For me, one of the hardest things to see is wonderful women who doubt themselves.
They can’t see all the qualities they have that would make a man fall in love.
They worry about how they come across. They chastise themselves for messing up. They just want to do everything perfectly, so he’ll fall for them and they’ll have a shot at happily ever after.
One of my hardest challenges is to convey a new mindset to dispel worry.
Because worrying causes more problems than it solves, especially on those first few dates.
It’s natural to worry, but that doesn’t make it a good idea.
Worrying takes you out of the present moment and puts you in your head. It makes you self-conscious, which makes you more likely to stumble and make mistakes. It makes you tense up, which can cause you to speak faster and louder than normal.
That’s not even the worst part.
The worst part is that tension is contagious.
He’ll pick up on your tension. He’ll start to feel it, too. He’ll become uncomfortable. He’ll start to worry that he’s doing something wrong to make you so uncomfortable.
And the whole date is pulled toward a less genuine level of connection between the two of you.
All of us, men and women alike, put so much effort into a first date. We make sure we’ve chosen the ideal place to meet. We make sure our appearance is perfect. We practice saying witty things in front of the mirror.
Then, when the time comes to actually meet, we blow it. We’re so nervous and anxious that we stick our foot in our mouth, spill the water glass, say something offensive when we were trying to be funny, and slink away at the end of the night without suggesting a repeat.
This is not a gendered problem. Men do it, too! (And probably more often.)
So how can we keep worries from destroying a first date, both for you and for him?
There’s a simple solution: