward the goal of gradually inviting him into patterns of deeper and more frequent communication about his inner world.


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60 thoughts on “Silent Men

  1. arlene said:

    My boyfriend has periods of needing time alone but I never know when it hits him so I am caught very offguard. He can be so loving then its like closing a door he shuts down.

    • Denise said:

      I thimk he is selfish. He should at lease say he need a moment, so that you can make the mental shift needed to deal with the silence. After all. There are two people in the relationship.

      • Ryan said:

        Me and mine have a non verbal way of him telling me it’s “one of those days ” he wears a certain t shirt and that is my que he needs his space

        • Paula said:

          That seems an awesome way to deal with this issue. Thanks for sharing!

    • Lynn said:

      At the two commments below….Seriously? A man that is contemplative is a Godsend. Life isn’t always about go, go, go and with with the switch stuck in the on position. Are you interested in a longterm relationship or a fling? Give him (and yourself) some mental space!

      • L. said:

        The more we resist the way someone is, the more they can become that way. I find that giving some space, then gently inquiring in a bit if he’s thinking about work or what? But this comes after many months of thinking he was pulling away from me for some reason. I have now come to accept that his insanely busy job does need time for him to contemplate about that — even when he is with me. And I want him to feel he has space when we are together to address mentally and otherwise the things which need addressing. That’s what real life is about.

        He has opened up to me now several times about what our time together means to him because I have been gentle with him. James, your advice about respect was so helpful to me in this. My man knows how much I respect him, and I thank you for what you said about it.

        If I can be the one to be appreciative of him even when I’m not the center of his thinking and action, he begins to learn he can have the kind of meaningful time with me that true lasting partnership is made of.

        Thanks to all for a great conversation!

      • Roxy said:

        I agree . You don’t need a t shirt to know a man needs alone time . Your intuition will let you know . Really who is being selfish !?

        • Paula said:

          uh…not all of us are mind readers like you I guess?

  2. Elin Helene said:

    Thank you for this article, it helps to know that men really are a lot like dogs and they are adorable in their ways, but it can`t be a good thing when a man just goes silent, like in the sense of no communication all of a sudden…despite giving the impression of all is well and that he is interested in being with you…how do you deal with that kind of silence?

    Best regards,

    Elin Helene ๐Ÿ™‚

    • James Bauer said:

      Yeah, you are right, Elin. It’s not good when you can sense that he is actually pulling away rather than just being silent in your presence. I did not mean to say men are like dogs. I was just using dogs in an analogy to make a point about the way expectations shape our emotional reactions to things. Really, for the kind of silence you describe in your question, the best thing to do is very gently ask if he is feeling overwhelmed. When he asks why you would ask that, gently point out his silence. He may then offer an explanation that gives you insight about the next step you should take.

      • Kayren said:

        and of which he will not answer James. He will continue with his silence by saying he is just that way which I doubt.

      • Denise said:

        I think he should grow up and mature. He need to take a class on, “The Dynamics of a Relationship.” He need to learn how to function properly in a healthy relationship, and think about how he would feel, if the table was turned.

  3. I continue to love and learn from your blog even though (for the most part) have my man of 25 years almost completely figured out ๐Ÿ˜‰ Your reminder today to “foster joy” and remember the male-female differences brought a smile to my face. Your post confirmed that while my husband loves me in the house and puttering around while he watches college football doesn’t mean he’s want to engage in any meaningful conversation. When I give him his “couch time” but stay in earshot for him to hear my happily humming…he’s a much happier dude when it’s time to re-engage for the evening. Funny…that even works for my 14-year old son ๐Ÿ™‚

    • James Bauer said:

      Good example. Thanks.

  4. chris said:

    thank you for this information. It is good to know.

    Have a wonderful Christmas.

    • James Bauer said:

      You too, Chris.

  5. Dee said:

    Thank u for this wonderful reminder…
    I do have a question do u have any insight or info. On Aspergers and adult relationships
    Again much GRATITUDE
    dee

    • James Bauer said:

      Oh, that’s a good question, but a very deep issue that would require more than a quick response. I admire those who choose to love an adult with Asperger’s Disorder. You have to be a very special kind of person because it is such a different experience.

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        You are right, James. I was married to a man for almost 40 years who I have since discovered has, I believe, Aspergers, although it has not been diagnosed. Oddly enough, it was a girlfriend he had after he left me who diagnosed him – she was once a school-teacher, and he told me what she had said. I never really knew much about it before that. Thank you for saying you need to be special – that makes me feel so much better about my experience – it was not easy. I lived in an emotional desert for almost 40 years, no kisses and cuddles and hardly any of the other, then the divorce was very, very traumatic, because of his bruised ego, although he left me – it should have been so much more straight-forward – he would not back down. It devastated me and has left emotional scars, but I still admire him hugely. In many, many ways he was a wonderful husband. He would work his fingers to the bone, tirelessly, doggedly, to provide for his family. He single-handedly almost rebuilt our old cottage to a very high standard, as well as holding down a very demanding job, travelling abroad a lot. At work he was highly thought of, as he could think out of the box, as an engineer, but found it very difficult to work in a team – he was very much a loner, but his colleagues knew they could come to him to solve a problem that they could not. I know he loved us all dearly (we have three daughters), but found it hard to express that love. And I had my three children and a large garden and house and hobbies to keep me busy. It was after he retired that we divorced – he seemed to want his own space, and I respected that. Now, it seems that my 34 year old daughter has it, too, though not diagnosed, although I understand it is less severe in women. And I think perhaps his mother, her grandmother, had it, too – she was a very difficult woman – but I may be wrong. They come across as un-caring and self-centred, and very blunt in communication, but I was told recently by a counsellor that even though they are unable to express their feelings and empathise with others’ feelings/emotions, and are unable to pick up on facial signals – they actually do still HAVE feelings themselves and get hurt just the same – and in my experience, I think they are MORE sensitive than most – and bear grudges for years – probably forever. My daughter recently told me that I am the reason SHE is unable to keep a relationship with a man, as I “never showed her an ounce of love growing up”. (Her fiance cancelled the wedding three weeks beforehand in June ’15). This is totally untrue – it was she who would push me away when I tried to hug or kiss her, and say “Ughh” and brush the kiss off. She spat my nipple out when I was suckling her at 8 months and no-way would accept it back. She was very much a wanted baby – we tried for years before I became pregnant, and then I thought I was losing her early on. She is now not talking to me at all since the beginning of December, and although that is very painful, it is less painful than the vitriol she pours on me when we actually do meet – which was always very rarely anyway, as she works abroad in Dubai as a high-flying lawyer (paid mega-bucks), and telephone conversations and skype were very awkward and stilted – I can’t see it ever improving. She has a high MENSA score, worked really hard at school and achieved extremely good results – but sadly she was bullied for it by the other children. She is very highly-strung, has a nervous “tick”, is very self-opinionated and flies off the handle easily. I think it is crucial that these people are diagnosed, as I understand there is support and counselling for them – but they would probably never admit there was a problem. Certainly, anyone in a relationship with them needs counselling, in order to understand what they are up against. (It is the lower end of Autism). If they do, and do not expect much affection in their lives, then I’m sure it is possible to live with these people. But they do need to be very resilient, with a lot going on in their own lives to compensate. No-one is perfect, and they do have a lot to offer the world – just not affection – they have their own way of showng love, and that is good, too, as they are extremely loyal, hard-working and dependable. But getting them to discuss their problems would be the best solution, so you can both understand and work around them. I hope this helps anyone in this situation. Lorna

  6. Pam said:

    Good article and food for thought, I would also like to add that if you started the relationship in this way, with your man not communicating the way that you wish….what makes you think that you will change him? Accept him for who he is when commiting and know that there is a great possibility that’s the way he will stay!

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Probably very true, Pam. Lorna

  7. Great article. I believe acceptance is the key to any relationship or situation we have. When we can accept and appreciate what we already have then we’re not trying to control the outcome that we desire.

  8. Nancy said:

    Wondering how men think about us women. Do they do the same? Appreciate and accept for who we are?

    • James Bauer said:

      Not nearly enough, though that is a quality you should look for in a man if you are looking for a relationship. Pay attention to how he treats other people (who he is not actively trying to impress). Does he try to appreciate the good in them, or does he focus on their flaws?

  9. Mom said:

    Ah-Ha! I think I understand what you’re saying…So, please do write an article for men on the flip side of this issue. Women don’t talk too much or on subjects of limited interest. It’s just who we are. Men should learn to appreciate this innate quality in women and not insist that we change. Did I understand you?

    • James Bauer said:

      Yes, men should not wish women were different or try to change them. Most men don’t really mind a woman who talks a lot though. The few who do are the ones who are not trying very hard to have a great relationship (at least that’s been my impression).

  10. Suzi said:

    What about when you get in an argument and he is silent for days. He says he doesn’t want to fight and say something he would regret. But to stop talking for days after being together for 2 years seems very immature to me.

  11. Penny said:

    I went to visit my boyfriend in another country..we had nice times but one day he work up moody, I could sense and I decided to give him the space. We sat on the outside lauge for minutes without talking. Thereafter he confessed that he was having a bad day and that he was in low moods. I told him it was okay to feel that way and that i understood. In about an hour he asked me how I was feeling, and I told him I felt like going back. At that time it like “tables turned” and he told me he felt very sad that I was feeling like leaving him…..what should I have done and said in this case? I really felt like going back cause i was used to chatting and laughing and at time silent moments when either he is reading and am on the computer

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Penny. I wouldn’t say you did anything wrong. However, a man who can talk openly about his mood state and admit how it is impacting his communication with you may be a man worth investing in (though it sounds like there is a significant distance barrier). Just give things more time to turn around next time if you want to allow the “mood of connection” to return. It’s natural to have an ebb and flow of connection.

  12. chioma teney said:

    I am in a relationship with a guy for 2 yrs he promises marriage, but he never wants me to talk with members of his family neither will he want to talk to members of my family. Apart from that quiet attitude of his, he is a good person pls what do I do?

  13. Hi I am with a guy for 6 months we are in the same business that’s how we met. I have feelings for him and I think he has too, but he never said to me directly ‘I love you’. He wrote me a Christmas card ‘ with love to my wonderful girlfriend’, or sometimes he sais ‘ I know you love me too’. Why is taking so long for him just to say ‘I love you’? He is also 9 years younger than me.
    Inga

    • l said:

      Actions speak louder than words, Inga. Some people have a really hard time saying I love You and some people say it far too much, which to me makes it less meaningful. They are just words, after all. “Love is as love does” is a very good motto. If he treats you well and shows love in other ways, make that do for now. Then when he does say it, you will know he really means it. 6 months is not long to get to really know someone. Just be grateful for what you have without looking for more. I hope it works out well for you. Lorna

  14. elena said:

    My ex used to think I’m angry or something, he couldn’t get the idea of me not talking and wanting to be left alone… and we got divorced ๐Ÿ˜›

    And then I met someone who likes his space, not talks much. Then it started to freak me out, because sometimes the silence didn’t seem like we’re enjoying it.
    Then I faced myself with another fact – we are not native English speakers, and sometimes it is an effort to express yourself or to say something, so you keep it to yourself. I caught him a couple of times while texting he went to translate something I wrote, cute. OK, we’re making an effort, but… I try to feel as natural as possible and comfortable with my English, and I try not to forget I’m with a person, not only a foreigner.
    And I started thinking, how much can the language be a problem? Everyone says anyway that men and women don’t speak the same language ๐Ÿ˜€ And when they really don’t, you hardly express your feelings, and I’m getting to some point where I think I will hit the wall. Do we really have nothing to say or is it just being tired of English?

    • Lorna (LaLa)l said:

      Elena, It seems to me that you should both learn each others’ language. That way, you will both have some common interest to work on together, and you can both help each other with the homework, translations, pronunciation, grammar, accent, spellings, etc. It will be more fun, you can turn it into a game, and gradually, you will become better communicators with each other. Does that make sense? See if you can find James’ article on relationsips needing to be “work”. He suggests that by having a common interest to work on, it will bring you closer together. I wish you luck. Lorna

  15. There are men that are silent type but there are also men that are very vocal and open to people around them about their feelings. I think it depends on the type of environment he grow up.

    • James Bauer said:

      I like your username. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Yes, of course you are right about that.

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Yes, you are right, man, I think it is wrong to put men and women in boxes. I have two men friends who love to talk. One in particular I cannot get a word in edgeways with (and I am Gemini – the communicator par excellence!!). He talks non-stop and even extends his sentences unnecessarily so he can keep going – it is weird. When I try to respond to him and open my mouth – he then starts again before I can get the words out – I’m like a goldfish opening and closing my mouth and swallowing air!!. It is SO frustrating. I sometimes have to just lauch in over the top of him, otherwise I would never get to say anything. Really strange. But he does have a lot of helpful information – so he is worth knowing!! I just have to tell him I don’t want to know all the technicalities – otherwise we’ll be there all day – and I will fall asleep! Lorna

  16. TeeTee said:

    I have found a lot of your information very useful. I was married for 16 years and became a widow nearly 2 years ago. My late husband was a different sort of guy, very assertive, no fear and had no trouble telling me exactly how he felt about me from about our 5th date. My new guy is more careful. I am more careful. I always have been. I know that love can end very sadly as in my case.

    I do however, often wonder if I am odd. I read what you say, listen to the videos and a lot of the time cannot put myself into the shoes of the women they seem to be geared to.

    I am quiet, often. I am not angry or upset. I need time away from all people to recharge. I love this man. It is a quiet, non flashy love. I hate shoe shopping (or any other kind) I know I am worth my weight in gold in most ways. My bad is not so terrible. But I do not seem to share much in common with other women. I cherish my alone time and do not see it as a bad thing. I refer to myself as a pragmatic realist, which is sort of redundant.

    Also, his circumstances are vastly different to any I have run across in your information and if I had taken some of what you say verbatim, I would have left him. I know it must be very difficult to take into account all people…

    My issue is not that we do not talk. It is that perhaps we are both too careful, too controlled and there is no fiery passion. Is this a bad thing? He was raised by two very religious parents, who were very vocal in what was right and wrong. I find it difficult to break him out of his shell on some things.

    • James Bauer said:

      I don’t think it’s a bad thing if you are comfortable with it. But if you want to bring some passion into your interactions, invite him to treat that goal like a game, an experiment the two of you will work on for a specified amount of time. Then, if you don’t both like it, you can go back to how things were. This may work better for a cautious mindset.

      • TeeTee said:

        That is a terrific idea. A sort of safe place this experiment would be. Thank you!

  17. flor said:

    stop babysitting and mothering his emotions. If he needs to be alone then let him be alone and stop taking it personally.

  18. Confused said:

    What if he never approaches me for conversation, but is attentive and engaged when I approach him? The only time he strikes up a conversation with me, is when he is away on business. (I am referring to a male friend I have, not a boyfriend)

    • James Bauer said:

      You have several choices. You could assume he likes you and consider the possibility of taking the lead in this relationship. Another option is to be completely honest with him. By that I mean you tell him you enjoy talking with him, but feel like you are the only one who initiates interaction. Then just be silent. Give him time and space to respond. Don’t try to apologize for him, for yourself, or for the awkwardness of bringing it up. The silence may bring out the truth.

  19. Tina Kurrels said:

    This Was A Lovely Way To Explain This James….I Do Seem To Need This Kind Of Explanation To Help Me Get…..Some Basic Differences. And This One Might Be One Of My Most Challenging Ones. So Again, Thanks For The Gentle Way, To See Our Different Needs. ๐Ÿ™‚ Tina

    • James Bauer said:

      I’m glad it helped. Thanks for your encouraging words.

  20. AG said:

    This is insightful, but kind of weird to me because my most long-term relationships have been with men who talk WAAAAAAY more than I do. I was with a guy for 7 years who drove me nuts and never gave me peaceful time to go into my own deep state of inner calm concentration. But we could just chalk that one up to his insecurity.

    But strangely, my 4 year old son is also a big talker. Sometimes he just won’t stop. Maybe it’s something bout me? I don’t know, but I really like spending time with a guy when we don’t have to talk all the time.

    I just find it really hard when someone goes away for an extended period of time and I have no idea what they are thinking or feeling about the relationship.

  21. Jo said:

    I think it’s funny how women all seem to think that men should know how we feel. It is so difficult just listen to the silence? Most things are said best when nothing is said at all.

  22. Deb Cottrell said:

    Hi, thank you for your insights, they help me to reflect and hopefully not get things so wrong (wish I’d known about you before I screwed things up with someone I value so highly a while back…). I understand you’re saying to accept that men communicate less. But is that the case for those men who did it so much more in the chase phase? The man I’d love to communicate more with me (we aren’t together but were for a while) does so infrequently and in much less depth now (though he invariably initiates contact with me and drops some lovely compliments in every so often). It’s confusing as it doesn’t help me to move on; I’m wondering if this less frequent communication is just him as a man and not a reflection of him just not being into me, yet I can’t help thinking back to a time when we would write messages to each other all night – so I assume he no longer feels the same. Any thoughts?

    • James Bauer said:

      Deb, that’s a good question. Yes, it does apply to men who were more vocal in the chase phase. Men often leave their comfort zone while “on a mission” to impress a woman early in the relationship. As the relationship becomes comfortable, he tends to slip toward his baseline way of communicating.

      However, your situation seems to imply that the two of you are no longer in a defined relationship. Yet he is reaching out to you. Perhaps he also wishes the relationship could be rekindled. If you end up together again, communicate openly and often about how it makes you feel when he opens up and talks with you about his inner thoughts, hopes, fears, wishes, and dreams.

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        I agree with you James, it sounds a bit fishy to me, Deb, that he “invariably initiates contact and drops some lovely compliments every so often” – don’t you think he is just waiting for a sign from you that you are still interested? And you are not taking the bait. James has written articles relating to this situation (or maybe I’ve picked them up elsewhere) that men are very sensitive and are often afraid to “show their cards” before they get an encouraging sign from the woman – he doesn’t want to be rejected, in other words, and is afraid and holding back. Why don’t you contact him first, next time, if you DO want to rekindle the relationship. What have you got to lose? You say you “would love him to communicate more with me” – maybe he is thinking the same. In which case you will never get anywhere. It takes two to communicate – it can’t be all one-sided. Give it a go – go for it – and best of luck!!! And don’t forget to throw him a few nice compliments too – they love it. Just see how well he responds – like a puppy-dog – tickle his tummy for goodness sake! . Lorna

  23. Robyn said:

    Hi James, this is unrelated to last subject but was wondering if you could give me some advice. Online dating. I was chatting to a guy for a week or so on line and then talked on the phone every day for a week for over hour each time some had lots in common with each other, I met for lunch and went well but was not attracted to him. But felt we could be friends anyway. He still called everyday but start to complain about an ex girl friend he had only recently spilt from. So I said to him I didn’t think he was over her and should call me when his mind was in a better frame of mind. I seemed to get the negative energy from what was happening to him. Anyway a week later I called to see if he ok no answer and left message asking if all was ok as I thought we at least were friends. No answer so left another message and got back a message from his fiancรฉ asking what did I want. I explained we had been communicating for a while. I also told her to run girl as that’s not a man either of us deserve. Yes I was angry with him but I was more angry at myself, I feel I’m a good judge of character but did not see this coming at all, as he was very generous with offering to help me with things. Yes I think my instinct told me not to go there and I didn’t but still was shocked by it all. My question is what do you think makes people do this to others, what are they trying to achieve do you think? In Australia we call these types dickheads. I’m grateful I learnt a lesson but not sure what that lesson is.

    • James Bauer said:

      Well, there are many lessons that could be learned from something like this. One is to obey your instincts, as you did. But the main lesson is to take things slow as you get to know people, especially when you meet them outside of a social network.

      When you know someone through a friend or an acquaintance, you can learn a lot about them from the context of their social circle. You can see how other people treat them, see how they treat other people, etc. And most importantly, you know whether or not they are currently in a relationship with someone else. Meeting people online often goes better on Facebook because you can see a person’s social network (but even that can be faked with a significant amount of work).

  24. Ali said:

    Women are generally born communicators. We feel free to express ourselves, and we like to know what’s going on for our guy. One thing I have learnt is that when my guy goes quiet, the absolute worst thing I can do is to push him for conversation or reasons. Maybe something IS bothering him, but more often than not if I just leave him to go into his ‘cave’ ….. watch tv, have a sleep, go for a run, etc … he usually comes looking for me when he is ready to connect again. And yes, I find it really hard not to feel pushed aside when this happens, but it’s really not about me …. and it’s very natural.

  25. marie said:

    i have been in a long distance relationship for 10 months we just met one month before he was transferred and still have kept in touch and he will drive to see me but every time we seem to get closer he withdrawals for weeks no text nothing and then i will hear from him telling me how much he loves and misses me…it is a very confusing relationship…i never harass or demand things from him i let him think he is in control..but i always express how grateful and happy i am when he visits and text me to try to encourage more of that behavior…beginning to think he’s married..but of course he says no…time to move on???

    • James Bauer said:

      He may be operating under the belief that long-distance relationships don’t work…even though he keeps giving in and trying to make it work for short periods of time. Rather than giving up completely, I advise you ask him. Yes, it will change the nature of your relationship if you ask him to explain his behavior, but it’s a last-ditch option before losing the relationship entirely if you walk away.

      James

  26. ann said:

    Hello there,

    I’m a 3 month long distance relationship (5 hours away).
    Now its beginning to feel like I am slipping into the “friend zone”? The pet names have mostly fallen away.

    He says we have a weird relationship where I am his “go to” person (where he is getting over his ex and he will share stuff like “she is seeing someone else.” He says he knows, even today, he is still screwed up.)
    He is out 6+ mos. I have been out of mine 8+ months — and the beauty of it is we are like old friends – that had heat, friendship, laughter, chemistry and romance.
    Yet, things slipped after a surgery. Is it because I visited to help out?
    He says he isn’t comparing me to his ex, yet I realize she still has a pull on him, she ignores him.

    We were sweet and romantic and cute, until surgery and until he had to pet sit for his ex. As he had major eye surgery. Yesterday he says he feels pulled in so many directions. He called me 4 times and was sweet and funny.
    99% of the time we laugh. He even sings to me often (which surprises him – to which a guy friend says “the dummy is in love with you!”) he just doesn’t know it!
    Tonight he recanted that what we have is weird and he only calls me from his driving and that he must be confusing.

    1.) nothing is bad yet, he wants you in his life, have no expectations (it is what it is) – something may come of it! (says therapist mindfully)
    2.) Tell him you’d love to have an exclusive relationship with him and ask him if he would like to give it a real Shot. Yes or no question. (says a guy friend)
    Is it really a thing of let them go and they will come back if meant to be?

    Intimate body and mind still confuses him. Am I too available? Whereas the ex gives him the silent treatment and cold shoulder?

    Thanks so much,
    ann

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Ann. For personalized questions that do not directly relate to the blog post, please submit the question to our professional relationship coaches. They are able to provide personalized responses based on your unique circumstances.

      Iโ€™ll just add a quick thought here. You seem to assume that everyone knows exactly what you really want from this man (since you did not tell us in your question). I wonder if he knows what you want from him.
      Do you think he has a clear picture in his mind regarding the possibilities for the two of you? Do you know if he has even considered it? Thatโ€™s where I would start if you do not already know the answers to those questions.

  27. Jean said:

    Hello James
    This is Jean again. Man you nailed it with this article, this is the man I’m seeing to a T. He holds me with love and admiration in his eyes silently. Smiles through his heart and soul, much resemblance of a dog, happy to see his best friend. Also, reads my emotions in the same way. He is a very silent man which used to confuse me , as well as scare me that he didn’t care. Then I carefully watched and learn to read them, now it is a confirmation and comfort through unspoken communication . He speaks openly as well, but his actions and eyes say world’s.
    He confessed the last time I saw him that it wasn’t fair,because he couldn’t hide how he feels for me.
    The one thing I have always had is strength and tons of joy. And I quit telling him trigger words that scares him. It made a world of difference.
    Thanks for all your articles and caring about others. I have been told I should give up by friends, but I believe in him that he can love again. And it shows when you look for it.
    God bless and have a great day
    Jean ๐Ÿ™‚

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