How to Avoid Online Relationship Drama

How to Avoid Online Relationship DramaHave you had the uncomfortable experience of watching a social media train wreck?

I’ve seen more than a few, myself. In fact, just recently I came across an entire article about one.[i]

The girl was cheated on, so she told everyone what a two-timing jerk her guy was – on Facebook. She even tagged him in the post!

He replied, of course, and before long they were in an all-out post-breakup war right there on the internet. Classy, right?

Social media, like Facebook, has become a big part of our lives. It’s a shared conversation that never stops. For the most part, it’s a good thing that helps people stay connected.

And your relationship status is baked right into social media. It’s part of your default profile information. Which begs the question, how do you handle your relationship status, good or bad, online?

Answer: In ways that enrich, enable, and encourage your relationships.

Note that I said relationships, plural. Everyone in your social circle gets to see how you deal with romantic ups and downs online. Anyone who sees you acting like the star of your own reality TV show will think twice the next time they talk to you.

Whether you’re debating about changing your status from “single” to “in a relationship,” or wanting to let everyone know about a breakup, what you share on social media matters.

The following guidelines will help you avoid common social media pitfalls that tear relationships apart.

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How to Tell if He’s Just Fishing

how to tell if he's not interestedIt seemed so promising.

You were thrilled when this guy you met online asked for your mobile number. Although you’re careful about giving out your number (after some bad experiences with unwanted pictures), this guy seemed genuine. His texts were funny, interesting, and kept you thinking about him.

After a few weeks, though, fascination was turning to irritation. The constant texting was getting old. Why wasn’t he asking you out?

Maybe because he’s just fishing.

As a means of communication, texting was made for men. They can get to the point without wasting time on small talk. They don’t have to reply unless they feel like it. They can communicate with lots of people with very little time investment.

Even better, text messages serve as bait. No need to meet in person when he can send the same witty one-liner to every girl in his phonebook.

He can wait to see who bites before sending a follow-up. Texts are an efficient, effective way to connect without risking rejection.

Which is why you should be wary of the guy who’d rather text you than see you:

He may be more interested in the pursuit than dealing with a flesh-and-blood female.

Technology has been a blessing and a curse to dating. You’re no longer limited to bumping into someone at the grocery store or wasting an evening at the local dive. You can theoretically meet men across the world and strike up a relationship solely through the use of technology.

But it comes at a cost.

Technology is addictive in a way that hanging out with someone isn’t. Internet use triggers the release of dopamine in the brain, the same chemical behind more well-known addictions like alcohol or drug addiction. Dopamine spurs “seeking behavior.” Addicts are convinced that everything they could ever want is online, if they just browse long enough.

Meet in person, however, and a different neurochemical profile dominates.

As you fall for each other over a candlelit meal, you enjoy the happy feelings brought on by dopamine in conjunction with oxytocin and serotonin. As you hold hands or hug goodbye, a burst of oxytocin gives you a feeling of connection and contentment. A bond exists between you now. You’re more than just a name on his phone.

So, what about that man who keeps texting you or messaging you, without asking to meet?

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The Best Way to Find the Type of Guy You Really Want Online

how to find the right guy onlineThere’s a problem with online dating sites.

It’s not that there aren’t enough guys using them. Or even enough good guys.

The problem is that it’s incredibly difficult to find the specific type of man you want.

Luckily, there’s a powerful tool all online dating sites have. This tool can help you weed out lots of bad matches. And focus on exactly what you want.

Unfortunately, it’s a tool most people don’t use very well.

I’m talking about the search function.

Now, undoubtedly, you have used search on dating sites. But I can almost guarantee that you have done one of two things:

1) Kept it too general, or

2) Gotten too specific

Both cause different issues and frustrations.

If you’re too general, you’ll get lots of matches. Maybe even too many matches. But almost none will be close to what you want.

If you’re too specific, you may end up with no matches.

Either scenario can leave you feeling frustrated. And very, very alone.

You might start to think there are no worthwhile guys online. No one who matches what you’re really looking for.

But I guarantee this isn’t true. So many people use online dating sites today. There are men online that are well-suited for you. Probably quite a few of them.

The trick is knowing how to find them.

Using search the right way helps a lot. So I’m going to teach you exactly how to do that.

But first, let’s talk a bit about dating sites themselves and the types of people they attract. Because if you want to find “your” type of man, the first step is to go where he is.

If this were the “real” world, I would tell you to frequent places your “type” is likely to be. Join activities they enjoy. And so on.

Online dating is no different in this respect.

There are a ridiculous number of niche dating sites out there. For people of specific ages. Particular religions. Those who are gluten-free. Farmers. (Yes, you read that right. Farmers!)

I could go on and on.

So before you do anything else, search for sites that match characteristics you want in your ideal guy. And give them a try.

Once you’re on a few, it’s time to learn how to search the right way.

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What Marketing Can Teach You About Online Dating

online dating adviceOnline dating is just marketing.

Of course, I’m talking about the very first stage of interaction.  The stage where you grab a man’s attention.

The better you are at marketing a product, the better you do. And in this case, the “product” is the opportunity to meet you or get to know you.

Just remember, your online profile is not you.  It’s just an advertisement designed to spark interest in getting to know you.

Taking a marketing approach to online dating can pay off hugely. It takes the stress off. You get more hits. You waste less time on guys who aren’t going to “make the sale,” e.g. meet you in person.

So how does it work?

  1. Treat your profile as an ad.

Think about the ads that catch your attention. Good ads can be funny, inspirational, or beautiful. They stand out. They stick in your head. That’s your goal with your profile.

Every ad has three main components: images, headlines, and the body of the ad.

It’s the same in online dating. You have the photograph that illustrates the product (you), a headline designed to catch attention, and space to describe who you are and what you’re looking for.

Images are the most important component of your profile. If your time is limited, spend 90% of your time on the pictures and the other 10% filling out the text.

The best photographs give an insight into your personality and make the viewer curious about you. Always edit your images before uploading. A good photo editing program can make almost any image look intriguing through the use of cropping or filters.

The headline, which in most cases is your “handle” or nickname, should also create curiosity. Don’t go for the straight undiluted truth. Choose a catchy nickname that compels the viewer to find out more about you.

Lastly, the body of the ad—your personal description—should be short, sweet, and intriguing. Don’t just list personality traits. Take the opportunity to show the viewer what he could expect if he went on a date with you. What would he like best about being with you? What makes you fun? How would you be different from the other women he’s met?

The first sentence of your description is the most important, so spend most of your time crafting the ideal intro. Don’t feel concerned about explaining who you are in such a short space. He’ll learn who you are when he meets you. The goal of the profile is to get him interested enough in you to make contact.

  1. Regularly evaluate your ad’s performance.

If you’re not getting the hits you want, then don’t jump to conclusions. This isn’t about you. Men aren’t rejecting you as a person. They can’t, because they don’t even know you! They’re simply not interested in your ad.

It’s the profile that’s under performing, not you. So fix it.

How?  Test specific changes.

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