Getting What You Want From Your Guy

Getting What You Want From Your GuyTell me if you’ve heard this one.

There’s an old metaphor people sometimes use to describe relationships. They say relationships are like a checking account.

You make deposits when you do something nice or meaningful for your man. When you need something from him, that’s like making a withdrawal. It’s a simple analogy that mostly works.

Mostly. But here’s the problem with it.

People don’t really keep tabs on how often you do something nice for them. In fact, people are more likely to remember negative encounters than positive ones!

That’s not great news if you’re hoping a sweet gesture today will win you a favor tomorrow.

But fear not. There’s another way to get your guy to do what you want.

In a classic study dating all the way back to the 1970’s, researchers uncovered a strategy that consistently motivates others to fulfill YOUR requests.

No, it’s not magic. It’s not manipulation, either. It’s something far more simple. Plus, you can put this strategy to work in your relationship today.

If you want something from your partner, give him a REASON to act.

I know. It sounds insanely obvious. In fact, you’ve probably tried variations of this approach, yourself. But there are a couple of secrets to making it work every time.

The key is a two-prong approach – one thing you should avoid, and one thing you should include.

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When He’s Not Putting Your Relationship First

When He’s Not Putting the Relationship FirstDo you ever feel like everything else in his life comes first instead of you?

His friends. His sports teams. His gym. His phone.

It’s not like you expect his undivided attention 24-7. But it sure would be nice if once in a while you heard him say, “No, I can’t do that. I’m spending the evening with my girlfriend.”

How do you encourage him to prioritize your relationship, when there are so many other things competing for his attention?

Good question. But to understand the answer, let’s take a look at one difference between men and women.

You see, relationships occupy a different role in men’s lives than they do in women’s.

Relationships keep men grounded. A man feels secure knowing he can go out in the world to do battle since someone will be waiting for him when he returns.

But, to be successful, he can’t linger too long over thoughts of his lover. He has to muster all his focus, courage, and energy for the challenge at hand. When he fights, he fights alone. That’s because the male mind is compartmentalized.

Love is important to a man. But love won’t keep him at home.

For women, love is home. When a woman is in love, she takes thoughts of her lover with her everywhere she goes.

Love releases energy that makes all her daily activities feel less overwhelming, less effortful. It’s the energy of love she carries with her all day long.

It’s hard to see, then, why men would compartmentalize their relationships when love is such a powerful, positive, and pervasive influence in your own life. But men do compartmentalize love. And that’s very important to understand.

You might picture the different areas of a man’s life as balls he’s trying to juggle. His friends are one ball, his work another, romance another. A man arranges his life by juggling the balls.

You might be with a man who has a short attention span. Whichever ball falls into his hands is the one that gets all his attention. But then it’s time to throw that ball back into the air and catch the next one. He jumps from one focus to another, unable to prioritize.

So what can you do?

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How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your RelationshipRelationships get boring.

It’s inevitable. You’re with the same person. You do the same things.

And that’s exactly what you wanted when you got together. Security. Stability. No nasty surprises.

But our craving for constancy comes at a very big price:

We give up novelty.

We get just one person. One relationship. No refunds or exchanges.

Imagine having to give up every outfit in your wardrobe but one. You can pick your favorite outfit, but you have to wear it every day. How do you think you’ll feel in a week? Will you still love it as much as you did when you chose it?

Human beings crave novelty just as much as they crave constancy.

We want things to be the same but different. We want what we’ve always had, but we also want what we’ve never tried.

The pleasure of novelty is obvious in the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and wonderful.

For many couples, it will never be that exciting again. Even their tenth wedding anniversary can’t compare to that first date when they were both so nervous and excited and hopeful.

It’s the same way with clothes. You might even say that your pleasure in a new outfit declines from the moment you plunk down your credit card to pay for it. Now it’s just another garment hanging in your closet. The novelty is gone.

Relationships must find the perfect balance between the poles of constancy and novelty. Go too far one way, and it gets boring. Go too far the other way, and it becomes unpredictable.

How can you maintain that balance? Here are three suggestions.

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Draw Him Closer by Feeding Him This

dealing with a man's egoThe male ego is a strange beast.

On one hand, men are proud creatures. They like to feel independent, strong and respected. But they can also be big babies.

Sometimes really big babies.

Dealing with your guy’s ego is kind of like feeding a lion. If you don’t give it enough food, it’ll wither. It’s hard to imagine anything more depressing than the king of the jungle wasting away simply because he can’t get a decent meal.

But if you feed his ego too much, it can turn into a rabid, blood-thirsty monster. Something like Jaws with a mane.

Too much and too little are both bad.

Granted, this is true for everyone. But it’s especially true for us guys. And that’s because guys tend to use their ego as a shield.

Few men will let you get close to them if their egos have recently taken a beating.

Author Carli Blau puts it this way: “A man will sooner let his ego control his emotions than allow his heart to control it, especially if his ego has been bruised.”[i]

So if you want a real connection with him, you have to learn how to feed a lion. Once you learn to do this you’ll be nothing short then His Secret Obsession. Hence the title of my newest course.

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