The French philosopher Jean de la Bruyere once said, “Love and friendship exclude each other.”
This is a deep topic. I mean, think about what the average dating relationship is like.
There are similarities to friendship, for sure. You share mutually enjoyable activities, hang out, talk, support each other, and generally stay in close communication. That doesn’t sound all that different from your connection with your best friend.
And then there’s the stuff you DON’T do with your best friend. Like kiss.
In one sense, an underlying friendship makes romance stronger. But, to our French friend’s point, there’s a reason we use terms like “the friend zone” to describe guys you’re not into. Friendship is NOT romantic love.
Researchers have even studied the tension between the two concepts. Here’s what they found.
When you’re not friendly toward your guy, he’ll want you more. Basically, he’ll be more inclined to chase what he doesn’t have. But without the underlying likeability of friendship, he’ll be less satisfied with what he gets when he catches you.
What a catch-22. Be his buddy, but kill the passion. Or keep the passion alive, but crush your actual connection.
How in the world can you be friends with your guy without wrecking the romance? You have to be his part-time friend. Sometimes he’s your pal, and sometimes he’s your MAN.
Striking that balance is tricky, but doable. You have to intentionally cultivate both the friendship and the romance. That means doing two things…