Let’s listen in:
MAN: Yeah, I guess I like to keep active. My buddies do this flag football thing every weekend.
WOMAN: That means no tackling, right?
MAN: (laughs) Yeah, that’s exactly right. How about you? What kind of stuff do you do?
WOMAN: (shrugs) You know, I try to get to the gym. Try being the key term in that sentence.
MAN: I hear you.
WOMAN: I do yoga. There’s a mountain trail I run on when I can.
MAN: I love mountain trails. I ride my bike around Fryman Canyon every weekend if I can. Do you ride?
WOMAN: (pause) Not much. Did you see that new DiCaprio movie?
Why did she pause? Why did she change the subject?
Because she doesn’t know how to ride a bike. But she didn’t want to tell him.
She felt embarrassed. She was worried he’d think less of her.
We do things like this all the time. We feel awkward or embarrassed, so we skirt the question.
And we think we’re protecting ourselves. We think we’re making it more likely that others will like us.
But according to research studies, the opposite is true.
When people sense that you are withholding information or avoiding a question, they like you less. Which is probably pretty obvious. If you think someone isn’t being upfront with you, it’s hard to trust them
But the studies reveal even more…
People who did disclose sensitive information were liked more than those who did not disclose something. Even if the information was negative or unflattering!
In the study, this was even true for some pretty bad disclosures.
For example, participants answered a question about whether or not they had ever lied to a partner about having an STD.
Some refused to answer. Others admitted to lying.
People were significantly more willing to date participants who admitted to lying to previous partners. Crazy, right?
Here’s how to use this information to build your irresistible qualities…