Taking joy in living is a woman’s best cosmetic.
My personal belief is that joy emanates from a deep sense of meaning and purpose more than anything else. Yes, you need to have certain basic needs met before you really care about a sense of meaning and purpose, but even in hardship, a sense of meaning and purpose can sustain an ember of joy that warms your heart.
With meaning as the foundation of joy, relationships are the houses built on that foundation. Most of us find the greatest meaning in our lives through the relationships we are in. I think that’s a good thing, but it can be frustrating to women who find themselves in a relationship with a man who lacks the knack for sharing his thoughts and feelings.
The joy of living can sometimes be interrupted by the frustrations of dealing with a man who sits in silence, failing to share his thoughts. You can teach a man to reflect on his thinking more often and to do a better job of verbalizing his thoughts. But there’s a line you should be careful not to cross. It’s the line between wanting something, and wanting something so badly that you fail to appreciate what you currently have.
What you currently have is a man. As such, he is neurologically predisposed to periods of extended silence and compartmentalized thinking. He’s not broken. He supposed to be that way.
I have always loved dogs. I love the way they accept you unconditionally with wagging tail and a cheerful greeting. In the classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talks about the marvelous way a dog seems to become friends with everyone it meets on the street.
Yet a dog has no conversational skill whatsoever. It may look at you with concern or interest when you talk, but it does not irritate you when a dog fails to reply. Why? Because you have accepted it is a dog, so you are grateful for what it is, not what you think it ought to be.
Men and women are more similar than they are different. Nonetheless, certain differences really stand out when men and women try to have deep, meaningful relationships that are satisfying to both. It is my opinion that one of the differences that stands out the most is the tendency for men to communicate less. I encourage you to invite him to communicate more, but don’t let yourself get stressed out or discouraged about your relationship when he seems to enjoy periods of silence.
You will find men are sometimes refreshed by the silences and actually feel closer to you after spending some time in your presence, but not directly communicating with you. He may even retreat to another room for a time, only to come back with a smile on his face.
If you find this to be true for a man you are with, appreciate this characteristic of who he is. Don’t let yourself become stressed or angry if you choose to help him grow his communication skills. Instead, start with acceptance, then move toward the goal of gradually inviting him into patterns of deeper and more frequent communication about his inner world.