How to Know if He’s Worth It . . . On the First Date

How to Know if He’s Worth ItWant to play a fun (and completely immature) game? Fantastic. Answer the following question.

What’s the most ridiculous reason you’ve ever given for breaking up?

There’s a viral post making the rounds on social media. It includes some priceless answers to that question. Here are some of the ones that made me laugh (or cringe) the most.

  • When he made a mistake, he’d say “my bag” instead of “my bad.”
  • He pronounced the “L” in salmon.
  • He wore jean shorts.
  • He told me I was sitting in his cat’s chair.

Funny, right? But let’s explore the deeper side of this thing. Do you really think any of these people broke up because of the stuff listed above?

Of course not. Each justification is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

In other words, if your dream guy wore the tackiest pair of jean shorts imaginable, you’d be embarrassed, but you wouldn’t ditch him.

In a sense, dating is a process of elimination. We get to know other people until we decide we’re no longer a good match. And we keep doing that until we meet the one.

But sometimes it’s hard to see it’s time to move on. After all, even short dating relationships represent an investment of time and emotion. It’s not always easy to walk away.

What if there was a way to determine early on if a guy even stands a shot at being a good match? Like, on the first date.

There is.

In fact, there’s ONE THING that determines, more than anything else, if real romance is possible.

If this one thing happens on a first date, there’s potential. If it doesn’t, don’t wait for him to ask you to get out of his cat’s chair. Just move on.

Continue reading

The “Dating After 40” Fix

Dating After 40Women in their 40s and 50s often tell me it’s hard to date.

I know it can be tough putting yourself out there and finding someone. Especially if you’re newly divorced or coming out of another long-term relationship.

But here are some of the specific complaints I hear:

“There aren’t any good men.”
“No one is worth my time.”
“Guys don’t want to commit.”

Yes, many older men are either jaded, too stubborn, or uninterested in starting over and building something beautiful with you. But there are good men out there too. There are good 50-year-old guys out there. Just like there are good 20-year-old guys.

Here’s what I think the difference is.

As we get older, we tend to lose patience. We’re more rigid in our likes and dislikes. More demanding.

Dating stops being “dating.” It’s not about getting to know someone. About having fun. About forging a connection.

In effect, it becomes a job interview. Does this person possess the necessary qualifications?

Some women tell me they know if a man is “right” for them within a minute or two.

If he’s not “right,” they tune out. They start thinking about setting up a date with the next guy.

These women are not trying to date – they’re trying to close a deal. Trying to reach a finish line.

The desire is understandable. Some may feel like they don’t have time to waste. Others may barely remember what it’s like not to be in a committed relationship.

But there’s a big problem with “dating” like this: It’s exhausting! Demoralizing! Boring!

Dating is supposed to be fun. Interviewing is the opposite of fun. So, of course, dating becomes a slog. And many older women give up on it.

Don’t fall into this trap. Dating after forty can be amazing. You just have to reframe how you look at it.

It’s a mistake to arrive with a checklist of mandatory qualities. Don’t immediately try to determine if a man “fits” you. Take a deep breath.

Look at it as just a fun night out. An opportunity to get to know a new man. To see if he’s interesting as a person.

This is what most of us did when we were younger. You hung out with guys and got to know them. Sometimes a relationship would naturally flow out of that. Sometimes it didn’t.

That kind of dating is a lot more satisfying.

Because you focus on having fun. On simple companionship. On getting to know someone.

This is far better than trying to find someone to match the imaginary ideal in your head. Because you get to discover real people. And you feel less stressed when you leave your list of ideal attributes behind.

And it’s a lot easier to fall for a person over time.  You discover depths you never would have noticed with a checklist-style of mate selection.

Are you ready to embrace this advice?  Then let’s talk about how to make this mindset a reality as you search for relaxed enjoyment…and just maybe discover a partner in the process.

Continue reading