Do you expect dating to be fair?
Recently, I’ve been visiting with my friend, Crystal. She’s single, and I couldn’t tell you why. She’s attractive, she has a great job, is fun to be around, and is generally successful in life. But she can’t seem to land a guy.
Believe me, she’s tried. She’s still trying. And it upsets her that she can’t seem to pull it off.
As we talked about it, I realized something. Crystal expects dating to be fair. She thinks she’ll get out of it what she puts into it. That if she’s the best version of herself she can be, someone is bound to fall for her. It’s almost like she thinks the universe owes her a fulfilling connection.
But it doesn’t.
A lot of people mistakenly think life is (or at least should be) fair. But if you believe life is fair, you’re actually setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary pain.
Researchers at NYU recently proved this in a study of more than 250 middle school aged kids. Granted, you’re operating at a much higher level of maturity than the average middle schooler. However, I strongly suspect the findings of this study hold true throughout life.
The study found that participants who believe life is fair “demonstrated lower self-esteem, a higher propensity to engage in risky behaviors, and a lessened willingness to follow directions.”
If you believe life is fair, you’re likely to feel shortchanged. And when you feel shortchanged, you don’t think well of yourself and you don’t make good decisions.
Do you know what the problem is?
Life isn’t fair. And neither is dating. But don’t despair. You can rise above that sobering fact.
Your best shot at finding the love you want is to rise above the unfairness. To do that, you need to commit to three things.
Protect your heart.
First and foremost, take care of yourself.
Don’t rush headlong into love, even if you’ve been looking for a while. Allow time for new relationships to develop. If you’re in a long-term relationship already, don’t be too quick to move it to the next level.
It’s okay to take chances. Just take smart chances.
That guy who’s cheated on the last several girls he’s dated? Yeah, he may be a looker and a smooth talker, but don’t you dare take a chance on him. Protect your heart by waiting for someone who really deserves you.
Now here’s the next commitment I want you to make to yourself…