He swears he’s in love with you. He wants you to have a future together. He makes a promise to you.
He’ll delays telling his friends you’re his girlfriend, promising to do so when the timing is better.
He’ll find a place for the two of you to live together as soon as his lease runs out. He’ll propose as soon as he has the money for a ring.
So many promises. So much hope.
Weeks pass. You mention his promises. He swears to you that he’s onto it. You just have to be patient.
Months pass. You mention his promises. He tells you to stop nagging him. You need to trust him.
A year passes. You stop mentioning his promises. Somewhere deep inside, you know the truth. He never intended to live up to his word.
When you’re in that situation, it’s hard to know what to do. You want to believe him so much. This is the man you want a future with, after all.
But you can’t deny the evidence. You can see that he’s done nothing.
Living in limbo is painful. You want to move forward, but he’s holding back. You don’t know why, and you’re not sure if you want to know why. You may learn something you wish you’d never learned.
When a man’s words don’t match his actions, you have a few options:
- You can give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s being honest with you about the timing not being right, or not having the money. You can be the better person. You can be patient.
- You can push a little harder. Maybe he’s procrastinating. Maybe he’s forgotten about the promise he made. Surely he’ll appreciate a little reminder. Or two. Or three.
- You can apply a little leverage. You can give him some space and see if that lights a fire under him. Or you can issue an ultimatum: either he lives up to his promises or he loses you.
- You can put the truth on the line. You don’t know why he’s not taking action on what he promised you. So ask him. Tell him your fears. Tell him you’re worried that he made that promise just to make you happy. Watch his face closely. Ask your gut what it thinks.
Here’s what I think of each of those options. I’ll finish by telling you what I’d recommend, and why it will bring you closer than ever.