It’s frustrating to watch someone you care about agonize over a guy who doesn’t even know she exists. Her unreciprocated love doesn’t just make her suffer; it makes everyone around her suffer, too.
Think of that classic scene from the film Love, Actually. Sarah, who works at an ad agency, swoons over her gorgeous co-worker Karl. Her boss finally pulls her aside and tells her to do something about it, for the sake of everyone in the office. He offers a plan:
“Invite [Karl] out for a drink and then, after about 20 minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you’d like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.”
Should she take his advice?
Of course not!
Every woman alive knows just how terrible that plan is. It only works if you want to scare a guy off for good…or get used by a heartless guy.
But some advice given to you by well-meaning parties can sound good on the surface. You might be tempted to take it, particularly if you don’t have any other ideas.
Before you do…
Think it through first.
A lot of so-called “good advice” can actually backfire. At best, it moderately improves your chances of catching his eye. At worst, it wrecks any chance you ever had with him.
Here are 4 examples.
- Look really attractive, and he’ll notice you.
Have you ever put special effort into doing your hair and makeup, or choosing just the right outfit, because you knew you were going to be seeing someone you were interested in?
Most women do. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if it gives you confidence. The problem with this strategy is when it is all you do.
When you put all your effort into looking great only to stand there, hoping to be noticed.
Looks are a starting place, but they’re not a plan. Your LBD can’t do all the talking for you. It is still up to you to strike up a conversation and create a connection.
There’s another bit of advice that’s even worse…
- Just tell him how you feel.
Life’s too short. Be brave. Grab the bull by the horns and tell him how you feel. The worst he can say is no.
It sounds so right in theory. Honesty is always the best policy!
But there are some very sound reasons not to tell him how you feel—at least, not until you know him well.