Is it Okay if He’s Friends with His Ex?

Is it Okay if He’s Friends with His Ex?So, you start dating a new guy. He’s great. Interesting, attractive, intelligent and fun. All seems well until…

You find out he’s still pretty tight with an ex.

Sure, there are situations where former partners have to maintain contact. If they share a circle of friends, have kids, or work at the same place, for example.

But these two have none of those obligations, and they’re still very close.

Like, they hang out. They talk. REALLY talk. Probably about his relationship with you. They’re downright chummy, and it kind of weirds you out.

It’s not that you’re jealous. You’re not afraid he’s cheating on you with her. If he wanted that, they’d still be dating. No, this is something else.

You don’t want to sound possessive or insecure, but you’re not cool with the connection he has with her.

And the worst part of it is you end up doubting yourself. What if you are just being clingy?

 

So here’s the real question. Is it okay that he still pals around with a former girlfriend?

The quick answer? Maybe. But probably not.

A recent Oakland University study actually took a close look at over 850 post-dating friendships. What these researchers discovered was kind of alarming.[i]

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How Friends Can Help Or Harm Your Dating Life

friends influencing relationshipsImagine a private conversation between the man you are dating and his closest friend. It’s a conversation never meant to reach your ears. Your boyfriend is discussing both the good and the bad of his experience with you so far.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really do like her. I like her a lot, but her friends kind of…”

What do you think would come next if this was your boyfriend talking? How would he finish this sentence? “Her friends kind of…”

Your friends can help or harm your relationships in many different ways, but today I am just pointing out one issue you may want to check on.

Here’s the issue. If you hang out with people who are a lot like you, they will attract guys into your life who are kind of like your friends. Hopefully that’s a good thing in your mind. If the idea of attracting men who fit in with your friends makes you happy, there’s nothing you need to do. You’re set.

However, several different problems can arise if you don’t like the idea of dating a man with similar habits, hobbies, interests, economic status, lifestyle choices, or other traits your friends have.

Which of these two folk sayings is actually true?

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