How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)

How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)How to Get Over Your Ex Faster (and Move on to the Right Guy)

Moving on after you break up with someone isn’t rocket science. Ask anyone, and they’ll tell you: it takes time.

But this can be frustrating. Especially if you want to get back out there and find someone.

So, I’ve got some good news for you. There are things you can do to get over your ex faster if you can’t stop obsessing about him.

The key is to look at “problem” post-break-up behaviors in a new light. Here are the kind of behaviors I’m talking about:

  • You wake up. The first thing you reach for is your phone…to check his Facebook. This is something you will do at least a dozen times throughout the day.
  • Whenever your phone buzzes, you immediately glance to see if it’s him.
  • Checking text messages leads to reading over old texts from him. Ditto emails.
  • You think about calling or messaging him all the time. You might even do it.
  • Your friends notice you are lost in thought when doing things at locations where you used to hang out with your guy.

To one degree or another, we’ve all been there. It’s not a new problem. It’s not a unique problem.

In fact, some experts say breakup obsessions look like a temporary version of a specific psychological disorder…called obsessive compulsive disorder.

So if you want to get over your ex faster, you can use a standard self-help technique for OCD.

I will dive into that momentarily. But before going further, I want to take a second to talk about what not to do.

Many people are tempted to avoid triggers. Some are even advised to do this.

Don’t go to that restaurant you loved. Hide your phone. Stay off your computer.

But I disagree with this. Because it’s unrealistic. And because avoidance never works when it’s a mental thing.

Your painful thoughts or memories will return. And avoidance intensifies your fear of facing them.

What I want you to do instead is use that self-help technique I promised to share: schedule your obsession.

It’s a way to take back control of your mind.

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How to Know When It’s Time to Move On

How to Know When It’s Time to Move OnHow do you feel about the idea of quitting?

I mean quitting on a relationship when there is still a mix of both good and bad. Your stomach just rolled, didn’t it?

Yeah, I feel the same way. I don’t like the notion of giving up, either. And we’re not alone.

How many times have you heard, “Winners never quit and quitters never win?” Our culture has this shared conviction that it’s always noble to press on, even in the face of overwhelming odds.

That’s why we like movies about underdogs, from Rudy to The Devil Wears Prada.

But what if you’re after something that’s genuinely unattainable? What if you have a goal that you really can’t reach? What if you’re the underdog, but it’s impossible for you to come out on top?

Psychologists Gregory Miller and Carsten Wrosch asked that very question. They spent a year tracking 90 teenagers who were goal-setters. The ones who couldn’t let go of their unachievable goals paid for it with their health, showing early signs of conditions that lead to diabetes, early aging, and heart disease![i]

The researchers’ conclusion was simple. There are times when quitting is the best option.

Ready for this to get WAY more personal? Think about that truth in light of your dating life.

Which begs the question, how do you know when it’s time to give up on a relationship and move on?

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The Best Way to Move on After a Breakup

How To Move On After a BreakupI’m going to start by apologizing. I’m asking you to think about something you probably don’t want to think about.

Breaking up.

Breakups are no fun. Even if you were the one to pull the plug on the relationship, it sucks to go from being a couple to being alone.

And it doesn’t get any better with experience. It’s always miserable.

Because breakups are so unpleasant, most of us take the same approach. We try to get over them as fast as possible. It’s easiest to think about something else, try to meet someone new, or just move on.

Processing the dead relationship is the last thing we want to do.

Unfortunately, moving on too fast means you miss out on something VERY important. That’s especially true during the dark days right after a breakup.

Your girlfriends may want to get you out of the house for a night on the town, or come over with a sad movie and some Ben and Jerry’s, but trust me…

There’s a better way to process your post-breakup pain.

Researchers at Villanova University recently conducted a study all about dealing with the end of a romantic connection.[1] Specifically, they were looking for the best ways to move on.

The simple technique they recommend is easy to do and comes with some pretty big payoffs.

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