Jennifer was sick and tired of being overlooked by men … and she wasn’t shy about letting me know it.
“I could follow all the dating advice out there to the letter,” she complained, “and it wouldn’t do me as much good as liposuction. All I need to do is look hot. Then everything will fall into place.”
Was Jennifer right?
At a cursory glance, what she says has merit. Focus on your looks, and male attention flows. Each admiring glance feels like money in the bank.
But I like to think of the long game. And I was hoping to convince Jennifer of that, too.
There are two ways to play the dating game:
You can play the short game, or you can play the long game.
The short game is all about instant gratification. It’s about getting more male attention, the phone number requests, the hits on your online dating profile. You know you’re winning because you’re flooded with so much attention.
But the short game is hard to win. There’s a lot of competition. There are women with glossier hair, who take better selfies, or are more shameless about self-promoting.
I see so many women disheartened because they’re losing the short game. They’re not walking into venues and seeing heads swivel. They’re not getting five date requests a week.
But there’s a better game in town.
A game with higher odds of winning.
The long game is all about a lifetime of love. It’s not concerned about what happens today. It’s concerned about progress: that slow, gradual movement towards a dream. It aims for strong marriages and lifetime commitment.
What you look like isn’t so important in the long game. In fact, so-called “beautiful people” are at a disadvantage. A 2017 Harvard study found that attractive couples are more likely to divorce, and their relationships don’t last as long.
What keeps marriages together is this: Continue reading