Don’t Take This Well-Meaning Advice

when to take adviceSometimes, people who want to make you happy give you really bad advice.

For example…

It’s frustrating to watch someone you care about agonize over a guy who doesn’t even know she exists. Her unreciprocated love doesn’t just make her suffer; it makes everyone around her suffer, too.

Think of that classic scene from the film Love, Actually. Sarah, who works at an ad agency, swoons over her gorgeous co-worker Karl. Her boss finally pulls her aside and tells her to do something about it, for the sake of everyone in the office. He offers a plan:

“Invite [Karl] out for a drink and then, after about 20 minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you’d like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.”

Should she take his advice?

Of course not!

Every woman alive knows just how terrible that plan is. It only works if you want to scare a guy off for good…or get used by a heartless guy.

But some advice given to you by well-meaning parties can sound good on the surface. You might be tempted to take it, particularly if you don’t have any other ideas.

Before you do…

Think it through first.

A lot of so-called “good advice” can actually backfire. At best, it moderately improves your chances of catching his eye. At worst, it wrecks any chance you ever had with him.

Here are 4 examples.

  1. Look really attractive, and he’ll notice you.

Have you ever put special effort into doing your hair and makeup, or choosing just the right outfit, because you knew you were going to be seeing someone you were interested in?

Most women do. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if it gives you confidence. The problem with this strategy is when it is all you do.

When you put all your effort into looking great only to stand there, hoping to be noticed.

Looks are a starting place, but they’re not a plan. Your LBD can’t do all the talking for you. It is still up to you to strike up a conversation and create a connection.

There’s another bit of advice that’s even worse…

  1. Just tell him how you feel.

Life’s too short. Be brave. Grab the bull by the horns and tell him how you feel. The worst he can say is no.

It sounds so right in theory. Honesty is always the best policy!

But there are some very sound reasons not to tell him how you feel—at least, not until you know him well.


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My Secret Source for Dating Insights

dating advice from your friendsCan you keep a secret?

I’m going to reveal my number one source for dating insights.

Okay, it’s not really classified. It’s just a place a lot of people don’t think to look.

But when I really need to know why one of my clients has been struggling with relationships, this is where I turn.

My source? Her friends.

Think about it. Your friends have a front row seat to your social life. They watch you flirt. They know what kind of guys you go after. They even see how you react when a guy approaches you. They know you—every mannerism, personality trait and all your quirks.

If you’re not getting dates, they know why. The question is, do you really want them to tell you?

Think about that carefully before you jump in.

If you decide to go for it, there are two keys to getting info that actually helps.

The first is asking the right people. Some of your friends won’t want to give you critical feedback. Afraid of hurting your feelings, they’ll only tell you what they think you want to hear. That’s nice and all, but it doesn’t really benefit you.

On the other hand, you may have friends who would be a little too eager to tell you what you’re doing wrong. Ask one of them, and they’ll heap negative comments on you. Best case scenario, you’ll walk away feeling trashed. Worst case, it’ll start a fight.

While all your friends have inside information about you, make sure you only ask one or two who will give you honest feedback with the sole goal of helping you.

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