First of all, I’m not a fan of labels, particularly negative ones. But this particular label gets used enough to raise my suspicion that it might represent something real. It might represent a cluster of ideas or beliefs men have about the behavior they see in some women, but not others.
I did some research and discovered men don’t even know what the term means. Or at least they disagree about what it means. However, there were a few common themes in the majority of descriptions I gathered. Those themes revealed something interesting about what men want. I thought I’d share my discoveries.
It’s a bad thing to be labeled as a “high-maintenance” woman in the mind of a man you would like to form a relationship with. That’s really the crux of the matter, isn’t it? So let’s get to the bottom of what that label really means, so you can guard against that reputation if you so choose.
It seems men have at least one of the following three general concepts of what high-maintenance means:
- “She requires a lot of time and demands constant attention.”
- “She is focused on image and appearance in shallow ways that cost me a lot of money.”
- “She is quick to anger, excessively sensitive to interpersonal slights, and slow to forgive.”
Something struck me as particularly significant as I considered these broad categories that each capture core themes in the concerns men have about “high-maintenance” behavior. You see, as I studied the psychology of men, and what makes them fall for women, one of the most important principles I discovered was that men are obsessed with freedom. All three ways of conceptualizing “high-maintenance” behavior contain something that threatens a man’s freedom.